Midnight Sun Continued
by AllisCullen
Summary: I pick up where Stephenie Meyer left off, in the edition of MS she posted on her website. She finished before the end of Chapter 12, which I think is part of Twlight chapter 13, and I just pick up there. ALL EPOV.
1. Chapter 12  Complications

Direct quote from Midnight Sun, Chapter 12:

_ "Tomorrow it's my turn."_

_ Her forehead puckered, "Your turn to what?"_

_ "Ask the questions." Tomorrow, when we were in a safer place, surrounded by witnesses, I would get my own answers. I grinned at the thought, and then I turned away because she made no move to leave. Even with her outside the car, the echo of electricity zinged in the air. I wanted to get out, too, to walk her to her door as an excuse to stay beside her..._

_ No more mistakes. I hit the gas, and then sighed as she disappeared behind me. It seemed like I was always running toward Bella, or running away from her, never staying in place. I would have to find some way to hold my ground if we were going to have any peace._

* * *

The above is copywrited by Stephenie Meyer, as are all characters in the Twilight series. All direct quotes are used with respect. I'm not SM, I don't pretend to be. I just hope that SOMEDAY we'll read HER version of the rest of this...

Thanks for reading...

Please review.

Be gentle. *flinches*

* * *

Chapter 12, continued....

And I would find that balance, bring us peace.

_No mistakes, Cullen._ Wow. The vampire who hears voices, has his own now?! _Geez._

I stayed away...._most_ of the night. Searching my mind, my dead heart, and my father's council...

"Esme's ecstatic, Edward, you know that," he said as I quizzed him over things I already knew, largely my family's reactions, but needed to hear out loud. "Emmett thinks you've finally cracked, that I missed your insanity in my examination of you, in that Chicago clinic," Carlisle smiled at Emmett's playfulness. But he could not keep the concern out of his mind.

_Careful, Edward. It's a risk, if things end badly..._

I nodded at the thoughts he tried to hide. "What about my skin, the burning, when I touched her? What could cause that?" I tried to distract him from the clinical observations we'd been over a hundred thousand times, since the "incident" in the school parking lot.

Stifling shock that I had even tried, Carlisle measured his response carefully, "I don't know, son. And you can't hear her. It raises my curiosity." His thoughts dove into our chromosomal make up and what truly changes when we become vampires. "How much does our brain really change?" he mumbled, lost in thought.

I waved him off the subject, more concerned about the sanity of the path I was on than ever, when I heard the unmistakable sound of Rose's heels in the depths of the garage, near the Aston Martin.

"Knew you'd come running to your baby's side if I got too close," Rose snarled as I appeared, in a flash, between her and the car. "Just wanted your attention, Edward." One hand was now tracing the lines of the Vanquish, her razor sharp nails barely a breath from the paint job. "What are you doing, Edward?!" she demanded, her thoughts whirling around in a blur of rage, hatred for this life, and what was that, jealousy? "Alice has seen it, you WANT her?!" she screeched, her vanity and, yes, jealousy, flaring.

I took a hesitant step toward her, palms out, trying to keep my position, but let her think I was trusting her. "I've not made a decision, Rose. I'm drawn to her, yes, her blood. I've never had these feelings before. What you have with Emmett..." I trailed off, realizing, too late, that I should have chosen a different argument.

_SSSSSCCCCRRRAAAATTTTCCCCHHHHH_

"ROSALIE LILLIAN HALE!!" came our mother's voice from somewhere deep inside the house. She must have been in Carlisle's study, judging from the time it took her to arrive in the doorway.

Rose flinched at the sound of Esme's anger. She hated making Esme use that motherly tone. Just then, Esme appeared within arm's reach of both of us, wearing all the sternness she could muster. Emmett tagged along behind, to play referee. Rose backed down immediately.

_We will talk Cullen_, she snapped as her heels clacked away, Emmett's booming chuckle drifting back to me.

_Nice kitty, _he thought as he slapped her voluptuous bottom on the stairs, _you coulda taken him, babe._

I quickly tuned their minds out as Emmett tried to calm Rose, but he was _obviously_ turned on by his sometimes-wife's strength and anger.

"Oh, your poor car...." Esme drawled. "I'll make her buff this out, immediately," she said, motherly tone and all. I sighed, internally. She _was_ our mother, for all intents and purposes.

"Don't go up there now, Esme" I warned as Emmett let loose a playful growl, one we've all been tortured with for decades.

"Later, then" Esme smiled. If she could, I think she would have blushed.

_My, their appetites are _still_ amazing after all this time_; she chuckled, thoughts lingering on the house in Vancouver, the most recent fatality of Rosalie and Emmett's affection. _I liked that house._

"Mom," I chuckled "we all did. I need to get out of here. Rose is still angry and I think it's best that I remove myself before she wants to break anything ELSE of mine in front of me..." I trailed off. _And so I don't have to hear _that, I thought as Emmett let off another growl.

"But were will you go?" Esme asked, legitimate concern coloring her features and thoughts.

I couldn't answer. My mouth wouldn't form the words, so I turned on my heel, went quickly to my room, changed, and was gone before her concern turned to worry, colored with joy – which I wasn't sure I deserved.

When I reached her window, I knew immediately Bella's night was troubled. Her breathing was ragged, her pulse accelerated, agitated. I pulled up the sash and ducked inside right as my girl exploded upright in bed, eyes glazed, but open.

_Shit. Did she see me? Did I close the window? What the Hell? _ I wasn't used to doubting myself. Of course, I wasn't used to being a stalker, either. _Well...._that inner voice chided. I shook my head of those memories, and ducked into Bella's closet out of sight.

As if she knew I was there, her slender form slumped back on to the bed, hair splayed on the pillow, in a tangled mess of strawberry-scented beauty. Something achingly human, stirred in me, a desire so strong to have been the _reason_ behind that messed hair.

_NO MISTAKES._

_ I think we're past that, thanks_ I thought to that "other" voice in my head, as if I needed one more.

Another rustle of sheets snapped me to attention as a sigh filled my ears, my being, and my soul – if I had one. Utter contentment in that sigh. And her heartbeat evened out as I peered around the rest of her scant collection of clothes. _Alice would be physically ill; to see this...so few clothes..._I chuckled to myself as that scene played out in my head. My favorite sister and her irritating obsession. But the chuckle stuck in my throat, with that last habitual breath.

Bella was a sight. Her hair was only the beginning. Legs, tangled in the covers, more skin exposed than should be legal...even if I _was_ an intruder. Boy shorts, the color of the Forks sky most days....barely covering...even closing my eyes as quickly as I did would not un-see that image as I stood, rooted to the spot, trembling now. Bella, so achingly human, so beautiful to me.

I crept, like the monster I am, eyes closed, to pull her extra comforter over those pale, soft, and deceptively long legs. Another contented sigh ripped through the electricity already building, again, in the little room. My hand, burning again, twitched of its own accord and it was all I could do, even with my considerable strength, to not push that strand of her mahogany mane off her cheek.

However, I won the battle this time, and settled into the rocker instead, sitting firmly on my traitor hands. I let various scenes of the day replay through my mind as I listened to her breathing and beating heart: Bella in gym, Bella's explanations to Jessica, the nearly visible electric current between us in Biology and those things she would _never_ see: Alice's vision, Rosalie's temper-tantrum...all was interrupted by a shrill bleating – her alarm.

I'd been so wrapped up in her scent, her heartbeat, watching her sleep, and pondering everything, that the dawn had snuck up on me.

_I'm definitely losing it, _I thought as I absorbed the landing from her window and heard Bella's groan as she slapped her alarm silent. I ran for the nearby woods, not wanting to be seen by Chief Swan, especially. The wind whipped around me, and I felt myself almost soaring above the ground, as I raced for home. Ignoring all the thoughts from inside, I headed for the Volvo, trying not to look at the defaced Vanquish.

I sped back, knowing I'd have to park, hidden, until the cruiser and Chief Swan were safely gone. And as soon as he was out of sight, I poached his space. I had to smirk to myself as I heard the rustle of Bella's lace curtain as she peeked out her window, to see if I'd kept my promise.

_Is this really me?_ I shifted restlessly for the few minutes that it took Bella to nearly fall down the stairs, clank around in the kitchen, and appear at the front door. My Bella. She almost lurched out of the house, not bothering to lock the front door, and almost threw herself down the front walk to my car. There was a moment of hesitation, when I thought she'd had a flash of sanity and decided to turn and run back inside, as she reached the passenger door, but she clambered in anyway, a shy smile teasing the edges of her lips.

"Good morning," I said. "How are you today?" I asked, looking over her face, as if seeing it for the first time, drinking her in and chuckling darkly at _that_ choice of words.

Her response came too quickly, "Good, thank you." How I _wished_ I could hear her thoughts, know what those dreams had been about. Those dark circles under her eyes - were they my fault?

"You look tired" was all I _could_ say, without letting her see how depraved I really was, being in her room while she slept. I sighed, internally, as I lamented my existence yet again.

"I couldn't sleep" she squeaked, embarrassed. And then that mahogany wall came around, bathing me in the scent of Bella, and strawberries. I inhaled deeply, savoring the burn.

"Neither could I," I joked. Actually _joked_. _Wow. Humor. Emmett will be proud_. _I can hear him, "Wow, not Broodward. Sweet_."

She laughed, a breathy sound, which snapped me back to the reality of her near nakedness as she slept. "I guess that's right. I suppose I slept just a little bit more than you did."

I chuckled, more knowledgeable about that then she knew, "I'd wager you did."

Gnawing a little at the inside of her lip, she forced out a question. "So what did you do last night?" That glorious color raising a bit, across her nose, bringing with it her heady aroma to assail me, again.

_Does she really want to know? Or is this just idle prattle, her way of appeasing me? Why, oh why is her mind silent to me?_

Another chuckle escaped me, and I had to admit that I liked the way it felt. I'm not entirely sure whether the chuckle was at me, or her attempt at small talk. "Not a chance. It's my day to ask the questions."

Her shoulders straightened as she tucked a curl behind her ear, forehead creasing, blush deepening. "Oh, that's right. What do you want to know" the last word ending in a bit of a sigh.

"_WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?!" _ _my frustrated mind-reading voice yelled. Hmmm, let's start simple._

"What's your favorite color?"

_Did she just roll her eyes?_

"It changes from day to day."

_Hey, I could've used Emmett's favorite, "What's your sign?" I'm new at this, give me SOME credit._

"What's your favorite color, today?" I asked, my frustration coloring my tone.

"Probably brown" she said, sighing almost too quietly for me to hear, some thought pulling her lips down at the corners.

I couldn't help the snort. What an odd answer! "Brown?" my right eyebrow rising with the question, hands tensing on the wheel in frustration over her silence. If _only_ I could hear her.

"Sure. Brown is warm. I _miss_ brown. Everything that's supposed to be brown – tree trunks, rocks, dirt – is all covered up with squashy green stuff here." She almost whined.

_Are you _that_ unhappy here? Could I convince her to leave, to be safe from me? To go back to the brown?_

I looked over at her then, and her heart lurched when our eyes met. Her chocolate brown, to my topaz gold, locked in a kind of understanding. I thought I saw a sadness there, but an excitement too, maybe. Measuring her emotions was _so_ hard, without my gift.

"You're right," I breathed, choosing a lighter conversation path, taking in the beauty and color of her hair and her get-lost-in eyes. "Brown is warm" and then my traitorous, burning hand, betrayed the brain controlling it. It moved quickly, almost too quickly for her to see, and swept the full mahogany curtain back over her shoulder.

_ARRRRGHHHH! _ Part of my brain screamed at the motion. Part of it hoped she understood the draw I felt, to be with her, to touch her, to _feel_ her. Her heart lurched, again, as her eyes took in the school parking lot, shock draining the remainder of the blush from earlier. _Please, Bella, I drove slowly this morning! Well, slowly for me....Ah, Rose is still angry..._

"What music is in your CD player right now?" I almost mumbled, crushed under waves of anger from Rose's thoughts. There was shocked disbelief from Emmett, impatience from Alice (_We'll be great friends, Edward_), and the mingled confusion, jealousy, and eternal battle for control from Jasper.

She fully chewed her lip this time and her brow creased in the middle. _This is her thinking face? _ I committed it to memory.

"Linkin Park – Hybrid Theory" almost wincing when she said it. I smiled at another similarity, mashed the middle console open and pulled out the same CD, dropping it in her hand carefully trying to avoid contact this time.

"Debussy to this?" I teased, raising an eyebrow to show her I didn't judge the diversity of her music choices, badly. She kept her eyes down. _What is that? Shame?_ That got filed away, too. _I'm glad I have so much extra time to study these images..._

She handed it back, eyes still down at her hands, then gazing out of her side of the front window at the school. Before she could think to do it, I was out of the car and opening her door for her. Chivalry may be dead, but it was so engrained in me I couldn't stop if I wanted to. I managed to control the traitor hand as it tried to reach for her, to take that delicate hand and help her out of the car. I knew her well enough, already that she wouldn't really approve.

We walked up to the school together, close, but not touching. I asked a few more questions, filed away a few more Bella expressions for further quantifying and cataloging later. I could barely contain my joy that she was a willing participant, or seemed to be, to my game of a million and one questions. I worried that she answered out of some sort of twisted sense of obligation, but even that couldn't stop me.

She would look at me, through her lashes, if something I asked was about to bring on an easy blush of embarrassment. She'd look me straight in the eye on the easier things, like movies and books. Oh, her love of books rivaled my own! I thrilled at another baseless similarity. _What good does that do you, Cullen unless you turn her?_ Alice's vision danced restlessly in a cobwebbed corner of my brain, but I was too content – yes, me, content – watching and reading the face of Isabella Swan to give in and let it out into the light of day.

While checking down the mental list of questions about her favorite, well, everything, a few added by Alice, I nearly stumbled when her answer to "What's your favorite gemstone?" brought the answer "Topaz" and the deepest blush yet. I searched her face, her eyes, and searched through the stored expressions to find one that fit the one she wore now. _Was that her shocked face? Her answer shocked her?_

We gazed at each other, intently, as her expression changed again, to true embarrassment now, as she inhaled through her mouth and sucked lightly on her lip. "Tell me" I almost commanded, hoping I was keeping the desire out of my voice, trying not to let my eyes linger on that lip too long. She avoided my gaze, at every turn, after I tried weaseling the information from her in other ways.

Looking firmly at her hands, Bella sighed, "It's the color of your eyes today" as she twirled a curl between what I thought were the most sensual fingers I'd ever seen. "I suppose if you asked me in two weeks I'd say onyx" she blurted, jolting me out of my reverie.

Anger, the color of blood, flared behind my eyes. _NO! _But I buried my fury in a rather curt, "What kind of flowers do you prefer?"

_She can't be THAT interested in me. She's sure to run, now. She's so observant. So soft._

_ Edward! _ Alice's chirp shot through my brain like ice, and her newest vision began bombarding me. It seemed my mind wasn't as settled on the issue of Bella as I thought it was, but Bella didn't seem to notice the preoccupation flicker across my face. I fired off more questions on the way to Biology.

And then Mr. Banner backed into the room with the audio-visual equipment, again. _Oh great_, I sighed internally, silently sliding my chair away.

_Edward, just ditch, if it's too hard_ came Alice's chirp again, followed by the memory of her vision of me massacring the entire class, that first day.

The light went out and immediately that burning spark ignited between us. My fingers found the grooves they'd made in the table that first day. Bella leaned forward, resting her chin on her arms folded on the table. He fingers latched onto the lip of the table, much like mine. I watched her for a moment, for a number of her breaths, taking in the view of her hair falling around her shoulders, down her slender back. My traitor hand twitched to bury itself in that thick mane. My eyes lingered, as they had early this morning, following the lines of her back, down to her small waist.

I longed to pull that waist against me, crush her to me, letting her warmth burn me in places I'd never burned before. I wondered, again, what she was thinking. Afraid to look too long, afraid to look away. I watched, as she stretched, just a little, moving the fabric of her jeans, slightly, from the bottom of her shirt. A peek at the peaches and cream skin just above the dimples of her lower back, the light dusting of nearly blonde hair there, nearly drew me into a frenzy. My body nearly hummed with the same electricity drawing me in, begging me to touch her, feel her, and burn.

_Ugh, snap out of it, Cullen_. I chastised myself for letting my mind travel that path, while I realized my arousal would be evident, if I stood to leave the classroom. _Damn you, Alice, and your insistence at tailored clothes! _More wood chips fell across my shoes as my fingertips pulverized the table underneath them.

We sighed, together, as Mr. Banner slowly, even slowly for a human, moved to turn on the lights. Bella risked a glance in my direction as she uncurled her fingers and straightened her posture. Something in her glance made me inhale another gulp of her scent, searing my throat as I tasted, as well as smelled, something new coming off of her skin. _Is that sweat? Or something else? _My mind locked down before the word "desire" could fully form.

_NO! This has gone too far, already!_

Snapping my teeth together, venom nearly dripping from my lips, I rose from the torture-chamber chair, quickly assessing the damage to the table and whether or not wood powder clung to my clothes, and waited for her to gather herself. I couldn't make another round of questions form around my clenched teeth, so we walked to the gym, once again, in silence. Both of us seemed to be lost in our thoughts. If she missed my questioning, she didn't mention it and I didn't trust myself enough, yet, to unlock my jaws.

Bella paused at the girl's locker room door, fidgeting, opened and closed her mouth once, looked down at the floor, and played with the straps of her backpack.

_What are you THINKING?!_

With a deep breath, she looked up, her chocolate eyes molten with some emotion I hadn't categorized yet. I held her gaze, while my traitor hand reached the edge of her hair, at her temple, before I could stop it. Brushing down to almost the center of her jaw and dangerously close to the pink of her lips, my marble skin almost ablaze before I reined it in.

_Enough! More pressure than that, and you could break her! Where would you be, then, Cullen?_

My traitor hand fell to my side, already the tingle beginning to burn, and forced myself to walk away, yet again.

_Touching her is a MISTAKE!! What happened to NO MISTAKES?!_

_Oh, shut UP! _I sighed at my own voice, screaming inside my head. I didn't break the Bella bubble, but trying again had been a mistake on so many levels. Again. My hand burned and I stole a glance at it, almost expecting to see the flames.

I watched her, in gym, again, through Mike, even though his head was like walking around in bad porn, and Emmett had enough of it for me to know the difference. At least, today, Newton did not pester her, or have too much time to fantasize while playing a one-man badminton routine. Even with his slower reflexes, Newton was decent at keeping the birdie away from my girl. I regretted even having to concede _that_ much to him.

Fishing the bottle cap out of my pocket, I fiddled with it in the burning hand, wondering at the conflicting desires burning along with it. The scent of her blood burned at my throat, my thirst. The warmth of her skin burned at a desire I'd never felt before, even in my fuzzy memories of being human.

Emmett stirred next to me, eyes on the bottle cap as I spun it on the desk.

_He's got that bottle cap, again. Yesterday, he wants me to play with the humans. Today...he's like a cat with a bird._

I cringed at the analogy as Ms. Goff droned on. Ben's thoughts were on Angela, a disjointed plan forming, one that I could see would work, if he kept his resolve. That buoyed my mood a bit.

_Sorry about the Vanquish, dude._ Emmett thought, apologetically, as he recounted what he saw of Rose's confrontation with Esme, after a "cooling off" period with him, the lurid details of which he lingered on...

"Gross, Em." I mumbled, quiet enough that no human could hear.

"Sorry, bro," he rumbled back, quickly diverting his thoughts to a short spat between Alice and Jasper, the only kind they ever had, as she always saw what he'd say and her answers to it. Jasper wanted to end my torment, thinking one fall "off the wagon" wouldn't hurt his record much, and Alice defended me gallantly saying that I was now 95% decided about not killing Bella and exposing us.

I shook my head. "I'm messing things up," I said, full vampire whisper still engaged. "I'm putting us all at risk. Rose is right, and for what?"

Emmett's broad shoulders raised once in a shrug. _It's your call. Alice says she'll be one of us..._he trailed off; as a low growl escaped me, before I could stop it. _Whoa, easy, bro. So, you don't want to turn her. Let Carlisle do it._

Another growl, this one almost loud enough to disturb the class around us, slipped from my lips. _Sorry! You don't want her, then?!_

"I can't risk it. She's the Chief's daughter, Em. We'd have to leave, always running, until all the humans involved die off. And would she love me, after that? Hell, she moved here, to make sure her mom was happy, you think she'd LOVE me for taking her from a family she loves that much? Would you want that? Would Rose?"

Emmett rumbled a chuckle, _All good points, bro. It'll work out...I won't bet against Alice. _ And then he was thinking about his next prank on Jasper. I inserted grunts and suggestions, where necessary, knowing that Alice would just see it all and Jasper would be warned, unless it was such a good one, that even Alice thought it was funny.

Part of my mind was still listening to and watching Bella, part of it concentrating on not jumping up and down, screaming over the burning of my hand, part of it listening to Ms. Goff, as she called on me. "Quel chmin a Saint-Sulpice?" I answered, at her summons, and with the remaining spaces of my mind, I pondered the situation I'd put my family in over this weakness, this _human_. Yet, she was so much more. Not only her blood drew me in – it was everything.

My brooding was interrupted by the dismissal bell. I bounded from my seat, ignoring Emmett's chuckle and his smug thoughts. I leaned against the wall where I'd met her yesterday and felt my own snugness at her reaction when her face broke into a huge smile as our eyes met.

Before I allowed myself to berate myself over what that smile meant, I launched into the rest of my questions, not acknowledging my traitor hand and its actions.

"What do you miss about Phoenix?"

She was silent as I imagined she tried to find the words. Would I _ever_ get used to not hearing her?!

"Mom. The sun, some days," she said. I'd like to think that the "some days" was for me. "The smell of creosote. The cicadas. The enormity of the sky. The barrenness, the _brownness_ of the trees."

I laughed internally as she tucked her hair behind her ears and struggled through her description of the enormous Arizona sky, "extending white-blue from horizon to horizon, barely interrupted by the low mountains covered with purple volcanic rock." The funniest, was when she tried to describe to me how the half-dead vegetation could be beautiful. She turned sideways in the passenger seat, left leg pulled under her right, hands flailing, and face serious, yet awestruck as she sensed that I didn't share her admiration of it.

My eyes lingered at her throat, her cheeks, as she blushed, bringing that scent ever so much closer to the surface, when I asked her to describe her room in Phoenix, and then they slid down the curve of her breasts, her waist, the seam of her jeans, going up...

_ENOUGH!_

"Are you finished?" she asked, voice a little rough from so much talking. I needed to remember, she was human, she needed liquids. Or was it rough from relief that my seemingly endless stream of questions had ebbed?

"Not even close – but your father will be home soon."

"Charlie!" she nearly shrieked, hand flying to her throat, just about where my eyes had lingered, only seconds before, above that lovely pulse-point. "How late is it?" she gasped, as seemingly unaware of time's passing as I had been, a larger feat for me. Her eyes darted to the dashboard clock, panic starting to settle into a line between her eyebrows. Another expression filed away.

And it hit me hard then. Just exactly what I was asking of her, bringing her into my "life" and with it, all my secrets.

"It's twilight," I murmured, looking at the horizon, the grey light fading away. Letting my thoughts tumble over each other as Alice's vision roared forward from its neglected corner. My head snapped back to Bella, "it's the safest time for us. The easiest time. But also the saddest, in a way...the end of another day, the return of the night. Darkness is so predictable, don't you think?" _Even if that darkness is me? _I hid my question behind my thoughtful but, far away smile.

Without even a heartbeat's pause, her voice rang out with – _What is that? Contentment? _– "I like the night. Without the dark, we'd never see the stars." Her lips turned down in a frown. "Not that you see them here much," she grumbled.

At that, I had to chuckle. I couldn't help myself. Her almost pout at something _she_ had chosen for herself, made me nearly laugh out loud.

"Charlie will be here in a few minutes. So, unless you want to tell him that you'll be with me Saturday..." I hinted, goading her a bit and raised my eyebrow as if it was a question, hoping she'd take the bait, be forbidden to go. Part of me pleaded that there would be _something _to ensure that someone would know where to look, if she didn't come home from our outing.

"Thanks, but no thanks," she almost snapped, shifting stiffly to gather her backpack and her battered copy of _The Complete Works of Jane Austen_. "So, is it my turn, tomorrow?" she smiled, teasing me a bit.

I faked outrage, "Certainly not!" I smiled back, "I told you I wasn't done, didn't I?"

"What more is there?" she sighed, exasperation dashed through with sarcasm that created such a breathy tone, my heart would have lurched, if it was still beating.

"You'll find out tomorrow" I teased, reaching across her lap to open her door for her and listening to that very _alive_ heart begin to beat in a frenzied staccato and I froze. All humor left. "Not good" I mumbled, too loudly, as the thoughts of the invading minds reached me.

"What is it?" she breathed, panic welling, again.

My jaw clamped shut. "Another complication" I managed between my teeth, glancing at her face in the dim light. _Is this it, then? The end, already?_ Anger coloring my movement, I shoved her door open, roughly, and pulled back faster than I'd meant to. Venom flowed quickly into my mouth.

Headlights crawled over the Volvo, and small, black Mercury parked against the curb, facing us in the driveway. Confusion and questions sizzled through the passenger's mind. It was a mind that felt familiar and menacing, like a headache, if vampires _got_ headaches. "Charlie's around the corner" I breathed, staring down the eyes only I could see in the downpour.

Bella hopped quickly out of my car, confusion obvious on her features as she made her way up the walk, trying to see inside the other car, squinting. She glanced at me and once she reached the door, I floored the accelerator, squealing into reverse and around the corner.

"Hey Bella," I heard behind me over the squeals of my tires. The speaker was practically beaming as he looked Bella over. I growled into the empty car, almost drowning out Bella's "Jacob?" and my fury continued to churn as my fingers started to dent the steering wheel. As Charlie's cruiser crunched on the gravel driveway, I parked down the street, worried for her safety.

_A young Quileute? And an Elder of the Tribe? Carlisle needs to know..._

Charlie's mind did not show any signs of alarm at the arrival of the Quileutes. _Old friends, perhaps? This does complicate things._

The Elder's thoughts were cold, angry, and protective of his friend's daughter. _Would he tell Charlie the stories Jacob told Bella? Would he break tribal confidence to warn his friend?_

"I need to speak to Carlisle" I said to the darkness and sped home, knowing I'd return later.


	2. Chapter 13  Balancing Part 1

Chapter 13 – Balancing, Part 1

Driving like my life depended on it, and maybe it did this time, I hit our gravel driveway like a miniature hurricane. Sensing my alarm in the speed of my engine, Carlisle met me at the front door, concern etched on his features.

"Edward!" he called out, panicked, "has something happened? Surely Alice would have seen – "

"It's not that, Carlisle," I interrupted, before I could see where his thoughts led him, "it's an unexpected complication."

I calmly recounted the events of the evening, seeing Ephraim's heir, feeling the menacing thoughts, all combined with the bits of Quileute legend the boy had told Bella.

"What does it all mean? Aren't the wolves gone, now? Would Ephraim's heir betray the treaty, their stories, to the Chief? Would the Chief believe any of it?" The string of questions poured from my lips as the panic truly unfurled in my thoughts.

Carlisle held up his hands, to slow my barrage. "Son. Edward. Stop. Come with me." He turned and his thoughts told me he would head to his study, mixed with equal parts concern about the situation and my tact at assailing him with questions in the entryway.

I _meant_ to follow him, but ended up settled into a leather chair opposite his desk by the time he made it into the large room.

He chuckled my name as he entered the room, "Edward, I didn't say "race me to the study". I merely thought it best if we talked somewhere more private. Rose is still on edge about your choices." Closing a leather bound medical volume; the scent of new binding glue filled my nostrils, as he settled into his chair. "Now, what is it that you think I can help you with concerning the wolves? You were there, when the treaty was signed, how does what you saw today change anything?"

I sighed, "I supposed it doesn't change a thing. Only _we're_ banned from _their_ lands, not the other way around."

"Right," he nodded, "and as far as the Chief, my interaction with him has been limited, but he's argued with the Quileutes about not coming to the hospital because of my presence there, so he seems level-headed. He's an officer of the law, observant by nature – or is that what concerns you?"

I had to think for a moment. _What _does _concern me? Why did the Quileutes presence there panic me so intensely? _Out loud, I responded, "I'm not sure. The boy has, in essence, violated the treaty by telling stories he didn't believe to Bella. However, that's a _slight_ violation, where my biting her, as Alice sees, would go _far _beyond that. That's how Bella knows our secret - the boy and a little further research – as you well know." I stood, pacing, movement seemingly more comfortable than the stillness that was more natural for me, here at home.

"I suppose what concerns me, Carlisle, was not knowing what causes the shape-shifting to occur in the Quileutes." My mind began to race. "Suppose it's our presence here, in such close proximity? Suppose it only skips a generation, or two, that they _aren't_ extinct, as we originally thought? What then?"

Carlisle tried to stifle his scoff, but his thoughts betrayed him. _Our presence triggers theirs? And how is _that_ based in science? How would we even test for that occurrence? _"Edward, they believe their ancestors to have had special magic that has been lost. Without their cooperation, anything less is hard to prove. You know how hard I have tried to get the Quileutes to agree to let me test their blood, to see if our two species have any similarities..." he trailed off, remembering intense debates with Ephraim and the other elders. He was too ethical to test them, without consent.

I bristled, as I always did, at the thought that we had any similarities to the wolves. But I couldn't deny the speed, the strength, that the heightened senses that were all startlingly similar in _both_ forms of monster. I shook my head, uncertain of how to continue my panic, my fury, at the Quileute elder for being so close to Bella, when I could not be.

I sighed, again. It was starting to become a habit. "Are you _sure_ the wolves are no longer a threat? Is Bella safe with them, there?"

"I can't be sure, Edward, not entirely." Carlisle was unwilling to admit this, not knowing how I would respond. "But, I _can_ assure you Ephraim's heir would not be in a wheelchair if he had any of the wolves' abilities. They believe they are built _only_ to fight our kind, so I doubt he would be so easily broken. Even if his paralysis is from his being an un-diagnosed diabetic for so many years." Something in my face made him wince, and he back-pedaled a bit. "As for the Chief, I don't believe he's one to fall for the superstitious legends of an old friend's people, if that's what those two are to each other."

_Edward panicked so easily...where is all this coming from? So long he's been alone, now a human's blood calls to him and all his human emotions come back to the surface? Fascinating._

Another voice entered the fray at this point, distracting me from whatever rebuttal I had. _Could you turn down the angst, Edward? Please?_ Alice's voice rang like bells in my head, as the image of Jasper cringing appeared before my eyes. I couldn't help but chuckle at the two of them, now that the storm I'd rode in on had dissipated.

"Sorry, Jasper," _I_ called down to the living room "but did you _really_ just pout at me?"

Carlisle and Jasper both laughed and the former's thoughts noticeably relaxed into a less-clinical analyzation of my reaction. _Jealousy? He _hasn't _lost touch with everything human; maybe he wasn't too young to be turned after all._

My emotions noticeably more reigned in, now, I clapped Carlisle on the shoulder as I left his study to join Alice and Jasper downstairs.

I found them on the plush cream couch, in front of the flat screen. Alice was curled around a cushion leaning against the arm, Jasper sitting on the floor at her feet, his arm draped over her tiny legs. Some news channel chattered incessantly in the background, and they were obviously ignoring it.

_Just introduce us, Edward _Alice's mental voice chirped _you know we'll be great friends, I've seen it._

"Alice" I cautioned, "I just don't know, after tonight. I just don't know."

Jasper opened his mouth to speak, and closed it again. I tried to read his thoughts, but he began reciting the names, ranks, and serial numbers of some of the men he had under his command during the Civil War. _What is he keeping from me? What else has Alice seen?_ And Alice's mind just became very busy with the latest fashion news. _Something's going on here._

Alice's face snapped up into a sneaky smile, "So, what got your panties in a wad, tonight? You came speeding home – everything alright?"

"Ran into a little complication at Bella's tonight in the form of a couple Quileutes." _But_ _you already knew that, we have no secrets in this house. Where are you going with this? _"Still want to play 20,000 questions with the human girl, Alice?"

She giggled and the sound was all bells. "What are you thinking, Edward? That the wolves are back? They're not here. Calm down. What _was_ that – jealousy – that had you raging a little while ago?"

_Amazing how someone so little can be hugely irritating_. I smiled, knowing there might be some truth to those words. "Alice, I don't know. I've never felt these things before. I don't know how to feel. I don't understand how I _do_ feel. I don't know how to talk. I feel like I'm going insane." The tension of the last few hours was draining out of me. "Jasper, stop that, please. It feels good, but what about later?"

Jasper rolled his eyes. "Just trying to relieve some of your emotional baggage, bro. We can't all be mind-reading freaks," he drawled, the Texas accent always more prevalent at home because he could breathe. "You're jealous at school, of Newton, Yorkie, _and_ Crowley, and the moment you get her alone, someone _else_ shows up? I'd be upset, too, if this little monster had any other gentlemen knocking on our door. Add to that the rivalry with the Quileutes..." he trailed off, as anger boiled in the air momentarily.

"Tell me everything" Alice begged, whatever she was hiding completely forgotten as she tried to live vicariously through Bella "and _do not_ edit! I wanna know her, too." A full-on Alice pout followed her demands. Who could resist the pixie-pout?

I sat on the other end of the couch and began detailing every moment, sigh, chuckle, expression, and fidget of my questioning of Bella. Jasper settled against Alice's knees and took in all he heard. He chuckled at Alice's over-exuberant responses, and laughed out loud when I detailed Bella's description of the Arizona sky.

Alice lingered on every detail, often asking me to repeat something or question me more closely on something she couldn't quite picture. Having no memories of being human, Alice was almost painfully curious about what Bella perceived of the world around her. She was _truly_ living vicariously through my human girlfriend. _Wait! _That voice screamed. _What did you just call her?_ I shrugged the errant thought away. _I can torture myself over that, later._ When I got to the arrival of the Quileutes, I felt Jasper's influence wash over me, releasing me of my anger, as I almost panicked again.

"Quiet, Edward," Alice soothed, "I think you're overreacting to their presence. The Elder is old friends with the Chief, I'm sure of it. He was there for sports." She nodded, as if that was all the assurance I needed.

There was something in her tone that made me _not_ question her. After a few years, I got used to the finality of that tone. It had taken quite a lot of adjustment, on my part, to accept that tone, and some level of blind faith. Alice likes to remind us that she _is_ fallible, but of certain things she is "just sure" and that was when the tone would appear.

The three of us fell into an easy rhythm, discussing the upcoming hunting trip since Alice also had an uncanny ability to know when the sun would make its next rare appearance as well. Even the possibility of a baseball game in the near future was tossed around. It was nice, to spend time with the part of the family that was being as supportive as they could. The hum of their mental voices was comforting, after the prolonged exposure to Bella's silence.

Esme was humming in the Master Bedroom, thinking of new drapes and what more she could do at the hospital without raising suspicions. Carlisle was pouring over the medical volume that we had our earlier conversation over, while continuing to ponder the quandary of the wolves. Emmett was engrossed in a video game – hunting rogue vampires, of all things. And, Rose, well, Rose was being Rose; putting on a fashion show for herself. Jasper was even content, in this moment, touching Alice, and his thirst merely a nagging sensation that was easily ignored.

I sat down at the piano, played without much feeling, while turning over Bella's responses and expressions in my mind, again. Then I mulled over the scene with the Quileutes. My fingers flew over the ivory, music turning dark, haunting, and tense with my mood.

Esme appeared and sat on the bench next to me. "Oh, Edward, you're playing again!" she sounded truly astonished.

_Has it really been that long since I let her hear me play, at length? _I thought back, calendar pages fluttering to the floor in my mind and realized that it _had_ been awhile, a few years in fact, since I really _felt_ the music. _Sure, I'd composed Bella's lullaby, but playing for sheer enjoyment – really haven't done that much, until recently. _My mouth curled up into a crooked grin as my fingers changed course and began to play her favorite Edward Cullen concerto.

She sighed happily, and rested her head against my shoulder. _Edward has been alone so long...is Bella what he needs to be complete? Will she be part of the family, in every sense? Is she what Edward needs?_

As I played the last notes of her song, the silence between us lingered. "Esme," I sighed, "I just don't know. This is so new to me – _all_ of it – _I'm_ not sure what I feel. And not hearing her, it's driving me insane. Today, while I questioned her, I felt like we were _getting_ somewhere, and her blood is only _part_ of the attraction. But, Esme, I'm _not_ human. She's _not_ a vampire. I won't take her away from her life, her family. But I can't stay away, either, especially with the Quileutes around."

Esme chuckled. _That sounds like love to me. Go! Be with her, but be safe, my son._

The words were barely formed in her head before my hand touched the front doorknob.

The wind whipped around me as I ran. My thoughts were as much of a blur as my legs. The freedom of running after the freedom of being with my family was almost intoxicating – _as if I could get drunk. _The forest was quiet as I ran, and those animals aware of my passing stayed hidden. _There is after all, a predator in the forest. _They _have the sense to stay away._

Before my thoughts got me brooding too much, I was in the small patch of woods by the Swan house. I stayed in the darkness of the trees, but I could see that the small car of the Quileutes was still there. The inside of the house seemed calm, the sounds of the television muted through the walls and trees, but still audible. A sense of relief crawled down my body, almost a shudder of pleasure.

For once, I allowed the feeling to stay. I could enjoy not being tense for a few moments; it would be a nice change.

A cheer, three male voices, came from inside the house, just then. _I guess the right team won._ I chuckled. _Emmett just won another bet against Jasper, I bet – wonder what Jazz will have to endure _this_ time? _Betting for money had long ago ceased to amuse them, so now the looser was always subjected to some sort of "dare" that usually pushes the boundaries of what our parents considered safe – or boundaries of what would keep the townspeople from discovering our secret.

The squeak of wheelchair wheels on the Swan threshold brought my attention back to the house. "Are you and your friends coming back to the beach soon?" the young Quileute asked, but his thoughts were more along the lines of _come and see me soon, Bella_. I laughed at his feeble attempts to court my girl.

"I'm not sure," came Bella's strangled answer. I wondered what made her hesitate – I wouldn't tell her she couldn't go.

_As long as the wolves _are_ gone._

"That was fun, Charlie," the gravely voice from the Elder struck me, pure enjoyment evident in both his tone and thoughts. It seemed this had been a reunion of sorts.

"Come up for the next game" the Chief encouraged, from the kitchen.

_Yes, _definitely _a reunion. Seems they had a falling out, over my father? Interesting._

"Sure, sure" the Elder responded. 'We'll be here. Have a good night." And then his thoughts were no longer buoyant. My face, illuminated by the headlights of the borrowed car, appeared in his mind. "You take care, Bella," he added, almost a threat.

Panic slammed into my chest, as I searched the thoughts of both Quileutes, but neither one was thinking of any kind of confrontation...

"Thanks," Bella snapped, through tense jaws. Her footfalls were now heading for the stairs.

Chief Swan appeared in the doorway, waved the Quileutes off, and then headed back inside. "Wait, Bella," he called.

I heard Bella swallow hard, and her heartbeat began to race. My hands fistedand the tension came roaring back. I braced for a confrontation.

A confrontation that never came.

The Chief's thoughts were vague to me, but he seemed to feel guilty about something. About being so engrossed in the game? His tone was happy, too, when he spoke. "I didn't get a chance to talk to you tonight. How was your day?"

I heard a rush of air escape Bella's lips as she answered, "Good." Then there was a hesitation – why? "My badminton team won all four games."

An exclamation point appeared in the Chief's mind. "I didn't know you could play badminton," he almost coughed, flashes of Bella's clumsiness invaded his thoughts.

Bella's thoughts must have taken a similar route, or gone to the incident I "witnessed" today in gym, because her voice was colored with embarrassment when she spoke, "Well, actually I can't, but my partner is really good."

"Who is it?"

"Um. . . Mike Newton." She sounded a bit like she didn't want to tell him this. _I wonder why?_

Chief Swan's interest piqued at this news. _Was he playing matchmaker? Or trying to size up who he needed to look out for?_

"Oh yeah," and then his thoughts shifted again, "so I guess it's good you'll be gone Saturday...I've made plans to go fishing with the guys from the station. The weather's supposed to be real warm. But if you wanted to put your trip off till someone could go with you, I'd stay home. I know I leave you alone too much."

Panic welled up in my chest. _What is Bella going to say? What is she thinking?_

Her response surprised me, as much as it seemed to surprise the Chief, "Dad, you're doing a great job," and I could see her sincere smile through his eyes, "I've never minded being alone – I'm too much like you," and she winked at her father.

_Strange dynamic in this family, _I thought, _the child is really more of the parent – at least to this parent. And what she's said of Renee..._

My musings were interrupted by the sounds of Bella tripping – literally – up the stairs. Her bedroom light flicked on, and I heard her moving things around. The light went out again, her footsteps faded across the hallway to the bathroom, and that light came on.

_Ah, shower time_ I realized as the water came on. I'm not sure if I imagined it, or actually heard Bella peel her clothes off and toss them in the hamper. _Ahhh, Bella_. My mind bred some interesting images of Bella naked as the sound of the water changed when she moved under its flow. _Oh, Bella_ my mind's voice sighed as my human desires surfaced, yet again.

To hold her. To feel her softness, her warmth. The few times I'd touched her had electrified me in ways I had only read about. _And heard Emmett talk about_. My desire burned so brightly, I was surprised I hadn't caught on fire. _And what about her blood?_ The monster's voice reared its ugly head. _Would that burn your throat, like her cheek burned your hand? What kind of ecstasy would that be?_

My anger flared with all the new desires inside me, and the burning in my throat returned. Right now, I could not have said which desire was stronger – the human one or the monster. Both burned on a level that I had never before felt. I couldn't help but wonder which would win on Saturday – my long-buried human teenager's desires or my nearly century-old monster's?

The brooding had begun, again. I sighed. Desire was still tingling in my throat, as well as stirring my manhood, but I had to change the train of my thoughts. _Or something very unseemly may just happen, Edward_, the monster's voice sneered as imaginary headlines of rape and murder filled my head. _No! _I railed at the images. _I would _never _put her in that kind of danger. Ever. I could leave. I could. If she no longer wanted me. If I felt my control slipping. I did well today, even in the car._

Her bedroom light came on again, then. I took a few steps back into the trees, not even aware that I had moved closer to the house. I heard damp footfalls by her bed. _Wonder if she's wearing those boy shorts, again_ my inner teenager leered as the unmistakable sound of the sodden towel from her hair hit the floor.

I heard her comb tearing its way through her hair and wondered, again, what she was thinking. The springs of her small bed creaked ever so slightly as she sat, still combing. I longed to be closer to her. _Would she see me, if I climbed the tree outside her window? _I decided not to risk it when both desires flared again, reminding me why I was hidden in the first place.

I contented myself with the task of listening to the sounds of Bella's bed-time rituals. The sounds of routine were comforting, somehow, to the monster and the teenager at war within me. After leaving her room a few times, Bella turned off the over-head light and turned on the smaller light on her desk. _Doing homework at this hour, Bella?_ I couldn't be sure, but she wasn't at work on the ancient computer, because I couldn't hear the hum of the machine.

Awhile later, Chief Swan heaved himself – with a grunt – from the couch and the drone of the late local news was abruptly silenced as he turned off the television and chucked the remote back onto the couch. A few bones popped as he stretched, groaned again, and began turning lights off as he made his way to the stairs. His footfalls were heavy on the stairs. At the top, he paused.

_Should I check on Bells? Her lamp is on. She may have fallen asleep reading; she used to do that when she was little. _Thoughts of young Bella flashed in his mind, asleep, with a book on her chest. But before the image was clear, more questions surfaced. _Should I remind her it's a school night? Why was she so nervous when I asked about her day? _He hesitated, hand on her doorknob. Seconds passed and he decided on checking. Bella's doorknob whispered a clunk as the latch released and through the Chief's eyes, I saw her. She was laying the wrong way on her bed, on her stomach, calves and feet up in the air, ankles crossed. Reading.

_At least this time she's wearing those holey sweats. _ I couldn't help but laugh at the relief I felt that those horrid boy shorts were safely in a drawer somewhere.

"Just, uh, saying goodnight, Bells" Chief Swan stammered.

Bella's head snapped around, "Hey Ch-Dad, you scared me" she gasped. Her heartbeat skipped, beat rapidly, and slowed again. "Was just catching up on some reading for school."

Chuckling, Chief Swan replied, "From the look of that battered book, you should have it memorized by now."

Bella rolled her eyes at her father, and laughed, too, "Probably, but a little review never hurt."

_The things those eyes do to me..._

"Just wanted to say goodnight and remind you it's a school night, so lights out ASAP, kid." Chief Swan's thoughts were a jumble of amused respect and self-doubt. _I leave her alone too much. She's not like other teenagers. Look at her, doing homework she doesn't need to do. I don't have to get after her about those things, but do I do enough?_

His thoughts weren't usually this clear to me and I wondered what made them so clear now. Bella responded, "Yep, sure thing. Goodnight, Dad." And, just like that, the Chief's thoughts were muted and unclear again, almost as if he was too far away.

_I wonder if his blurriness is related to Bella's silence._ As I turned this new idea over in my mind, Chief Swan closed Bella's door and was moving around in their shared bathroom. I caught a few mumbles about not being able to find anything now that he was sharing a house with a "neat freak," but there was amusement in his grumblings, since her room seemed to always be cluttered. Soon after, his bedroom door closed and within minutes I could hear his soft snores.

This was the time of night, when I became restless. On the nights I arrived before Bella fell asleep, the waiting turned into an agonizing count of seconds. I thought about a quick hunting trip, but I hated killing _anything_ unnecessarily, so that idea was out. Instead, I obsessed over what it could mean that the Chief's thoughts were usually so fuzzy to me.

_Could there _really_ be something in her brain that just didn't let me in? Could it be hereditary? And why haven't I encountered anyone _else_ like this in my ninety-odd years? Was there really just something wrong with her brain? And Chief Swan's as well? What does this _mean? _Is it just a glitch, or something more?_

Carlisle has his own theories. Theories about how we all developed our gifts, those of us that had them. Mine, like Jasper's, had been subtle in our human lives and really only manifested after we were changed. But then, the more extreme gifts – like Alice's – were probably prevalent as humans, too. As Alice knows nothing about her human life, though, his theories were hard to prove.

My hiding place was suddenly bathed in complete darkness, and Bella's room was finally dark. My eyes needed no time to adjust, so I quickly climbed the tree outside her window, waiting for her heartbeat and breathing to slow to their sleep rhythm.

_So, why are you doing this, Edward? Sneaking into her room to watch her_ sleep_? _These were questions I couldn't answer and really didn't want to face. My obsession was too great. The draw was too strong. Another dark day in Biology had proved that. My need to protect her was too strong. _She can't get hurt while she's sleeping, Edward._

I shook the voice off, determined to ignore it, and concentrated on Bella's breathing. Quickly it and her heart settled into the now familiar sleep rhythm. I jumped lightly from the tree and, faster than human eyes could see, opened the window and landed quietly inside, closing it as I landed. I paused to make sure I hadn't disturbed Bella, and then took my nightly place in her rocking chair.

Bella, asleep, was fascinating. Even when it was obvious she was restful, tonight, the peacefulness on her face tugged at my long-gone heart-strings. If I was her vampire guardian angel, she had the face the choirs would sing about. Dark lashes resting on her creamy cheeks, eyelids fluttering in REM sleep – even then she was beautiful.

I wondered if she dreamt. I wondered what she thought about the Quileute Elder's not-so-subtle warning. In truth, I wondered what she _really_ thought of me. But I couldn't ask that. Not yet. I wondered what she thought of the Quileute boy. I wondered about her family – would they be accepting of me, if she survived Saturday? Or would they react as other humans do to us, as she _should _react? I wondered about her mother. I wondered about her friends, back in Phoenix.

Most of all, I wondered about the boys in her life, both here and there. Had there been anyone in Phoenix? Had there been a line of boys there, like there was when she arrived here in Forks? Was there anyone she missed? Had she even been in love? Could she explain how it felt to me?

I wondered about the _people_ in her life. I wondered again about her mother, the mother who allowed her only child to move back to somewhere she, herself, had hated. I wondered about the step-father, Phil, and why chasing a _minor_ league career seemed so important to him. I'd have to ask Emmett about the whole sports fascination as I didn't quite understand it. I wondered what she meant about Renee being "irresponsible and slightly eccentric" the day of blood-typing in Biology. And, what she meant by "someone has to be the adult." But after observing her with the Chief, tonight, I could see what she meant.

She knew bits about my family – mostly small-town gossip from Jessica and her limited exposure to Carlisle at the hospital, the day of the van incident. But, what about _her_ extended family – her grandparents? How I wished the Chief's parents were still alive, if only to see if the strange mental haziness was there as well. I wondered if _my_ family would ever come to an even level of acceptance of Bella, and what she was beginning to mean to me.

I turned these thoughts, and many others, over in my mind as I watched Bella sleep. Her sleep must have been deeper, more restful tonight as she didn't speak at all, or call out. She moved in her sleep, but didn't toss and turn, or thrash, and there was no tangle of sheets around her legs, and no sweat breaking out on her forehead. Her mahogany hair was softly on her pillow, not the snarled mess of last night.

I had told Bella that tomorrow, well today now, would be another day of questioning from me, so I began making a mental list of the things I had been wondering about as I watched her sleep. The complete contentment on her face was breathtaking.

The electrical change in the air of her small room wasn't as distracting tonight, even after my shower fantasies. It wasn't as if I was no longer affected by it. I was. I was just expecting it, this time. I wouldn't even go so far as to say that I was desensitized to it, it was still there, strong as the first time. I just knew what to expect. _Knew_ it would be there. Just like the mouthwatering scent of her blood, her skin, her hair. I knew to expect it. I was better prepared.

I came to all these realizations alone, while she slept. I sat immersed in the desire, the electricity, her scent, and my indecision of what to do with it all until the sun started to crawl up the horizon. However, this particular morning, I was out of her window and in the tree just outside, before the first bleat of that awful alarm.

Bella wasn't as confused and disgruntled as she turned over and switched it off, instead of smacking it. She yawned, stretched her arms over her head, pointed her toes, and threw the covers back. Just before I ran through the woods to my home, I heard Bella's feet on her hardwood floor, heading for her closet.

I ran home, at a more leisurely pace because I knew precisely how much time I had before the Chief would leave for the station. I even had time for an unnecessary shower.

When I arrived, the house was bustling with activity. Rose and Alice were critiquing each other's clothes. Emmett and Jasper were at the Foosball table, trying not to break _this_ one in a week, like the last one. Esme was gathering together a pile of our "old" clothes to take by the homeless shelter – an anonymous donation, of course. Carlisle was gathering together some files of what he called his "miracle patients" – the ones his heightened sense of smell could diagnose faster than any modern technology. And, it would appear Rose was trying to wear something she'd already worn this year...

"But it's an accent piece, Alice," Rose almost whined, "and I really love this color. It goes well with my hair."

Alice's voice rang out from her room across the hall, "Oh, Rose, everything that I pick out for you goes with your hair."

But I could tell Alice's heart was no longer in the argument because of the level of humor in her voice. _Welcome back, Edward, _her cheerful voice rang out in my head, _how was your night?_ There was a wink in her voice, which made me laugh.

A chorus of _Good morning, Edward_ rang through my head as the others were alerted to my quiet step on the landing. Even Rose was cordial.

I darted the rest of the way up the stairs, past Alice's room, on my way to the shower. "No more

panic attacks, at least," I called in response. Clothes already in the hamper, I turned on the multiple jets of the shower, and laughed at myself for indulging in such a human habit, but the warmth of the water was calming.

_And I think I have pine sap in my hair_ I thought to myself as I rubbed shampoo over my hair. _Well, if you weren't hiding in the trees like a stalker_ . . . my inner voice chided. Immediately, my thoughts turned sour. _If she showed interest in Newton, he wouldn't have been hiding in the trees._

Out of the shower in a flash, as if that would stop the thoughts, with a towel wrapped around my waist, I headed for my closet. "Have you been in here, again, Alice?" I called over my shoulder, even though I knew the answer, as her scent was strong here.

"Of course," a silvery voice answered from my doorway with a giggle. "I know you. You'd wear the same t-shirt and jeans every day, if I'd let you." A disgusted expression wrinkled up her pixie face and I laughed again.

"But _silk_, Alice? We're in _High School_!

"And unless you've gone gansta, no one is going to see your boxers!" she snapped, playfully. "Oh, Edward, just thank me for not allowing you to dress yourself and go on. Please."

"Thank you, Alice, for rescuing me from myself." I replied with as much humility as I could muster. I didn't hear her leave, but I knew she was gone, as a light breeze caressed my back.

I picked out a pair of the offending boxers, knowing I would have an angry pixie to deal with if I didn't put her "gifts" to good use. I slid on a pair of black jeans over them and a white v-neck t-shirt over my torso. _It's too cold for humans to only wear a t-shirt, Edward, put something on over that._ Alice scolded. So, on my way back out of my over-large closet, I grabbed a dark grey linen long-sleeve shirt to wear over it. _Much better_ came Alice's twitter of approval. Grabbing blindly for socks, and relocating my tennis shoes gained me no further interruptions, so I figured I was safe from any more attacks of fashion, and decided I was ready to go.

Running the towel over my hair one last time, I tossed it into the bathroom hamper on my way down the hallway, and headed to the garage. Carlisle and Esme were heading to the Mercedes – and the hospital – with armfuls of toys for the children's ward; the clothes already packed in the trunk. Both had smiles for me, but a few questions lingered about last night in their thoughts. I tried on a reassuring smile for Carlisle and gave Esme a quick kiss on the cheek, before grabbing the Volvo's keys off their peg.

_**To be continued....**_


	3. Chapter 13 Balancing Part 2

Chapter 13 – Balancing, Part 2

As I backed out of the garage, I caught Rosalie's irritation at my destination, and then her joy when the realization hit that she would get to drive her candy apple red BMW to school. I think she even squealed like a school girl. Emmett was sure to whine that he never got to drive his Jeep, but I couldn't concern myself with their tiffs today. I had questions to organize and a thirst to tamp down.

Chief Swan's cruiser was fading out of sight, as I pulled into his spot. I had driven here, with the windows down, to feel the wind in my hair even though I wasn't running, but I nearly broke the key off in the ignition in my haste to greet Bella with the engine off. She seemed to expect to see me calm and collected, but that was getting harder for me with all this anticipation building. _What will she be wearing? Will she run, today? How did the evening go with the Quileutes? Should I even ask? _As soon as the engine quieted, I saw her on the threshold, eyes bright and eager.

Bella in the morning was usually slower, a little foggy and a lot clumsy. Not _this_ morning. The front of her lustrous hair was pulled back in a barrette, bringing out both the lighter highlights around her face, and giving me an eye-full of that pleasure spot right behind her ear, where the pulse is strongest. The normally sleep-heavy lids were gone and her brown eyes were bright and sparkling, slightly crinkled at the edges, like her father's, from her smile. With no hesitation this morning, she clambered into the passenger seat.

_I guess today isn't the day she runs. Oh, that smell. _My throat burned. Venom pooled in my mouth. I swallowed it back.

Bella's exuberance was contagious, though, after my initial reaction and I smiled the smile that seemed to affect her the most – my crooked one. My efforts were rewarded by her breath catching and her heart lurching to a pause. _Breathe, Bella_ I reminded her, silently. Her eyes settled on my face for a moment, her heart restarted, and she looked away again, catching her bottom lip in her teeth. The teenager growled, wanting that lip in between _his_ teeth.

_I wonder what that lip tastes like._ She shook her head slightly, and her scent assailed me again; filling the small car, my lungs, and my head. Instead of letting the hormonal one linger on those thoughts, I launched into my list of questions, my smile even more genuine now.

"How did you sleep?" I asked, knowing full well the answer.

Bella didn't miss a beat. "Fine. How was your night?" she fired back, genuine curiosity coloring her tone.

"Pleasant." I replied, my smile broadening. _Only because I spent it with you..._

"Can I ask what you did?" she asked meekly, trying to understand the humor in my tone.

"No," and what I hoped was a mischievous grin spread across my face, "Today is still _mine_."

And I launched into my questions. I followed my train of thought from the wee hours of this morning – starting with Renee. I wanted to know more about this woman who was her mother and her best friend.

"What did you mean when you called your Mom "irresponsible and slightly eccentric" yesterday?" I asked, trying to keep the irritation I felt at this person I'd never met and probably never would out of my voice. I really looked at her, then, sitting so close to me. Her small body was turned ever so slightly toward me in the seat, and I could smell the flannel shirt she wore, the fabric softener was lightly scented with lavender. That scent, mingled with her strawberry shampoo, was a maddening combination.

This question seemed to surprise her, and after a quick intake of breath, she launched into a kind explanation that probably would have frustrated other teenagers. "Mom is flighty. She forgets to pick up her dry-cleaning, then freaks out when she can't find her favorite shirt. Bills don't get paid on time if she's left in charge of them. She's always losing her keys, her reading glasses, her purse – everything." A sigh and a laugh escaped her as she said this. "She'll start reading a mystery, a thriller, and see serial killers everywhere. But, I found it all amusing most of the time, except when her kooky ideas leaked into the kitchen."

We both chuckled at that, and Bella recounted a few of her mother's worst kitchen experiments, one resulting in both of them trying about five Internet remedies for cooling off a spice-burned tongue before one worked. That was fondly remembered as the "curry incident" by both of them, apparently. And Renee went about two weeks trying to grow several "impossible to kill" houseplants, before giving up and admitting she not only did not have green thumbs, but complete hands of death.

"So her irresponsibility isn't life-threatening? No staying out all night? Abusing alcohol or drugs?" I asked, since that was the route my thoughts had initially traveled down.

Bella snorted at that, the sound magical to me in the small space of my car. "No! Never! She's almost too flighty for that!" And her chuckling continued through the parking lot, past my siblings, and into the school.

Satisfied that my initial assumptions of her mother were incorrect and that she seemed to only be a bit too young at heart, but not a bad parent; I moved on to what she and Renee liked to do together. I was intrigued by what Renee enjoyed, if there was anything she and Bella did together consistently, and how many of those flights of fancy became more permanent fixtures in their lives.

Art seemed to be a running theme for Renee. Painting and pottery – complete with a dog-house sized kiln and two pottery wheels – and her latest obsession was scrapbooking. I wondered how all this was financed on a Kindergarten teacher's salary, but thought that realm of questions was not really my business. Instead I asked more about Phil: his position: shortstop; whether Bella thought he and Renee were a good match: mostly yes; and what the chances were that he'd get signed with a team: Bella had "no earthly idea."

When I considered the reasons I'd thought to ask that last question, my throat constricted. _You asked because you wondered if she'd leave, if given the opportunity to reunite with her mother. If she'd leave. If she'd escape all this green._ It was then, I believe, that I began to consider how much I enjoyed being around her, and whether or not I could _really_ ever leave her, or let _her_ leave _me_.

While these thoughts churned in my head, I asked casually about her grandparents – trying to learn what I could about the parts of her whole that I would never get to meet. Bella's mother's mother – Grandma Marie – had shared many of Bella's characteristics: stubborn, strong-willed, care-taker, and once-upon-a-time had had the same particular shade of mahogany hair – with red highlights glinting only in the sun.

Bella's deep chocolate eyes had come from both parents, it seemed, and they filled with tears when we lingered on Grandma Marie – whose first name was now Bella's middle – so I changed the subject. Maybe a little too quickly. When I switched from Marie to the friends she'd had in Phoenix, Bella swallowed hard, and angrily swiped at her eyes.

It turned out she was closer to the little group that had formed around her here: Jessica, Mike, Eric, Tyler, and Angela; then she had been to anyone in Phoenix. Even though Lauren seemed to only tolerate Bella's presence, Bella even included the stuck-up girl in her short list of friends. It was fascinating to me that more people weren't drawn to her, as I was, as many people here seemed to be.

"Well, you must have been really wrapped up in your boyfriend, if you didn't have time for friends. Do you miss him?" My words came out all in a rush. This was the subject I had been skirting around all morning. _What was I afraid of? That she is more experienced than I am? What difference does that make? It would _never ever EVER _get that far! Why am I even entertaining these thoughts?_

Bella's splutter was almost too loud, even as we whispered in the back of the classroom. Her blush was deep. My mind raced as she composed herself, I hoped to answer me. _Brace yourself, Cullen. Here it comes._

She looked away, then down, then at her hands. It was almost too much. I almost told her that she didn't have to answer. I regretted entertaining this line of questioning. "There was no boyfriend, Edward," she said all in a rush as she exhaled, "no one even looked at me in Phoenix. I was invisible." Her words were spoken like a confession to a crime.

And it _was_ a crime that she thought herself invisible. I couldn't hide my shock. I'm sure it was written all over my face, as we walked down the hall to the school's cafeteria. I'm sure the new spring in my step was obvious, too. Her words made me jubilant, even if the reasons confounded me. I tried to reign in my emotions. "You aren't invisible, here," I muttered, jealousy suddenly flaring, and my mood quickly swung the other way. "So you never met anyone you wanted?" I asked my tone no longer light.

Her chin jutted out, with that stubbornness from Grandma Marie. "Not in Phoenix," came a curt, and startlingly honest, reply.

_ You can't mean me, Bella. I'm no good for you. You don't belong in my world. I don't belong anywhere outside of stories to frighten children._

My lips came together in a hard line, cutting off what would have been an angry and hurtful response, if not carefully rephrased. We were sitting in the cafeteria now, and Bella was picking at her bagel. I didn't see her pop a bite in her mouth, because I was distracted by the thoughts of those children around us who remarked on both our new seating arrangements and our heads close together in conversation. The sudden roar in my head was hard to ignore, at first.

I tried, unsuccessfully, to change the subject without the conversational whiplash I had given her earlier. "I should have let you drive yourself today," I blurted. The idea of not being by her side for the rest of the school day was hard to fathom.

Bella's face hardened, she swallowed, and demanded, "Why?" There was something else in her tone and expression.

_ Is that sadness, or was I projecting?_

I looked down at my hands, folded on the table. "I'm leaving with Alice after lunch." Alice's head turned slightly at the sound of her name. I didn't listen to whatever she was thinking at me, focusing instead on the confusion clearly displayed on the face directly in front of me.

"Oh," she blinked, surprised.

_That's definitely disappointment pulling the corners of her lips down, Cullen. This human is truly interested in you._

"That's ok, it's not that far to walk."

_It's three miles! _I wanted to scream at her. And I could imagine just how that would play out with Bella's proclivity for danger.

I frowned back at her, saddened that she would think me so callous as to leave her without transport home. I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. "I'm not going to make you walk home. We'll go get your truck and leave it here for you."

Her eyes darted over to Alice and the rest of my family. "I don't have my key with me," she sighed, truly frowning now.

_She's probably imagining how many times she'd trip between here and home._

"I really don't mind walking," Bella clarified, the stubborn chin jut returning. She began to pick more crumbs off the bagel, looking at it instead of me.

_How I would love to touch that chin and bring those eyes back up to meet mine, but I did not, scared of crushing her jaw in my grasp._

I shook my head of those thoughts, and at her. "Your truck will be here, and the key will be in the ignition – unless you're afraid someone might steal it." At that, I couldn't contain my laughter.

A flash of anger crossed her face, forcing me to stifle another laugh. "All right," was her terse response. She seemed to be thinking of something.

_Considering how I'd cover up a little breaking and entering, Bella? I know exactly where your truck key is. It's in the front right packet of the skinny jeans you wore Wednesday at the bottom of the laundry pile by the washing machine._

I couldn't hide my smirk, even if I couldn't hear her thoughts, I sensed she was challenging me to find her key, get her truck here, and not arouse the suspicions of the Chief and the neighbors – in her own way.

"So where are you going?" she asked, looking up at me again.

There was an air of mystery in the way she spoke now. Almost if she was trying to hide that she'd miss our time together. It wasn't working, and I chided myself anew for still not being sure what tomorrow would bring.

_Ugh. _I opted for truth, "Hunting," I answered; hoping that she'd shy away from the subject with something resembling the horror she _should_ feel. "If I'm going to be alone with you tomorrow, I'm going to take whatever precautions I can." I practically begged her to cancel or, at least, _tell_ someone she'd be with me with the power of my eyes. "You can always cancel, you know," I hinted, eyes boring into hers, trying to persuade her to do just that, all the while not wanting her to.

Bella was learning quickly. She looked away when my eyes grew intense, and she looked down at her tray.

_Oh, Isabella, _her name sent shudders through my core, even unspoken,_ what are you thinking?_

She glanced up at me, "No," she whispered, "I can't."

Bella's eyes lingered on mine, looking for what, I didn't know. _I can't hear you! _"Perhaps you're right," I murmured bleakly. I felt my thirst, hard, just then. Panic struck me, as I worried if my eyes were growing too dark, again. _Would she notice?_

As my throat burned, thirst brought on by thoughts I would not let myself acknowledge, Bella shifted in her seat. "What time will I see you tomorrow?" she asked, eyes still sad, frown still in place, but hope began to color her tone.

It was my turn to have conversational whiplash. "That depends . . . it's a Saturday, don't you want to sleep in?" I managed, hoping her answer would be negative.

"No," Bella answered too quickly. I couldn't suppress a smile at the eagerness of her tone.

"The same time as usual, then," I decided for her, "Will Charlie be there?" I hoped the use of her father's first name wouldn't offend her, as it seemed to be the way she referred to him.

Her lips curled upward into a glorious smile, "No, he's fishing tomorrow," she replied, almost buoyant.

A growl almost ripped out of my clenched teeth. "And if you don't come home, what will he think?" I snapped. _When will she understand the danger she'll be in, what I _could_ do to her, when we're alone? What if I lose control, Bella? What then?_

"I have no idea," she retorted, sarcasm dripping all over her words, "He knows I've been meaning to do the laundry. Maybe he'll think I fell in the washer."

I scowled across the table at her. She scowled back. Her attempts to intimidate me would have been humorous, in just about _any_ other situation.

Bella seemed to resign herself to the fact that my anger would last infinitely longer than hers, and tried a diversionary conversation. "What are you hunting tonight?" she asked.

"Whatever we find in the park. We aren't going far." I responded, my scowl softening.

Alice was listening in, now, even though looking at her casual observer would never notice. _Can I come over and say "hello"?_ She asked me, eagerly.

"Not yet, Alice," I whispered, too low for Bella's ears.

"Why are you going with Alice?" Bella wondered aloud.

"Alice is the most . . . supportive." I responded, hearing Rose's increasingly hostile thoughts, largely surrounding the conversation I knew she could hear. I frowned at what she was thinking of doing. "Rosalie, a confrontation between you and Bella in front of all these children who _don't_ know what we are would not be wise," I said, under my breath, hoping that Bella didn't notice the blur of my lips.

"And the others?" Bella asked, shyly, "What are they?"

Rosalie hissed at string of expletives in my direction, and I felt my forehead crease in irritation. I didn't want Bella to think it was in response to her, so I hoped I caught it before she noticed. "Incredulous, for the most part."

Bella looked over her shoulder at the rest of my family, who sat at what we used to consider "our table" looking off in different directions. _We really _do_ stand out, don't we?_

"They don't like me," she guessed, not quite correct in her interpretation of the situation.

I tried to convey, with my expression, how very wrong she was. "That's not it," I said earnestly, "They don't understand why I can't leave you alone."

At that, Bella grimaced, "Neither do I, for that matter."

Rosalie was in full tirade, now, jealousy blasting me at full force. I shook my head at her, _and_ the absurdity of Bella's words. I couldn't help but roll my eyes, but who deserved my mirth more? I considered it a very close tie. "I told you – you don't see yourself clearly at all. You're not like anyone I've ever known. You fascinate me."

Even though my tone was sincere, Bella glared at me under furrowed brows. I was shocked, again, about the absurdness of her self-image. I smiled. Her expression was one that seemed to be patiently awaiting the punch line. I didn't know yet how to compliment her in such a way that she would believe me, so I tried a different approach. "Having the advantages I do," I tapped my forehead knowing she'd understand my inference, "I have a better than average grasp of human nature. People are predictable. But you . . . you never do what I expect. You always take me by surprise."

_And after over ninety-plus years, that is _quite_ astonishing._

She looked away, over her shoulder, again. _What are you _thinking_ Isabella Swan? _I replayed my response in my head, and realized I may have inadvertently compared her to some kind of science experiment. Her expression turned embarrassed, and a little something else.

"That part is easy enough to explain," I said, silently pleading for her to look at me, "but there's more . . . and it's not so easy to put into words . . ." _was I about to declare myself? Rosalie – NO!_

Rose turned to glare at Bella, then. Eyes full of hatred, thoughts full of worse. I broke off my declaration – _of what? _– to Bella to remind Rosalie of where we were, what we had here, and what we'd be giving up, again, if she blew this. All this I told her quicker and quieter than human ears could process. And, she reminded me, although quite a bit more colorfully, of the same, should things go badly tomorrow. Bella probably only heard a hiss and no one else registered anything.

Finally, Rosalie's cold, black eyes let go of Bella's and turned to me. I shot Rosalie a disgusted glare as she assailed me with images of packing up and having to start over, Esme looking sadly at the house, as we pulled away.

I shut Rosalie's fantasies out, the moment I saw the confusion and fear in Bella's eyes. My voice no longer one of casual conversation, I tried to un-do the damage. _Would _this _make her run? _"I'm sorry about that. She's just worried," _and jealous that I never looked at her the way I look at you_. "You see . . . it's dangerous for more than just me if, after spending so much time with you so publicly . . ." I looked at my hands, the hands that could so easily break her, and couldn't finish the thought.

"If?" Bella squeaked.

"If this ends . . . badly," I finished, my head falling on top of my hands, anguish claiming me suddenly and completely.

I heard the cotton of her shirt brush together as she moved. _Moved to what? Run?_ I realized I could see her through my fingers. Her hand reached out to me, hovered, and then dropped to the table. _Bella, you really _are_ absurd. You're reaching out to comfort _me_? _She sighed, sounding almost irritated. How I wished, again, that I could hear her.

Obviously trying to steady her voice, she asked, "And you have to leave now?"

I wanted to reassure her, tell her that nothing bad would happen tomorrow, but I couldn't. "Yes," and then a realization hit me, and I smiled, "It's probably for the best. We still have fifteen minutes of that wretched movie left to endure in Biology – I don't think I could take any more."

And Alice's voice rang in my head. _Edward, I think everything's going to be okay. Whatever you just decided cleared up her future, at least for a little while. We go shopping!_ With that, she appeared behind me, startling Bella.

I watched Bella look at Alice as if she's never really noticed her before, and breathed her name – part greeting, part warning, "Alice."

"Edward," Alice answered cheerfully nudging me to introduce them with every ounce of her slight form.

I obliged her, waving my hand back and forth between the two of them, "Alice, Bella – Bella, Alice," smiling a little at the thought that maybe I _was_ strong enough to resist her blood.

"Hello, Bella" she said sweetly, smiling broadly, "It's nice to finally meet you."

Alice's thoughts flickered to a different vision – one of Bella with the red irises of a newborn. I shot her a warning glance, which she refused to acknowledge.

"Hi, Alice," Bella answered a little shyly, I thought.

"Are you ready?" Alice asked me out loud, while noting Bella's extraordinary scent internally.

"Nearly. I'll meet you at the car," I answered, clearly dismissing her, before _her_ thirst made _mine_ flare up.

Bella watched Alice gracefully leave the cafeteria, jealousy clearly showing. "Should I say 'have fun,' or is that the wrong sentiment?" she asked.

At the thought of the freedom of the hunt, my face split into a grin. "No, 'have fun' works as well as anything."

My joy wasn't contagious as hers had been this morning. "Have fun, then," she said unenthusiastically.

"I'll try," I responded, not able to peel the grin from my face, "And you try to be safe, please" The thrill of Alice's revelation and the idea of the hunt almost made me giddy.

Her voice, again, full of sarcasm, she responded, "Safe in Forks – what a challenge."

"For you it _is_ a challenge," I worried if I _should_ leave her. My jaw clenched at the thought of her getting hurt, or worse, while I was gone. "Promise."

Bella looked up at me through her dark lashes, and recited like a child saying the Pledge of Allegiance, "I promise to try to be safe." She thought for a moment, "I'll do the laundry tonight – that ought to be fraught with peril."

Part of me wanted to shake her and tell her to be reasonable, that I was sincerely worried; the other part of me wanted to be light-hearted and laugh at her sarcasm. I chose a bit of my own, "Don't fall in."

I stood up, and was surprised to see Bella rise as well.

"I'll do my best," she said, sorrow clearly marring her features. "I'll see you tomorrow," she sighed.

_How I long to hold you._ It was funny to me how 17 hours could seem so long to her, whose life was so much shorter than my existence. "It seems like a long time to you, doesn't it?"

Bella nodded, a frown firmly pulling down her lips and almost making her pout.

The teenager stirred. I pushed him back down. "I'll be there in the morning," I said stressing my sincerity and smiling the crooked smile she seemed to love.

I needed to touch her, to give her some of the reassurance that I couldn't give her with the embrace I wanted to give. The table was between us still ad if I let myself have her slight, warm body that close to me, there would be no stopping me, or Rosalie, from doing us all in. Instead, I settled for molding my hand to her cheek.

_Ahh, so warm_. Her warmth radiated up my arm and curled around my dead heart. My thumb traced her cheekbone, and somewhere in between concentrating on not breaking her face and not allowing myself to think, I was aware of several sets of eyes on us. _Wow, Cullen and Swan, really?_ from a male voice. _Are they going to make out right there on the table?_ from Newton. _OH MY GOD _was all Jessica could muster. There was speculation over her frown and the obvious intensity between us.

After a few seconds, my flesh was burning, my teenager was hormonal and I felt my resolve, my _need_, for this hunting trip wavering. At that, I willed myself to turn and walk away – the image of Bella's cheeks, flushed after my touch, as her eyes burned into mine was firmly planted in my mind as I walked away.

I hadn't realized until I was several steps down the hall, heading to my car, that the entire cafeteria had held their collective breaths as we had our silent exchange. _Wow. Even Rosalie, Emmett, and Jasper had held an unnecessary breath! _ Along with the whoosh of everyone breathing again, their minds and their mouths began the speculation, the rumors, and I felt for Bella and the attention she would have to endure from everyone the rest of the school day.

By the time I reached the car, Alice leaning up against it the picture of impatience, I knew I would need to hunt more than usual for what I had planned for tomorrow. Alice looked up, as I approached.

"We're getting that monstrosity of a vehicle from her house, I take it?" she teased. I knew her question was rhetorical because she showed me the vision she had of me driving the truck back to school. "You'll do it, even though you told her I would." I slid behind wheel of the Volvo as Alice beamed at me from the passenger seat. "She glowed when you touched her, Edward," Alice trilled, clearly enjoying herself.

"And she smells good to me, too," she continued, "I know you wondered about that. Oh! We're going to be _such_ good friends!"

I chuckled as my favorite sister gushed like the school girl she pretended to be. "Alice. Alice. Slow down. We need to talk about what you said back there."

"Oh, Edward, you know what I see isn't set in stone," she was hedging and we _both_ knew it, "but I saw you with Bella, surrounded by flowers, her hand tracing lines on your hand."

I sighed, bliss trying to creep in while the image filled my vision, from Alice's mind. My shoulders relaxed.

Alice noticed little things like that about me, she always did. "There are a few scary moments in there, too, but they are changing so fast." Her forehead creased with the warning in her voice. "If you'd just make up your mind, everything would settle down, and I could _see_."

"Your frustration equals my own. I've convinced myself a hundred times over to either leave her, turn her, stay with her until she dies of old age or some freak accident – mind you, leaving this existence soon after – but I just can't fathom which is the right path, Alice." It felt good discuss this without Carlisle's clinical analysis, Rosalie's anger, Esme's pure joy, and Jasper's thirst hanging over me. It was a nice change.

"I've never felt these emotions, before. It's all so maddening." I regretted the words once they were out of my mouth, and it must have shown in my expression.

"Oh, Edward, don't go all broody on me – "

"I beg your pardon; I'm the only freaky mind-reader, here, mi lady. _You_ are the freaky fortune-teller. Remember your place," I teased, after cutting her off.

Alice stuck her tongue out at me. "It was written all over your face, brother of mine," she chuckled, "I may not remember anything of being human, but I've known what love feels like as a vampire, since my first vision of Jasper. And, I've seen the same subtle changes in you that I saw in Jasper, since I drug him here to meet you and the rest of the family."

"The day you threw me out of my own room," I teased, pulling into the Chief's driveway.

"Stop changing the subject," she challenged now from the driver's seat, when I returned with the key to Bella's truck, not even missing a beat in our conversation.

"I'll meet you back at the house." I assured her as the truck door creaked open, dusting me in rust.

"Here, you'll need this," and Alice produced a small piece of white paper and a pen from that impossibly small clutch bag, "for the note you leave her." She winked, revved the engine, and was gone before I could ask her what she meant. _Edward Cullen shocked, that's a picture, _her voice teased in my head.

_What note? Did Alice see this, or is this something she just wants me to do? Why? What, in the name of all that is holy do I write? Surely it's a bit early in our quasi-relationship for love notes?_

The only thought from Alice was more bell-like laughter. And even that was fading away with the Volvo and of no help as she sung cheerfully along with the car stereo.

Knowing Bella was safely tucked away in the school; I climbed the rest of the way into the ancient monstrosity, winced at the volume of the engine, and headed back to the school. Since the thing would barely travel the speed limit, I had plenty of time to agonize over what I was supposed to write.

_How can someone so tiny be so hugely irritating? _I asked myself for the billionth time since she appeared in my life, my belongings in the garage.

I recited lines from Shakespeare, Keats, Goethe, even that horrid story she insisted on reading over and over, before dismissing each on in turn. Some evil, and not terribly creative, part of my mind thought of quoting either _Dracula_ or _The Tell-Tale Heart_ to her, which only increased my frustration.

By the time I parked Bella's truck in the spot previously occupied by my Volvo, I was the picture of frustration. I turned the paper over in my hand, incredulous that the blank page could feel like such an intimidating force. _Even for a vampire_.

After realizing I'd wasted enough time on something so trivial, I scribbled two lines on the infuriating bit of reconstituted tree bark.

_Look after my heart . . . I've left it with you._

_ Be safe._

Rolling my eyes at the presumptuousness of the first line, I tore it off, folded the remaining piece in half and left it on the driver's seat. I left the key in the ignition, shut the door as gently as I could and have it latch, and left the parking lot before giving myself an aneurism over words on a page.

I chuckled at the thought of one of the "undead" having an aneurism, I started the run home, blurring past everything and anything in my path. Alice was waiting in the garage when I arrived, a stern look on her face.

"You're not wearing _linen_ hunting, Edward. Go. Change. Now."

A smile still firmly planted on my lips, I flew up the stairs, and ditched the linen shirt.

Jasper was in the garage, when I returned. "You know I can't resist a nice emotional climate," he drawled, leaning against the Jeep. "You up for a threesome, Cullen?" At that, Alice let loose her musical laughter, and the two of us joined her.

Alice was also the first to regain control. "I don't know about you, Edward, but I'm not sharing _my_ mate," she winked at me as she planted a kiss on Jasper's cheek.

"So, are you joining our mini-hunt, Jazz?" I asked, trying to divert the conversation away from all things mating.

Jasper shook his head, honey-blonde curls shaking with him. "Naw, Edward," he winked, "you and Alice don't get much time together these days and I know you two have girlie stuff to talk about," he added, acting as though he was blowing his fingernails dry.

At his teasing, I lunged, laughing, at his legs. He easily jumped out of reach, and landed a light punch in my side, as I pulled him into a headlock.

Alice giggled, rolled her eyes, and scolded us, "Boys! Really. Come on. I want to get Edward back so he can watch his girlfriend snore." She ducked past me as I released Jasper to tussle her hair. "NOT the hair, Cullen," she teased, knowing my move before I did and sticking her tongue out at me from the driver's side of _my_ Volvo.

Jasper and I exchanged a knowing glance, and I climbed into the passenger seat. As he and Alice exchanged an intimate eye-lock, I diverted my gaze. "Oh, get a room," I sighed, exasperated by the energy swirling around them.

Alice snickered, gave Jasper a quick kiss on the lips, and then started backing out of the driveway. "Where to, oh brother of mine?"

"As if you don't already know, Alice," I teased.

"Olympic National Park, it is, then," she answered, "for the yummy elk and deer." Her fairy nose crinkled up a bit in mock disgust.

"I know they don't compare to the ocelot you favor, but we don't have time for a trip south of the Equator today."

"No, but we will, soon," she laughed, using that tone again.

We cheerfully discussed the ins-and-outs of the hunting options relatively close to Forks. Well, close being a more relative term for my family, with our penchant for speed. I enjoyed the change Forks had been from the Alaskan menu of polar bears, snowshoe hares, arctic wolves, and the endless supply of penguins. Although all the various options didn't really matter that much to Alice, as animals were the only food she'd ever known. She had more exotic tastes, if only because it seemed to be expected of her.

Alice didn't really distinguish between the different species, like the rest of the family, perhaps because she had no memory of being human. We theorized that the loss of those memories made it easier for her to hunt animals because she had no preconceived notions of them being anything other than a food source. It made her a little less picky, although she did register the subtle differences between the various animals favored by the various members of our family. Emmett with his grizzlies, Jasper with his panthers, Rosalie with her wolves, and me with my mountain lions. Carlisle and Esme most likely had favorites, but they would never share what they were, choosing instead to leave us all trying, and failing, to guess.

I teased her, unmercifully, about the fact that if she _had_ to choose, she'd pick an animal from one of the sunniest places in the world – a place where we have to _hide_ more than anywhere else. Such an interesting situation given her love of all things fashion. And such a tiny thing, too, the ocelot.

Once at the Park, we ran together far into the woods, in silence, letting our hunting instincts take over. Alice danced away to the North, after a herd of elk. I chose to go further into the woods, in search of mountain lion. Before I'd traveled too many miles, I caught the scent I was looking for nearby. My inner predator took over.

Without the large cat even sensing my presence, I pounced, teeth latching on to the soft fur covering his jugular. As the hot blood filled my mouth, and hit the burning spot in my throat, Bella was far from my conscious mind, but not gone. The two warring parts of my mind were still at odds, with one side imagining how much better her blood would taste, and the other trying to escape its other half's imaginings. I imagined them as twin brothers and tried to lock one away in the proverbial corner.

_You need more than just one, _Alice's voice whispered from somewhere North West and far away, as I dropped the carcass that I was unknowingly cradling. _And, don't bury it, Edward, let it feed others. Don't you _dare_ feel guilty, either. It's the cycle of life._

_ She has always known you so well. _ I laughed at the thought, knowing it to be true, and fought off the guilt she knew was coming. I nudged the beautiful animal with my foot, regretting its death as a necessity. I squatted, touched the massive head, felt the soft fur, and tried, again, to choke down the rising guilt Alice had known would come. _I don't want this. I don't want to be a monster. This animal died because of my need to feed._

_ Edward! Don't _make_ me come back to you! _Alice was angry now – showing me both what she could see me doing, if my mind continued down this track, and the herd of elk she was catching up to.

I took a deep breath, to steady myself as well as to taste the air around me.

Alice's voice was barely a whisper on the wind, now. _That's better._

I shook off her concern, and tried shelving my guilt. I followed the scent of mountain lion, back the way I had come. This one was female, and I could smell the strong scent of the male I had just killed on her. _A mated pair. I don't want her to mourn his loss._

Quickly, I found her, but I couldn't kill her immediately. I watched her pace back and forth, along a fallen long, big paws making a hollow thud on the rotten wood. Carefully, I listened to her heartbeat, making sure it was a singular one. I chuckled at the irony. _You can't allow her to mourn the loss of her mate, but only if she isn't pregnant? Really, Cullen?_

Ignoring that irritating inner voice, I lunged at her right as the wind blew suddenly from behind me. Her head snapped around, nose smelling danger. Her large, yellow eyes locked on my topaz ones. She had only a split second to choose fight or flight. She chose fight.

A huge paw, with dagger-sharp claws exposed, raised as the cat let out what could only be described as a defiant scream. Her claws and teeth alone would have frightened any _other_ animal who had crossed her path, but the scream was a last-ditch effort to frighten _me_. It didn't work.

An answering growl ripped from my throat as I lunged for her, dodging those claws. And, again, there was no joy in it. The hunt, yes, there was, for I could lose myself in it. But, this _death . . . _felt _wrong_, so unnecessary.

Before I could settle completely into brooding, I felt a rush of air, and a slight hand slid into mine.

"All done?" Alice asked, as her now golden eyes looked up into mine. At that moment, I couldn't bear to answer. If my vampire eyes could cry, I think I would have. Not the heaving sobs of the heartbroken, but the more silent tears of a guilty conscious. I touched the mountain lion's soft, velvet fur reverently.

Not trusting my voice, I squeezed Alice's hand fondly. We turned, together, from the lion and ran back toward the car, still holding hands. My pace was slow, comparatively, but I didn't mind. Alice's comfort was what I needed more than a few extra miles per hour. We didn't speak as we emerged from the woods, within sight of the Volvo.

I conceded the keys to Alice, again, and we drove back toward Forks in relative silent, compared to the chatty travel of the early afternoon.

Several minutes passed, and Alice suddenly gasped, her knuckles tensing around the steering wheel. "You've decided. She'll be one of us, but not for awhile. I turn her. The circumstances surrounding her transformation are still changing. Why didn't you tell me?"

Fear, then shock, crashed over me. _Had I made a conscious decision? Why would I let Alice turn her? What would cause me to make _either_ decision? _I swallowed, to steady myself. "I would never, Alice . . .You're wrong, this time. _This _time, I'm betting against you."

"Well, you _don't_ kill her _tomorrow_," Alice paused, "that much is certain, Edward," she snapped.

"I'm fairly certain you're correct on _that_ fact, Alice, unless she falls and scrapes her knee and releases that fragrance into the air," I said with a wince. "And," I let out a ragged breath, "I'm fairly certain I'm in love with her."

Alice rolled her eyes, "Why are the boys always the last ones to realize that?"

I smiled, satisfied that I had spoken it allowed. I was glad to have an explanation, besides thirst, for my feelings and actions since that first, wretched, day in Biology. Something that involved some semblance of sanity. "I realized it, today, when you forced me to write a note," I countered.

"That was something you _needed_," Alice responded to my unasked question.

"So, you _are_ responsible for that little bit of mental torture? I _knew_ it!" My mirth over the mountain lions almost forgotten, as I chuckled at the frustration I'd suffered, once again, at Alice's very capable hands.

Alice winked, "So what did you write? You were going through the possibilities so quickly. What did you decide on?"

I almost didn't tell her. "Be safe," I mumbled.

"That's it?" she almost shrieked at me, pure shock evident in her features.

"I did write something else, but I tore it off." I felt like a guilty child, being questioned by an angry parent. I pulled the small rectangle of paper from my back pocket, and handed it over.

"Edward, it's beautiful! But why didn't you leave this part with her?"

"Because I thought it was too soon for declarations of love, Alice, especially since I didn't know with any certainty until a few moments ago that I did." I looked down at my hands. "But, Alice, you _are_ wrong. She won't become one of us. I won't make her a monster, too."

Alice remained silent, so I felt I needed to say it, again. "_This _time, I'm betting against you."

"It's your wager, Cullen," she responded, saddened by the conviction in my voice, her thoughts reassuring her that she and Bella would still be friends. "We'll still be friends," she added with a slight nod of her head.

Back in the Forks town limits, Alice slowed the car to a more human pace. "I hate how there's no night-life here," she grumbled.

"Alice, we're in high school. We're not old enough. We're supposed to sleep. Remember? Keeping up appearances, and all that? It's not like we could enjoy the "night-life" even if there was something to do after 5 o'clock," I replied, uninterested.

"Oh, Edward, so old-fashioned," Alice teased.

"And proud of it," I replied with a smile. "I'm not sure that what you and Jasper do at the clubs in Seattle is truly considered "dancing" and, yes, I just used air-quotes." I laughed at the silliness of that. _Such a trite human thing._

Alice giggled and before she could stop them, her thoughts turned to Jasper's body pressed up against her, his arousal evident, and her response was evident even in the air of the small car. "Sorry!" she exclaimed, when she saw me wince, "I didn't mean to go there. He's planning a sweet little surprise for me, when we get home. He missed me, this afternoon." Her voice was almost a coo, when she finished.

"It's alright," I choked out, "I know you didn't intend to show me that."

By then, we were pulling into the garage, to find Jasper sitting not far from where we left him, hours ago, on Rose's work bench. He had a huge smile on his face, and a bunch of vividly purple violets in his hand.

"Heard you coming," he shrugged as I raised an eyebrow at him, "felt _you_ coming, little lady," he said to Alice, his grin turning almost feral.

Her response was lost somewhere in a low growl from Jasper, as I blurred out of the garage toward the Swan house.

"Where's he goin'?" I heard Jasper mumble against Alice's lips.

"As if you don't know," Alice giggled. "Thank you for the flowers, Jazz."

Jasper's response was a sultry moan and, for a second, his thoughts were torn between his burning throat – the constant burn he was reminded of every time Bella's name was mentioned – and his desire for my little sister.

Whatever happened, or was said next, I didn't hear. I focused my thoughts on the pine trees and fern fronds that I passed, making Alice and Jasper's thoughts turn into that low white noise I'd had to endure since my own transformation.


	4. Chapter 13  Balancing Part 3

Chapter 13 – Part 3 (Final part)

My legs pumped quickly, my need to see that Bella was safe pulling me along faster and faster. I slowed my pace, and soon found myself standing in a small clearing, about two meters square. The sky was growing dark, the sun falling lower in the sky, behind the trees.

"Twilight, again," I sighed, looking around at the moss, ferns, and pine boughs. For a moment, I was awed by nature, by all Bella's "green." I spun where I stood, the images of each leaf would be a blur to her, but not to my monster's eyes. I sat down on a moss-covered log. "Wow," I whispered to no one, "I _do_ love her. Wow."

The realization propelled me from the log, and back onto the path I was beating into the forest floor.

I arrived just in time to hear Bella blow-drying her hair, which was a change of routine. Then, I really listened to the sounds of her body. Her heartbeat and respiration were slightly elevated, like it had been when she expected a confrontation from the Chief after the Quileutes visit.

_What is she so nervous about? _And then the answer almost startled me. _Tomorrow! That's what's got her so nervous!_

Before long, her nervousness bled over into me. As her footsteps paced back and forth from her closet to her bed, I paced back and forth between the trees. With a resounding sigh, some grumbles about the contents of her wardrobe, and switching on her CD player, Bella slapped off her light and laid down for the night.

The soft sounds of Chopin's "Nocturne in B Major" floated down to me from Bella's CD player as I heard her take some controlled deep breaths. I heard her ankles pop as she must have stretched, trying to calm her remaining jitters.

In record time, her breathing slowed, and her heartbeat followed quickly. As soon as I was inside the small room, I understood why she'd fallen asleep so quickly. Mixed with the exquisite scent that was Bella, was the faint medicinal aroma of antihistamine.

_Why the medicine? Is she sick?_ Immediately, I walked around her bed, to get closer to her head, checking for signs of illness. Not seeing any tissues on her nightstand, I listened, carefully, to the sounds of her heart. There were no sounds of sluggishness as it pumped her precious blood through her veins and arteries. I swallowed back a surge of venom, as I noted there seemed to be no signs of infection making her heart strain, or her blood-pressure elevate.

I looked at her sleeping, peaceful face. Long lashes resting on her cheeks. There was no extra color in those creamy cheeks, no sweat on her brow. The heat radiating from her slight form was just her warmth, no fever. _So, why the medicine, Bella? _I leaned in, closer to that mahogany mane, fair cheeks, and those strawberry lips, listening for sounds of respiratory congestion. Nothing.

Curious what she had taken, I made a silent trek to the bathroom. Chief Swan was safely downstairs, the television on low and his thoughts reflective. I made sure to miss the squeaky spot at the top of the stairs, checked the medicine cabinet, and was back before Bella's door swung shut.

_An unnecessary dose of NyQuil? Was she _that_ nervous? _I shrugged in the darkness. _Apparently so. Maybe she just wanted to be sure she was rested._

I settled in the rocking chair, my nervousness about her health abating. As I sat, considering my reaction to her apparent illness, the conviction of the feelings I had professed to Alice, grew. Chopin played though a few more nocturnes, before the CD ended, and Chief Swan shuffled up to bed, stopping once at his daughter's door.

Bella slept soundly, seemingly without dreaming. Definitely without talking, at least until the sun began creeping toward the horizon.

"Edward," she whispered, turning over, eyes fluttering behind closed lids. Her heartbeat stuttered, paused, and picked up again its rhythm settling almost instantly.

_She exhibits a similar reaction to my crooked smile. _I smiled, to myself, as she turned over, once more. This time, her breathing quickened as she started waking up. And, I leapt from the window, almost in the same moment.

Instead of lounging in bed, as I expected her to, Bella was an almost immediate hurricane. I could hear her almost frantic footsteps around her room, back and forth to her closet.

Chuckling to myself that all this fuss was for me, especially since I'd already seen her rumpled and in her holey sweats, I ran home. I knew I would find the "perfect" outfit laid out for me on my couch, when I arrived. Alice knew of my plans, and would not miss a chance to dress me.

And, as I expected, I found a neatly folded pile of clothes on one end of my couch, a single violet on top. _As if I didn't know who put the clothes there, _I thought to myself as I quickly undressed.

Wind chime laughter tinkled from behind me, and I rolled my eyes. "You picked out my underwear, too?"

And before the t-shirt I'd throwm had even reached the doorway, Alice was gone. I caught the dirty shirt before it hit the floor, and laid the clothes out.

_Blue jeans, sleeveless white button-up shirt, light tan cashmere sweater. Why would a vampire need layers? Especially when in the company of someone who knows my true nature?_

_ Oh, Edward, just wear it. It looks amazing on you. It compliments that unique color in your hair, and your eyes. It will take her breath away._

Ignoring the rest of Alice's rant, I dressed quickly, trying not to think about the double meaning of "take her breath away" and then ran back to Bella's. I lingered on the porch, hand poised to knock, and listened to the sounds coming from inside.

_Running water in the bathroom. Sounds like she's brushing her teeth._

When the water shut off, and Bella's footfalls started coming down the stairs, I allowed my hand to knock. Again, the truth of my existence threatened to dampen my mood as I concentrated on not breaking her front door.

I heard her footsteps quicken along with her heartbeat, and hoped she wouldn't trip. Her heart was racing as she fumbled with the dead bolt. I chased the last fears from my head, and inhaled the last breath I could before being immersed in the scent of Bella. A moment passed, and the door opened.

My expression must have troubled her, because her eyebrows came together for a split second, until I _really_ saw her. I made a show of looking her up and down, although I'd already taken in our matching ensembles. My vampire eyes memorizing every inch of the beauty before me.

Bella's mahogany waves were combed straight, the luster and shine of those cascading locks more radiant than ever. There was a flush of excitement on her cheeks as she sighed, looking up into my face, taking me in, as I did the same to her.

I chuckled, realizing Alice had coordinated not just me, but _us_. "Good morning," I said, the chuckle nearly bubbling over into a true laugh.

"What's wrong?" she said, looking down at herself, in an apparent moment of panic.

"We match," I said, failing to contain the laughter, now.

Bella's eyes snapped back up to my face, and then slowly worked their way down my body, taking in my clothes, as if noticing them for the first time. Her husky laughter joined mine. The sound was mesmerizing, breathy, sexy.

With a slight down-turn of her head, I sensed Bella was trying to hide something from me. Self-doubt, maybe? It was gone as quickly as it came, though, and I stepped aside to let her walk toward her truck.

When Bella turned to lock the door, her scent assailed me. I swallowed the venom that poured into my mouth as my eyes locked on that tender spot just below and behind her ear. I turned, heading quickly toward her truck, even before the lock clicked home.

I waited, dutifully, at the passenger door, looking over the monstrosity, trying to remember _why_ I agreed to this.

"We made a deal," Bella reminded me, a touch of smugness in her tone. She hoisted herself up into the driver's seat, and leaned over to unlock the door separating us. "Where to?" she asked, as I opened my door.

"Put your seat belt on – I'm nervous already," I chided, taking one last deep breath before I entered. I was honestly concerned that the truck would fall apart over the shallowest pot hole, and that she would be hurt in some way.

The dirty look she shot me was priceless as she clipped the seat belt home.

"Where to?" she repeated, a sigh escaping her lips.

_I only want you safe, Bella. Danger seems as attracted to you as I am._

"Take the one-oh-one north," I said with more conviction than I felt. _I should have insisted on driving._

Bella driving was a wonder to behold. I couldn't tear my eyes from her face. Her concentration evident in the slight crease between her eyebrows, but her fixation on the road seemed to be a ruse. I'm sure _she_ wasn't even aware of it, but her eyes would quickly dart to her right, as though she was checking that I was still in the cab with her.

Glancing at the speedometer, I grew impatient. "Were you planning to make it out of Forks before nightfall?" I wondered aloud.

Bella's answer was defensive, but the retort was laced with humor, "This truck is old enough to be your car's grandfather – have some respect."

I nodded, conceding the point, unsure if the movement even registered to her human eyes. My breaths had been shallow up until this point, the burn in my throat only embers. Granted, breathing was only a habit, but not being able to truly taste my environment was becoming akin to suffocation.

Slowly, I took in a deep breath, bracing myself for the blowtorch to consume every fiber of my being. The assailant didn't disappoint. Venom filled my mouth, again. The fire raged in my throat. The tendrils of which touched every nerve-ending. The resolve of my earlier conversation with Alice threatened to leave.

The vampire's voice wasn't far behind the screaming of my true nature. _No one knows she's with you. There would be nothing tying you to the scene._

Clamping down on what human instincts I still had, I forced myself to calm. There were other scents in the air, besides Bella. The soft scents of leather, tobacco, and peppermint clung to the cab, as memories hang in the ether.

I sensed Bella shift in her seat, her expression of concentration changing to one of curiosity. Her eyebrows rose slightly, and her lips parted. Before she could speak, I instructed her, "Turn right on the one-ten." The quizzical arch of the eyebrow I could see lessened, her unspoken question apparently answered, as she turned on her right indicator and hauled the truck into the turn.

"Now drive until the pavement ends," my lips turned up into a smile, despite the vampire voice's reminder. Apart from the burn her scent brought to my throat, I was enjoying watching her drive, enjoying the silence her mind allowed my own. It's silence only mildly frustrating for the moment, now that I was so much more familiar with the quirks of Bella's expressions.

Her chocolate eyes darted quickly to their right corners, another glance to make sure I hadn't disappeared. "And what's there, at the pavement's end," Bella wondered aloud, a small smile dancing across her lips.

"A trail," I responded.

"We're hiking?" Bella's voice rose slightly and panic showed in her expression. Her knuckles whitened as her grip hardened on the steering wheel. She glanced quickly at her feet, as though checking she'd remembered shoes.

I stifled a chuckle. "Is that a problem?"

"No," she choked out, trying to sound convincing. A different crease lined her brow, one of worry now.

I tried reassurance on for size, "Don't worry, it's only five miles or so, and we're in no hurry."

The silence from Bella, that had been easy only moments ago, was now deafening.

Bella was the picture of panic. The flush of nerves had gone away, in its place was an almost complete lack of pigment.

_Now that I've nearly made up my mind, _this_ is where she decides it's all too much? Because I said the word "hike"? Does she truly believe her human pace would frustrate me?_

The silence stretched on. Just before I started to twitch from not knowing what she was thinking, I asked, "What are you thinking?" with impatience obvious in the clipped way the words escaped my lips.

Bella's shoulders drooped, slightly, and her eyes wouldn't meet mine. "Just wondering where we're going."

_Hmm. Are you lying to me, Isabella?_

"It's a place I like to go when the weather is nice." Both of us stole glances out of our windows, up at the thinning clouds above the trees.

Without directly responding to my statement, Bella blurted, "Charlie said it would be warm today."

_Oh, the Chief as meteorologist? Gives me the opportunity to ask if I'm right in thinking no one knows where she is._

"And did you tell Charlie what you were up to?"

"Nope," her lips popped on the 'p'.

_Still an out with Stanley._

"But Jessica thinks we're going to Seattle together?" I said, with the hope that _someone_ knew she was with me, in case things went badly. So that someone knew I'd been with her. So that the Chief would have someone to blame.

"No, I told her you canceled on me – which is true," she said quietly, cautiously.

My anger flared, vampire instincts snapped to attention and readied for a fight. "No one knows you're with me?"

With a stubborn set of her chin, Bella responded, "That depends . . . I assume you told Alice?"

My vision blurred as anger washed over me. But the anger wasn't directed at her. As always, the anger was directed internally. _Why did I come back? Why didn't I just _stay_ in Denali? What am I _doing?_ Tanya _was _beautiful in her way . . ._

"That's very helpful, Bella," I snapped. _Scenarios swirled through my mind, almost all of them including the calling in of crime scene investigators._

I stared at the side of her face, willing her to clearly understand the danger I was to her.

"Are you so depressed by Forks that it's made you suicidal?" I demanded, realizing that bringing her mother into the discussion, however underhanded, was unconscionable, but I no longer cared. She _had_ to see the truth of her situation, if she continued down this path with me.

Her answer was defensive, but meek, "You said it might cause trouble for you . . . us being together publicly."

My answer was bitingly sarcastic, my anger seeping though as well, "So you're worried about the trouble it might cause _me_ – if _you_ don't come _home_?"

The anger in my tone must have startled her, because her response was only a terse nod.

To myself, I cursed in every language I knew and a few I didn't, as well as reminding myself that I was insane for thinking this _situation_ could work out.

For what seemed like a small eternity, we both remained silent. Me, locked in my head with my righteous anger when I only had myself to blame, and Bella, well Bella's head was a mystery to me.

We traveled the rest of the way to the trail head in that difficult silence.

Bella parked the truck, and clambered out, hands rubbing down her thighs, as if she's been clutching the steering wheel hard enough for her hands to cramp. She looked jumpy, unsure of herself, and a little frightened as she pulled off her sweater to tie it around her slight waist.

The white, sleeveless shirt underneath exposed more of her creamy skin to me than she'd ever, wittingly, done before as she didn't know of my night-time visits, yet. _One day, maybe I can tell her. It depends a lot on what happens, today._

I exited the truck, using more force than was necessary to shut my door. I couldn't look at her, for fear she would somehow sense I'd been in her room at night if she saw my face. "This way," I stated tersely, glancing over my shoulder at her, and then heading into the edge of the forest, shedding my sweater, too.

"The trail?" Bella squeaked, the panic in her voice raising its pitch an octave. She moved in a rush around her truck toward me.

"I said there was a trail at the end of the road, not that we were taking it." My tone was still angry, but her panic was almost endearing.

"No trail?" she squeaked, no longer able to _hide_ the panic, even the slightest bit.

I turned toward her, trying the reassurance thing again, wanting to reach out for her hand. "I won't let you get lost."

Bella stifled a gasp, as she looked me over. Her eyes lingered over my throat, my collarbones, and the top of my chest. _I shouldn't have dressed in such a rush, skipping the buttons was a bad idea. I don't understand that expression. Is she horrified? Shocked? Is my pale skin terrifying?_

Her expression was a mixture of all that, and something more that I couldn't identify.

"Do you want to go home?" I asked, truly saddened that this was coming to an end while part of me also rejoiced that she had come to her senses. The place in my chest where my dead heart rested, ached, that I had grown attached before sense had dawned on Bella.

"No," her voice had regained its husky timbre and a glance at her face showed a renewed resolve. She walked toward me, with careful steps, until she was quick close beside me.

My fingers twitched of their own accord, wanting to grab her hand, anxious that she seemed determined to stay with me, despite her previous panic. Her eyes still darted about as if she was afraid. I tried not to show my joy that she was staying and made my question gentle, "What's wrong?"

Her face dropped, "I'm not a good hiker," she admitted, her voice going dull, lifeless, with the admission, "You'll have to be very patient."

"I can be patient – if I make a great effort," I teased, smiling and trying to draw her eyes back up to mine. She was staring at her shoes, like an embarrassed child.

When she _did_ look up, she tried probably the weakest smile I've ever seen. I looked over her expression, trying to understand what she was feeling, but this particular face was puzzling.

"I'll take you home," I sighed, defeated again. _Is this the look of fear? Is this it? How would I convince Rosalie that she would _never_ reveal our secret, even after it didn't work out between us? How sad would Esme be to pick up and move, again? Is _this_ what prompted Alice's visions about us leaving, _not_ my indecision?_

Bella didn't move, her face hardening into resolve, her chin jutting out slightly. "If you want me to hack five miles through the jungle before sundown, you'd better lead the way," she said, acid dripping from her words.

I frowned, completely confused by her expression and the harshness of her tone. Briefly, I considered over-powering her, putting her bodily back into the truck, and driving her home.

When her expression did not change, nor did her posture, I moved towards the softly beaten path that her eyes probably didn't even notice.

I was patient, mostly, as she labored over roots and fallen trees. I lead her through the thick undergrowth, holding damp ferns out of her way, breaking dew-covered spider-webs, and steering her away from slippery patches of moss. We kept heading south, the way pretty straight and flat.

A few times, we encountered large fallen trees, or large chunks of dolomite (more green) or granite, instinct took over and I lightly grasped her elbow, lifting her up over each obstacle. I was careful not to linger on that touch, afraid of course, of hurting her and that the burning desire for more of that contact would consume me.

Apparently, my touch effected her on a similar level. Twice, her heart tried to escape its flesh and bone cage when my icy skin came into contact with her warmth, and once I think she caught me smiling in response.

Walking through the forest, we were silent, and I wondered if she noticed how quiet the woods around us were. My presence was enough to keep the animals away, or at least hidden. Even the birds were quiet for miles.

Bella kept her eyes down on her feet for the most part. I caught her gazing at me several times, and it seemed that something in what she saw saddened her.

_What do you see, that makes you sad, Bella? Are you worried I'm luring you to your death? Do you see a monster? What do you see, Bella? What are you thinking?_

If only to stop the cyclical hurricane of my thoughts, I spouted off a few questions I hadn't gotten to in my two days of questioning. The first few involved what she'd done to celebrate her birthdays over the years. There were the obligatory princess, My Little Pony, and fairy-tale parties thrown with the same over-exuberance Renee seemed to approach everything with, when Bella was young. As she entered her teens, they became days of quiet celebration between Bella and her mother. When Phil came into their lives, he had tried to pull Renee and Bella out into his testosterone-fueled world, with some disastrous results.

I asked her about teachers she had encountered and which ones had left impressions. Her high school was so largely populated, relationships with teachers were hard to forge. A few had shaped her in elementary school, largely influencing her reading choices, but none she felt had affected her especially.

After another prolonged silence, I asked her if she'd had any pets as a child, or recently. Alice had a strange desire to get a dog, but animals always shied away from us, sensing our true nature. So, I couldn't help but laugh out loud when Bella confessed to being the sadistic murderer of three goldfish in a row.

The sound seemed to startle her, but out here I didn't have to hide, and when I reminded her of this she remained quiet for a moment, a shy smile appearing on her face.

Being out here in the woods with Bella put me at ease. I'm sure she thought we were floundering around in circles, but my heightened senses allowed me to navigate perfectly to our destination.

When the sun light filtering through the thick canopy was a bright green, indicating it was approaching noon, Bella's patience broke.

"Are we there, yet?" she asked, voice teasing, face feigning annoyance.

"Nearly," I replied, smiling, glad she felt less of her earlier annoyance. "Do you see the brightness ahead?"

Bella peered ahead, almost squinting with the strain, "Um, should I?"

I smirked, and teased her back, feeling a bit like Jasper must around someone happy. Her moods _were_ contagious. "Maybe it's a bit soon for _your_ eyes."

Her nose wrinkled a bit, "Time to visit the optometrist," she muttered.

_Hmm. Perhaps teasing her about her humanness isn't a good idea, _I thought, but I couldn't stop the smirk on my face from growing.

Bella trudged on in silence, for another hundred and fifty yards, looking ahead now instead of at her feet. I stayed no more than an arm's length away, for fear of her losing her footing in her excitement, which was evident now in the twinkle in her dark eyes.

She broke through the ferns and what she saw pushed all the air out of her lungs in a whoosh. Her chocolate eyes were wide, as she took in the small meadow.

Bella scanned the round meadow, taking in its beauty while her jaw, rather unceremoniously, dropped open.

On my tongue, I could taste the sweet-smelling wild flowers, as Bella's eyes must have been absorbing all their colors: violet, yellow, and white. I wondered if she could hear the nearby stream at the same moment she turned in that direction. She looked up at the sun, as if checking to see that it was really there.

Bella took some hesitant steps forward into the sunshine. She turned toward where she thought I was, and then whirled when I wasn't. A panicked gasp escaped her, for the second that she couldn't lay eyes on me.

_Did you really think I'd bring you out here and leave you?_

She stopped turning, mouth the shape of a shocked 'O' when she spotted me, still under the canopy in the relative dark.

_There are no witnesses, not a living soul knows where she is, _the vampire's voice rang through my mind.

Bella in the sun . . . that was something even I didn't have the words to describe. Her hair wasn't just mahogany, there were cinnamon highlights where the sun hit. Her peaches and cream complexion made all the more beautiful by both the sun and the surroundings.

She was facing me, now, arms stretched out in front of her as if reaching to embrace me.

_You promised to show her that you didn't combust in the sun, Edward, _a voice much like I imagined my mother's sounded like reminded me. _She won't run. Not now._

I wasn't so sure, and lingered in the darkness as she beckoned me forth with her delicate hand, a temptress in a forest oasis.

When she took another step forward, I held up my hand, palm out, to stop her. Bella paused, and then rocked back on her heels, sending all that mahogany and cinnamon shimmering in the light.

I took a deep breath, to steady myself for what I was about to do, and stepped out into the sun.


	5. Chapter 14  Confessions Part 1

Chapter 14 – Confessions

A/N: Sorry there's been so many delays in posting. Real life can be a bitch sometimes. And, as a good friend is always telling me, "I can only take dictation when the muse wants to speak." And, there's soccer games to go to, work to be done, errands to be run, a house in desperate need of cleaning, my brand new laptop broke & had to be sent back, and betas have lives, too. Please forgive me?

XxoxX,

Allis

* * *

from chapter 13:

I took a deep breath, to steady myself for what I was about to do, and stepped out into the sun.

Chapter 14 – Confessions

I had gone over this moment thousands, if not millions, of times and yet Bella's reaction took me by surprise once again. She had not run in fear, stumbling and falling. She had not shrieked in horror. She had not fainted dead away, either.

The worry in her eyes, when I stayed under the cover of the canopy, had slowly melted into wonder as I stepped out into the sun. Her chocolate eyes widened, her lips parted, but only slightly. Her breath caught in her chest and her heart stuttered, paused, and then took off at a sprint.

After Bella's heart settled again into a normal rhythm and she began to blink, I moved further into the meadow, cautiously closer.

My skin in the sun didn't frighten her; she seemed mesmerized. Internally I sighed, because it was _designed_ to do so. The idea that my body's marble-like contours could seem incandescent was puzzling to the human mind, and as the unsuspecting human processed what they saw . . . that split second's hesitation was plenty of time to strike.

And Bella's reaction did not disappoint. Even though she'd not had any of the extreme reactions I had imagined, she _had_ paused to process.

Without speaking, or allowing myself to think more along those murderous lines, I laid down on the soft grass. There was no explanation, save insanity, for my display of submission – for that is clearly what it was – but I tried not to think, gauging my movements solely on Bella's reactions.

I closed my eyes, feeling the sun's warmth and, in some ways, reveling in the fact that someone _else_ in my world knew my family's secret, even if I was still uncertain of the outcome of this little experiment on my self-control.

Still hesitant, but bold, Bella moved closer, her shoes whispering through the grass. I wasn't sure, but it seemed to me that her path wasn't straight, as if she was avoiding crushing any of the wild flowers. Her breath caught again, when she was only a few inches away.

"Are you afraid?" I asked, my eyes still closed, not wanting to see the fear that might be blooming on her beautiful cheeks.

A soft gasp escaped her, as if I'd broken some kind of spell, or startled her from some sort of reverie. "You're beautiful," she whispered.

I resisted the urge to scream at her that this was the _exact_ reaction this cursed skin was _intended_ to illicit, that there should be alarms bells ringing in her head – telling her to run. I tried, desperately, to _enjoy_ that she was still here, still cognizant.

I didn't trust myself to react calmly if I opened my mouth to speak, so I let her whispered confession linger, as if her whisper had gone unheard.

A few more minutes passed in relative silence, the slight rustle of the breeze was the only constant sound. Then, in a move that surprised me in its gracefulness, Bella was sitting by my head, her knees up, chin resting on her knees, almost curled around herself.

Unconsciously I had begun singing to myself, too low for her to hear.

After her chocolate eyes had scanned every inch of my exposed skin and the millions of glittering rainbows thrown from it, her gaze stopped on my face.

"Are you talking to yourself?" Bella whispered, curiously.

I chuckled at the thought, "No. I'm singing to myself. Too low for you to hear. It's an aria, _Nessun Dorma_, do you know it?"

Bella shook her head, and it was my turn to have my breath catch. Even folded up the way she was, she was beautiful. Her hair was a waterfall of brown silk; her eyes a decadent, molten chocolate. Her skin, pale but flawless; the most delicate and exquisite bone china.

"I don't have a voice worthy of Pavarotti or Boccelli, but I can translate for you . . ."

Bella smiled, "Please."

For once, I was glad I didn't _have_ to breathe, so that I could recite the words to her, in completion:

_ "Nobody shall sleep_

_ Nobody shall sleep_

_ Even you, O Princess_

_ in your cold bedroom_

_ Watch the stars_

_ that tremble with love and with hope_

_ But my secret is hidden within me_

_ my name, no one shall know . . . _

_ No! No!_

_ On your mouth I will say it, when the light shines_

_ And my kiss will dissolve the silence that makes you mine!_

_ Vanish, O night!_

_ Set, stars! Set, Stars!_

_ At dawn, I will win! I will win! I will win!"_

Despite my efforts _not_ to sing, my voice carried a bit of the tune as I spoke. Only after I was finished, did I realize the poignancy of the words I had half spoken, half sung to her.

Bella swallowed, realizing it as well, I think. "It's beautiful, Edward."

My name spilling from her lips with such awe, sent a charge through me. Two desires battled within me. One was a desire most horrible, and one a desire most carnal. I had no idea that the desire to drink her blood and the desire to have her naked body under mine could burn together, so closely in tandem, inside me.

"What's the story behind the aria?" Bella asked, snapping me back to the world outside my head.

Grateful for the distraction once again, I replied, "It's an aria from the last act of Puccini's opera _Turandot_. The unknown prince falls in love with Princess Turandot, and wishes to marry her. However, as with all of these stories, there is a catch," I chuckled, opening my eyes a fraction of a millimeter to see if she seemed at all interested. She did.

"Whoever wishes to wed the Princess, must answer three riddles. If he fails, he will be beheaded."

Bella inhaled sharply, but chuckled, "Over-dramatic bunch."

"There's more," I said wryly. "The unknown prince correctly answers the three riddles, but the Princess is horrified at the thought of marrying this unknown prince. He offers her an alternative – which may sound familiar to you – she must guess his name by dawn. _Rumpelstiltskin_, anyone? However, there will be no straw spun into gold, not in this tale. If Princess Turandot guesses his name, she can execute him, but if she doesn't, she has to marry him. The Princess then decrees that no one in her kingdom will sleep until his name is discovered. If they fail, they will be killed."

Bella made a small noise in the back of her throat, a little bit like a snort, shrugged as if to say "my point exactly," and asked "How does it end?"

I try to keep my tone light, but as I spoke, I realized the irony in my choice of comfort music. I didn't give myself time to think too much about it. "A mob attacks the prince, trying to learn his name. Soldiers begin to torture a woman who claims to know in front of the unknown prince. She would not give up his name, if she knew it at all. The Princess makes a show of admiring the woman's strength. She tries a different tact, and asks kindly for the unknown prince's name from this woman, to which the woman replies "love." Princess Turandot believes the woman to be toying with her, and orders the torture to continue. But, before it can, the woman slits her own throat."

I paused to check Bella's reaction, and, finding her expression unchanged, I continued, "The mob carries away the woman's body, leaving Turandot and the prince alone. The prince ends up comforting Princess Turandot and kissing her. Turandot is so moved by the affection, that the prince is sure he has won her heart, so he tells her his name, Calaf. When Princess Turandot presents Calaf to her father, when she asks for his permission to marry, she tells her father his name is "love.""

I stopped, the story told, the flood of words finally ebbing. I sneaked another glance at Bella, who seemed to be contemplating the story I'd just told her.

"Thank you for sharing that with me," Bella said after a time. "I'd love to hear it."

I couldn't help but smile a little, because it meant she was considering spending more time with me in the future. I nodded, again, not trusting my voice.

The breeze blew through our little meadow just then. And I was not surprised that I was thinking of it as ours – I hadn't even brought Alice here, yet. So, in a way, it _was_ ours.

Bella was quiet, pondering; I could tell from her expression. Without looking, I knew she was moving. I could hear the slow rustle of her clothing. I started humming the aria again, from the beginning; trying to put her at ease, as well as myself, when the burning in my left hand _exploded._

With just one finger hesitantly brushing the surface of the back of my hand, my entire hand was already ablaze. She was looking down at where our hands touched; an expression I could not read on her face.

Bella looked up, then, and caught me watching her. I smiled. "I don't scare you?" I asked playfully, trying to hide my wonder at the girl touching me, making me _feel_.

"No more than usual," she responded, equally playful and yet, full of wonder.

_Ah. Some truth._ I smiled, wider this time, enjoying the irony and truth mixing in her words.

Bella inched closer, and went from hesitantly brushing my skin with one finger, to tracing the contours of my forearm with the fingertips of her entire hand. Her fingers trembled – out of fear, disbelief, or some other emotion I couldn't discern.

I closed my eyes, reveling in the sensation. I think that worried her, though.

"Do you mind?" she asked, stopping when she asked.

"No," I answered too quickly, too sharply. "You can't imagine how that feels," I sighed.

I wanted to explain, to tell her that the sensation was like a white-hot flame coursing through me wherever she touched. But how could I explain to Bella that that was a _good_ feeling? That it was the first thing that had felt _real_ in almost a century?

Bella trailed her hand over the marble muscle of my arm, and traced the empty veins at the inside of my elbow. She reached toward me with her other hand, and started to turn mine over. Without thinking, I flipped my hand over, palm up, faster than her human eyes could process. It was obvious I had startled her, because her breath caught and her hands froze.

"Sorry," I murmured, checking her reaction, once more and closing my eyes. "It's too easy to be myself with you."

Not saying a word, therefore driving me insane with her silence, Bella lifted my hand. She turned it this way and that. I could feel the fire traveling down my arm, warming my shoulder. When she pulled my hand closer to my face, I thought I would squirm out of my skin. How I managed to stay still, I do not know.

The fact that I couldn't hear Bella's thoughts was frustration enough for madness, combined with the burning creeping across my chest was tantamount to spontaneous combustion.

"Tell me what you're thinking," I whispered, trying to distract myself. Her gaze lifted from my hand, and our eyes met. "It's still so strange for me, not knowing."

"You know, the rest of us feel that way all the time," Bella quipped, a smirk dancing on her lips.

"It's a hard life," I said hoping I disguised my regret with sarcasm. "But you didn't tell me," I reminded her.

A blush colored her cheeks, her eyes dropped to my hand, again. "I _was_ wishing I could know what you were thinking . . ." she hedged.

_The building and raging inferno spreading through my body . . . the maddening silence . . . the epic vampire versus human desire battle being fought inside me . . . _it was all about to boil over.

"And?" I pressed.

"I was wishing that I could believe that you were real. And I was wishing that I wasn't afraid," Bella said, all in a rush.

Softly, I tried to reassure her, "I don't want you to be afraid." Even as I spoke, a huge part of me _wanted_ that very thing. Another part longed to tell her she would _always_ be safe with me, even if I couldn't quite believe those words.

Bella smiled a small smile, "Well, that's not exactly the fear I meant, though that's certainly something to think about."

Without thinking, or removing my hand from hers, I changed my position. In what I'm sure was a blur to Bella, I sat up, leaning on my right arm. I nearly gasped aloud as I realized how close her radiant face was to mine, now. I expected a similar reaction from Bella, but her response surprised me, again.

_You'd better learn to expect that, Cullen, _the voice chided. _And look at her now, completely mesmerized by your proximity,_ the vampire voice grew stronger as her scent filled my nose and mouth.

"What are you afraid of then?" I whispered, the vampire laughing his evil, maniacal laugh somewhere in the recesses of my brain.

And the vampire became smug, as Bella inhaled deeply of the scent of my breath, my skin, and leaned in toward me.

I wanted to kiss those lips that rose ever-so-slightly toward mine. My vision went red. My mouth filled with venom. My nostrils flared, taking in her scent, her vulnerability, as the predator took over. I flew away from her, faster than I'd moved in front of her before.

Even from twenty feet away, I could see the hurt and shock on her face. I stood under the shade of a huge pine, staring out at Bella, trying to calm the vampire within.

"I'm . . . sorry . . . Edward," Bella half whispered, half sobbed, looking at her now empty hands, and then up at me.

I took a deep breath, filling my nostrils with the scents of the forest, the meadow, everything but the heady, intoxicating scent of Bella. "Give me a moment," I gasped, hoping she could hear me. Slowly, ever so slowly, the monster receded.

Concern for Bella took over and propelled me forward at a more human pace _than_ I had exhibited in getting to the edge of the forest.

_Is she breathing? _I wondered, because she seemed so shattered. But there was still no fear, at least not the running and screaming kind of fear. _Yes, she's breathing, _now.

I stopped, still several feet away, lowered myself to the ground, and crossed my legs, Indian-style – never breaking our renewed eye-contact.

I took two more deep breaths, this time tasting Bella's scent in the air, testing my control over the monster. I smiled what I hoped was an apologetic smile.

"I am so very sorry," I swallowed, trying not to look down from her eyes to those alluring pink lips. "Would you understand what I meant if I said I was only human?"

Bella nodded once, looking suddenly uncomfortable.

Her scent changed almost as abruptly. I could smell the adrenaline being pushed through her veins by that heart I had come to love. _Yes, love_. But the fear I could finally smell made me take a more snide tone than I had intended.

My smile became sarcastic. "I'm the world's best predator, aren't I? Everything about me invites you in – my voice, my face, even my _smell_."

_Hmmm. _That _hit the mark_. _Time to prove something._

I hoped she hadn't noticed my pausing, to gauge her reaction.

"As if I need any of that!" And I was on my feet again, running the circle of the meadow's boundaries faster than her eyes could see.

"As if you could outrun me," I laughed, the edginess of my mood making the sound a bitter one.

I tried to drive home the point that she _should_ fear me, that everything she was drawn to was _designed_ to do just that. I tore a two-foot-thick branch from the nearest tree, with one hand. I balanced it, testing its weight.

I made sure there was no conceivable way Bella could be hurt by what I was about to do, then I threw the branch like I was pitching my best fastball to Jasper. It struck another tree, and shattered. And then I sped back to standing a few feet away from her, keeping as still as a statue.

Using a gentle tone of voice, hoping I'd made my point without frightening her beyond all hope, "As if you could fight me off."

Bella still sat where I had left her so harshly, as still as prey caught in the gaze of a much more powerful predator. All color had drained from her face, her chocolate eyes wide, as she sat, staring at me.

What saved me from insanity was the minute glimmer of awe, not fright, in those eyes. She was absorbing what she had seen, processing things at her human pace.

_Will she run, now? Now that the mystery is all gone? Now that she has seen the danger she's in around me?_

How badly I wanted that not to be true. How much I regretted showing her my strength, my speed, and explaining why she was so drawn to me. But she needed to see it. She needed to know. I needed to see her reactions, to gauge my own and my next move.

"Don't be afraid," I murmured, unsure whether I was speaking to Bella, or something inside myself. I steadied myself from my display of strength, and knew, now, what I wanted. "I promise . . ." I hesitated, the love I felt for this girl nearly choking me. "I _swear_ not to hurt you."

As the words left my lips, I realized it probably sounded as though I was trying to convince myself as well. And, in a way, I was. I _was_ convincing myself that I was going to risk my existence, and everything my family and I had established, for this human child.

"Don't be afraid," I whispered, stepping closer, slowly, even more slowly than necessary. I sat in front of her, apologetic and open, either for her acceptance or rejection. I moved so slowly, and settled in front of her, until my face was merely a foot from hers. This proximity would either frighten her further, pushing her over the edge and away from me forever, or bind me to her in ways that I was certain I was unprepared for.

"Please forgive me," I said formally, politely, trying to read Bella's reaction and preparing myself for her rejection. "I _can_ control myself. You caught me off guard. But I'm on best behavior now."

I waited, listening to Bella's heartbeat, her lungs pulling oxygen in and dispelling carbon dioxide, and waited a few moments longer. The color was returning to her cheeks, her eyes looking less glassy, less panicked. The combination lifted me to levels of joy I'd never known before.

"I'm not thirsty today, honestly," I winked, trying to contain my joy at her calming reactions.

She laughed! The sound was off a little; shaky, but a laugh nonetheless.

"Are you alright?" I asked, hoping my concern was evident. I slowly, carefully, went to place my cold hand back in her warm ones. My touch would either continue to calm her, or send her screaming and crashing back toward her truck. Bella's physiological reactions were calming, but I had no access to her emotional ones, as her thoughts were, always, her own.

Bella looked down at my hand then began following the creases of my hand with her fingertip. She looked up at me and smiled, shyly.

The smile I smiled in return was triumphant. _This_ human girl _cared_ for me, _despite _the monster.

"So where were we, before I behaved so rudely?" I asked, sure of myself again. Sure that there was now an "us."

A slight blush rose to her cheeks, "I honestly can't remember," she confessed quietly, while glancing up at me.

I smiled, but it wasn't the joyous smile of moments ago, it was the ashamed smile of someone who had been caught misbehaving. "I think we were talking about why you were afraid, besides the obvious reason."

I was honestly curious, if she wasn't afraid of the monster – what _was_ she afraid of?

"Oh right," she said, clearly wishing I had forgotten.

"Well?"

Bella looked at my hand, and doodled across my palm, but did not answer. Trying not to squirm in frustration, I continued sitting still as a statue while I counted her heartbeats.

After one hundred thirty-two beats, her silence was deafening. "How easily frustrated I am," I sighed. She looked up, again, eyes meeting mine, all worry and fear gone from her expression. I hoped she could glean from my current behavior that this was so very new to me, this situation we were in.

Finally, Bella opened her mouth to speak, but looked down at my hand, again. "I was afraid . . . because , for, well, obvious reasons, I can't _stay_ with you. And I'm afraid that I'd like to stay with you, much more than I should."

What surprised me more than her words was the lack of embarrassment in her tone. _We are on the same page, emotionally, despite our impressive age differences. _Bella's blush was present, though, as always.

"Yes," I agreed, trying to express my own indecision over what was happening, "that is something to be afraid of, indeed. Wanting to be with me. That's really not in your best interest."

Honestly, it would seem was not the best policy, as Bella frown up at me.

But, I kept speaking, trying to let Bella weigh her options while confessing my own feelings. "I should have left long ago," I sighed, remembering her first day in Biology, "I should leave now. But I don't know if I can."

_There, I said it. I let her know just how strong her hold is on me._

"I don't want you to leave," Bella mumbled.

_How to make her see how bad I am for her? How to make her understand her hold on me is stronger than I am, _without_ sounding like an obsessed fool? Maybe she'll _ask_ me to leave? Maybe if _she_ didn't want _me, _ I could leave. But, I'm a monster; she's a human. It could never work._

"Which is exactly why I should. But don't worry. I'm essentially a selfish creature. I crave your company too much to do what I should."

_Why do I always say too much around her?_

"I'm glad," came her too-enthusiastic response.

"Don't be!" I snapped, taking my hand from both of hers, more gently this time. My voice was more harsh than I had planned, but Bella _needed_ to see reason. Her expression was dazed, as if my tone had stunned her.

"It's not only your company I crave! Never forget _that_. Never forget I am more dangerous to you than I am to anyone else." I looked away, at the quiet forest around us. The monster inside was gauging how loudly she could scream versus the nearest human capable of help.

Bella was quiet for a moment, chewing the inside of her lip, obviously thinking.

"I don't think I understand exactly what you mean – by that last part anyway," she said, finally.

Her words, her voice, somehow calmed me and quieted the monster. I turned my gaze back to her, smiling.

"How do I explain?" I thought for a second or two. "And without frightening you again . . . hmmmm." I paused, trying to find the words to explain why I was more dangerous to _her_ than any other human. I dropped my hand back into hers, and nearly melted with desire.

Looking at the connection of our hands, my hard skin and her soft, pushed a sigh from me. "That's amazingly pleasant, the warmth."

I knew those words probably only confused her more, because they were so unexpected. I tried to pull my thoughts back from the abyss that that desire would throw me into.

"You know how everyone enjoys different flavors?"

_Oh, wonderful, Cullen. A food analogy? Really?_

I plowed on, "Some people love chocolate ice cream, others prefer strawberry?"

Bella nodded, although I could tell she wasn't following my explanation.

"Sorry about the food analogy – I couldn't think of another way to explain."

Bella smiled, still clueless as to my point.

I smiled back, trying another description. "You see, every person smells different, has a different essence. If you locked an alcoholic in a room full of stale beer, he'd gladly drink it. But if he could resist, if he wanted to, if he were a recovering alcoholic. Now let's say you placed in that room a glass of hundred-year-old brandy, the rarest, finest cognac – and filled the room with its warm aroma – how do you think he would fare then?"

Bella looked into my eyes, again, and this time I didn't break the contact. I was straining with my extra sense to glean _anything_ from her thoughts, and based on the depth of the crease in Bella's forehead, she was trying to read _my_ thoughts.

I broke the staring spell, first. "Maybe that's not the right comparison. Maybe it would be too easy to turn down the brandy. Perhaps I should have made our alcoholic a heroin addict instead."

Without missing a beat, Bella said, "So what you're saying is, I'm your brand of heroin?" Her tone was teasing, light, understanding finally.

I smiled, appreciating her humor and understanding of our current predicament.

"You are _exactly_ my brand of heroin," I responded, still smiling.

"Does that happen often?" Bella asked, always curious.

I thought for a moment, trying to decide how to answer her question. I looked up at the treetops, for any sign of Washington's varied avian life, and in seeing none, trying to find the right answer.

"I spoke to my brothers about it," I answered, still looking skyward. "To Jasper, every one of you is much the same. He's the most recent to join our family. It's a struggle for him to abstain at all. He hasn't had time to grow sensitive to the differences in smell, flavor." I glanced her way, afraid I'd said too much . . . again.

"Sorry," I added, apologizing for the monster within my entire family.

"I don't mind. Please don't worry about offending me, or frightening me, or whichever. That's the way you think. I can understand, or I can try to at least. Just explain however you can." Bella responded.

For some reason, her reassurance frustrated me. Her reactions always surprised me. _Would I _ever_ get used to that? Do I _want_ to get used to that?_

I took a deep breath, and I looked up at the sky again. "So Jasper wasn't sure if he'd ever come across someone who was as" O_h, what is a word that won't be too graphic? _"_appealing_ as you are to me. Which makes me think not. Emmett has been on the wagon longer, so to speak, and he understood what I meant. He says twice, for him, once stronger than the other."

Bella's eyebrows went up a fraction of a second before she asked, "And for you?"

"Never," I responded, honesty evident in my expression. We sat in silence for a moment. My silence brought on, as always, by wondering what she was thinking, and Bella's curious habit of chewing her bottom lip.


	6. Chapter 14  Confessions Part 2

Chapter 14, Part 2

_A/N: Sorry, again, for the delay in posting. No excuses, this time, just being slow...Forgive me? XxoxX Allis_

"What did Emmett do?" Bella asked, which surprised me because of the path her thoughts had taken her down. My hands clenched into fists and my body went rigid as the memory of Emmett telling me about both incidents washed over me.

_"Emmett, tell me. How did it end?" I asked, pleading that the answer would be different than my suspicions._

_ A pretty strawberry blonde appeared in his thoughts then. A few freckles dotted across her nose, under striking blue eyes. She was surprisingly tan for her coloring. The music of the club pulsed around her._

_ "She passed me in a club one night. Rosalie was livid that the girl even caught my eye," he chuckled at the memory of Rosalie's fury. "Her jealousy was kinda hot."_

_ "Emmett . . ." I warned, sensing the turn his thoughts were taking._

_ He smiled a wicked smile, winked, and thought about taking the turn anyway. Instead, he sighed, and continued, "I caught a whiff of her as she walked by, clearly excited that she'd caught my eye. I followed her. She noticed me following her." He paused, his easy smile twisting into a frown – something I wasn't used to seeing._

_ Emmett didn't have to say the rest . . . it played out in his head. Like a clichèd vampire movie._

_ "I followed her through the club, as she headed toward the back. She kept glancing over her shoulder, making sure I was weaving through the crowd behind her, following her."_

_ I could see it as he spoke. The sweaty human bodies crushing together and gyrating, as Emmett skirted around them as best he could, not wanting any contact with anyone other than _her.

_"My vision was red. All I could think about was how thirsty I was all of a sudden. I'm sure she thought she was seducing me, leading me. Her scent was all I knew, all I cared about."_

_ Her expression was flirty, sensual as she "lead" Emmett through the crowd._

_ "She got to the ladies' room, first, and leaned up against the door. She looked back at me, to make sure I was still coming, winked, and then ducked inside."_

_ I didn't hear anything else Emmett said, as I was so absorbed in his thoughts, watching the story unfold, as it had all those years ago._

_ Emmett barged into the ladies' room, to find the girl leaning seductively over the sink, pretending to check her make-up in the mirror. His thoughts were only of the girl's blood; not Rose, not our family, just the blood._

_ Even before the girl could turn to greet him, or do more than make swift eye-contact in the mirror, Emmett had spun her around. Lifting her and pinning her against the wall, Emmett only making a sound when her heart slugged to a stop and her body slumped to the floor. And the sound he made was the agonizing sound of tearless sobbing._

Bella's voice brought me back from the memory. "I guess I know," she said, her voice bitter and sad.

Saddened by the memory, and by what it could mean for us – because it would seem we _were_ an us now – I looked over at her. "Even the strongest of us fall off the wagon, don't we?"

I had meant to lighten the mood with that quip, but Bella's tone suggested otherwise.

"What are you asking? My permission?" Bella snapped, then swallowed as if reconsidering what this all meant. "I mean, is there no hope, then?"

_ How do I tell her she's my life now? That I could never hurt her?_

"No, no!" I blurted. "Of course there's hope!"

_ Too excited, Cullen. Do not forget your true nature _the monster sneered.

"I mean, of course I won't . . ." I let the words hang there, afraid that even saying the word would tempt fate to the breaking point. I stared into her eyes _willing_ her to believe my next words, but not with any vampire dazzling. "It's different for us. Emmett . . . these were strangers he happened across. It was a long time ago, and he wasn't as . . . practiced, as careful, as he is now."

_ And Alice should never have pushed for that outing. She still feels guilty, and Rose is _still _not comfortable around humans because of that second girl. Her jealousy knows no bounds._

As I filed through my own thoughts, I watched Bella intently. Her silence, this time, meant she was processing again.

Her voice was hesitant when she spoke, "So if we'd met . . . oh, in a dark alley or something . . ." and she trailed off, gnawing at her lip.

"It took everything I had not to jump up in the middle of that class full of children and -" I stopped myself before I said any more. I felt as though I could tell this girl, this _human_ girl anything, but that did _not_ mean that I should.

I looked away, "When you walked past me, I could have ruined everything Carlisle has built for us, right then and there. If I hadn't been denying my thirst for the last, well, too many years, I wouldn't have been able to stop myself."

I _always_ said too much. I glanced back up at the trees, trying to turn the rage inward before I frightened her, again. I shifted my gaze back to her, remembering that awful first day, and my cowardly response, "You must have thought I was possessed."

Bella blushed, fractionally, "I couldn't understand why. How you could hate me so quickly . . ."

I chuckled, too low for her to hear, the sound containing no joy – only mirth. "To me, it was like you were some kind of demon, summoned straight from my own personal hell to ruin me. The fragrance coming off your skin . . . I thought it would make me deranged that first day. In that one hour, I thought of a hundred different ways to lure you from the room with me, to get you alone. And I fought them each back, thinking of my family, what I could do to them. I had to run out, to get away before I could speak the words that would make you follow . . ."

I looked at Bella, then, and her expression worried me. I recalled the day and my throat burned at the memory. I was sure the look I was giving her was pure desire, because suddenly I had grown _very _thirsty.

Trying to suppress an animalistic growl, I assured her of what we both knew, "You would have come."

Despite whatever terror she was thinking about, her voice was calm, "Without a doubt."

That calmness dismayed me, and I released her eyes again, "And then, as I tried to rearrange my schedule in a pointless attempt to avoid you, you were there – in that close, warm little room, the scent was maddening. I so very nearly took you then. There was only one other frail human there – so easily dealt with."

My confession frightened her in ways that my earlier display had not. This was evident in a shudder. Bella tried to disguise it, in a move to push her hair back over her shoulder, but she failed.

I could not stop, now that everything was coming out; my actions had to be explained. I _needed_ to tell her the lengths I had gone to resist her, so she would know she was safe with me.

"But I resisted. I don't know how. I forced myself _not_ to wait for you, _not_ to follow you from the school. It was easier outside, when I couldn't smell you anymore, to think clearly, to make the right decision." My words echoed a bit of what had happened earlier this very day, as well, and reliving what was _not_ one of my finer moments was painful, but necessary.

I went on, "I left the others near home – I was too ashamed to tell them how weak I was, they only knew something was very wrong – and then I went straight to Carlisle, at the hospital, to tell him I was leaving."

Bella's jaw snapped open as the truth of why I wasn't in school the next day sunk in.

My head bobbed in a slight nod, reassuring her that I spoke the truth. "I traded cars with him – he had a full tank of gas and I didn't want to stop. I didn't dare go home, to face Esme. She wouldn't have let me go without a scene. She would have tried to convince me that it wasn't necessary . . .

"By the next morning I was in Alaska." I knew the significance of Alaska would sink in as well as the fact that it had been my cowardice that made me run away. "I spent two days there, with some old acquaintances . . . but I was homesick. I hated knowing I'd upset Esme, and the rest of them, my adopted family. In the pure air of the mountains it was hard to believe that you were so irresistible. I convinced myself it was weak to run away. I'd dealt with temptation before, not of this magnitude, not even close, but I was strong. Who were you, an insignificant little girl" - I couldn't help but smile - "to chase me from the place I wanted to be? So I came back . . ."

_Wow. I confessed so much. Showed so much of myself to that "insignificant little girl" that I couldn't help but wonder what she saw in me, now._

Bella was silent, shock evident in her features, but I couldn't stop I _had_ to let the rest of it out.

"I took precautions, hunting, feeding more than usual before seeing you again. I was sure that I was strong enough to treat you like any other human. I was arrogant about it."

_Cullen, stop! _Part of my mind shrieked, but I couldn't. Regardless of the outcome, I wanted her to know everything I could tell her.

"It was unquestionably a complication that I couldn't simply read your thoughts to know what you reaction was to me. I wasn't used to having to go to such circuitous measures, listening to your words in Jessica's mind . . . her mind isn't very original, and it was annoying to have to stoop to that. And then I couldn't know if you really meant what you said. It was all extremely irritating."

The frown that crept across my face this time was not _entirely_ due to not being able to hear her, but more at the memory of having to spend time in Jessica's mind. If Newton's brain was a bad porn, Jessica's was more colorful, but somehow depressing in its egocentricity.

"I wanted you to forget my behavior that first day, if possible, so I tried to talk with you like I would with any person. I was eager actually, hoping to decipher some of your thoughts. But you were too interesting, I found myself caught up in your expressions . . . and every now and then you would stir they air with your hand or your hair, and the scent would stun me again . . .

"Of course, then you were nearly crushed to death in front of my eyes."

Bella was watching me, intent on my every expression. I tried to keep my face from twisting in agony at the memory of almost losing her that day.

"Later I thought of a perfectly good excuse for why I acted at that moment – because if I hadn't saved you, if your blood had been spilled there in front of me, I don't think I could have stopped myself from exposing us for what we are. But I only thought of that excuse later. At the time, all I could think was, 'Not her.'"

I closed my eyes, seeing that van hurtling towards Bella all over again, and feeling the weight of my confession hanging between us. I wished for the ability to cry, if for no other reason than to show her some of the un-burdening she'd allowed me. She could have no idea how good it felt to tell her everything, even the not-so-flattering bits about wanting to kill her.

Even after all that, there was so much compassion in her voice as she struggled to speak and when she did her voice was faint even to my ears. "In the hospital?" she asked.

My eyes blinked open, all pretension of being human now gone, my confession apparently not finished, "I was appalled. I couldn't believe I had put us in danger after all, put myself in your power – you of all people. As if I needed another motive to kill you."

Both of us flinched noticeably at the word _kill_ slipping from my mouth.

I couldn't stop there. There was so much more to confess, "But it had the opposite effect. I fought with Rosalie, Emmett, and Jasper when they suggested that now was the time . . . the worst fight we've ever had. Carlisle sided with me, and Alice."

Even as I said her name, I winced, because that horrible vision of hers decided to rear its ugly head in my memory. I hoped Bella didn't see the expression, and ask about it. The mood I was in, now, I'd tell her that, too.

"Esme told me to do whatever I had to do in order to stay." I shook my head at the memory. "All the next day I eavesdropped on the minds of everyone you spoke to, shocked that you kept you word. I didn't understand you at all. But I knew that I couldn't become more involved with you. And every day the perfume of your skin, your breath, your hair . . . it hit me as hard as the very first day."

I looked into Bella's eyes, again. It was entirely possible to get lost in all that molten chocolate. I _truly_ felt love for this girl.

"And for all that," I had one more confession to make, "I'd have fared better if I _had_ exposed us all at that first moment, than if now, here – with no witnesses and nothing to stop me – I were to hurt you."

As ever, doubtful that she could have such a profound effect on someone, Bella asked, "Why?"

"Isabella," I said, mussing her hair like someone would a child who was being exceptionally cute. I noticed how her heart stuttered and her breath caught at even so slight contact from me. "Bella, I couldn't live with myself if I ever hurt you. You don't know how it's tortured me."

I looked down, again, remembering to fidget and look around like a good human. Remembering Alice's vision of Bella with the red irises of a new born vampire was torture enough. _But how do I convey that torture to Bella, without frightening her?_

I decided to do what I'd been doing all afternoon, just tell her everything. "The thought of you, still, white, cold . . . to never see you blush scarlet again, to never see that flash of intuition in your eyes when you see through my pretenses . . . it would be unendurable." I had to look into those brown eyes, again, if only to reassure myself that the milk chocolate I loved so much was still there.

"You are the most important thing to me now. The most important thing to me ever," I confessed, hoping Bella could see and hear my sincerity.

Bella broke away from my eyes, looking down at our hands again. I knew she could feel my eyes on her, but I didn't push. She swallowed a few times, but I had no idea as to why.

_Oh, how I wish I knew what you were thinking. This moment, more than any other up to this point . . . I just declared myself, and she rewards me with _more_ agonizing silence?_

"You already know how I feel, of course," she finally said. "I'm here . . . which, roughly translated, means I would rather die than stay away from you." Bella's mouth pulled down into a frown. "I'm an idiot."

I couldn't let her demean herself in such a way, so I tried another attempt at humor. "You _are_ an idiot," I laughed.

Once our eyes met again, Bella laughed, too. I had no idea what truly fueled that laughter, but I was laughing partly from joy and partly due to the complete absurdity of our situation. _A vampire in love with a __food source._

"And so the lion fell in love with the lamb . . . ," I mused, unsure if it was a forgotten line of poetry, an obscure line of scripture, a fragmented thought describing how I felt, or a combination of everything.

Bella looked away, probably not wanting me to see the glimmer of excitement in her eyes, the large smile pulling up at the edges of her mouth, and the blush rising on her cheeks. "What a stupid lamb," she sighed, trying to hide her excitement.

_"_What a sick, masochistic lion," I replied, staring off at the forest again, my mind playing out numerous scenarios with various members of my family.

"Why . . . ?" Bella spoke, obviously looking for the right words.

I looked at her, then, and saw the joy my declaration had brought her. I couldn't help but smile. She was truly beautiful in so very many ways. "Yes?" I questioned, urging her to finish another thought I couldn't hear.

"Tell me why you ran from me before," she requested, immediately wiping the smile from my face.

"You know why," I snapped.

"No, I mean, _exactly_ what did I do wrong? I'll have to be on my guard, you see, so I better start learning what I shouldn't do. This, for example," she traced the back of my hand, again, to illustrate her point, "seems to be all right."

_Oh, Bella. It is so much more than alright._

I smiled at the thought that _she_ had done anything wrong. "You didn't do anything wrong, Bella. It was my fault."

_It was trying to deny the monster, Bella. Trying to keep him contained, to stop him from hurting you has become my purpose in this existence._

Bella straightened her shoulders, unconsciously showing her defiance or her strength, I wasn't sure which, before she spoke, "But I want to help, if I can, to not make this harder for you."

"Well," I thought for a moment . . . _don't bleed, don't get in the way of any more out-of-control vans . . ._ I decided, instead, to try and explain what happened to me, before I was so rude. "It was just how close you were. Most humans instinctively shy away from us, are repelled by our alienness. . . . I wasn't expecting you to come so close. And the smell of your _throat_." I snapped my mouth shut, quickly, afraid I'd frightened her again. Also afraid she'd notice the increase in my "saliva," my venom, pooling in my mouth.

"Okay, then," she said with an air of nonchalance. Then, with a twinkle in her eye, she drew her shoulders up, tucked in her chin, and smirked up at me, "No throat exposure."

I laughed, truly amused, at her playful joke. Her eyes were twinkling with mischievous stars. Chuckling, I said, "No, really, it was more surprise than anything else."

Just to prove my point, I raised my free hand and so very gently placed it on the side of Bella's neck. The warmth, the feel of her strong pulse, was almost overwhelming. But, I was strong. I could acclimate. The monster seemed to be quieted by my resolve. The mischievous glint disappeared from Bella's eyes as my hand made contact with her skin. Some deep instinct was probably telling her to run. I was glad I couldn't hear it, but her pupils dilated fractionally at the fear response her body wanted her to have. The coldness of my hand raised goose bumps across her cheek, her pulse also quickened at my touch, and a slight flush rose underneath my hand.

"You see." I inclined my head to indicate my hand's placement. "Perfectly fine."

The thudding of her racing heart was deafening in the quiet meadow. The fragrance coming off her skin, then, was intoxicating. She was _exactly_ my heroin, being dangled in front of me. Her scent, on its own, was mesmerizing, but added to the furious pace of her blood through her veins as her body fought her mind to flee . . . I was enraptured.

I wanted to show her my self-control, that the lid was tightly shut on the monster. "The blush on your cheeks is lovely," I whispered, my polymerization showing in the tone of my voice. I gently freed my other hand from hers, to place it on the other side of her neck. I brushed the outside of that hand against her cheek, which was feather-soft against the marble of my knuckles. Ever so gently, I rested my hands on either side of her face, just under her jaw, being careful not to burst the precious bubble between them.

It was times like these that the fuzzy-to-nonexistent memories of being a human teenage boy would have been very useful, _if _I ever _been_ in this situation as a human teenage boy!

Everything inside me was at war. The monster wanted her blood. The human wanted her body. The self-control I had just told Bella was "perfectly fine" was wavering. I was even in turmoil over what I _wanted _! That long-forgotten human boy wanted to kiss her, but the gentleman I was raised to be, just didn't _do_ that.

_Times are different now, Cullen._

I tried desperately not to over-think this anymore than I already had, and whispered, "Be very still," to Bella, blocking out all the internal noise and concentrating only on Bella.

She was already frozen to the spot since she was already paralyzed by my touch, while obviously being electrified by it, as well, so my warning was hardly necessary. However, _I _needed the reminder as much as she did. My eyes locked on hers and I slowly moved my face closer. I tried, again, not to over-think anything, and everything.

As always, I had no idea what she was thinking, but I sincerely hoped what I was about to do wouldn't frighten her. Or "creep her out" as the teenagers of today said. I moved slowly, even for acting human, and laid my alabaster cheek against the hollow above her clavicle. From this spot, her intoxicating scent became the only scent in my world. Every single scent from the meadow, but hers, was completely gone from my senses. The only sound became the beating of her heart. The only sensation was the warmth radiating from her soft skin. Bella had become the center of my world.

Venom began to pool into my mouth but the monster was, for once, silent. Even he was awed by this tiny human girl and her hold over me. But, my nature, _my very nature_ was trying to make this impossible situation that we found ourselves in, an ugly one.

After a few moments, and no soliloquies from the monster, I wanted, I _needed_ to push myself farther. I wanted to know how much I could withstand; how far my new-found self-control would stretch. I need to know if I could really do _this, _be _here_, with this girl. I gingerly slid my hands down from the sides of Bella's face, to her jaw. She shivered, whether from the chill of my skin or from my proximity, I didn't know. Some part of me wondered if it wasn't a combination of both, or that she was having her own internal war.

My habitual breath caught as her shiver stirred the air and her scent bombarded me, anew. My hands didn't still, and I continued to slide my hands gently, slowly, over the contours of Bella's jaw line and neck. At her shoulders, I paused, unsure of what to do next. I was pretty sure if Chief Swan saw me like this, it would be considered "inappropriate," however, even the monster remained silent.

Convinced that my control over the monster was holding, and that I would hear Chief Swan miles before he appeared, I tried something . . . I turned my head ever-so-slightly, and nuzzled her clavicle with the tip of my nose.

_Hmm. Her scent, her proximity, her beauty, her softness. _The hormonal teenager was practically drooling over being this close, this intimate. _So soft, so warm_. Desire was boiling over, but not the desire I had been prepared for.

I trailed my nose, across that delicate collarbone on my way to the one thing, the one sound that made this deplorable existence all seem worthwhile . . . Bella's heart. I wanted to really hear it, to feel it.

"Ah," I sighed, as a myriad of emotions surged through me. The sound was hypnotizing, an ode to the strength of the human design.

_So strong. So vibrant. So overwhelmingly beautiful._ The fact that those rhythmic beats were pumping life's blood through this human that had so completely captured me, was not lost on me, the monster, or the teenager. _So strong, yet the casing is so fragile_. The all-too-human desire for closeness, for a well-meaning embrace, was almost as consuming as my desire for her blood – if I didn't keep that lid clamped on the monster.

Bella's heart had stuttered a little when my cheek had first made contact with the thin cotton over her chest, but soon settled into its more normal rhythm. Just as I'd requested, she sat as still as _humanly_ possible and I admired her restraint. She seemed to know that a wrong move could result in the "ending badly" that we'd discussed earlier. However, she didn't seem concerned about that end, either. I could no longer see her face, in this position, but her body wasn't exhibiting any physiological signs of fear.

Before Bella's apparent lack of fear could bring about another extreme reaction, I let go, as quickly as I'd decided to _do_ what I'd just done. I looked at Bella's gorgeous brown eyes, again, and could instantly guess that she could have stayed that way for, literally, ages and I had let go too soon. I hoped that, at this moment, _my_ expression was as easy to read.

"It won't be so hard again," I told both Bella and any remaining doubts within myself. I hoped my satisfaction that this was the truth for now _and _ the foreseeable future was evident.

"Was that very hard for you?" Bella asked, suddenly.

"Not nearly as bad as I imagined it would be. And you?" It was so easy to speak the complete truth around her, even _before_ all of the confessions of today.

Color quickly filled Bella's cheeks, across the bridge of her nose, and even down to her collarbone, where my cheek had just been. "No, it wasn't bad . . . for me," she responded, a twinkle in her eye.

I smiled because her pulse had given her away again, in those first few seconds, and she _knew_ that I knew. "You know what I mean," I teased.

_Yes, Bella, you know full well I don't mean, "How did it feel?" and I _do_ mean "My flight response wasn't triggered, Cullen." _But I managed to control my tongue's sarcastic response. Bella smiled, as if _she_ was the mind-reader in this meadow.

It occurred to me that that she had absolutely no earthly idea what her warmth felt like to _my_ seemingly impenetrable skin. "Here," I said taking her tiny hand and putting it on the very cheek that had been touching her. "Do you feel how warm that is?"

Her eyes widened, fractionally, and I couldn't help but wonder if her human senses could even perceive the slight change in temperature that felt like molten lava to me. Something came over Bella then, and although I couldn't read her thoughts, she appeared determined. There was something in the set of her jaw as she whispered, "Don't move" and I immediately obeyed.

Deciding this expression of awe, or determination colored with abject joy was an expression that I didn't _want_ to try and read more into, I closed my eyes. I gave up my human mannerisms, and became a statue under her touch. I trusted, yes, _trusted _this touch. Bella was doing something _she_ needed now, and wouldn't I give her _anything and everything_?

After a few steady heartbeats, Bella's hand began to move with a tenderness and cautiousness that rivaled my own the first time I had touched her. She was acting as thought _I _was more breakable than she was. She lightly danced over my cheek, her touch softer than rose petals. If it hadn't been for her heartbeat being so evident to my ears, I could almost believe her touch was the slight breeze that stirred the wild grasses and flowers around us. When she touched my eyelid, I was truly surprised that I didn't flinch out of pure habit. After all, a _human's_ eyes were so very sensitive, and I'd been pretending to be human for so very long.

She touched under my eyes at the dark shadows there. These shadows were another sign that I wasn't of her world, but I was too happy, too wrapped up in the moment, to brood over that. From there, Bella traced the contours of my nose. I was just vain enough to be glad that the change from vampire to human had corrected a broken nose I'd suffered playing baseball. The one and only time I'd played baseball as a human. My mother never stopped blaming herself for that one.

From there, Bella touched each of my lips. A small gasp escaped me, too quiet for her to hear. But my lips parted, and she explored both the top and the bottom with exaggerated care. Her scent was so strong, and with my mouth open, I could almost taste her. I wanted so badly to lean in to that scent and lose myself in it, to consume her in so many ways. As if reading my desires, Bella leaned in, seemingly as mesmerized as I was. Before I could get too carried away, Bella dropped her hand and leaned away slowly.

I opened my eyes, wondering what had made her stop so abruptly. Her face was calm, but something in my eyes made her swallow unconsciously and her pulse quicken.

_Is my desire _that_ obvious? Which desire does she perceive as winning?_

Almost involuntarily, I began to speak, and my usual plethora of words was failing me as I tried to formulate coherent thoughts. "I wish," I began at a strained whisper, "I wish you could feel the . . . complexity . . . the confusion . . . I feel. That you could understand."

I raised my hand, to touch her silky tresses, but I was unsure of myself. I was afraid of the desire burning within me. But, at this moment, I couldn't go without touching her. I needed _some_ sort of reassurance that she was, indeed, still here. Instead of burying my hand in her hair, I allowed my knuckles to gently caress each cheekbone before replacing it in my lap.

Bella's response came with an unsteady exhale, "Tell me."

Shaking my head only slightly, "I don't think I can. I've told you, on the one hand, the hunger – the thirst – that, deplorable creature that I am, I feel for you. And I think you can understand that, to an extent. Though . . ." I smiled rather ironically, "as you are not addicted to any illegal substances, you probably can't empathize completely."

Bella smiled coyly but I continued on, not giving her the chance to speak. "But . . ." I paused long enough to brush my fingertips across her lips, and secretly delighted at her shiver of pleasure. "There are other hungers. Hungers I don't even understand, that are foreign to me."

"I may understand _that_ better than you think." Bella smirked.

"I'm not used to feeling so human," I confessed with a half-hearted smile. "Is it always like this?"

Her expression was clearly on of shock, "For me?" she paused, considering her answer, "No, never. Never before this."

I clasped her hand between mine carefully, considering how delicately I had to handle her. Bella's personality and will were strong, but her body was so very _breakable_. It was that possibility that I would break her, somehow, just trying to be close to her that frightened me on a level I'd never experienced before. And, with my vampire "gifts," I wasn't used to being afraid of _anything_.

"I don't know how to be close to you," I said out loud, reflecting my inner-most thoughts, "I don't know if I can."

Looking me in the eye, Bella warned me the only way she could that she was going to come closer, with those deep chocolate wells. She leaned closer, turning her head to the left, and placing her right cheek over my still heart.

"This is enough," she said, with a sigh, and closed her eyes.

Some bit of human instinct took over, then. I gently wrapped my arms around her, holding her closer to me, careful not to squeeze too tightly. I listened carefully to the sounds of her body, making sure even with this light tough that I wasn't breaking any bones. When everything seemed safe, I lightly touched my lips to her hair. The scent of strawberries clung to its every strand, reminding me of long-buried human moments, of summer picnics.

While I searched my memory and fought against the burning in my throat, Bella spoke, "You're better at this than you give yourself credit for." Her voice was breathy, all tension gone.

I chuckled, a low rumble in my chest. "I have human instincts – they may be buried deep, but they're there."

_It's the other instincts that are closer to the surface. The ones that are making my throat burn and my eyes darken, fractionally._

I was so amazingly comfortable in this meadow, with this human girl in my arms, that I wanted to root myself to the spot. But, I could feel the air around us cooling and a glance around confirmed that the sun was sliding quickly down the horizon. Internally, I frowned at the prospect of letting her go just as a sigh escaped her.

"You have to go," I said. Not a question, but a very saddening statement of fact.

"I thought you couldn't read my mind," Bella teased, but didn't move from my embrace.

I smiled, determined to enjoy the moment. "It's getting clearer."

Inspiration struck me, and I lightly touched her shoulders, so she would look up to me. Her eyes widened slightly as she seemed surprised by something.

"Can I show you something?" I asked, suddenly excited at the prospect.

"Show me what?" Bella's question was coupled with a quickened pulse.

"I'll show you how _I _travel in the forest," I smirked, but her face fell. I tried to reassure her. "Don't worry, you'll be very safe, and we'll get to your truck much faster." Since that didn't seem to have the desired effect, I tried the crooked smile I knew affected her so deeply. Her heart squeezed, paused, and started again in double-time, which just deepened my smile.

**to be continued**


	7. Chapter 14  Confessions Part 3

Chapter 14 – Part 3 (Final)

Just to clarify...these characters all belong to Stephenie Meyer. Al lot of the dialogue is hers, and the story is hers.

from Part 2...

_"I'll show you how _I _travel in the forest," I smirked, but her face fell. I tried to reassure her. "Don't worry, you'll be very safe, and we'll get to your truck much faster." Since that didn't seem to have the desired effect, I tried the crooked smile I knew effected her so deeply. Her heart squeezed, paused, and started again in double-time, which just deepened my smile._

Sounding very sincere, and a lot concerned, Bella asked, "Will you turn into a bat?"

I laughed, loud and hard. I think the sound of such unbridled emotion from me startled her, because her eyes widened slightly. Still laughing, I answered, "Like I haven't heard _that_ one before!"

"Right, I'm sure you get that one all the time," Bella snapped, a little sarcasm and concern in her voice.

Still thoroughly amused that she thought I could change into a bat, I teased, "Come on, little coward, climb on my back."

Bella hesitated, puzzled.

_Oh how I wish I could hear your thoughts. Your face is exquisite as you consider my request. Your small teeth working the inside of your lower lip. . . Oh, if you were to draw blood . . . _I shook myself mentally, trying not to follow those thoughts any further.

I reached out for Bella, showing her that I was serious. I stretched my hand out to her, and with cautious eyes, she took it. I stifled another laugh, as her pulse reacted to my touch.

Unintentionally showing her my inhuman strength, I rather ungentlemanly swung Bella onto my back. She immediately clung to as hard as her feeble strength allowed her. With her legs clamped around my waist, one arm around my neck, and the other under my arm and around my chest, I tested her weight and hold. Having her this close lifted my spirits immensely. The warmth of her touch spread through me, and raised them even further.

"I'm a bit heavier than your average backpack," Bella warned.

"Hah!" I laughed and rolled my eyes. _To me, Bella, you feel absolutely perfect._

Riding the waves of elation crashing through me, I grabbed her right hand, and rather suddenly pressed her palm to my cheek. I inhaled deeply of her scent, and almost reveling in the burn at the back of my throat and the burn of her touch, I muttered, "Easier all the time."

I released her hand, let her adjust her grip on me, and then took off in the direction of her truck. I shot through the trees, the underbrush, and around all the slippery moss and damp ferns. I was careful to avoid low branches so they didn't whip Bella in the face. My step was light, my emotions soaring higher than the towering fir trees.

Our hike _to_ the meadow had taken hours at her human pace, what with her proclivity for clumsiness and my indecision over how this day would end. In a matter of minutes, however; we were back at the trail head and Bella's rusty truck.

"Exhilarating, isn't it?" I crowed, so excited that things _had_ worked out the way Alice had seen them. The better way. The way that meant I had found a level of control I didn't know I had, that meant I had found what the rest of my family had – someone who completed me.

It was then I realized we had been back at her truck for three minutes, and Bella was still locked around me.

"Bella?" I asked, anxiously listening to her breathing and heart rate. Everything _seemed_ fine . . . but why wasn't she moving?

Her breath whooshed out her, as if she'd been holding it in, "I think I need to lie down," she gasped.

"Oh, sorry," I managed, not really knowing what to do.

_What's wrong with her? Me crashing around the meadow didn't frighten her, but running through the forest did? _I listened again to her vital signs. Her breath was now coming in and out in short little ragged gasps. Her heart rate was suddenly all over the map, either too slow, or too quick.

Panic started to snake up my spine, and the exhilaration of all our confessions was in danger of slipping away.

"I think I need help," Bella squeaked, her breathing evening out a bit.

I chuckled slightly, not wanting to embarrass her further. My chuckle was one of pure relief, though. Bella was breathing normally, and there was no sound, or smell, of fear.

I gently pried her arms from my neck, a little surprised at how still Bella had become in such a short time. Then, ever-so-gently, I pulled her small frame around so she was cradled in my arms. I held her close, for a few moments, hoping that whatever was wrong wouldn't tear her away from me. Putting her down on a mossy, ferny log seemed the best course of action, so I could figure out what was wrong.

"How do you feel?" I asked, trying to beat back the frustration I always felt when I habitually reached out to touch her thoughts.

After a moment, she responded. "Dizzy, I think."

"Put your head between your knees," I advised.

Immediately, Bella's pulse began to even out, as she controlled her breathing with deep inhalations through her nose and exhalations from her mouth. I sat, quietly at her side, internally counting her breaths and heartbeats per minute. Slowly, seemingly unsure of herself, Bella raised her head. She shook it slightly, as if there was a buzzing in it.

"I guess that wasn't the best idea," I thought out loud.

Bella tried to convince herself as well as me I think, when she spoke again, "No, it was very interesting." Her voice was weak, however.

"Hah!" I laughed, "You're as white as a ghost – no, you're as white as _me_!" A smile crept across my lips at my observation, and a little at the wounded expression on Bella's face. Color was coming back to her face gradually, too.

"I think I should have closed my eyes," she muttered, a definite blush rising now on her cheeks.

Still smiling a little at our ridiculous situation, and the joy of our day in the meadow, I suggested, "Remember that next time."

All color left her, again, as she groaned, "Next time!"

I couldn't help but laugh at her expression.

"Show-off," Bella muttered, her voice sounding stronger and happier.

_It's now or never_. I thought to myself and moved next to her. "Open your eyes, Bella," I whispered.

I moved from beside her, to directly in front of her, my face inches from hers. Her eyes opened slowly, widening with shock at my sheer closeness, the chocolate melting into my very soul. The smile on my face was still there, as I mused aloud, "I was thinking, while I was running . . ."

"About not hitting the trees, I hope," Bella interjected, a smirk playing across her raspberry lips.

"Silly Bella," I chuckled, trying to let her know I was only teasing. "Running is second nature to me, it's not something I have to think about."

"Show-off," she muttered, again.

My smile deepened at her teasing. _Does this feeling, this pleasure, ever end? _ I needed to remember to ask my family.

"No," I continued, confessing even more, "I was thinking there was something I wanted to try." Gently, I took her face in both of my hands.

Bella's breath caught somewhere between her lungs and her nose. I hesitated, but not because of the burning in my throat, because I wanted to treasure this moment. I wanted to see her, as my face came closer, my intentions clear.

Just before my cold lips touched hers, the monster made his presence known. Beating him back was not as hard as it had been, even a short time ago.

And then, as my lips gently pressed against hers, my world exploded in fire. Bella's control cracked, and even mine fissured. Her warmth I expected. Her reaction was always a surprise. Her usual warmth turned quickly in the molten lava of Dante's Inferno. Her pulse raced quicker than I'd ever heard. Her breath came fast and shallow, hardly a pause between each gasp. Her tiny hands grasped and knotted in my hair in what, to her, must have been a death-grip. She pulled at me, trying to draw me closer, clutching, grasping, and tugging with every ounce of her feeble human strength.

Bella's lips parted as she tried to deepen the kiss, and I had to send my body into lock down so that I didn't respond in kind. Her reaction surprised me, yes, but nothing surprised me more in that moment than my own. The burn that I associated with her touch was _nothing_ compared to this. I wasn't sure I could move. I wasn't sure I wanted to, either. My desire, _both_ desires, pulled at me with a strength I didn't know they possessed.

My entire being, my body, my cursed soul, my essence was _all_ molten lava, burning, bubbling, hardening only at the very edges – the ones farthest away from Bella's heat. My manhood stiffened, my desire to plunge into the heart of that lava, to let it consume me was almost over-powering. It was then, and only then, that I realized the human desires were so very real. So very close to the surface, so very _un_gentlemanly, that I froze.

I had frozen completely in place. The lava cooled as fast as it had heated and I went through the motions of swallowing the venom that I had expected to be filling my mouth. But there was none. The monster was quiet, in shock, perhaps that I wasn't lusting over her blood.

Mentally, I was stunned. Even my internal monologue had closed up shop. My vampire mind was silent. _I don't believe that has ever happened before . . . _

Slowly, I moved my hands to hers. With gentle force, much more than I'd thought would ever be necessary with a mere human, I pushed her face away from my own lips that wished to consume her over-eagerness. I held her face in my hands, only inches away from mine, and for the first time Bella couldn't accuse _me_ of being the one doing the dazzling. _Desire is a wonderful color on her cheeks, _I thought as she choked out one word.

"Oops," she said.

I wondered just how much Bella's annoyingly acute observation skills could read in my facial expression; my clenched jaw, my burning eyes. I said, "That's an understatement."

I didn't want to hide anything from her, after our day filled with confessions, but I hoped she didn't see into my desire. Or if she did, she didn't misinterpret _what_ that desire was for.

Bella struggled to move her hands, to pull back her face even further, but I held her steady.

"Should I . . . ?" she began, as she tried to free herself from me.

"No, it's tolerable. Wait for a moment, please," I managed, though my jaw was still tight. My tone was more formal that I had intended, but until I was sure who, or what, was in control of me it would have to do.

Bella's eyes bored into mine, as my desires burned themselves out, and I found myself again in the depths of hers. My body began to cool, the self-inflicted lock-down of my muscles and thoughts releasing.

A mischievous grin spread across my face as I realized my control had returned.

"There," I said, pleased with myself that I had not succumbed.

"Tolerable?" Bella asked, a hint of embarrassment in her tone. And something else was there, too, the sting of rejection, perhaps?

I laughed out loud, receiving startled eye-lash batting in response. "I'm stronger than I thought. It's nice to know."

Our rhythmic banter returning, Bella smiled sheepishly, "I wish I could say the same. I'm sorry."

Anger flashed within me. _What do _you_ have to be sorry for, Isabella? _I wanted to scream at her. _You reacted as any human teenager should be allowed to! _I_ nearly succumbed to desires too carnal to describe! _ I_ nearly stole your virtue, right here on the forest floor! I'd almost rather the desire for your blood had been the _only _one I'd had to fight!_

Despite all I wanted to say, to shout, I managed a teasing, "You _are_ only human, after all."

Her response was much more sour than I expected, "Thanks so much," she said.

In a flash, I was on my feet, holding out my hand to help her up. She looked up at me, surprise in her eyes. I'd been so careful to keep her at a distance, up until the meadow, that she was expecting everything to go back to the way it had been before.

_Hardly. Like anything from this point on is going to be the same; for either of us._

She took my hand in hers, and leaned heavily on the support it lent her. I longed to squeeze her tiny hand, to reassure her that she could take all the strength from me that she needed, but I didn't trust my strength just yet. A few steps toward her truck, and I could tell her equilibrium still wasn't right.

"Are you still faint from the run? Or was it my kissing expertise?" I asked, lightheartedly. I was truly happy, with her warmth radiating up my arm, and her slight weight leaning on me.

She smiled, sweetly, as if noticing and taking in my high spirits. As she tried to look up at me, her eyes became a little unfocused. "I can't be sure, I'm still woozy," she managed, adding, "I think it's some of both, though."

"Maybe you should let me drive," I offered.

My proposal gave her voice strength, "Are you insane?" she challenged.

I smiled slyly, having expected her reaction. She was fiercely protective of the rust bucket. "I can drive better than you on your best day," I almost snickered, "You have much slower reflexes."

"I'm sure that's true," she conceded, "but I don't think my nerves, or my truck, could take it."

_So, she's really only worried I'll push the thing too hard?  
_

"Some trust, please, Bella," I pleaded, imagining her trying to drive through the haze of her wooziness.

I heard her fingernails scratch the inside of her jeans pocket, as she wrapped her fingers tightly around the key to her truck. Her lips tightened as she bit back a smile.

"Nope. Not a chance," she smirked, popping her lips on the 'p,' with a defiant twinkle in her clearing eyes.

I raised my eyebrows, accepting her challenge. She broke free of my hand, and tried to step around me to the driver's side of her truck. Two steps into her planned escape, she wobbled a little. I hadn't planned on letting her pass me, anyway, but the slight miss-step triggered my protective nature and my arm circled her waist, firmly.

"Bella, I've expended a great deal of personal effort at this point to keep you alive." I smiled at the irony and at the fact that the confessions didn't seem to be ending. "I'm not about to let you behind the wheel of a vehicle when you can't even walk straight. Besides," I paused to smirk as one of the most ridiculous ad-campaign lines came to mind - "friends don't let friends drive drunk."

I chuckled, more to myself, than Bella. That I would be quoting such an obscure element of pop culture, instead of my usual prose almost shocked me. I didn't think there was anything _more_ that could shock me about my relationship with Bella, that it seemed that the surprises would only continued.

Bella inhaled deeply of my scent, her head close to my chest, and played the conscientious objector role, well, "Drunk?"

I grinned at both the innocence in her eyes at the absurdity of our conversation, "You're intoxicated by my very presence."

My smirk deepened as Bella let go a sigh of resignation, "I can't argue with that," she agreed. I heard the scratch of her nails on her jeans again, as she pulled the key from her pocket and held her closed hand out. With a mischievous glint in her eye, she let the key fall from above her shoulder as if testing those reflexes I had just bragged about. I snatched it from mid-air, feeling a bit like I was a performing monkey in a street show, but not minding in the least. All playfulness was gone from her eyes, when she spoke again, "Take it easy – my truck is a senior citizen."

"Very sensible," I agreed, both to her relinquishing her key _and_ to the way I would drive the rust bucket.

Something changed in Bella, then. A small sigh escaped her lips that I wasn't sure _she_ was even aware of. She looked down, away from me.

"And are you not affected at all?" she asked, her voice sounding a tiny bit annoyed. "By my presence?" she added, since I couldn't read where her thoughts had taken her.

Once again, I felt incredulous that she couldn't see just how much she affected me, how much my existence had changed, just in the few hours we'd spent together in the meadow.

_She really doesn't see herself clearly._

I looked at her fondly, hoping I could convey how completely ridiculous she was being as well as how much she meant to me in a single look. I didn't think mere words would reassure her, to convey my feelings, without talking for the rest of the night. Instead, I leaned toward her. Immediately, her heartbeat quickened. I didn't want to risk furthering her intoxication by kissing her again. So, I brushed my icy lips delicately along her jaw. She trembled as I brushed back and forth, raising gooseflesh on her face and neck.

Her scent filled me. My head swam with unspoken reassurances that I knew she would not take sincerely. With desire burning in my eyes, I murmured into her ear, "Regardless, I have better reflexes."

I walked her, my arm still around her waist, to the passenger side of her truck, and opened the door as she slid into the seat. Bella hardly had time to acknowledge the clank of the door closing, before I was sitting in the driver's seat, cranking the rust bucket's engine.


	8. Chapter 15  Mind Over Matter Part 1

Chapter 15 – Mind Over Matter – Part 1

Elizabeth Masen's dresser:

/Victorian/Emmas_Treasures_Large_Bedroom_Vanity_with_Optional_Mirror_and_Chair-girls-teens-vintage_victorian_style_bedroom_

Elizabeth Masen's nightgown (farthest to the left, back row): .?trg=1&strucID=713591&imageID=828301&total=35&num=0&word=lingerie%201910%2D1919&s=1¬word;=&d=&c=&f=&k=0&lWord=&lField=&sScope=&sLevel=&sLabel=&imgs=20&pos=4&e=w

song quoted from the 1950s (Mona Lisa, Nat King Cole): .com/n/nat%2Bking%2Bcole/mona%2Blisa_

Last bit of Chapter 14 (Confessions), part 3...

_She really doesn't see herself clearly._

I looked at her fondly, hoping I could convey how completely ridiculous she was being as well as how much she meant to me in a single look. I didn't think mere words would reassure her, to convey my feelings, without talking for the rest of the night. Instead, I leaned toward her. Immediately, her heartbeat quickened. I didn't want to risk furthering her intoxication by kissing her again. So, I brushed my icy lips delicately along her jaw. She trembled as I brushed back and forth, raising gooseflesh on her face and neck.

Her scent filled me. My head swam with unspoken reassurances that I knew she would not take sincerely. With desire burning in my eyes, I murmured into her ear, "Regardless, I have better reflexes."

I walked her, my arm still around her waist, to the passenger side of her truck, and opened the door as she slid into the seat. Bella hardly had time to acknowledge the clank of the door closing, before I was sitting in the driver's seat, cranking the rust bucket's engine.

Chapter 15 – Mind Over Matter – Part 1

Driving her truck at a human pace was a true test of my patience. I tried not to show it by putting on my human facade once again. But it wasn't quite as flawless as it had been before all that transpired in the meadow. I blinked, took breaths I didn't need, but I remained too still to be considered normal.

A few miles down the one-ten, the urge to feel the reality of her warmth overcame me and I gently intertwined the fingers of my free hand with hers. The contact felt amazing to me as I let our hands rest on the seat between us. She was my anchor to a reality I never knew existed. A reality that made my existence begin to feel like the life Carlisle had hoped it would be when he turned me.

Since I was holding her hand, it meant I was driving one-handed. As protective as she was of this rust bucket, I expected to see her eyebrows pinch together in worry even though my touch clearly comforted her. However, when I glanced away from the brilliant orange and red hues of the setting sun toward her, I found only serenity and the hint of a contented smile.

Bella remained quiet as I drove. Although she tried to hide it from me, her brown eyes lingered on our tangled hands, and glanced quickly from them to my face. Part of my brain _was_ concentrating on driving Bella's antique truck without pushing the engine too hard. I almost needed the distraction of pretending to be human to focus. My thoughts wanted to linger, _dangerously_, on the feel of her warm body against mine, her warm lips crushed under my cold ones...

_Snap out of it Cullen!_

I nearly torqued the steering wheel in surprise at the severe tone of my inner voice. The harshness was warranted and I turned my attention to thoughts that wouldn't incur the wrath of that inner monologue.

At first, I purely admired the beauty of the sunset. The sight was a rare one in this part of the country, so it was meant to be treasured. My eyes could see colors beyond that of Bella's human ones, making it even more extraordinary. Sure, the pinks, red, oranges, and yellows would be beautiful to her, but they lacked the _depth_ with which I could see them.

More times that I'd like to admit, my eyes drifted from the natural beauty of the sunset in front of me to the natural beauty holding my hand. The truck windows were open and a lock of Bella's hair was caught in the breeze, trailing out the window. The sight captivated me, as each individual strand shone a different shade of mahogany. There were even fine shades of brown, red, and orange there.

Suddenly, a human memory surfaced of my mother sitting at her Victorian style dresser. Although the colors of the memory were blurred and faded, like an old photograph, the fact that it surfaced at all was amazing. My mother sat, facing her reflection, in the linen nightgown she always wore. The lace trim at the bottom and on the straps had fascinated me as a child. Mother had told me once that her grandmother had made that lace for her, when she married Father.

_ Why am I remembering this now? _I wondered, almost aloud, but the memory continued to unfold. My vampire mind was able to concentrate on many things at once, so watching this memory and driving, while remaining attentive should Bella begin to speak were easy for me.

She could see my reflection in her dresser mirror, and Mother smiled fondly. Without asking or waiting for permission, I pushed her door open the rest of the way and entered. I sat on a stool off to her left that Father often occupied, when he was home for this nightly routine.

_Mother's smile turned down at the edges when my reflection came into focus in the wobbly glass._

_ "I should never have allowed your father to talk me into letting you play the barbaric game, Edward. The damage to your nose . . ."_

_ My chuckle stopped her mid-sentence, "Mom, I think it gives me character!"_

_ She playfully smacked at me with the bristle side of her hairbrush, and I snatched it away, easily and quickly._

_ "Besides, if I ever need to wear spectacles like Father, I have the perfect resting place for them!" I teased._

_ Mother actually laughed at my poor joke, all sadness at my recent injury and 'disfigurement' gone._

_ "Too bad your reflexes weren't as quick when that ball came at you," she teased, nodding toward the brush in my hand._

_ I nodded, "Touché," I conceded, "but what's really upsetting you, Mother?"_

_ Her smile turned thoughtful, as I removed the first of many tiny silver combs from her hair and started brushing her long, bronze highlighted hair._

And, as quickly as it came, the memory was gone . . .

As part of my mind had been absorbed with the memory of my mother, another had been humming along with one of the few radio stations that Bella's out-dated stereo system could pick up. Before the middle of the song, I was singing along quietly.

"...many dreams have been brought to your doorstep..." I was singing, when I heard Bella's intake of breath signaling she was going to speak.

"You like fifties music?" she asked.

Coming fully back from my fuzzy memories of Mother, I answered somewhat automatically and without thinking about where my answer might take her thoughts. "Music in the fifties was good. Much better than the sixties, or seventies, ugh!" I actually shuddered a little at the thought of some of the wailing that passed as music then. And then I shrugged, indifferently, "the eighties were bearable."

I glanced back from the sunset, back to Bella, just as she spoke, "Are you ever going to tell me how old you are?" Her voice was tentative and afraid.

I tried to hide the edge of fear that had snuck into me, "Does it matter much?" I smiled at her, hoping she couldn't see how frightened I was that _this_ would be the thing to separate us.

She responded too quickly, "No," she paused slightly, "but I still wonder . . ." She grimaced, but I had no idea why. Her expression changed as she tried to be light-hearted, "There's nothing like an unsolved mystery to keep you up at night."

Almost to myself, I answered, "I wonder if it will upset you." Not sure how to go on, or how she'd react, I looked toward the sun.

I kept my eyes on the sun, being sure not to push her truck any harder in my anxiousness. Several minutes passed, and neither of us spoke. I wanted to tell her the truth if only because she had dealt with all my other confessions so well, but this one seemed so much bigger than the rest.

I heard the leather underneath Bella creak as she straightened her shoulders. "Try me," she said, visibly bracing herself for the answer.

I paused for a moment, blinked twice, and tore my eyes from the sunset to look into her eyes to see if she was sure she was prepared.

I sighed, because Bella's face was tranquil. Her eyes were curious, unafraid. The sight pleased me immensely, but I felt as though I couldn't look into those bottomless eyes when I told my tale. I looked back at the sun as the tree-cover broke. The oranges and reds reflected off my skin, sending tiny refractions of rainbows all over the inside of the truck. I barely noticed as I sighed, resigning myself to telling her my tale.

"I was born in Chicago in 1901," I told her, my eyes darted to their corners to gauge her reaction. Bella's eyes had widened slightly, but there was no shock or fear there. So I continued, "My father, Edward Anthony Masen, was a successful lawyer with a busy practice. My mother was what you would call a homemaker, but she was also much more. Chicago was one of this young country's largest cities then, and our money gave us many privileges."

"What was her name? Your mother, I mean?" Bella asked, sensing my slight hesitation in what I was going to say next.

"Elizabeth Alden Masen," I replied, "she was the youngest daughter of Albert Lasher, head of the Lord and Thomas Advertising Agency. My father courted her for some time, apparently only winning Mr. Lasher's favor when he became a partner of Clarence Darrow's."

"From the moment I was born, my father said she adored me. I lacked nothing. Mother spoiled me, but I don't think it strained their relationship any, because Father had always wanted a son." I smiled, as his fuzzy features appeared in my mind's eye.

"We were alone together a lot because Father was tireless, trying to right all of society's wrongs. But we were never lonely. When left to our devices, and I wasn't in school, we would read plays, enjoy art museums, and attend the top parties. Mother loved the high society parties and the doors that would open when she gave her name, or Father's. Many of my parents' peers chastised Mother for not hiring a nanny or private tutor for me, but both of my parents preferred a more hands-on approach."

"When Father was home, he would enter our tight-knit duo easily; planning little adventures for the three of us. Often we would attend baseball games, and get to meet the players afterward because of Father's connections. Sometimes, we'd travel to a new museum or art gallery opening that would make Mother's eyes twinkle with delight. He loved to surprise us with a short trip to a newly opened National Park, for a picnic. "

"But her high society events or Father's adventures weren't the only things that Mother enjoyed. Her mother had been pregnant with her during the Great Fire of 1871. Nearly losing Elizabeth trying to save her older daughter, my grandmother was forever changed. Mother never knew the older sister that everyone held in such high esteem. And the grief of a loss she never she couldn't relate to stayed with her. Mother always had to live in the shadow of the perfect daughter lost, and she remembered how everyone around her felt after the fire – the loss, the heart break even in those people who hadn't lost anyone, or anything."

"She wanted to help, any way she could. Barely worn clothes of ours would disappear on the same day that Mother would attend a mysterious tea party across town that had escaped mention until the very day of the event. I never found out for sure, but I think she would drop those items off at one of the many local churches or, when I was younger, orphanages."

My smile was one of fond memories when I realized I didn't know what else I wanted to tell Bella.

"It sounds like your mother and Mrs. Cullen have similar characteristics," she observed.

I had to stifle a chuckle, "Only in a town this small would _everyone_ know who the anonymous donor at a hospital miles away is!"

Bella's knowing smile was radiant.

"However, in her penchant for always wanting us to look our best, _Alice_ is more like Mother was," I added, the small smile not leaving my lips.

"So how old were you, when you were changed?" Bella asked, bringing me fully back to the conversation at hand and the entire point of it in the first place.

I sighed, having no idea why answering this question was so hard given everything else we had discussed today. "Carlisle found me in a hospital in the summer of 1918. I was seventeen, and dying of the Spanish influenza."

Oxygen rushed in between pursed lips, the sound just barely registering even to my ears. I looked from the road back to those bottomless orbs of chocolate.

For the first time, the silence between us is not a comfortable one. Neither of us liked the things we were thinking, I supposed. I was the one to break the silence. "I don't remember it well -" I lied "it was a very long time ago, and human memories fade." That part was true. I unlocked my eyes from Bella's and stared out the windshield at nothing in particular. Without being too specific, I felt the need to rectify at least some part of my lie. "I do remember how it felt, when Carlisle saved me. It's not an easy thing, not something you could forget."

Finding her voice and not seeming to notice my apparent contradiction, Bella spoke. "Your parents?"

I decided to spare her the details of seeing my father's strong form deteriorate into not much more than a skin-covered skeleton and mother's lustrous locks go un-cared for and flat. "They had already died from the disease. I was alone. That was why he chose me. In all the chaos of the epidemic, no one would ever realize I was gone."

"How did he . . . save you?" Bella asked.

Her question sent me searching my vocabulary for words; words that wouldn't frighten or make light of Carlisle's decision, or his actions, that night.

After a few seconds, I found the words I needed. "It was difficult. Not many of us have the restraint necessary to accomplish it. But Carlisle has always been the most humane, the most compassionate of us . . . I don't think you could find his equal throughout all of history."

I paused, carefully weighing my next words – tossing them around in my mouth before speaking them. "For me, it was merely very, very painful."

My mind flashed back to that pain, that burning, searing fire that consumed me for days. The memory was quickly followed by a snippet of Alice's _un_favorable vision of what today could have been . . . Bella twitching and screaming in the grass. Or the alternative, the one that Jasper had defiantly rallied for; Bella cold, dead on the grass with him standing over her, his military training making it a painless and quick end.

My jaw clamped shut, my lips forming a tight line over whatever I _may_ have said next. I tried not to look over at Bella, because even though her thoughts were stubbornly shielded from me I could almost make them out. I hoped she wouldn't notice the tension in the set of my jaw, or the muscles in the side of my face twitching.

_She's wondering just how painful the transformation is to endure. I'd wager she's considering _that_ as a way of staying with me._

I needed to explain, to make her see that that was _not_ an option. But, I didn't know how to say it. And I couldn't believe that, despite my best efforts to the contrary, I was even giving the thought consideration.

Before I let loose the monster to rage at her for thoughts I had no proof that she was having, I whispered, "He acted from loneliness. That's usually the reason behind the choice."

My pause didn't register with Bella, because the monster in me gave me so much more room to think. Glancing at her, I could almost understand the loneliness that had driven him. And I'd never before considered the fact that I was _indeed_ lonely.

"I was the first in Carlisle's family, though he found Esme soon after. She fell from a cliff. They brought her straight to the hospital morgue, though, somehow, her heart was still beating." I stopped there, not wanting to tell a story that wasn't mine to tell.

Whatever she was thinking, she was gnawing on that bottom lip. That small action was enough to stir longing in me, to try kissing her again. My lips twitched with the desire, even though the danger would be increased if her small teeth had broken the skin. Bella's tone was still curious, distracting me from the longing, when she spoke, "So you must be dying, then, to become . . ." But when she trailed off, I knew she still had misgivings about my true nature. She wasn't yet ready to speak the word vampire.

I shook my head slightly, hating not knowing exactly where Bella's thoughts were. "'No, that's just Carlisle. He would never do that to someone who had another choice." I mused over my adopted father for a few moments. The doctor, the philanthropist, the care-giver. The respect I had for Carlisle must have been evident in almost everything I did, and surely in the way I spoke about him. "It is easier he says, though, if the blood is weak."

"And Emmett and Rosalie?" she asked, quietly.

I smirked, "Carlisle brought Rosalie to our family next. I didn't realize until much later that he was hoping she would be to me what Esme was to him – he was careful with his thoughts around me." I actually rolled my eyes at the ridiculousness of the notion. Why he even gave that notion a moment's consideration was a mystery to me, even now. "But she was never more than a sister. It was only two years later that she found Emmett."

I remembered Emmett's story well, and could see it in my head as I spoke. "She was hunting – we were in Appalachia at the time – and found a bear about to finish him off. She carried him back to Carlisle, more than a hundred miles, afraid she wouldn't be able to do it herself. I'm only beginning to guess how difficult that journey was for her."

I looked over at her, pointedly, and raised our hand up off of the seat. I brushed the back of my cold hand against the delicate warmth of her cheek.

Looking away from me, she said, "But she made it." Her voice was full of hope, and encouragement, as if that was even an option for us.

Trying not to give in to the anger that bubbled up inside me, when I thought of _my_ Bella being doomed to this awful existence, I took a deep breath of her scent and murmured, "Yes." I had to steady my voice before I continued, "She saw something in his face that made her strong enough. And they've been together ever since. Sometimes they live separately from us, as a married couple. But the younger we pretend to be, the longer we can stay in any given place. Forks seemed perfect, so we all enrolled in high school." I couldn't help the laugh that escaped me as the next thought occurred to me, "I suppose we'll have to go to their wedding in a few years, _again_."

I had to steer my thoughts away from what I knew would come, eventually . . . leaving her. I would have to. There could be no other way. Carlisle couldn't be Forks' most prominent doctor for years, when he obviously wasn't aging. I had to lock-down another portion of my brain, before I tried to shut down the elation that I was still feeling while holding her little, warm hand in mine.

Bella took only moments to consider Rosalie's story before asking, "Alice and Jasper?"

As long as Bella wasn't asking for more details on how the transformation from human to damned, I would tell her anything at this point. And something in me sensed that she knew that. "Alice and Jasper are two very rare creatures. They both developed a conscience, as we refer to it, with no outside guidance. Jasper belonged to another . . . family, a _very_ different kind of family. He became depressed, and he wandered on his own. Alice found him. Like me, she has certain gifts above and beyond the norm for our kind."

"Really?" Bella interrupted, before I could chastise myself for glossing over Jasper's past, and what little we know of Alice's. "But you said you were the only one who could hear people's thoughts."

She was clearly interested to hear about Alice, and Alice _had_ seen that they were going to be quite friendly . . . I would have to remember to tell my favorite sister this little detail. I could almost hear Alice squealing with delight already.

"That's true," I said, desperately attempting to keep the image of Bella with the blood red eyes of a newborn vampire tucked away in an unused, or more easily ignored, portion of my brain. "She knows other things. She _sees_ things – things that might happen, things that are coming. But it's very subjective. The future isn't set in stone. Things change."

My jaw clenched tightly against the image fighting fiercely to resurface. I had to look over at Bella, quickly, if only to reassure myself that there was still color in her cheeks and her eyes were still that gorgeous brown. The warmth that traveled from her was no longer enough. I needed that visual assurance. I didn't allow my eyes to linger for fear that the humanity I saw there would melt away into the image of the Bella vampire horror.

Bella's voice, once again, saved me from myself. "What kinds of things does she see?"

_Visions of you . . . lifeless . . . dead. Visions of you . . . with red eyes, snarling for blood. Visions of you . . . with the golden eyes of my family._

I mentally shook myself, and began to answer her. "She saw Jasper and knew that he was looking for her before he knew it himself. She saw Carlisle and our family, and they came together to find us. She's the most sensitive to non-humans. She always sees, for example, when another group of our kind is coming near. And any threat they may pose."

_Why do I always say too much around her?_

And, on cue, Bella asked another question I wasn't sure exactly how to answer. "Are there a lot of . . . your kind?"

I struggled to answer, but stuck closer to the truth. "No, not many. But most won't settle in any one place." _Because they're too conspicuous, or kill each other too quickly over the blood in the area._ "Only those like us, who've given up hunting you people," I pointedly looked over at Bella, "can live together with humans for any length of time. We've only found one other family like ours, in a small village in Alaska. We lived together for a time, but there were so many of us that we became too noticeable. Those of us who live . . . differently tend to band together."

"And the others?" Bella asked.

"Nomads, for the most part." _Wandering all over the world, committing random acts of murder._ "We've all lived that way at times. It gets tedious, like anything else. But we run across the others now and then, because most of us prefer the North." As I pulled onto Bella's street, I noticed there were no lights on inside her house, indicating the Chief had not yet returned from his fishing trip. The darkness was all-consuming, already.

"Why is that?" Bella asked, obviously not thinking before she asked as I parked her truck in her driveway.

"Did you not have your eyes open this afternoon?" I quipped, hoping she understood that I was only teasing. "Do you think I could walk down the street in the sunlight without causing traffic accidents?" Bella snickered a little. "There's a reason why we chose the Olympic Peninsula, one of the most sunless places in the world. It's nice to be able to go outside in the day. You wouldn't believe how tired you can get of nighttime in eighty-odd years."

A small smile played across Bella's rosy lips. "So that's where the legends come from."

I nod. "Probably."

Without looking at me, she asked, "And Alice came from another family, like Jasper?"

"No, and that _is_ a mystery. Alice doesn't remember her human life at all."

As I spoke about Alice's past, I could _see_ it the way she remembered it . . .

_Alice, barely dressed, dirty, and alone . . ._

_ Her voice, barely above a whisper, as she tells me what little she remembers._

_ "I don't remember the pain of being changed, like everyone else, Edward."_

_ In her mind, she's just opened her eyes, as if there was nothing at all before this moment in her life._

_ "I just opened my eyes on the sunrise, knowing things were different for me now." She had said, with a kind of child-like wonder that made me want to __protect this small, little thing that had just introduced herself into my life, my _room.

_First, looking at her hands as they sparkled. Then, at her wrists. Her confusion that _something_ that had been there, wasn't, and that emotion overwhelms her for a few minutes. "I'm free," she whispers to no one._

_ Then, a smell so tantalizing assails her senses. All of a sudden, her mouth filled with saliva._

_ "Bleck. Tastes funny. Tongue tingles." She says, her voice gaining strength. She sat up, tucked her knees up under her slight form, she twirled her tongue in her mouth._

_ "The worst part," Alice would tell me all those years later as she sat atop a trunk full of _my_ clothes carefully removed from _my_ closet and put in the garage. "I couldn't hold a thought for more than three seconds."_

_ And then back she goes . . . seeing it again, feeling it all._

_ After investigating the inside of her mouth with a strangely tingling tongue for several minutes, a thunderous __whooshing noise assaults her ears. She slapped her hands over them, but the sound of her hands making contact with her head is not what she expected. Instead of the popping clap, it was more like the sound of two pieces of marble slamming together. And it didn't block out the sound._

_ In time with the whooshing, her whole body began to burn with what she could only describe as thirst. Or a thirsty hunger. It didn't make sense._

_ That was when Alice had the first vision she remembers . . . her small form half-riding, half-falling off a twelve-point buck._

_ The haziness of the vision cleared, just as the whooshing sound grew to an almost unbearable crescendo, and a twelve-point buck entered the clearing a few yards to her left. Within moments, she was on him. Even without time for her newly-distractible brain to register how quickly she traversed the distance or how soft the layer of fur on his hide felt under her fingers, Alice instinctively clamped her mouth over his carotid and drank._

_ Alice's thoughts and feelings jumble together as she drinks. Only as the sound slowed, and then stopped, did she stop to consider her actions._

_ "Vampire," the word escaped her lips in another whisper, and she ran toward a small copse of trees, away from the nearby city and whatever she had been before._

While Alice's memories were playing out in my mind, I continued answering Bella's question, knowing that Alice would want to be the one to tell Bella her story, in detail, in the future . . . now that the two seemed destined for friendship.

"And she doesn't know who created her. She awoke alone. Whoever made her walked away, and none of us understand why, or how, he could. If she hadn't had that other sense, if she hadn't seen Jasper and Carlisle and known that she would someday become one of us, she probably would have turned into a total savage." I wanted to chuckle at the mental image of fashion-trailblazer Alice as a hair-matted, mud-smeared savage, but a sound interrupted the though.

Bella's stomach was . . . growling. And that gorgeous blush was rising across her cheeks.

"I'm sorry, I'm keeping you from dinner."

"I'm fine, really," Bella responded, too quickly.

I'm immediately embarrassed that I have neglected her needs so readily. Muttering in disgust with myself, I manage an apology of sorts, "I've never spent much time around anyone who eats food. I forget."

"I want to stay with you," she blurted out, seeming almost stunned that she had voiced what she was feeling. That response was timid and full of an ache I recognized, because I felt it myself; the ache to not be separated from the other.

"Can't I come in?" I asked, surprising myself with my forwardness and trying to convey with words what I couldn't let show in my voice just yet; that I didn't want to leave her warmth.

As my words processed, and perhaps some of the feeling behind them, the small line between Bella's eyebrows formed. She looked as though she was trying to fathom out a riddle. Then, as quickly as it appeared, the crease disappeared back into the smooth, pale skin of her forehead. "Would you like to?" she asked.

"Yes, if it's all right," I responded, truthfully, thinking of the scandal it would have caused back in the era of my youth. And . . . the scandal it _may_ cause if I didn't have the advantages I did and the Chief came home unexpectedly.

I was out of the driver's seat and at her door, holding it open for her in a flash that startled her.

Bella's eyes sparkled in the darkness with something that I couldn't yet identify as well as surprise, as she looked up at me. "Very human," she complimented, nodding toward the truck door.

"It's definitely resurfacing," I smiled.

I walked beside her once she climbed down from the truck. The walk from the drive to the front door wasn't long, but every other second Bella's eyes would dart to their corners, searching me out in the darkness. It was if she expected me to fade into the dark woods nearby, or to turn into a bat and fly away.

As Bella mounted the first step, I snatched the hidden key from under the eave, and unlocked the front door for her, replacing the key before she even realized I had left her side.

She was half inside and half out when my actions got her attention. "The door was unlocked?" she asked, a slight edge of alarm _just_ evident in her tone.

Smiling at my mistake and what it revealed about me, I confess, "No, I used the key from under the eave."

Frustration at not knowing what Bella was thinking and therefore how she would react to this bit of news, started to boil over. But, she doesn't respond by attempting to slam the door in my face. She just stepped the rest of the way inside, and switched on the front porch light.


	9. Chapter 15  Mind Over Matter, Part 2

Chapter 15 – Mind Over Matter – Part 2

_From Part 1-_

_ She was half inside and half out when my actions got her attention. "The door was unlocked?" she asked, a slight edge of alarm just evident in her tone._

_ Smiling at my mistake and what it revealed about me, I confessed, "No, I used the key from under the eave."_

_ Frustration at not knowing what Bella was thinking and therefore how she would react to this bit of news started to boil over. But she didn't respond by attempting to slam the door in my face; she simply stepped the rest of the way inside, and switched on the front porch light._

I stood behind her, still on the threshold, and marveled at how different the color of her hair was in this light. Darker. More _brown_. Lost in my thoughts on the layers of color in Bella's hair, I heard her shoes turn back toward me and then I was looking into her face, quizzical now, with eyebrows raised.

I tried my best to look sheepish, and said, "I was curious about you." I winced internally.

_Now she calls her father . . . the vampire is also a stalker._

"You spied on me?" Bella asked, not _quite_ convincing me of her outrage.

I hid my amusement that she was clearly flattered at my interest. "What else is there to do at night?"

_I'm not sorry. You fascinate me._

Bella walked toward the small, yellow kitchen and I beat her there, taking my seat at the formica table. When she turned on the light and I was already seated she stopped in the doorway. Bella drunk me in, without the pretense of hiding it.

Without a word, she got a plate from the cabinet, opened the ice box, and pulled out a covered dish. Even through the lid I could smell the "food." I could smell the cheese, the meat, the tomatoes, and each and every spice inside. I fought the urge to retch; the memory of that bite of pizza in the cafeteria closed my throat. I decided that I could do without my sense of smell for a while and took a tentative breath in through my mouth.

_Uncomfortable, but doable._

After a few beeps, the microwave started to hum. As the microwave heated the square of lasagna releasing _more_ of the scent, I chose to forgo breathing altogether.

Bella watched the plate rotate, as if gathering her courage. "How often?" she asked, trying to act nonchalant, as if we were talking about the weather.

_Not like we're talking about the horrible vampire stalker now sitting in your kitchen . . ._

"Hmmm?" I asked, completely immersed in watching the beautiful creature in front of me.

"How often do you come here?" Bella clarified, her eyes not leaving the spinning lasagna.

"I come here almost every night."

Bella whirled around, clearly shocked, the color almost completely gone from her face. Her eyebrows rose in shock and her rosy lips formed an O of surprise. "Why?"

I decided to err with honesty; I spoke matter-of-factly, "You're interesting when you sleep." I held my hands out, palms up. "You talk."

"No!" Bella half gasped, half shrieked. Her expression was pure embarrassment as her blood rushed back to her face, coloring it in a full blush all the way from her neck to her hairline.

Concerned that her embarrassment would turn to anger, something I wasn't sure I could bear, I asked, "Are you very angry with me?" Dismay colored my voice.

"That depends!" she panted, gripping the kitchen counter as though it would help keep her vertical.

Bella's heart pumped that luscious blood through her veins at a furious pace, and her lungs were working her toward hyperventilation. I was glad I had chosen not to breathe while she was cooking, for I was sure the taste and smell of her blood was flooding the kitchen.

I sat waiting for her to catch her breath for a few minutes before I spoke.

"On?" I asked, urging her to tell me the thoughts I couldn't hear.

"What you heard!" Bella wailed, anger and embarrassment pushing her toward panic, and possibly, tears.

In a flash, I was at her side. I took Bella's small, soft hands in mine, careful not to crush the delicate bones. "Don't be upset!" I begged. I dipped my head down, to draw her eyes to mine and held her gaze. She was clearly embarrassed and wanted to look away, but the compulsion to look at me was too great.

_The monster has its uses . . ._

I whispered, trying to soothe her, "You miss your mother." Bella's heartbeat skipped. I continued in a whisper while I held her hands and her gaze. "You worry about her. And when it rains, the sound makes you restless. You used to talk about home a lot, but it's less often now. Once you said, 'It's too _green._'"

I chuckled softly at the memory, careful not to jostle Bella. Her heartbeat had finally slowed; her breathing more regular.

I felt her jaw click into place, setting, as if preparing for another wave of panic as she demanded, "Anything else?"

Unable to lie to her now that we had shared so much, but afraid the truth would upset her as well, I spoke slowly, "You did say my name."

A huge sigh escaped her. "A lot?" she asked, visibly sagging at the answer she clearly feared.

Her embarrassment was making her self-conscious about something she had no control over. I briefly berated myself for admitting what I had done, but I couldn't help but tease her about it. "How much do you mean by "a lot" exactly?"

"Oh no!" she exclaimed, the spell broken. She hung her head and her eyes locked on the linoleum.

In a move that felt so natural to me, I pulled Bella to my chest. I enclosed her in my arms and tucked her head under my chin. I inhaled for the first time since she had begun to cook. The scent of her, mixed with her small body pressed against mine, lit fires within me.

Despite over-feeding with Alice, my throat began to burn with thirst. My skin warmed and burned where we touched. Not only did I burn for her blood, but with a desire to possess her in ways that my very existence would never allow.

_You would kill her, Cullen. And why are you even entertaining the thought? You've known her _how long? The last thought clearly had my mother's tone. . .

Pushing the teenager, the gentleman, and the monster away was harder this time, with Bella so close. But I managed, after a few moments.

I dipped my lips down to her ear, and whispered, "Don't be self-conscious, if I could dream at all, it would be about you. And I'm not ashamed of it." The admission surprised us both, but not more than the distinct sound of the Chief's cruiser in the driveway.

_How did I not hear him before he turned the corner?_

The light from his headlights danced through the house's front windows, and Bella went rigid in my arms. "Should your father know I'm here?" I asked.

Bella stammered, "I'm not sure . . ."

"Another time then . . ." I whispered, and vanished up the stairs without a sound.

"Edward!" Bella hissed loudly. Clearly my quick disappearance had startled her.

I chuckled, the sound echoing eerily down the stairs, to let her know I was still in the house. The sound faded just as the Chief's keys rattled again the front door.

"Bella?" the Chief called inside. His voice inflected up into a question, indicating he was not used to the house being occupied when _he_ wasn't in it.

"In here," Bella almost squeaked, and made a noisy show of getting her plate out of the microwave and sitting at the table.

The Chief's footsteps seemed thunderous in the quiet house. His thoughts were foggy to me, but once the smell of tomatoes and spices registered, they cleared quickly.

_Smells good. Almost as good as last night . . ._

"Can you get me some of that? I'm bushed," he called into the kitchen.

I could hear Bella shuffle back over to the cabinets, open the ice box, and then start the microwave revolving again. The cabinet door banged again and there were two identical thumps on the counter. _Glasses?_ The ice box door creaked again and quickly afterward the glug of liquid being poured drifted up to me.

Then the smell hit . . . cow's milk, the most disgusting concoction that humans consume. I hadn't been much of a connoisseur _before_ my transformation, but since . . . the idea was simply horrifying. Emmett, Jasper, and I enjoyed our frequent bets, but the _worst_ loss I had had to endure had resulted in my having to drink two gallons of the stuff. I survived the incident, obviously, but it had been excruciating. Esme had been furious with all of us for wasting, as she put it "perfectly good milk."

I held my breath again, not wanting the smell to filter any further into my senses than it already had, as the Chief plopped himself down at the kitchen table. "Thanks," he said as I heard Bella put a plate down in front of him.

"How was your day?" Bella asked, the words rushed from her lips so quickly that they almost jumbled together.

At her excited tone, the Chief's internal eyebrows rose. His policeman's instincts jump-started into action. Quickly, Charlie took stock of his daughter's appearance: her flushed face, her darting eyes, and her gobbling food down seemingly without chewing.

_Something's off, _he thought while beginning his dinner.

"Good," he responded, swallowing. "The fish were biting . . . how about you? Did you get everything done that you wanted to?"

He was continuing his investigation, but doing so quietly and internally. Although he hadn't had to use them often, his investigation skills were quite sharp. He checked the counter for evidence that someone else had been preparing to eat, or had eaten. He quickly scanned his daughter's neck for hickeys. Looked around the small kitchen for _any_ signs his daughter had not been alone, when he had arrived.

"Not really – it was too nice to stay indoors." Bella responded, her words taking on a bit more of their usual pace.

The Chief agreed, "It was a nice day," but continued his mental evaluation of Bella. _She's hiding something . . ._

I chuckled silently at the notion that today had been merely "nice." _You have no idea. Today made the last ninety-odd years of my existence worthwhile. The word "nice" doesn't even come close, Chief Swan._

The Chief's thoughts faded from my mind as his focus returned to his food, but they snapped back to attention when Bella all but chugged the remainder of her milk.

"In a hurry?" the Chief asked, his mind sorting through a list of male students Bella's age that had caused trouble near the reservation a few weeks ago. _If it's any of those boys that's got her so excited, she's got another thing coming, _he thought.

Bella's plate and glass clinked against the counter as she turned the water on in the kitchen sink. "Yeah, I'm tired. I'm going to bed early," she said quickly, the urgency sneaking back into her voice, just a little.

The Chief swallowed, "You look kinda keyed up," he observed correctly. _I wonder if she plans to __sneak out tonight. Why wouldn't she just tell me if she had a date? Is she ashamed of who it is?_ His string of questions fired off in rapid succession as though he was interrogating a wanted criminal inside his head. And the questions continued through Bella's strained response.

"Do I?" she asked, her voice coming from a different direction now, as she scrubbed the dishes with the little yellow brush I'd noticed by the sink.

I heard a towel snap and then two muffled thumps as her dishes were set out to dry, I assumed.

The questions continued jockeying for position in the Chief's mind. "It's Saturday," he said, a statement that was almost a question and when Bella didn't answer, he pushed again. "No plans tonight?"

This time Bella's voice was stronger and slightly perturbed, "No, Dad, I just want to get some sleep."

The back legs of the chair the Chief was sitting in creaked slightly as he leaned back, perhaps to convey an air of nonchalance. "None of the boys in town your type, eh?" he teased, silently wishing that Bella hadn't taken to anyone, but also wondering why a beautiful seventeen-year-old was home on a Saturday night.

_What's wrong with my Bells? No, I can't believe I thought that. All the boys in Forks need to stay away._

Bella's answer brought his blood pressure back down a few millimeters of mercury. "No, none of the boys have caught my eye yet," she answered and I thought I heard a slight emphasis on the word boy.

"I thought maybe that Mike Newton . . ." the Chief paused, unsure of the words to use, "you said he was friendly."

I could imagine Bella's answering eye-roll and typical worrying of her bottom lip while she discussed the uncomfortable subject of the opposite sex with her father. And her exasperation with the topic was clearly evident in her response, "He's _just_ a friend, Dad."

The Chief exhaled sharply, "Well, you're too good for them all, anyway," relief flooding his words because he could tell the conversation was coming to a close. "Wait till you get to college to start looking," he encouraged with a chuckle.

Bella's footsteps grew louder as she came toward the stairs, and mounted the first few. "Sounds like a good idea to me," she called over her shoulder.

"'Night, honey," he called after her. His thoughts were a jumble of concern for what his daughter was hiding, annoyance that children didn't come with instruction manuals like guns did, and curiosity about whether Renee had had "the talk" with Bella yet.

_Surely Renee wouldn't leave that up to me? And she's seventeen! Even Renee would remember to do that before now, wouldn't she? And, besides, Bella's a smart girl . . . she probably read about it somewhere._

As she deftly avoided the squeaky stair, she gave her father a final goodnight, "See you in the morning, Dad." Her footsteps were slow and heavy up the rest of the stairs. I guessed Bella was trying to convince her father of her exhaustion, until she crossed the threshold of her room.

Then, her demeanor completely changed, once her door latched closed. Up on her tiptoes, Bella ran across her small room and threw open her window. Leaning out of it nearly to her waist, she whispered, "Edward?"

I admired the view of Bella bent over the windowsill for a moment, as I silently slipped from her closet. Not taking my eyes off of her, I laid quietly down on her bed. Settling in with my feet hanging off the end, and my hands behind my head, I laughed quietly and asked innocently, "Yes?"

Bella spun around, ducked her head under the open window at the last second, and her right hand flew up to her throat. "Oh!" she exclaimed, almost loud enough for the Chief to hear had he not turned on the television. She flushed in surprise, her heart stuttered, and her knees refused to support her any longer. Bella crumpled to the floor, her eyes large and focused on me.

My smile only faltered a bit as I assessed whether or not she was hurt. "I'm sorry," I commented, trying to hide the nervous laughter bubbling up inside me. Her father's questioning had been stressful for me as well, since neither Bella nor I really knew how he'd react to the truth of our relationship. _What _is _the truth of our relationship? _I had been so wrapped up in the Chief's thoughts to register that stress until now, and I pressed my lips together to quiet myself.

Bella's breathy chuckle filled the quiet room, "Just give me a minute to restart my heart."

I sat up slowly and reached out to Bella, mentally stealing myself for what I was about to do. Very gently, I gripped the tops of her slender arms, picked up her gently, and sat her on the bed beside me.

"Why don't you sit with me?" I asked, unsure of myself now that she knew I'd been in here before. "How's the heart?" I teased.

Bella smiled, "You tell me – I'm sure you hear it better than I do."

My silent laughter shook her mattress. And, indeed, I _could_ hear her heartbeat quite clearly. More quickly than earlier today, Bella's heartbeat did slow, but some thought I couldn't hear set it galloping again momentarily. Soon, it settled down again. The scandal that my being found sitting on Bella's bed would cause briefly flitted across my thoughts, but I knew that I wouldn't let myself come as close to being caught as I had been earlier tonight again.

Bella took another steadying breath, tucked a lock of hair behind her ear, and started gnawing on her bottom lip. At the sight of such a simple thing, desire coursed through me. There was just something so very . . . exciting . . . about her little teeth working that plump bottom lip that made my palms twitch to hold her face in my hands while crashing my lips into hers.

_A move that could very well kill the object of your desire, Cullen_, the voice interrupted those dangerous thoughts, just before Bella's voice cut through the quiet.

"Can I have a minute to be human?" Bella asked, almost embarrassed.

I tilted my head to the side, to look more closely at her face. It only took half a moment to know for certain that she wasn't going to bolt back down the stairs in terror, she looked too calm. "Certainly," I responded and gestured toward that she should proceed.

Bella moved to look me in the eyes. "Stay" she commanded with all the severity of a three week old kitten.

"Yes, ma'am," I whispered around my laughter and made quite a show of becoming as still as a statue before her eyes,.

Bella darted up from the bed with a dexterity so unlike her, snatched a pile of clothes off the floor, a bag of toiletries off her desk, and dashed out the door. The door made a distinct _click_ as the latch caught behind her.

_I can see why the Chief thinks you are sneaking out. Bella, you are positively hyper._

I could hear the television still on downstairs, and the crinkle of a newspaper being rifled through. The Chief's thoughts were quieting as Bella all but slammed the bathroom door. He considered pulling off the distributor cap off her truck, but decided against it, thinking that the truck's over-loud engine would wake him.

_But what if she's not the one driving? Would I hear a quieter engine? _The Chief thought, very much undecided about what he was going to do

I heard the knobs turn in the shower, their squeak quite loud in the small house. The water seemed to be running in the sink as well.

_That girl uses more water than a dorm full of college kids, _he grumbled with a chuckle and an internal eye-roll. And then something on the television caught his attention.

The faucet in the sink was shut off, and the sound of the water in the shower changed as Bella turned on the showerhead. A slight thump registered to my vampire ears as her jeans were tossed into the laundry hamper and then the sound of the water changed again, as Bella stepped under it.

Before I began imagining what was going on in that warm, moist room across the hall, torturing myself even further, I slid my cell phone from my pocket.

_No messages, huh. Alice is either distracted, Jasper hid her phone, or she's giving me some privacy. _I chuckled quietly in the dark, and sent her a quick text.

_Still with __Bella._

_ I know_, came her quick response.

_I didn't know "smug" could come through in a text._

_ Haha. Knew you'd be ok._

_ Am I? _Doubts that this would end well were creeping in, again. _What did I get myself into?_

_ Love, Edward. Plain & simple._

I shook my head at the phone and my favorite sister.

_She asked about you . . . _

_ Yay! _Came her quick response, and I could almost hear her squeal with excitement.

We'll talk later, I texted and snapped the phone shut, before Alice's barrage of questioning began.

_I just needed someone to know how unsure of all this I am. And Alice is the most supportive and least likely to tease._

I sighed into the quiet room; doubts about where all of _this_ could lead started sinking in_. _The water cut off in the bathroom. For a moment, I considered darting out the window and running away, to let time take me away from her as her memories fade. But I dismissed the notion almost immediately.

_I am bound to her now. Always. Something in me _needs _her; _wants _her in ways I don't yet understand._

I made sure I was sitting exactly as I was when Bella left the room because I could hear her tearing her wet hair out with a brush. A few more thumps and Bella descended the stairs in a hurry.

"'Night, Dad," Bella called from the kitchen, clearly wanting her father to notice she was showered and ready for bed.

"'Night, Bella," he responded, glancing at the clock and then looking his daughter over. _Maybe she is just going to bed, _he thought, _that's an awful lot of trouble to go through otherwise_. But, his thoughts were still a jumble of contradictions as Bella ran back up the stairs.

When Bella burst back into the room, I remained as the statue she had left. Her smile made me smile, and the façade was broken. I looked her over; saw her flushed cheeks, wet hair, well-worn and holey t-shirt, and scruffy grey sweatpants. I raised an eye brow in surprise that she would allow me to see her in her night clothes.

Bella misinterpreted my expression and winced, appearing embarrassed. "No, it looks good on you," I commented honestly.

_You look like home, _I wanted to say, but that seemed too forward.

She blushed slightly, and whispered, "Thanks." Although she climbed up on the bed beside me and crossed her legs. Her eyes remained glued to the floor.

Bella's silence seemed to slow time. It was so strange for me to be in a room with someone, and not hear them, even though they weren't speaking. It definitely made me impatient. Gesturing to the door and the stairs beyond, I asked, "What was all that for?"

Her wet hair fell forward as she shrugged and tried to make light of the Chief's worries, "Charlie thinks I'm sneaking out."

"Oh," I said, and listened in on the Chief's thoughts which were a jumble of Seattle's growing crime rate, sports statistics, and which parts could most easily disable a 1953 Chevy truck. "Why?" I asked for Bella's benefit.

Her eyes didn't leave the floor when she responded, "Apparently, I look a little overexcited."

Since I couldn't see her eyes or her expression, it was nearly impossible for me to judge her mood; especially as any inflection of tone was lost in whispers. I put a finger under her chin, in the soft spot under her jaw, and raised her face to mine. I made a show of looking her over. "You look very warm, actually," I whispered, a smirk played across my lips.


	10. Chapter 15  Mind Over Matter, Part 3

Chapter 15, Part 3 (Final)

_...last few lines of Part 2:_

Her eyes didn't leave the floor when she responded, "Apparently, I look a little overexcited."

Since I couldn't see her eyes or her expression, it was nearly impossible for me to judge her mood; especially as any inflection of tone was lost in whispers. I put a finger under her chin, in the soft spot under her jaw, and raised her face to mine. I made a show of looking her over. "You look very warm, actually," I whispered, a smirk played across my lips.

I wanted more of that warmth. _She truly is your brand of heroin, Cullen. _I leaned in toward Bella, slowly, and laid my stone cheek gently against hers.

"Mmmmmm . . ." I breathed in Bella's scent; the lavender, freesia, the strawberry of her shampoo, and her _blood_. The power that scent had over me was all-encompassing, but her humanity – the thing that made her so delicate – spoke to my very essence. Something I had thought to be long gone . . . like my own humanity _and_ my soul.

Bella remained very still as I held my cheek against hers. I knew I could remain like this for years, unchanging, but it was hard for her. As if on cue, and frighteningly in tandem with my thoughts, she began to shift ever-so-slightly closer to me. I wasn't sure she was even aware of the slight movement, but my proximity made it possible for me to feel her muscles needing to stretch.

"It seems to be . . . much easier for you, now, to be close to me," Bella stammered, her words catching in her throat. Her speech was slow and determined, as if focusing on a single thought and putting it into words caused her difficulty.

_Is my being this close, causing this? _The idea fascinated me and a mischievous smile made its way to my face in the darkness. _Your proximity does similar things to me, too._

"Does it seem that way to you?" I whispered, further teasing us both. I turned my cheek from hers and, with the tip of my nose, tenderly traced her cheekbone down the length of her jaw. Hardly aware of my actions, I gently pushed back Bella's wet hair from her neck and gently stroked the hollow pulse-point below and behind her ear.

Bella's breath caught in her throat as she tried to exhale. "Much, much easier," she whispered.

"Hmm," was the only reply I could muster.

My fingers began tracing the soft lines my nose had followed, almost of their own accord.

A few more moments passed and Bella found her voice again. "So I was wondering . . ." As soon as she had started to speak, the tips of my fingers found her clavicle, and her breath caught again.

I smiled into her hair, enjoying the fact that she was as affected by me as I was by her. "Yes?" I asked while relishing in our closeness and her scent.

Bella took a shaky deep breath, flexed the muscles in her tiny hands, and opened her mouth to speak, "Why is that," her voice shook, "do you think?"

I laughed silently into her neck and watched as gooseflesh rose at the kiss of my cold breath. "Mind over matter," I quipped.

Bella jerked away suddenly and I froze, even holding the breath I had been exhaling.

_Way to go, Cullen _the voice grumbled _you won't get _that_ close again._

My jaw tightened. My smile faded. Questions flew through my thoughts but, at least after his initial chastising of me, the monster was silent. Then, I started reflecting over my actions just before Bella moved away from me.

_Not exactly the actions of a gentleman_, I thought. My mind reeled as I questioned my behavior. Bella and I regarded each other for several seconds; she was now turned facing me with a perplexing expression on her face.

_Was it the kiss to her pulse-point? Too close to Hollywood vampire? Did the reality of what I am come crushing down on Bella as my lips touched her neck? Was it my fingers on her clavicle? Too forward, Edward! You got carried away!_

Bella's eyes weren't wide with fear, and her pulse hadn't started galloping; so fear wasn't what had caused her movement. I watched her eyes a few seconds more, and found them searching my face. Under her scrutiny, the tension in my jaw faded away.

"Did I do something wrong?" I asked, still so un-used to her mind's silence. Bella, whose face told me so much, could still be such a mystery.

Her expression changed from the one I couldn't read, to one of amused frustration; the small crease returning between her eyebrows. As she spoke, the crease deepened, but the edges of her lips curved up in an embarrassed smile. "No – the opposite. You're driving me crazy."

I replayed her words in my head, to make sure my ears hadn't played tricks on me. As I recalled her exact words and expression, a smile of triumph spread across my face before I could stop it. "Really?" I whispered, the joy in my words clear even in my hushed tone.

Bella grinned back at me. "Would you like a round of applause?" she asked sarcastically clapping her hands silently.

My answering smile made her roll her chocolate eyes at me playfully. I touched her hand, and she looked up at me again. "I'm just pleasantly surprised," I clarified, my tone light, "In the last hundred years or so, I never imagined anything like this." _Never believed it was possible._ "I didn't believe I would ever find someone I wanted to be with," _in every way possible _"in another way than my brothers and sisters. And then to find, even though it's all new to me, that I'm good at it . . . at being with you . . ."

"You're good at everything," Bella said, seeming a little put off.

_I've had centuries of nights with nothing else to do._

I shrugged, indicating she won that point, and our whispered laughs mingled in the dark.

Bella wanted answers; her face was determined. "But how can it be so easy now? This afternoon . . ."

"It's not _easy_," I sighed. _She thinks she's somehow _lost_ something that attracted me to her!_ "But this afternoon, I was still" _thinking I might kill you _"undecided. I am so sorry about that, it was unforgivable for to behave so."

Bella shook her head, "Not unforgivable."

Her words lightened the burden of my earlier indecision, and made me smile. "Thank you. You see," I looked down at my hands, cooling now from her warmth, "I wasn't sure I if I was strong enough," _to resist the siren call of your blood. The blood that warms me, even from the outside._ As if trying to make up for that, I picked up one small hand in mine and pressed my face into it. "And while there was still that possibility that I might be . . . overcome," I inhaled deeply of her scent at her wrist, "I was . . . susceptible. Until I made up my mind that I _was_ strong enough, that there was no possibility at that I would" _drink the life from your veins, _"that I ever could . . ." My voice trailed off, the words unspoken too horrible.

"So there's no possibility now?" she asked, bringing my unfocused eyes back to her face.

"Mind over matter," I repeated, smiling again.

"Wow, that was easy," Bella said, awed, but still with that strange edge of disappointment.

I threw back my head and laughed riotously, careful to remain silent. The bed shook with my guffaws; Bella jostled slightly and my teenage eyes noticed she was no longer wearing her brassiere.

"Easy for _you_," I chuckled, and touched the end of her perfect nose with my finger, diverting my eyes.

At even so slight a touch, I was reminded how careful I had to be every time I longed for that warmth. I'm sure the jubilation quickly faded from my face, as the thought crossed my mind.

_You could have driven your finger through her skull, Cullen._

"I'm trying," my voice reflected the pain the thought of injuring Bella had given me. "If it gets to be . . . too much, I'm fairly sure I'll be able to leave."

As soon as the word 'leave' was spoken, Bella scowled. Her heart beat lurched. Pain lanced behind my eyes at the thought of leaving this all behind.

I kept talking. "And it will be harder tomorrow. I've had the scent of you in my head all day, and I've grown amazingly desensitized. If I'm away from you for any length of time, I'll have to start over again. Not quite from scratch, though, I think."

Bella's face was still crumpled up in a scowl as she spoke, "Don't go away, then." Her voice, even in whispers, expressed the distress she felt at the idea of us being separated, a feeling echoed in the physical pain I felt moments ago.

Her scowl had changed to a stubborn almost-pout . . . almost. "That suits me," I smiled, taking both of Bella's hands in mine. "Bring on the shackles – I am your prisoner," I laughed, less quietly this time, and wrapped my long fingers around her delicate wrists. The warmth from her skin was something I almost physically _needed_ now.

Bella's brown eyes sparkled in the dark room, as she smiled down at the shackles my hands made. "You seem more . . . optimistic than usual," she said, "I haven't seen you like this before."

_Wouldn't Emmett love to see this side of me, _I laughed and internally shook my head; _he'd have as much __fun with at my expense about being giddy in love as he does about my broodiness._

"Isn't it supposed to be like this?" I asked, indicating my hands around hers and my smile, "The glory of first love, and all that. It's incredible, isn't it, the difference between reading about something, seeing it in the pictures, and experiencing it." I shocked myself by letting such an antiquated term slip into my speech. I allowed it in my private thoughts, but my speech? The slip was just another testament to how far my guard had fallen with Bella; how relaxed I had become with her.

Bella blushed, minutely, but I already knew she'd poured over books, films, and stories of love and yet not experienced it first-hand. "Very different," she agreed, "More forceful than I expected."

I laughed, and then the words that had betrayed me when we were discussing my blood lust came flooding forth. Words began pouring out of me like water over a cliff. I could barely contain them. And slowing their emergence from my lips slow enough for Bella to understand was very nearly impossible.

"For example," I held her hands now, not her wrists, "the emotion of jealousy. I've read about it a hundred thousand times, seen actors portray it in a thousand different plays and movies. I believed I understood that one pretty clearly. But it shocked me . . ." my face contorted at the memory. "Do you remember the day that Mike asked you to the dance?"

Bella nodded her ascent, "The day you started talking to me again."

I smiled that she had bookmarked the memory for a completely different reason. "I was surprised by the flare of resentment, almost fury, I felt." My expression soured again as I remembered the almost tangible emotion. "I didn't recognize what it was at first. I was even more aggravated than usual that I couldn't know what you were thinking, why you refused him. Was it simply for your friend's sake? Was there someone else? I knew I had no right to care either way. I _tried_ not to care."

I shook my head at the memory, not in frustration now, but at the absurdity of it. "And then the line started forming." I chuckled.

Bella's scowl returned. _At the memory of my giving Tyler his chance, I bet. _I chuckled harder.

"I waited, unreasonably anxious to hear what you would say to them, to watch your expressions. I couldn't deny the relief I felt, watching the annoyance on your face. But I couldn't be sure why the annoyance was there."

"That was the first night I came here." Bella's face softened, but it was my turn to wear the expression. "I wrestled all night, while watching you sleep, with the chasm between what was _right_, moral, ethical, and what I _wanted_. I knew that if I continued to ignore you as I should, or I left for a few years, till you were gone, that someday you would say yes to Mike, or someone like him. It made me angry."

Bella flinched at the idea of her saying yes to Mike. I wanted to stop, and chuckle, and tell her she never had to say yes to anyone _ever_ other than me, but I couldn't. The thoughts and feelings of that night _had_ to get out. Alice was the only one who had heard these intimate thoughts and the almost physical pain I had gone through that night, and Bella deserved to know, didn't she?

"And then, as you were sleeping, you said my name. You spoke so clearly, at first I thought you'd woken. But you rolled over restlessly and mumbled my name once more, and sighed. The feeling that coursed through me then was unnerving, staggering. And I knew I couldn't ignore you any longer."

I paused. Bella's heart had taken off at a quick pace, giving her feelings away.

"But jealousy . . ." _it's so human_, "it's a strange thing," I said after Bella's heart quieted. "So much more powerful than I would have thought. And irrational! Just now, when the Chief asked you about that vile Mike Newton . . ." _I wanted to hunt him down and tear his head off_. I shook my head, to clear those images from it.

Bella groaned, the sound filled the quiet room. "I should have known you'd be listening."

I didn't even try to be apologetic, this time. I had been _right here_ the entire time. "Of course."

"_That_ made you feel jealous, though, really?" Bella asked, completely incredulous.

"I'm new at this," I shrugged. "You're resurrecting the human in me, and everything feels stronger because it's fresh."

"But honestly," Bella snickered, "for that to bother you, after I have to hear that Rosalie – Rosalie, the incarnation of beauty, _Rosalie_ – was meant for you." Her volume was sneaking up over a whisper and had a hysterical edge to it. "Emmett or no Emmett, how can I compete with that?" She waved her left hand in the air between us, to indicate her body and, no doubt, her threadbare night clothes.

I made a show of looking her over and smiled what I hoped was a joking lecherous smile. "There's no competition," I stated honestly. I pulled her hands from between us, to around behind my back, putting her face against my chest.

Bella inhaled deeply of _my_ scent, and then tried to slow her breathing in order to make things easier for me. "I _know_ there's no competition," she almost whined into my neck, "that's the problem."

"Whatever do you mean, Bella?" I inquired.

She shook her head, shaking away the question. I didn't want to argue the merits of her looks tonight, and I felt as though she didn't either. I decided, instead, to try and explain my relationship with Rosalie. "Of course Rosalie _is_ beautiful in her way, but even if she wasn't like a sister to me, even if Emmett didn't belong with her, she could never have one tenth, no one hundredth of the attraction you hold for me." I thought I heard a small snort of indignation from Bella, but I wasn't sure. I looked down at the top of her head, expecting another sarcastic retort. But, when none came, I continued. "For almost ninety years I've walked among my kind, and yours," _confident and yet also searching_, "all the time thinking I was complete in myself, not realizing what I was seeking. Not realizing I _was_ seeking anything. And not finding anything, because you weren't alive yet."

Bella sighed. "It hardly seems fair," she whispered into my chest, "I haven't had to wait at all. Why should I get off so easily?"

"You're right," I laughed sarcastically, amazed at exactly how much I _had_ genuinely laughed today. "I should make this harder for you, definitely." I released her left hand from my right, gathered her small wrist back up in my left with her other hand, and began stroking her wet hair. "You only have to risk your life every second you spend with me, that's surely not much. You only have to turn your back on nature, on humanity . . . what's that worth?"

My mood was darkening, but Bella was having none of that. "Very little – I don't feel deprived of anything," she quipped, her tone frustratingly light.

I pondered her response, savoring the feel of her silky damp hair sliding underneath my palm and between my fingers. "Not yet," I murmured, my frown resonating in my voice.

All at once the noise of the television downstairs stopped, the Chief's thoughts returned to Bella, and she tried to pull away from me. I grasped her hands tightly, to spot her movement, so I could concentrate on the sounds of the Chief's movements through the house.

"What -" Bella began, but she sensed the alarm in my body and didn't finish her question. In a flash, I was gone from her side; hiding in her closet.

She tottered on the edge of her bed for a moment, as her body adjusted to not leaning against me, and then she looked around the room, her eyes wide in panic.

"Lie down!" I hissed as loud as I dared from the darkness of the closet. The Chief was almost at the top of the stairs.

Bella did reasonably well under pressure; she was under her quilt and had just curled up on her side when the Chief turned the doorknob. A shaft of light from the hall illuminated a portion of the room, broken only by the shadow of the Chief's arm.

He stood in the doorway for a long moment, his thoughts a sleepy jumble of the day's events, lasagna, and Bella's too-bright eyes. Shaking his head, the Chief closed the door with exaggerated care and trudged off to the bathroom.

While he banged around the bathroom, I slipped into the half of the bed Bella left vacant, and snaked my arm under the covers and around her slender waist. My lips found that pulse-point behind her ear as if the two were made to fit together, but I didn't kiss her this time.

I whispered in her ear, "You are a terrible actress – I'd say that career path is out for you."

Bella's heartbeat thundered in her chest, whether from my proximity or the close call with the Chief . . . I couldn't be sure. "Darn it," she muttered, as if she'd once considered that career with her absurd view of herself.

She seemed comfortable, lying in her normal sleeping position. Without really being conscious of it, I had begun humming the melody of my newest composition _just_ loud enough for her to hear. Almost immediately, her heart began to slow and her breath started to come more deeply and more regularly – much like the breathing she had tried so hard to fake for the Chief.

I stopped humming as I heard bed springs creak in the other bedroom. The Chief's thoughts were slowing, his earlier anxiety about his daughter apparently not enough to prevent sleep from over-taking him. Bella seemed close to sleep as well. Very quietly, right next to her ear, I whispered, "Should I sing you to sleep?"

Bella laughed silently. "Right," she said with exasperation, "like I could sleep with you here!"

"You do it all the time," came my quick retort and I smiled mischievously into her hair.

Her tone seemed as mercurial as my mood. "But I didn't _know_ you were here," she said coolly.

I didn't think about my words, and how she could misinterpret them, until much later. Alice would shake her head at me when I told her what I'd said.

"So if you don't want to sleep . . ." I said, and Bella's breath stopped in her throat. Her heart lurched.

"If I don't want to sleep . . . ?" Bella's question trailed off into the dark room.

The teenager in me was practically shaking the bars of the cage I'd put him in; drooling at the insinuation that I had missed, that Alice would chide me for. I chuckled, "What do you want to do then?"

Bella was quiet for so long I thought perhaps she had fallen asleep. I had just started considering how I would manage to wrap her in a blanket without waking her, when she spoke, "I'm not sure," she admitted.

"Tell me when you decide," I suggested, willing to wager that Bella would be asleep within the next half hour. Despite the fact that I thought she would soon be asleep, I found myself tracing the line of her jaw, again, with my nose. Bella's scent was much stronger at that pulse-point behind her ear, and I found myself inhaling deeply.

Bella, as observant as always, caught me. "I thought you were desensitized," she said, sounding a little smug.

I smiled, "Just because I'm resisting the wine doesn't mean I can't appreciate the bouquet," I whispered into her neck, my keen eyes catching the goose bumps rise when my icy breath caressed her warmth. "You have a very floral smell, like lavender," _I can't believe I'm telling her this, _"and freesia," I added. "It's mouthwatering."

_More food analogies, Cullen? _The gentleman was horrified about the comparison to wine. The monster reared his head, and venom threatened to surge. The teenager was still struggling against the iron bars he had been thrown behind. The latter seemed the most dangerous, somehow. He was the one who could cause the most damage to Bella, physically, because the monster I seemed to be able to control. My adoration of this small human kept him at bay, most of the time.

Bella's shoulder rose in a slight shrug, "Yeah, it's an off day when I don't get _somebody_ telling me how edible I smell."

Her sarcastic tone made me chuckle, but a sadness filled me moments after, and I sighed. There was _always_ going to be this battle within me.

Bella's quick thinking was an attempt to distract me, "I've decided what I want to do," she said, "I want to hear more about you."

_Ah . . . The _one_ thing I don't want to talk about. But is there anything I wouldn't give her now?_

"Ask me anything," I said in earnest.

She thought for a few moments, her breathing still slow as if nearly asleep. Finally, she spoke, "Why do you do it?" Bella swallowed nervously, "I still don't understand how you can resist what you . . . _are_. Please don't misunderstand, of course I'm glad that you do. I just don't see why you would bother in the first place." Her words were flippant, light; but I noticed she still couldn't make herself say the word vampire.

The thought that she still couldn't speak the name of what I was tripped up my response. My throat closed around my words in an emotional response that surprised me. "That's a good question, and you are not the first one to ask it," I managed after a few moments. "The others – the majority of our kind who are quite content with our lot – they, too, wonder at how we live. But you see, just because we've been . . . dealt a certain hand . . . it doesn't mean that we can't choose to rise above – to conquer the boundaries of a destiny that none of us wanted. To try to retain whatever essential humanity we can."

Bella was very still, hear breathing still deep and even. I replayed my words wondering if, once again, I had said too much. She was quiet so long that I began to panic. Bella's silent mind was going to make even my stellar control break. I listened with every ounce of my being, trying desperately to _make_ my gift work.

Within minutes, my patience had reached its limit. "Did you fall asleep?" I asked.

Bella responded quickly, "No."

_Ah. So, she's just thinking about what I said. Examining things from every angle; digesting it._

"Is that all you were curious about?" I asked, hoping to get some insight into her thoughts, and what those thoughts possibly meant for us.

"Not quite," Bella admitted, and I thought I heard the soft click of her eyes rolling.

"What else do you want to know?" I encouraged, her silence was making me tense.

Bella swallowed again, mustering her courage . . . I hoped. "Why can you read minds – why only you? And Alice, seeing the future . . . why does that happen?"

As usual, the path of Bella's thoughts had taken surprised me. I shrugged, recounting the many conversations that Carlisle and I had had on the subject. I sorted through some hypotheses we had considered, and started explaining one of our current favorites. "We don't really know. Carlisle has a theory . . . he believes that we all bring something of our strongest human traits with us into the next life, where they are intensified – like our minds, and our senses. He thinks that I must have already been very sensitive to the thoughts of those around me. And that Alice had some precognition, wherever she was."

"What did he bring into the next life, and the others?" Bella asked, sounding slightly more alert.

"Carlisle brought his compassion. His hunger to help people in every way he can. Esme brought her ability to love passionately, especially those she considers her children. Emmett brought his physical strength. Rosalie her," _entitled stubbornness_ "tenacity. Or you could call it pigheadedness," I chuckled at what Rose's reaction would be to over-hearing that, and then thought of my damaged Aston Martin. "Jasper is very interesting. He must have been quite charismatic in his first life, able to influence those around him to see things his way. Now he is able to manipulate the emotions of those around him – calm down a room of angry people, for example, or excite a lethargic crowd, conversely. It's a very subtle gift."

As I fell silent, I could almost _hear_ Bella's brain processing all that I hold her. And since I was nearly convinced that she _was_ only processing, her silence was not so unnerving.

Bella reacted more quickly this time, "So where did it all start? I mean, Carlisle changed you, and then someone must have changed him, and so on . . ." Her voice trailed off, as she seemed to be speaking her thoughts out loud.

I thought for a moment, to decide how philosophical I wanted to get. "Well, where did you come from? Evolution? Creation? Couldn't we have evolved in the same way as other species, predator and prey? Or, if you don't believe that all this world could have happened on its own, which is hard for me to accept myself, is it hard to believe that the same force that created the delicate angelfish with the shark, the baby seal and the killer whale, could create both our kinds together?"

"Let me get this straight – I'm the baby seal, right?" Bella joked.

"Right," I laughed, my lips grazing Bella's hair as I breathed in the strawberry scent lingering there from her shower.

Bella seemed restless, for a moment, shifting her weight slightly without really moving. And then she settled again, and a small, contented sigh escaped her lips.

Convinced that she was falling asleep, this silence was not as frustrating to me. Part of me had to know for sure, "Are you ready to sleep? Or do you have any more questions?"

An exasperated sound escaped her lips as she scoffed. "Only a million or two."

Through a smile radiant enough to light Bella's dark room, I responded, "We have tomorrow, and the next day, and the next . . ."

I thought I could hear a smile in Bella's words as she spoke, "Are you sure you won't vanish in the morning?" Her words reflected her need for all this to be real; the pull we felt toward each other and even the truth about what I was. "You are mythical, after all," she teased.

"I won't leave you," I said with all the sincerity I felt.

"One more, then, tonight . . ." Bella started, and then her body temperature rose marginally as she must have blushed.

_What could she want to ask me that would cause that reaction?_

"What is it?" I asked.

Her response was clipped, embarrassed, "No, forget it. I changed my mind."

"Bella, you can ask me anything." My words were meant to be encouraging, but the silence that followed them spoke volumes about how out of practice I was in the encouragement area.

I counted to seventy-eight, before I groaned in frustration. "I keep thinking it will get less frustrating, not hearing your thoughts. But it just gets worse and _worse_." I didn't like the petulant tone my voice had taken on, but my frustration was boiling over.

Bella sounded smug when she spoke next, "I'm glad that you can't read my thoughts." She continued, sounding annoyed, "It's bad enough that you eavesdrop on my sleep-talking."

I tried not to show it, but the pleading wheedled into my tone, "Please?"

Bella's head shook slightly in negation against her pillow.

"If you don't tell me, I'll just assume it's something much worse than it is," my tone had turned dark; my speculations ran wild. "Please?" I pleaded, and squeezed Bella more tightly toward me.

"Well," Bella started again, and the blush I couldn't see made her temperature increase.

"Yes?" I breathed.

Her courage took her a few more moments to muster, and then she spoke slowly, "You said that Rosalie and Emmett will get married soon . . . Is that . . . marriage . . . the same as it is for humans?" And her temperature rose another degree.

I laughed almost too loudly, as her hints clicked into place. The gentleman was now hiding behind his bowler hat in shame at the topic of our conversation. The teenager leered. The monster was . . . incredulous . . . for the most part. "Is _that_ what you're getting at?" I asked.

I was still chuckling, as Bella fidgeted clearly uncomfortable with my laughter at her expense.

I didn't want to cause her more embarrassment, so I started talking. "Yes, I suppose it is much the same," I explained. "I told you, most of the human desires are there, just hidden behind more powerful desires."

"Oh," was her only response, plunging me into the darkness of not knowing her thoughts once again.

"Was there a purpose behind your curiosity," I wondered.

"Well, I did wonder . . . about you and me . . . someday . . ." Bella stammered.

My body became as rigid as the alabaster my skin had been compared to. To even _entertain_ the thought horrified me. Too surrender myself to that kind of release with someone as fragile as Bella was _unthinkable. _And the fact that Bella had thought about it concerned me.

_I could kill her._

As usual, Bella's body had responded to mine and she had become still, holding her breath. After my initial shock had worn off, I was able to speak. My words almost choked me, as I spoke them, expecting _this_ to be the deal-breaker that would make all this end, "I don't think that . . . that . . . would be possible for us."

"Because it would be too hard for you, if I were that . . . close?" Bella asked, the topic clearly an uncomfortable one.

I had to think, carefully, about what I was about to say. I wanted to be with Bella in every way I could, but that _sex_ was not something I could allow. She was too fragile. I replied as best I could, "That's certainly a problem. But that's not what I was thinking of." _Does she not remember how I threw around the tree in the meadow? The strength that the monster gives me? _"It's just that you are so soft, so fragile. I have to mind my actions every moment that we're together so that I don't hurt you. I could kill you quiet easily, Bella, simply by accident."

I moved my right hand from around Bella's delicate, small waist, and placed it on her cheek. The sorrow in my voice evident in the fact that my words were quiet, even to me, "If I was too hasty . . . if for one second I wasn't paying enough attention, I could reach out, meaning to touch your face, and crush your skull by mistake. You don't realize how incredibly _breakable_ you are. I can never, never afford to lose any kind of control when I'm with you." My words were a vow, not only for myself, but for Bella as well. I would _never_ hurt her, never lose control in that way. I couldn't live with myself if my foolish need for closeness ended in Bella hurt . . . or worse.

To my horror, Bella was silent . . . again. I'm sure, by now, she was becoming accustomed to how long she could be silent without incurring my bothersome impatience. I didn't know what prompted my question, nor had I thought about it before the words escaped my lips, "Are you scared?"

Bella swallowed, was quiet, and then spoke with a steady voice, "No. I'm fine."

Unsure of her true thoughts, I decided to believe her. After I mustered my _own_ courage, I admitted something to her, "I'm curious now, though." My voice came out stronger, happier, now that Bella seemed to accept the fact that our relationship would never go to those extremes. "Have _you_ ever . . . ?" my voice trailed off as my eyebrows rose suggestively in the dark.

"Of course not," Bella answered quickly, "I told you I've never felt like this about anyone before, not even close." Just as her skin had started to cool from her last blush, I could feel her temperature rising as she blushed again.

I smiled. "I know. It's just that I know other people's thoughts. I know love and lust don't always keep the same company," I explained.

"They do for me," Bella said, and I could almost see her chin rise slightly with her conviction. "Now, anyway, that they exist for me at all," she continued, ending with a sigh.

My smile broadened as I learned we had more in common. "That's nice. We have that one thing in common, at least."

"Your human instincts . . ." Bella started. Then, she took a deep breath and tried again. "Well, do you find me attractive, in _that_ way, at all?" she asked, her voice betraying all her self-consciousness.

I laughed. _Will this beautiful creature ever see herself clearly? _I tousled her hair, like one would a child who is being unintentionally funny. "I may not be human, but I am a man."

Whatever response she had planned was cut off by a yawn. "I've answered your questions, now you should sleep," I encouraged.

"I'm not sure if I can," Bella said, her voice thick with the tiredness that was trying to overtake her.

"Do you want me to leave?" I asked, trying to act as though the thought wasn't repulsive to me.

"No!" Bella answered, too loudly.

I listened to the snores from the Chief's room hitch, pause, and then resume. I laughed, when I knew for sure Bella hadn't disturbed her father's sleep. Once his snores returned to their staccato rhythm, and I was sure I wouldn't be darting back into the closet, I started humming again. The effect on Bella was almost instantaneous. Her breathing deepened, her heart rate slowed, and she was asleep in my arms.

_After nearly a century of nights spent in the shadows, Isabella, I have no words to describe what it means to me to be basking in the warmth that is your midnight sun._

_**end of Chapter 15**_

_A/N: Voting on the Avante Guard awards (VOTE HERE: __.com/?zx=907afe4008481bf9__ ) begins on November 20__th__. I am up for the "Novice Author" award & would appreciate votes! Thanks, XxoxX, Allis_


	11. Chapter 16  The Cullens, Part 1 EDITED

Chapter 16 ~ The Cullens ~ Part 1

Last bit from Chapter 15:

_After nearly a century of nights spent in the shadows, Isabella, I have no words to describe what it means to me to be basking in the warmth that is your midnight sun._

About an hour after Bella slipped into her quiet sleep, I heard the Chief's snores stop abruptly. His thoughts suddenly came crystal clear to me; something I wasn't used to.

_I know!_ The Chief's thoughts shouted as his feet slapped against the wood floor beside his bed. Images of Bella's truck cycled through his mind, settling on the battery.

As the Chief lumbered down the stairs, I wondered if he had sensed Bella had been acting, when he peeked into her room. Something_ clearly jolted him out of sleep and into action_, I thought.

By the time he'd slipped on his work boots, their laces clicking on the floor, his intentions rang clear in my head; he was disconnecting Bella's battery cables. _Would that really stop Bella if she was determined to leave? _I wondered, then, if Bella even knew how to change a tire. And then I reconsidered the notion of teaching her, due to Bella's proclivity toward accidents.

I heard the front door open, and a few seconds later I heard the gravel crunch under the Chief's boots as he went to the passenger door of the truck. He hesitated there, and in the quiet of the early morning, I heard him sigh before he wrenched the door open.

Through the Chief's mind, I could see what he saw as he pulled back the floor mat that had been under Bella's feet a few scant hours before. He shook his head as he lifted off the metal plate covering the battery and set it aside. The Chief's thoughts became jumbled to me, again, hovering around parental concern, and the policeman's attitude of "not on my watch" as flickers of the dream had woken him played through his mind.

_Bella, the buttons of her shirt popped off and her small hands clutching the torn halves to her chest. An unidentifiable boy in handcuffs, whose appearance kept changing. An image of Bella with a fat lip and a black eye, her hands bloody and nails torn from fighting back._

The last image was the one that had propelled him to action, I had no doubt. And, as he relived it, his hand shook with emotion as he disconnected the second battery cable . . . _Bella cold, her lips blue-grey and her chocolate eyes clouded over as a gloved hand zipped a body bag closed over her eyes._

With a shudder, both mental and physical, the Chief put the floor mat back in place and closed the truck's passenger door as quietly as possible. Which meant, of course, that the entire neighborhood heard it.

Silently, I shook my head at the ridiculous condition of Bella's classic truck and tried to rid myself of the images I'd seen in the Chief's mind. Just then, Bella stirred. She grumbled slightly as if she understood why she'd heard her truck door slam. After she wiggled her hips back into mine and sighed deeply, she was off in dreamland once again.

The Chief came back inside, locked the front door's deadbolt & handle, double-checked that the downstairs windows were locked, and worked his way up the stairs. Apparently, Forks' true lack of any real crime was lost on the Chief after the images from his dream.

I listened as he clattered about the bathroom and then settled back into bed. He tossed, turned, and tossed some more, sighing intermittently . . . the images of Bella from his dream flashing through his mind like a slide show that wouldn't shut off. As tumultuous as his mind was, I was surprised that he was asleep within the hour.

A small sound escaped Bella, then, and instead of the sleep-talking I had expected to start I realized the sound was her teeth chattering. She had begun to shiver. The warmth that drew me to her and seeped into me when we touched had been leached out. I sighed, the reality of our other-worldly situation washed over me and the sadness threatened the elation I had been feeling to my very core. _My_ proximity was making her cold; further proof that we could _never_ be close that way – the way normal couples came together. Even this little bit of intimacy could give her pneumonia. That kind of intimacy would never be possible for us. I couldn't risk the damage I would most likely do to my precious Bella.

As I extracted myself from the tangle of sheets, Bella's legs, and gently kissed that pulse-point behind her ear, I felt the teenager sag against the bars of his cage. His dreams dashed, he began to moan about changing Bella so she wouldn't be as delicate. At that, the monster roared to life. I stood, looking down on Bella's small form, for a moment – a very brief moment – and contemplated the notion.

_I would never do that to someone who had the choice; the choice of life, true life, not this. _The monster had a counter argument in place. _What if it was the only way to save her? What if it that van _had_ hit her?_

My fists clenched at my sides as the thirst burned up my esophagus once more. I shook with the effort it took to hold the predator at bay. A few minutes passed and the battle raged on. I hadn't been this close to losing control, even in the meadow. Alice's vision of Bella with the golden eyes of my family bubbled to the surface. Although that _would_ solve the small problem of our being intimate I couldn't reconcile within myself making that choice for her. And, even if _she_ made the choice, and asked me to change her, I would refuse. I laughed ironically to myself. _Maybe that's why Alice sees herself changing Bella . . . because you won't._

Carlisle and I had had many discussions, nay, _arguments_, about our fate as the monsters we had become. Even though our decision to abstain from human blood was a moral one, I felt as though the mere definition of what we were was unnatural enough to damn us. Was this the Hellfire and brimstone damnation? Even I wasn't completely sure. Carlisle, as a human, came from a religious family, and believed we were saved that fate by being repentant and moral by _choice_.

Damnation had many faces for me. We were unnatural, undying creatures that must consume the blood – the very life force – of other creatures to continue on. Hence, damned. Damned to walk for a conceivable eternity across a planet that was slowly dying. Damnation was being forced to live on the outskirts of my original nature, never being close to anyone because I would always outlive them. Damnation was also never dying, never having the option to be released back to wherever souls go to be wiped clean, to start over. In my mind, we were damned for simply being what we are: vampires. I would _never_ risk taking those options away from Bella.

So even if God meant Nature, as it does to many religions, we were at the very least predators. Animals. Some of us had given ourselves over to those animal instincts, those of us who continued to feed on humans. The difference with us? We are predators that have _chosen_ what our prey shall be. In some ways, even _that_ was unnatural.

_Even to save her life, _I answered the monster's question, _because death is an option she should have, as is whatever is next_. Silence followed.

Once again allowed to concentrate, my concern for Bella's warmth returned. Over the back of the rocking chair was a quilt and in one motion I grabbed it, threw it over Bella's sleeping form, bundled it around her, and curled myself around her much as I had been before – just on top of the quilt. I could still hold her, just without making her ill from exposure to my cold skin. I could never forget how fragile she was.

Lying there, I buried my face in Bella's now dry hair. The beautiful mahogany color was muted in the darkness, its texture made all the more lustrous from the earlier shower. I curled around her on my left side, but instead of my right hand gently resting on her stomach, I fiddled with individual locks of her hair. The rich, summery scent of strawberries surrounded me and reminded me of summer picnics with Mother and Father; picnics I hadn't thought of as frequently in the last hundred years as I had in the last few days.

_My humanity really is resurfacing_, I thought. A quiet chuckle escaped me, as I brushed a lock across my cheek, relishing in the soft tickle. The softness was exquisite. I played with every lock I could reach, without disturbing Bella, treating it more like rare pearls than human hair. I chuckled, again, this time at just how completely and irrevocably I was in love with her.

I wanted to touch every inch of her; learn every curve, every feature of Bella's hands, her face . . . everything. But now that I knew she hadn't rejected my affections, even with the knowledge she had about me, I had _time_ to cherish all that. _I have time . . . when she's actually awake_. I chuckled at my love-struck foolishness, slightly embarrassed that I had considered touching her so intimately while she was practically unconscious next to me. And, I'd have to move her in order to touch her face. I didn't want to risk waking her.

I settled for my newest hobby . . . watching the most beautiful creature in the universe sleep and waiting for the sleep-talking to start.

I began to re-count the day's events, skipping over everything I'd done that didn't include Bella. In my mind's eye, there were a thousand more expressions of hers that I had never seen before that I needed to reexamine. Not being able to read her mind, even in the hazy way some minds broadcast, made me even more curious about what even the most minute expression changes meant. I replayed tidbits of conversation in order to try and gauge whether or not Bella had been completely honest with me during our discussion about my age.

Something in her eyes when she had straightened her shoulders before I began my tale suggested that perhaps our age difference _had _ bothered her, at first. There had been a slight squint when I had spoken the year of my birth. _Could that have been shock, _I wondered, _even after my displays in the meadow? Would she really be shocked about my _age_ after that? _I shook my head at the notion, and thought about another part of our conversation.

I remembered us asking our "have you evers" and wishing I could have seen her face when we'd admitted our mutual virginity. Bella's admission had made her frequent blush appear, and I loved to see that color in her cheeks. I couldn't help but wonder if she believed _my _admission, after all, I was a man and I had said that I had seen love and sex not be mutually exclusive. I wondered if she'd thought I had been speaking from experience, not observation.

_Would she think I would lie to her, after all that I have confessed? _I shook my head, negating the thought against Bella's pillow and breathed deeply of the scent the movement stirred up. _She was probably __just surprised. You've seen yourself through the minds of others and that kind of chastity is just unheard of these days. Aren't you some-what surprised at her answer, given _how _you see _her? The internal debate made me smirk, and I ultimately decided that whatever I had heard in Bella's voice had been merely surprise.

My mind wandered to other expressions, the way her eyes dart away seconds before the blush of color would hit her cheeks, and the embarrassed smile that would creep up just after. The way Bella would gnaw on her bottom lip when she worried, or was nervous, also went under my microscope of defining Bella. _Were those the only times she worried that bottom lip? _I cycled through all the mental still frames in my mind and replayed the situations. I found a few times where I didn't believe Bella was worried or nervous, but as I couldn't be sure of her thoughts . . .

My brow furrowed at the last thought, my mind taken over speculation as to _why_ Bella was silent to me. Her father's thoughts were only clear to me when he was focused almost completely on one single thing. Images came clearly from him, however; as his dream's images had. _Perhaps the Chief is more visual than intellectual? Or perhaps, as a policeman, he just examines things more factually; more concrete?_

My mind raced down this track, examining the nuances of the Chief's thoughts. I was fascinated by how different his were when they came through. The other human minds I'd visited recently had been crystal clear, even the vile Mike Newton's and the simple Jessica Stanley's. But almost all the Chief's thoughts were shrouded in a fog. Impressions from him were much easier to glean, but the images of his Bella nightmare had been _crystal_ clear. Only after concentrating, focusing on the Chief's "voice," ignoring all the background noise of all other voices nearby could I _truly_ get _anything_ from him.

Although the puzzling static from the Chief could, in some small way, explain the silence of Bella's mind. Not for the first time, I wondered about Reneé, and if _her_ mind would have the same fog.

As I was considering this, I thought too about Carlisle and our past discussions on the subject. I wasn't sure I had anything new to add to our theories but the fact that a few thoughts and images had come through clearly was interesting in and of itself. I touched the cell phone in my pocket, and wondered briefly what Carlisle was doing at this very moment.

I laid with Bella for some time longer, not really thinking, just _being_. The idea of being this still, all pretense of being human forgotten, had been foreign to me for too long. Even when I was being "Broody McGhee" as Alice called me, I was active playing chess at the frustration of my opponent, writing in one of my many journals, composing, managing our finances, or researching some new medical treatment with Carlisle. But this time, in _this_ now, I was completely still and content.

On my back, I stared unblinking at the ceiling. Although I had already memorized the textured geometrical pattern, without really trying to, I came to the quick realization that the only things that meant more to me than my family were the soft sounds of Bella's breathing and the relaxed squeeze of her heart. The sounds were hypnotizing in their quiet regularity. I imagined myself being lulled to sleep by those sounds, and even closed my eyes for a time. Real sleep would forever elude me in this form and, once again, I envied Bella the escape it must bring her. As a human I had taken sleep entirely for granted, even pushing myself to stay awake longer than necessary.

I longed for the simple escape sleep could bring. The freedom from the constant buzz of the internal monologues of any in-range human minds would be worth whatever price I would have to pay. The Germans said it best, _sprechen ist silbern, schveigen ist golden_ or "speech is silver, silence is golden." As I laid with Bella in the relative silence, it was almost completely golden. I was at peace.

That is, I was at peace until her teeth began to chatter. Even through the quilt that separated us, the unnatural cold of my skin was chilling her. I got up from Bella's small bed, careful not to jostle her, and unwrapped her from the quilt cocoon. I found another blanket on the top shelf of her closet and bundled it up into a much softer lump than I had had been beside her. As I stood there, looking down on her, I felt almost as though my heart had begun to beat again, in time with hers.

Sure that Bella was swaddled comfortably, and hadn't disturbed at my leaving, I settled into the rocking chair at the end of her bed. Much softer than any human could possibly hear, if there had been any awake nearby, I began to speak. I would probably never tell her the things that fell from my lips, but I wanted some part of her to know, even if it was completely on a subconscious level.

"Isabella Swan, mo matter what you may see when you look in the mirror, every single person in that school noticed you your first day. And, do not think for a moment that is was only because you were "the new girl" or "the Chief's daughter." The girls noticed the multifaceted color of your hair, your slender form, and the way the boys' heads turned. They noticed these things all with a glimmer of jealousy, Bella.

"The boys may not have _all_ noticed you immediately, but within five minutes word had spread. Their thoughts were . . . uncouth . . . to say the least. _My _family noticed you as well, but of course Alice had already seen -"

"Mom," Bella mumbled sadly. My lips silenced immediately at the sound of her voice. All of my thoughts came to a screeching halt. "I miss you," she said, her voice thick with sleep, but clear in the stillness of the wee hours of the morning. "I miss the sun."

I longed to see what Bella could see in her mind's eye as she dreamed, but the quirk that made her silent to me when she was conscious remained while she slept. When I had first encountered Bella's silence, Carlisle has theorized that maybe it was some kind of protection mechanism. But he didn't believe that there was a way it could work while she slept. So, the first night after the close call in the parking lot I could no longer deny my curiosity, or the draw of her blood, and I spent a few hours here. I had told Carlisle I was checking up on her due to her head injury, but I knew that he suspected my ulterior motives. The silence had persisted, frustrating me further. But, when Bella had begun to talk that night I had become convinced that she knew much more about my true self than I believed possible. Then, she had whispered my name . . . and my world had tilted on its axis.

"Edward," came a soft whisper from Bella's sleeping form, jolting me out of the past.

A soft sigh, expressing an almost pornographic pleasure escaped me in response. The sound of my name from her lips . . . was indescribable.

Bella turned over, away from me, and I resisted the urge to move from the rocking chair to see her face as she spoke my name again. Her heartbeat remained steady, so I relaxed back against the chair, confident that whatever she dreamt about me was tranquil. As much of the monster as I had revealed to her in the meadow, my concerns that it would be _his_ face in her dreams seemed unfounded. I laced my fingers across my lap and settled in to listen to whatever else she would say.

"I love you," Bella whispered.

In a flash, I was at the other side of her bed. I _needed_ to see her face, her expression. My quiet reserve gone, I held my breath, longing to hear the words again from her lips. I didn't have to wait long.

"Edward," Bella whispered again, "I love you."

I wanted to leap up and shout with joy, as uncharacteristic as that seemed even to myself. I felt nearly buoyant after hearing what I knew to be true fall from the lips of my beloved. There were no reservations, no fear, in the words as she had spoken them.

I remained standing by the door of Bella's room until I was certain that the sleep-talking session had ended for the night. Then slowly, soundlessly, I took the few steps back to the antique rocking chair. The first few nights I had spent in Bella's room, I hadn't paid much attention to the chair I sat in. I had been much more concerned with my motivations for being there.

Bella wriggled onto her back, her face content and relaxed. In order to stop myself from climbing back into the small bed with her, I carefully examined the chair I was sitting in. Upon this closer examination, I concluded the thing was possibly as old as me. Its wood was worn and comfortable, the scroll work clearly from a time when craftsman took pride in their work, and didn't just press it out with a machine. The legs were shorter than was the modern style, as well, making my knees a little higher than my seat. I let my fingers trail over the ridges at the end of the armrests, felt the indentation sanded there for each finger, and wondered idly how long this chair had been in Bella's family. I could almost imagine generations of women rocking infants to sleep in this very chair, wondering what they would grow up to be, what they would do, who they would marry . . .

_Who they would fall in love with. Like the monster from a bad horror movie that sits in it now, _the voice sneered in my head.

I stiffened at the sound of the menacing voice of the monster.

_You're just like the stories of old, Cullen, of monsters sneaking in fair damsels' windows at night . . . stealing their virtue, and often, their lives._

The voice taunted me and made my throat burn anew with the desire to drink the blood that had first sung to me in that small Biology classroom. Then, my fantasies had lingered on taking the life that was fueled by that blood. Now? Everything had changed. I would allow no harm to come to Bella, from myself or any other external force. I had become her protector. Since I could never be her lover, in the usual way, I would be there – in the shadows if need be – for the rest of her life. Protecting her. Even from herself.

I chuckled at the thought of Bella's clumsiness, and shook my head trying to rid myself of the black mood that had begun to develop. She called herself "nearly disabled" by her inability to even walk across a completely flat surface without stumbling, and I had seen as much through the thoughts of others. I had never seen a human so innately clumsy, unless they were inebriated. Carlisle had theorized that it was somehow connected to her mind's silence. As if there was something wrong with her mind that made it silent to me, and that her clumsiness was a side-effect. Was something so special about her brain that simple coordination had somehow been lost?

I considered all this while Bella remained still and asleep beside me. If another session of sleep-talking was going to happen, it didn't usually occur for another hour or more. It occurred to me that in that short amount of time, I could go into the nearby woods to hunt even though I had no desire to feed again. The hunt with Alice had filled me, almost too full, and I feared I would need to be constantly over-satiated to stay in this close proximity to Bella. I took another deep breath that I didn't need of the intoxicating air of her room, trying to measure the depths of my need.

The scent of her was so much more alluring than any other scent had been in my human life, or since my senses had been enhanced. My throat burned, needing the heat from warm blood to quench it. My nerves tingled with the desire to feed, but no faux adrenaline rush in anticipation of the hunt and I wasn't sure if the desire I felt was real or just brought on by the concentration of Bella's scent in her small room. My body still felt strong, as it would after feeding, and did not relish the idea of needlessly taking a life or leaving Bella's side. Even the life of an animal was difficult for me to take, especially if it was not specifically needed.

I decided my reaction to the warm scent of Bella's blood needed no immediate attentions, my thirst still satiated from the hunt with Alice. The depression that had threatened at the thought of leaving had receded with the realization that I could postpone the monster's need for blood.

I sighed contentedly. Absently, I pulled my cellphone from my jeans and nudged it awake with a light touch to the volume button on the side. It would not do if I destroyed another phone before Emmett did. I chuckled to myself when I saw "2 new messages" on the display. _Alice, _I thought, _begging for details about what Bella has said_, and rolled my eyes at my favorite sister. I flipped the phone open.

_L8R?_

In my mind's eye, I could see the little pixie pouting at her phone because she had to wait to be informed about her soon-to-be-best-friend's curiosity. The visions made me chuckle quietly in the dark.

The next message sucked away every bit of joy from my being.

_Sitch brewin'. Come home ASAP._

The message's time stamp was ten minutes ago. My frown didn't _quite_ reach my eyes as I considered what Alice could mean and I held onto hope that wouldn't have to leave. But, Alice wasn't one for over-reaction, either. I was too far away to touch her mind, but technology could be a useful, if annoying sometimes, commodity.

_Not the Aston, again?_ I texted back, and within seconds Alice's response blipped onto the screen.

_No, but R __* is * on a rmpg agn._

I sighed.

_ Texting is killing the English language. You know_

_ that, right? _I sent, quickly followed by:

_Why, this time?_

Bella stirred next to me, as if she could subconsciously sense my tension. She made as if to roll over, but seemed to change her mind. I couldn't help but watch her for a moment, before turning back to the small phone in my hand.

_Yes, I do know._ Alice replied, her eye-roll seeming to translate even through text message.

In the next message, she explained the situation _without_ the annoying text-speak.

_Endangering the family secret, getting soft,_

_ theorizing that you're going insane ~ the usual._

I glanced back over at Bella from the glowing screen.

_Are you sure I'm needed?_

Almost simultaneously with me hitting "send," Alice's response appeared on the screen.

_Esme is holding her own, but she could use some_

_ backup._

_** to be contiuned **_

Author's Note: I know some of you Constant Readers have already read this bit, but I assure you there have been some small changes. My betas noticed a problem with * my * timeline versus Stephenie Meyer's, and for continuity's sake I decided to edit it instead of ignore it and let it bother me to death. I hope you enjoyed this little repeat (sort of) and will hang around to see how it all falls together, again.

XxoxX,

Allis


	12. Chapter 16  The Cullens, Part 2 EDITED

Last paragraph of Part 1 . . .

_Esme is holding her own, but she could use some_

_ backup._

Chapter 16 ~ The Cullens ~ Part 2

_Ahh, Mom needs a little help_. With a sigh that seemed to make even the house groan, I slid the small phone back into my pocket knowing that Alice would see what I was about to do. I hated to leave without letting Bella know that I would be back, or even that I was leaving, but Rosalie _had_ to be talked down. I, having the advantages I do, could get to the crux of the issue much more quickly. Rosalie excelled at constructing mental walls, but being so upset usually left some pretty big fissures. In fact, I already knew what her main issue was: jealousy. _Even though she would never admit it._

I stood and looked down at Bella, at her face so relaxed in sleep. A lock of hair was tumbling across her face, and I gently moved it behind her ear

_So beautiful . . . _

I let the thought hang there, almost corporeal, as I walked around the end of her bed. Bella hadn't stirred when I had moved from the chair, but it appeared to me that her contented sleep-smile had turned down a little at the edges. I bent over her and brushed my nose slightly against her forehead, barely making contact. I didn't want to startle her awake with the jolt of my cold lips against her warm skin. But I wanted to give her some sort of goodbye.

With a last look at Bella, I darted out her window. I landed with a barely audible thud and blurred off into the trees before anyone could register what they may have seen. I ran, this time against the wind, along the same trail I had taken earlier. Now, there was no joy in my running.

My feet felt like lead, and every step sounded like thunder to my ears. I felt slow and loud as I ran – two things I wasn't used to feeling. I knew that where I wanted to be was behind me, and a fight I felt I'd already had was the only thing ahead of me. I _knew_ that my speed was only a _fraction_ slower than usual, and that I moved as soundlessly as before, but my foreboding was nearly physical.

I considered this as I ran, still conscious of the quiet sounds of animals scurrying away - or hiding from - my approach. I'd often wondered about the thoughts of animals as they fled from me. As animals are creatures of instinct, there were no true thoughts for me to read. However, like the mountain lion I'd hunted with Alice, they had feelings that I could almost hear. _Almost, like the impressions I usually get from the Chief until he focuses on a thought or action._

_ Interesting, _I thought as I came upon the small clearing where I'd had my recent epiphany. I slowed, but as the moon's light had moved on . . . the magic of the spot was gone. _Perhaps, the magic is only marred by my preoccupation with Rosalie . . ._

Deciding not to wallow in the missing magic, I quickened my pace again. Each branch, fern frond, and moss-covered log's details were clear to me. The darkness seemed impenetrable to so many, but to my kind it was almost no different than sunlight.

Before very long, I had reached the area where I knew whoever was home would know I was approaching. I could hear Rosalie's raised shriek punctuated by a calming murmur that could only be Esme, trying to make her eldest daughter see reason.

_A tough, if not impossible, feat Esme, _I thought to myself as I paused just outside the manicured grounds, still in the woods. Almost instantly, Alice appeared in front of me.

I could smell nail lacquer and noted her freshly-manicured nails on the hand she rested on her hip. "Hiya," she chirped, winking at me cheerfully.

I just raised an eyebrow and tilted my head in the direction of the house, in response. I didn't trust myself not to rail against Alice for taking me away from my Bella, even if it wasn't entirely her fault.

"Mom told me not to bother you, but you know how she is," Alice explained, sensing my tension and tossing her inky head.

"Bring me up to speed," I snapped.

Instantly, images began to flood my mind from hers.

At first, Esme, Rosalie, and Alice had been sitting around our huge dining room table surrounded by stacks of paint swatches, cloth samples, and furniture catalogs.

_"The waiting area needs to be more comfortable," Esme commented, holding a picture in one hand and blueprints in the other. "This is what the area looks like now," she placed the picture on the table, "and this is the space we have to work with. Obviously, these structural walls have to stay, but I don't think there are near enough windows in this wall, here." She rolled out the blueprint and pointed to the offending wall._

_ Rose and Alice leaned in to examine the blueprint more closely._

_ Alice was the first to speak up. "Putting more windows in could present an issue, Mom," she said with her hands out, palms up. "That's an east-facing wall and we sparkle," she said with a shrug._

_ In a flash, Rose was angry. "Why not redecorate the entire hospital in glass – let everyone see what we really look like! Is Alice the only one around here who cares that Edward is exposing us to a _human_ he has _no intention_ of changing?"_

"_That_ was what set her off, this time?" I asked, shaking my head at Alice.

"That's what set her off," Alice said with disdain. "And, there's more."

More images filled my mind, only seconds after Alice showed me Rosalie's initial outburst.

"_Now, Rose." Esme warned._

_ "Don't "now, Rose" me, Esme!" Rosalie said, standing up and pushing her chair backward with such force that it slammed into the wall behind her. "He's putting us ALL at risk! That _human girl_ is NOTHING to us! NOTHING!" When she said the words 'human girl' her carefully lined, full lips sneered. Her finger pointed harshly at Esme, accusing her of condoning my actions._

_ "And what makes you think that Isabella would expose us, Rosalie?" __Esme tried to reason with her. "How much time have _you_ spent trying to get to know her, or even _spoken_ to Edward about her?"_

_ Rosalie was quick to answer. "Why _would _I, Esme? She's a human! A plain, nose-stuck-in-a-book human! She's not one of us, no matter what Alice's visions tell us about the future. And Edward's never home to talk to, is he? He's always panting after that mousey girl with the mouth-watering blood!" At this, Rosalie was on her feet, her chair slamming into the wall behind her._

_ Alice hung her head, seemingly both embarrassed and disappointed in her sister. She said nothing, though, because she'd said it all before. Esme stood her ground, her expression betraying shock so quickly hidden that I wasn't absolutely sure it had been there._

_ "ROSALIE!" Esme scolded. "Would you stop only thinking of yourself, _for once_? The seven of us are a _family_, Rose. We talk about our issues, not turn __our backs on each other. That's not how we do things. You know that." She took a deep breath before she spoke again, the human instincts were sometimes unavoidable. "What would you have done if Carlisle and I had refused Emmett, because he was human? Because he distracted you from the rest of us? Because you two destroyed our _house_? What would you have done if we had let nature take him away from you? Could you have survived losing those dimples that drew you in?"_

_ Rosalie's look of defeat lasted only half a second, her mind's eye clearly fixed on Emmett's dimples. "His death would not have had the entire Mayberry police force crawling all over our house, interrogating us and noticing our differences! And I'm not turning my back on Edward – he's all but left our _family_ for that girl."_

"And that's when I texted you," Alice said with a frown that looked completely out of place on her usually cheerful face. "Why does Rose want to ruin this for you?" she wondered aloud, obviously not expecting me to answer.

"I know, and I plan on putting an end to it, right now," I said as I ran for the back of the house, leaving Alice at the edge of the grounds.

_This I have to see_, Alice chirped in my head as I rounded the closet side of the house. Her voice was smug, as though she had already peaked at the outcome, which was entirely possible.

I paused, my hand on the frame of one of the glass walls overlooking the back yard.

"Oh, and there's the prodigal now," I heard Rosalie sneer from the other room.

"Rosalie!" Esme chided, as I appeared at her side to kiss her on the cheek.

"I'm sorry," I murmured into her hair and then rounded on Rosalie.

"After all the kindness Esme and Carlisle have given us over the years, _this_ is your thanks? Starting arguments over things that you don't know anything about?" I was building up to something, and I hoped Alice would stay out of it long enough for me to make that point. She was twitching to remind everyone of her vision of Bella, changed.

Rosalie blinked, the wheels of her mind turning, trying to see where my argument was leading. "Are you trying to say that I know nothing about love, Edward?" she challenged.

"I'm only saying you've forgotten what you felt in that moment, that _instant_ that you saw Emmett broken and bloody at the feet of that grizzly," I spoke quietly, my anger seething under the surface. I think only Alice was aware of how truly furious I was.

Emmett swaggered up to Rosalie's side, his posture recognizably defensive. "I heard my name, and I figured by the second time I heard it, I might need to be in the room," he rumbled, straining to add some levity to what was clearly a tense room. His eyes darted from me to Esme, his thoughts full of confused loyalties and invisible lines in the sand.

I nodded at him, trying to convey to him that Rosalie was in no danger from me, and was holding her own. His response? A knowing smirk and a wicked glint in his eye. _I love to watch her when she's angry_ he almost purred in his thoughts. I shook my head of the images he was turning over in his head, and tried not to smile.

"I remember every detail of that day, Edward," Rosalie retorted, smugly, taking a step back so she could make some sort of physical contact with Emmett. The details of which I struggled to block out.

I challenged Rosalie, careful not to challenge Emmett as well. "Are you sure, Rose? Do you _truly_ remember that feeling that you had that propelled you all the way home, struggling against the lure of all that warm blood, so that you could _beg_ Carlisle to save him?" I paused, as her thoughts went back to that day.

_ The wind whips her hair out of the attractive but messy ponytail she had secured it in back at the house. The burn in her throat with every inhale, even through her mouth. The weird sensation of being shut off from the world when she stopped breathing altogether. The weight of him almost making her strain to run as fast as she felt she needed to. _

Her thoughts even wandered over the two perfectly manicured nails she had ruined picking Emmett's body off the rocks and the amount of blood he was leaking onto her new khakis. I rolled my eyes, but silently encouraged her to continue remembering.

"Pfft," Rosalie scoffed, guessing correctly why I had rolled my eyes, then her mind went back to the day she found Emmett.

_His head lolls dangerously as she runs and she briefly considers whether the venom could heal his broken neck. He moans. She adjusts his weight on the fly, not wanting to pause even for a second in case that second made her too late. Now, she can see his face. His eyes flutter and he purses his lips. Rosalie sighs, lost in the dimples that are showing even now, so close to death. She looks at his dark curls, and the bit of his baby blues peeking out from under his fluttering lashes. She thinks she'll miss that pure blue, once he's changed. For a moment, she's lost in the pull of _him, just him,_ and the _need _to have him. _

Just as Rose whispers "little Henry" I nearly shout.

"There!" I say urgently, snapping her out of her memory, "that feeling, right there!"

Rosalie gasps, clearly shocked out of her past. She glances over her shoulder at Emmett, the hostility in her eyes softens slightly. "The need to have him, always?" she asks, her voice reverent.

"Yes, that," I answer, searching Rosalie's thoughts for the counter argument she _must_ be conjuring up.

"But, you have no intent of changing her!" Rosalie countered.

_There it is, _I sighed internally.

"And, Rose, she's not broken and bleeding and close to death. Would you have me take away her option of a normal, _human_, life?" My voice had softened, and I saw the fight drain out of Rose. _Although I hate my gift, it sometimes has its advantages, _I thought to myself.

And then Rosalie's thoughts changed course.

Rosalie straightened her shoulders and looked me in the eye. Her mouth set in a tight line, she said, "If you have no plans to change her, you've put us all in jeopardy. You're risking exposing all of us for a _human_ who could blurt out what we are once she realizes you don't intend to make her one of us, Edward! It's a huge risk you're taking."

Even though her words were harsh, the fight was gone from her posture. She wanted to _talk_, now, not battle.

I smiled my crooked smile at Alice, who winked at me and tiptoed from the room. Esme visibly relaxed, and ran a hand through her curls, breathing a sigh of relief. Emmett still stood behind Rose, but his arm snaked around her waist and he planted a kiss on her neck.

I pulled out a chair, and sat down in amongst the forgotten swatches and blueprints. I motioned for Rosalie to sit as well. "I know it's a risk Rose," the honesty in my words obvious even to Esme, who looked at me with pride . . . and a hint of worry. "But, if you truly remember those feelings you had in that instant you saw Emmett for the first time, then you understand the position I'm in."

Rosalie hesitated, not wanting to leave Emmett's embrace, "I understand what you feel, Edward, and that you don't want to take her humanity. Those two things I completely understand," she searched for the words she wanted, "but the risk you're taking worries me. What if it ends badly?"

I tried desperately to ignore the vision Alice had shown me of Bella with the eyes of a vampire. I swallowed, instinctively, thinking that bile should have been surging into the back of my throat. _Some things you just don't forget, not matter how long it's been since one was human_. "If it ends badly, we pick up and leave. How many times have we done that, Rose, when we start to raise suspicions because we don't age?"

"But we would be leaving under suspicion of _murder_, Edward. _That_ would be a different scenario altogether." Rose's Northern accent had faded over time, but certain words brought it back. "Scenario" was one of those words, and I had to bite back a brotherly teasing that would have sent Rosalie into another rage. She sniffed as if she had heard her accent as well, and her thoughts were smug because she believed _this_ to be her winning argument against Bella.

I smiled, "That's where you're mistaken, Rose." This gave her pause; her thoughts ground to a halt, and her almost-smirk faded. I laced my fingers together on top of Esme's blueprints, and looked from Rose's face, to Esme's. "There's nothing linking us together outside of the school. No one outside of our family knew we were together today."

Esme's gasp was expected, but the look on Rosalie's face was priceless. She had assumed I had done the "proper" thing and asked for her father's permission, since she loved to mock me about my "old fashioned" ways. My earlier trepidation that Bella hadn't told anyone her plans for today had faded with the sunset, but the knowledge had proven useful.

Rosalie turned on her heel, clearly defeated, nose in the air. I let out a breath I hadn't been aware of holding in a sudden rush. Esme placed a hand on my shoulder and squeezed affectionately. I held her hand for a moment, listening to her internal worries, and the quiet click of Rosalie's retreating heels. Emmett had left with a shrug behind Rose, the wicked twinkle in still in his eyes and his thoughts ones that I wished he'd learn to keep to himself.

"I'm sorry you came home to that, Edward," Esme said quietly, her voice full of sorrow.

"It's quite alright," I assured her, "but she does have a point. I _am_ putting us all at risk _and_ I haven't been around for her to talk to about any of it." I put my elbows on the table and my head in my hands. "I acted impulsively, with no thought of the family. I just acted on the draw of her _blood_." I almost spat the last word, the horror of my choices weighing heavily on my shoulders.

Esme squeezed my shoulder again. "You have acted just like Rose did, the day she found Emmett. The same way Carlisle did with Rosalie, in fact. You have acted upon an impulse that has driven men and women for thousands of years, Edward . . . _love_. Something inside you _needs_ Isabella, just like something in Rose _needed_ Emmett. Still does. You proved tonight that it's just your future motives that concern her."

_And, frankly, that has us all on edge, son_ she thought to herself, quickly trying to rein the thought back in and cover it up with the design ideas she had for the waiting room.

_And this gift also has its unfortunate side-effects. _Outwardly, I sighed again and kissed Esme's hand. "I don't know, Mom. Knowing that Rosalie understands a little more -"

"I still do _not_ approve," Rosalie interjected from the next room.

" – makes it easier, but I don't know what the future is going to bring. I only know I _will not_ take her humanity, her soul, away from her. But you're right. I _need_ Bella in ways that I do not yet understand. And, Alice's vision just _cannot_ come true. I don't want this reality for her. She is everything that is _good_ and _right_ and _natural_. To take that away would be a crime." I sighed again.

Carlisle appeared in the doorway, then. "Edward," he said in the way he spoke to some of his patients, "you know Alice's visions aren't a concrete version of the future. The path that took Isabella, err Bella, to need my blood may have already changed."

I raised my eyes from the wood grain I'd been following to look at my foster father, as he continued, "You of all people should know Alice's visions only capture a fraction of a moment of the path that that person is on _at that moment_."

As he spoke, Carlisle moved from the doorway to beside Esme. Instead of the chaste greeting he would have given her at the hospital, his embrace and kiss were nearly sensual. His thoughts lingered on concern for me and what had just transpired here.

"Edward," he said and I looked up at him again, "if your connection to Bella is indeed a binding one, _Bella_ needs to know what her options are as well. You cannot decide this for her. Remember that."

I nodded my assent and rose from my spot at the table. I hugged Esme, tightly, and clapped Carlisle on the shoulder. I hoped that he knew how much his words always seemed to get to the crux of the issue, and headed to my room.

I sensed Alice was waiting for me, before I even set foot on the first step of the stairs. The scent of violets always seemed to follow the little pixie everywhere. I took the stairs slowly, lost in my thoughts, considering my parents' words and Rosalie's. As much as I hated to admit it to her, or anyone else, she had made several good points.

When I reached the top of the stairs and my room, Alice was lounging comfortably on my couch leafing through one of her fashion magazines.

_Looks like you won this round_ she thought somewhat haughtily.

I went straight to my closet, looking for a change of clothes. _So why do you seem so down? _she asked my back as I stood looking at, but not really seeing, the contents of my closet.

"Because, if I give her the choice, I _know_ what she'll choose," I answered, still facing the clothes.

"You can't blame a girl for wanting a true forever if it's offered, Edward," Alice called from behind me, now holding a pair of Parasuco jeans. "And don't give me that wounded puppy look. What girl would _want_ to watch her reflection wrinkle and age while you stand next to her in your seventeen-year-old perfection?"

"She's not vain, Alice," I snapped, instantly defending Bella.

Alice put a hand on my shoulder and spun me around to look me in the eyes. "Edward. Stop. You two have just found each other, live in _that_ moment and leave the future to chance, fate, or whatever."

Her tone was so flippant, I had to smile. Besides, the pixie's cheer could sometimes be infectious, especially when she wanted it to be. "Thanks, Alice."

"No problem, Edward," Alice winked and relaxed back into my couch. "All of this is so new to you and to Bella I have to assume, and knowing you, you're over-analyzing, over-thinking and turning into Mr. Broody McGhee when you should just be basking in each other. Just enjoy it. _Live, _Edward. _Live in the moment_. Cherish everything."

I thought for a moment, blocking out even Alice's thoughts. I turned over her words in my mind and stared, un-focused, at the jeans in my hand. I longed to do just what Alice advised, but the truth of my relationship with Bella – our unnatural pairing – weighted heavily against me. I had merely _existed_ for so long, did I even _remember_ how to live?

When my eyes refocused, Alice had not moved. Her expression was one of complete amusement, at my expense.

"What's so funny?" I asked, my lips curling into a somewhat involuntary smile.

"You may be the mind-reading freak, but I know you better than you know yourself, Edward. You're standing there wondering if you've forgotten _how to live_."

Before I had even formulated a response, Alice's head turned toward my doorway abruptly. A quarter of a second later, Rosalie appeared in the doorway, eyes blazing with fury once again.

"Live?" she shrieked. "You call _this_ living? We don't _sleep_, Edward," she spat, "we don't even _breathe_!"

I put my hands up in surrender, grasping with my mind at Rosalie's hurricane-force thoughts.

"Of course he's forgotten how to live, Alice," Rosalie sneered in Alice's direction, "our lives ended when we were changed! Our bodies froze, our lives ended. And, unless he leaves this _human_ alone, even this," she motioned to the three of us, "will end as well!"

In a flash, Alice was standing between Rosalie and I. Although much shorter Alice was an intimidating force. "Rosalie! STOP!" she commanded, hands on her hips.

Rosalie's shock was evident in the small shift in her stance from one of the attacker to one of the prey. Her thoughts swirled as if caught in the eye of a tremendous hurricane. Her anger shifted, for a brief moment, to Alice for defending and encouraging me. And, there, just outside the eye of that storm was the seed that had started it all . . . Rose was _jealous_.

My eyes widened as I finally, and completely, understood what was fueling Rosalie's fire. _She is jealous, not only of Bella's chance of having a life and children, but also in some strange way . . . because I hadn't chosen _her.Even though she couldn't imagine life without her Emmett, the fact remained that Rosalie knew she had originally been changed – not only to save her life – but in the hopes that she would become a companion for me.

Alice, evidently seeing my epiphany a micro-second after I had, relaxed her stance in front of Rosalie. Even though her thoughts were taunting her older sister, Alice remained quiet about what she had learned choosing instead to put a tiny hand over Rose's heart.

"Rose, he's found his other half," she said quiet enough that Rose and I were the only ones who could hear. The volume of her voice forced Rose to focus on Alice, and only Alice. Something in her voice, some level of conviction that what she said was somehow _right_ registered with the statuesque blonde.

Rosalie's eyes shifted from me to Alice's and back several times in the three seconds it took her to process Alice's words. Rose sighed, her shoulders slumping. "I understand that. My concerns are for this family, only." Her words were clipped; none of the accent was slipping now. "We're living among humans here, the rules are different from our time in Alaska."

Alice dropped her hand to Rose's, grasped it, and drew the taller woman to the couch.

"I know they are, Rosalie." I leaned against the closet doorframe, trying to find a way to the end this discussion.

"Exposure in such a small town could, possibly, be covered up, explained away," Rosalie said with a sweep of her hand, "but when you add that _that girl_ -"

"- Bella. Her name is _Bel-la_." I interjected.

"- _Bella_," Rosalie sneered the name, "is the Chief of Police's _daughter_, Edward. Nothing would attract more attention if you lose control, and the Chief would make sure the man hunt was, at the very best, national."

"I'm aware of the risks, Rosalie" I stated, my eyes darting to Alice.

_Edward, you're going to have to call her on the jealousy thing. Or we're going to go around and around about this for the next eternity_, she whispered to me secretly.

"Then what do you plan to do about it? You already said you weren't going to change her. You can't stay in her life for years, not aging. Even the police chief in _this_ town would notice _that_!"

"Rose, stop." I put my hands up, palms out, not quite in surrender this time. "I'm not entirely sure _what_ I'm doing yet. This is the _first day_ of I-don't-know-what! We've just, today, admitted that we're drawn to each other." I couldn't find the words I wanted, especially with Alice chattering away about her visions and happy endings in my head.

"And, no, I don't know how much of that draw is her blood," I answered the question Rosalie had yet to ask.

"You know I hate it when you do that," Rosalie spat, "I can speak my own mind!"

Again, my hands came up in not-quite-surrender. "Yes, Rose. I know you can. I apologize." I tried, somewhat futilely, to block out Rosalie's thoughts. She is just so loud.

A nanosecond before she spoke, I knew Alice was setting me up. "Rose?" she asked, earning herself her sister's golden stare. "What about Bella really bothers you? We've all had close-calls with exposure before; that can't be the only thing causing all this anger."

Rosalie's fury blossomed in her mind, something like a mushroom cloud. "There's nothing else! I just do not understand the draw of that _mousy_ human and don't want you risking this family over her. That's it!" He r hands balled into fists at her side. Rosalie _thought_ she had her jealousy locked firmly, but even her words betrayed her.

"And we've been over that, exactly twenty-seven times!" Alice snapped, internally pushing me to end the argument with what we both knew.

I sighed, giving in to my favorite sister as she knew I would. "Why does Bella's appearance keep popping up in your arguments, then, Rose? The fact that you refuse to call her by name hasn't gone unnoticed either. What is it about Bella that gets you so angry?"

Rosalie was quiet for a few moments, her thoughts an intricate web of the truth, the lies she had been trying to convince herself of, and the conversations she'd had with everyone in the house. She cataloged all the times she had referred to Bella as "mousy" or "that girl" and it truly surprised her. When she spoke, her fury was more under control. She was still undecided on whether she would speak the entire truth, even though she suspected Alice and I already knew.

"I suppose I'm just judgmental, and had a preconceived notion of the kind of girl you would end up with." She paused, selecting her words carefully, "I guess I always thought you'd end up with someone . . . well . . . more like Tanya." The words she didn't choose hung in the air, unspoken – _someone more like me_.

I chuckled, trying to hold my tongue against the torrent of words I longed to throw at her. "Rosalie, you know I think of Tanya as a friend, and an admittedly beautiful woman with whom I share a lot of interests, but that's all. I'm not attracted to her, despite yours and Esme's efforts to the contrary." I smiled at the memories of coincidental hunting trips where Esme or Rosalie backed out at the last minute forcing Tanya and I to hunt alone.

Esme and Rosalie had admitted the set-ups, only after Tanya confessed her frustration that I didn't seem interested to Esme. Esme tended to become a mother-figure to everyone she met, and she freely acknowledged to Tanya her hopes that I had finally found a partner in the gorgeous strawberry blonde. The end result had been a rather awkward conversation between Tanya and I, where we agreed that she was attracted to me in ways that I had yet to experience with anyone. _Until Bella_.

Without thinking Rosalie spoke, "But she, or someone like her, would be more suited to be by your side, Edward. Someone of a better class, more regal. Someone who looks more like Tanya . . . or . . . or me."

With the admission out, Rosalie's eyes were almost closed; she seemed somehow deflated. I gave her another moment, sensing she had more she wanted to say.

Lower than a whisper, so that no one else in the house could hear, she continued, "Edward, Carlisle "saved" me thinking you and I would be a matched set. I guess I feel as though she's not pretty enough for you, because she doesn't look like me. Because she's not me."

Alice looked smug, but laid her head on her sister's shoulder, trying for encouragement.

"Rosalie?" I asked, trying to get her eyes to raise to mine, "Are you jealous?"

Rose didn't look up for a moment, but when she did her eyes were full of shame. "It's hard to admit, but, yes I am, Edward," she spoke in that same hushed whisper, "I have Emmett and I love him, but the knowledge that _I_ was meant for you and rejected . . . it . . . well, it haunts me. I'm not used to rejection, Edward, and the fact that you are drawn to someone so _plain_ almost hurts."

I rocked back on my heels, the shock of that Rosalie had admitted her jealousy – without being goaded by me – probably evident on my face.

"Wow, Rose." Alice spoke up just as quietly, while hugging her sister, "That was _huge_."

Rose smiled meekly into Alice's hair. It was a look I'd never seen on her face before. "And how long have you two known?" she asked, looking at me finally.

"Since the Aston Martin," I answered. "I just didn't want to confront you with it, until you were admitting it to yourself."

"I don't know whether to be angry with you or to thank you," Rosalie said looking from me to Alice and back. She freed one of her arms from Alice and gave the pixie-like girl a tight squeeze.

"You decide to thank us," Alice laughed, sensing as I did that the fight was over.

Rosalie laughed, too, the sound more throaty than Alice's tinkling silver bells, and I found myself smiling fondly at the two of them entangled on my couch. Seeing Rosalie like this – with her guard down – I could almost see her the way Carlisle and Esme had wanted me to all those years ago. But, after all, I prefer brunettes.

I turned my back to my closet, foregoing the shower tonight, and picked out another pair of jeans. These were stylishly faded and soft, and not a pair Alice really approved of. When I emerged from the depths of my closet wearing them, however; Alice only shook her head and rolled her eyes.

"There's always _something_ he holds onto, Alice, you know that," Rose chuckled, "but at least those aren't those awful pin-striped suits he insisted on wearing in Spain that winter. You'd throw them away and he'd go right out and buy more!" She was clearly glad her jealousy was no longer the focus of our attention. Neither of them missed a chance to poke fun at some of my more creative wardrobe choices.

The subject of my fashion sense, or lack thereof, was something the two of them could tease me about from now until the end of eternity. I told them as much, resulting in more girlish laughter from my couch. Exasperated, I tried shooing them from my room, but only managed to chase Alice off.

Rosalie stood after Alice left, but hung back. She stood in my doorway, trying to decide what she wanted to say, but thinking about the last fashion show she'd been to and lingering on all the different fabrics she'd seen. "Edward," she said while looking at her shoes, "I'm sorry for all of this, but Bella _is_ a huge risk. You know that, and I know that you know it, too. I'm going to _try_, but that's all I can give you right now."

And with that, Rosalie disappeared from my doorway as silently as the killer I knew she could be.

After a moment, I returned to my closet looking for a shirt that wouldn't earn me more ridicule from my fashion-forward sisters. I would have time to ponder what Rosalie meant by "I'm going to _try_" while I watched Bella sleep.

I settled on a midnight blue button-up shirt over a white undershirt, and used the monster's senses to locate Esme in the house. I smiled when I found her, snuggled into Carlisle's arms watching Headline News.

I blurred down the hall, the stairs, and to the living room. I chuckled as I entered the room and took in the sight. As long as they had been together, sometimes Carlisle and Esme seemed more like teenagers just discovering their love . . . and each other.

"What's got you chuckling, Edward?" Carlisle smiled up at me.

I shook my head, smiling back at him, "Just you two."

"You and Rosalie patch things up?" Esme asked.

"More or less," I answered, sitting on the arm of the opposite sofa. "I think we're both learning as we go on this one."

Carlisle nodded, and Esme clearly wanted to know more. I knew she wouldn't ask, though, because she didn't want to pry.

"So, you're heading back, then?" she asked instead.

"Yes, Mom," I answered, afraid for a moment that she wanted me to stay. I smiled again when I realized that she would have been upset with me if I had intended to stay. She knew I needed to think, and that I _needed_ to be with Bella. Esme may not be a mind-reader, but she knew me, possibly better than anyone else. Even Alice.

_A/N: _

_ The brand of jeans (Parasuco) is an exclusive brand of jeans in Canada. I owe the use of their name to a dear friend of mine, Mara (you know who you are & I thank you), who suggested them when I put a call out on twitter for help. After looking at their website, I decided that Alice would definitely approve of these. ;)_

_ I feel the need to apologize for my AWFUL posting schedule, but I feel the need to explain myself as well. I'm a wife, a mother, the manager/part owner of a small (& struggling) business, a sister, a daughter, and a friend. Also, I can only write when I have the time & the muse is in the building. I know this must be frustrating to the few Constant Readers I have, and for that I do apologize._

_ However, I feel that you also need to bear with me. My mother was recently diagnosed with some sort of Melanoma (I can't even BEGIN to spell it), and it is the BAD, FAST-MOVING kind. She recently had to have a tennis ball sized mass out of her calf & was rendered essentially immobile because of the removal & subsequent skin graft. I had to go up & help her out for two weeks. Which then put me impossibly behind in every aspect of my life. _

_ As far as we know, at this very moment, the cancer has not spread. However, her doctor has sent off for testing samples from all of her lymph nodes in her leg & we'll know something (for sure) in the next few weeks. _

_ I'm not telling you this for sympathy, prayers, anything, other than to let you know that I'm still here & still writing, but my life is a little crazy right now._

_ And, as always, Constant Reader, thanks for reading!_

_ Lots of love,_

_ Allis_

_ XxoxX_


	13. Chapter 16, The Cullens, Part 3

Chapter 16 ~ The Cullens ~ Part 3

My run back to the Swan house was confident, true, and I was beginning to believe that I could run it completely sensory-deprived. Something was clearly drawing me back to that delicate form nestled in a tiny bed on the second floor of a nondescript white clapboard house. Was it only due to the song her blood sang to me? Was it some meeting of the souls, like I'd read about in some of the novels my mother had read? Was it some combination of the two, or simply a desire for some forbidden fruit?

I shook my head to stop the endless string of questions from forming and passed the clearing without giving it another thought. The time for second-guessing had passed when I had returned Bella, unharmed, to her home after our confessions in the meadow. I was part of Bella's life now, and she had become so very much more than that to me.

Whatever was drawing me to her had shaved an entire two minutes off of my quickest time. Emmett would cringe at the knowledge, if I chose to share it. Had he always been so competitive? I chuckled, the sound reverberating off the trees as I passed. Probably. The strongest of all of us, except maybe an imposing member of the Volturi Guard, Emmett always wanted to be the fastest, the one to take down the biggest kill, or the one who killed the most zombies when he played _MediEvil_ with Jasper. The thought of tormenting Emmett with my faster time made me chuckle again, because I knew he'd struggle to _match_ my original time not to mention beating it.

I quieted when I reached the edge of the forest just out of view from Bella's window. Should she, or anyone else, be looking out, I would just be out of view. From there I could hear the rhythmic rumble of the Chief's steady snore. I could make out Bella's sleeping heart-rate just a decibel lower. I looked up at her window, making sure she hadn't woken up to find me gone and shut me out. Seeing it was still open lifted my spirits and I began my quick climb up the closest tree.

I landed inside without a sound, and was immediately doused in flames. They licked at my throat, down my esophagus, and rippled through every fiber of my body. Every nerve-ending was alive and burning. I inhaled out of shock and instantly wished that I hadn't. The monster burst through the iron bars of the cell I'd mentally put him in, and I involuntarily took a predatory step toward Bella's sleeping form. Before he got another second of freedom, I stopped breathing and closed my eyes. I turned my concentration from Bella to fighting back the monster.

As if subconsciously aware of the predator in her room, Bella groaned softly and I heard her bed springs move as she shifted her position. Still fighting for control of myself, I completely froze. I became an alabaster statue of a teenage boy caught somewhere he wasn't supposed to be on the outside, fighting his internal demons.

_And what would the Chief do if he found you here, Cullen? What would _you_ do, with the predator so close to the surface?_

After seven minutes of excruciating pain, the flames started to recede from my extremities. First my toes, then my fingers began to tingle as the burn retreated in small stages to settle in the back of my throat. I flexed my fingers, then my toes, testing my ability to stay grounded while in the midst of Bella's overpowering scent. I shook myself free of the final embers, and allowed myself to be enveloped in everything Bella again.

My ever-present venom had pooled into my mouth and my throat worked to push it back. A fire still raged just behind my uvula and despite my earlier over-feeding with Alice, a twinge of thirst tormented me. I surveyed the room for any signs of Bella being upset by my departure, or of any sign that she had even noticed it. At the foot of her bed I looked down at her, now lying on her back, head turned to the left, small hand reaching out across her stomach for something.

_For me?_

_ The position of her hand could also be completely random, Cullen_ my inner voice rationalized.

_But only an hour ago, I was laying right there . . ._

I smiled despite the strange argument going on inside my head, and the infuriating silence coming from the mind in the bed below me.

_Not even a whisper of a dream . . ._

I exhaled the stale breath I'd drawn upon entering, and the confines of the small room reminded me of the dangers of being this close to Bella. Regardless, joy surged up again as I realized I had won another battle with the monster.

_ Was it slightly easier this time? If so, what made the difference? Will her blood eventually _stop_ tormenting me? Do I want that?_

The conundrum nearly propelled me back out the window and into the night. I could _not_ become the slightest bit complacent when it came to Bella. The monster would strike if ever given the opportunity. Maybe I had pushed the monster back fractionally quicker this time, but the thirst had hit with more force this time as well.

_And why should that surprise you, Cullen? This is her room! Even the computer, underneath it's smells of metal and dust . . . it smells like _her.

Being at school with her, or in her house or truck, wasn't nearly as concentrated with her intoxicating aroma, because other people inhabited those spaces. The Chief clearly respected Bella's privacy, as there was hardly even the slightest essence of his Old Spice and musk inside these four walls. For a moment, I wondered if the opposite was true in the Chief's room.

I took the few steps from the end of Bella's bed toward the rocking chair, but the same force that had pulled me here faster than ever before propelled me, instead, to the head of her bed. Asleep, her allure was perhaps even greater. Gone was the self-doubt that pulled down the corners of her mouth as well as the self-consciousness that made her chew at her bottom lip. Her face was peaceful. I reached out to ever-so-gently touch her sleeping cheek, careful not to disturb her slumber.

The warmth from her skin assailed me, once again setting me on fire. This fire wasn't one of pain and therefore unlike the inferno that consumed me upon re-entering Bella's room. The heat radiated up from my fingertips, filled me, warmed me to my very core. Bella stirred, slightly, and turned over on her right side. A small groan escaped her slightly parted lips, and I settled into her rocking chair.

For a few moments, the only sounds in the quiet room were Bella's breathing and heartbeat . . . the sounds that now ruled my world. I could still hear the Chief's snores and the few sounds in the woods outside the house, but none drew me the way those two, seemingly insignificant, sounds now did. Bella rolled back onto her back, and her hair was a beautifully disheveled mess on her pillow. I smiled in the darkness at how frustratingly self-conscious she would be about it, could she see it. I shook my head at her inability to see herself clearly, as observant as she could be about everyone else.

Bella was funny that way. She caught the smallest things that everyone else did or said, but when it came to herself, her vision was skewed. I suppose I had the same problem, in her opinion. And, quite possibly, in the monster's as well. I saw myself _as_ the monster, nothing more. Bella saw _the boy, _nothing more. Or at least it seemed that way, sometimes. I had no way to know for certain.

I inhaled deeply, needing the scent of her. My throat burned. The idea of hunting crossed my mind, again. I brushed the errant thought away.

I didn't think I could bear to leave her side again. The distraction of Rosalie's meltdown had been enough separation for me for quite a while. Besides, it had given me the opportunity to change my clothes in case Bella had a nosy neighbor who had seen me go into the house yesterday evening wearing a tan sweater and white button-up. I didn't want anyone to alert the Chief that a boy had spent the night in his house.

_Will you tell Bella the other reason you left during the night?_

The thought of telling her the things that Rosalie had said made me shudder. Bella would not take the news well. It was clear to me that she was intimidated by the fact that Rose had been meant for me, so I didn't want to make Bella more self-conscious by trying to explain to her how and why Rosalie was jealous of _her_. Bella's image of herself was so disgustingly fallacious, it was almost comical. _Almost_.

"Will you _ever_ see yourself clearly, Bella?" I asked the sleeping form next to me. As if she heard me, a small and playful smile played on her lips.

For the hundred thousandth time in the last few weeks, I hated what I had been changed into all of those years ago. I longed for the escape of sleep that Bella had plunged into. I longed for a story with an ending, as hers would in roughly eighty years. I longed for the simplicity of being human; granted, if I had remained human, our paths would never have crossed.

"What would that mean for you, Bella? Would you be entertaining Crowley, Yorkie, or Newton?"

At the thought of Newton even being in the Chief's small house for a moment, I shuddered again. I grew angry, and made sure to release the chair before flexing the muscles in my hands repeatedly. I rubbed my palms on the lap of my jeans, trying to quell the tide of anger that had suddenly flooded into me. My teeth ground together and if they hadn't become virtually indestructible, I would have chipped the delicate enamel of the points and ridges.

As suddenly as the anger had arrived, it abated, and I was left feeling every one of my 104 years. I relaxed my jaw and my fingers rested again in the grooves of the arm rests of the antique rocker. I took two deep breaths, the weariness diluted even the effects of Bella's scent. Never before had I felt so completely _ancient_ as I did in that moment. My human emotions had been repressed and ignored for so very long, the sudden outpouring of _feeling_ was overwhelming. I had truly forgotten what it was like to feel anything outside the horror of what I'd become and comfortable, but deep, affection for the members of my new family.

I ran my hands through my hair, and tugged a little at it near the roots at my crown. I looked over at Bella, relishing once again the beauty in the bed by my side.

"Oh Bella" I sighed, "so much has changed for me in the last several weeks." The words poured out of me, faster and quieter than any human would ever be able to decipher. "I've come to terms with so much. I concede that I have considerably many more to contend with, but I never imagined I would be where I am today. You have affected me in what that I never believed possible."

A wistful smile played across my lips as my eyes traveled from the mahogany haystack on the pillow, to the cream forehead, the closed eye-lids ending in thick, dark eyelashes, the slight blush that played across soft cheeks, the five light freckles across the bridge of her slim nose, the full lips the color of barely-ripe strawberries, and the curve of her slightly pointed chin. There were features there that I could no longer live without. If I was going to be honest with myself, I had to admit that _all_ of the features I saw there I could no longer live without.

A sound outside Bella's window distracted me from my reverie; the sound of a Ruby Crowned Kinglet twittering a good morning to the rising sun. Silently, I rose from the rocking chair and took the few steps from it to Bella's window. The sun had begun to change the color of the eastern sky from the black of pitch to the darkest indigo. The monster's eyes could clearly detect the change, but I doubted Bella's eyes could at this early hour. The rising sun would have more competition today, as clouds must have rolled in during the night. The Kinglet's joyful declaration of dawn was a few hours premature, but for once, I could appreciate the little bird's enthusiasm for its arrival. I found myself shaking my head at the bird's foolishness for hurrying the dawn's coming, but in some ways I could understand the desire.

I leaned, lightly, on the windowsill and scanned the darkness beyond the few trees just beyond the house. My night vision could pick up the movements of the trees as their boughs moved with a slight breeze and I glimpsed a pair of opossums either scurrying home after a night of foraging or looking for one more meal for retiring for the day. Otherwise, the world outside was quiet. Even the early to rise Kinglet has quieted after his initial pre-greeting.

I stood there for several minutes, unmoving, studying the world from Bella's window, looking outside and wondering what it would be like to see the world as a human without the vast knowledge of the last century that I held. Although I felt every one of my one hundred and four years as I stood in this beautiful child's room, I could also see things the way she must . . . as a huge world that could swallow her whole at any time. However, this particular girl now had a protector. Me.

By the time I decided to move back to the rocking chair, the sky had become mostly indigo with a fine band of royal blue fading through the blue spectrum to a brightening purple. Bella hadn't moved, and she seemed to be sleeping soundly. I settled into the chair and considered what it must be like to be born into a world where computers and technology were the norm, not something new and sometimes feared by those without the knowledge to understand them.

Alice kept us apprised of all changes in the ever-changing technological market, but they were the hardest for me to integrate into my life. I hate the way the written word was disappearing, but yet, Bella had no cellphone that I'd seen and the computer she had here in her room was clearly not the most up-to-date version with its telephone modem. Maybe Bella wasn't as much of a technology addict as the rest of her generation. Her appreciation of books was obvious from the few well-handled copies she had stashed in her night stand.

The thought of asking her why she didn't have her nose stuck in a cellphone made me cringe. She'd already mentioned that she'd noticed that I sometimes spoke as though I was from a different time, so I imagined questions about technology would come across as snobbish, condescending, or further accentuate our age difference.

"There are so very many things that I still want to know, Bella, about you and every instant of your life that you remember," I continued my whispered, one-sided conversation. "So much detail I get when I touch someone's mind with my gift. Humans may not be conscious of the fact that they tend to think of their memories or impressions quite frequently, but with your mind's silence I feel like I'm missing out on so much that makes you who you are."

Before I could say more . . . the loud bleating of the Chief's alarm sounded, which sent me blurring into the back of Bella's closet. I didn't need Alice's foresight to know that the Chief would be checking on his only daughter as soon as he was conscious.

With a groan and a smack that silenced the bleating, I heard the Chief's bed springs adjust as he rolled from the middle of the bed to the side. I heard the rasp of skin across the stubble of new growth on his chin, as he stifled a yawn. After a deep sigh, I heard the soft click of a lamp and the soft hum of a light bulb coming to life.

Tired and sluggish, the Chief's mind was bombarded by guilt over disconnecting Bella's battery cables. Conversely, he was proud of himself for preventing the continuation of whatever had had his daughter so keyed up the night before. Another rasp, and the Chief's bare feet were padding across the hardwood floor of his room. I heard the whisper of cotton against the back of the door and then against his skin as he put on his robe. Then his doorknob quietly clicked free of its catch.

He pulled the door toward him, mumbling about the requirement of robes in co-ed housing, and padded quietly over to Bella's bedroom door. Almost silently, he opened her door and the soft light of his bedside lamp illuminated Bella's sleeping form just enough for him to make out Bella's hair spilled over the pillows. I caught a glimpse of the thought that if she'd just been an indistinguishable lump he would have investigated further, but this satisfied him that he'd made the right decision on the battery cable situation and that Bella was safely at home.

The Chief quickly retreated from peering in his daughter's room, closed the door again, and shuffled into the shared bathroom. The bathroom door shut with another click and almost immediately the faucets in the bathtub came on, breaking the relative silence of the house. There were cabinets opened, closed, the sound of porcelain hitting porcelain, another rush of water as the Chief relieved himself, and the toilet flushed. Then I heard the distinctive screech of the shower curtain hooks scraping against the metal rod, and the sound of the water changed. When the hooks made their second pass across the curtain rod, I let out a breath I hadn't been aware I was holding.

I took in a breath amongst the sparse clothes in the closet and was rewarded with the rich scent of Bella. The scent was different there in amongst the clothes, perhaps affected by the powder Bella used in the laundry, but even here her scent was intoxicating, heady, and rich. Even slightly masked, her blood sung to the monster and to something deeper within me. My soul was already lost, but somehow I felt as though something of it remained and this human girl whispered to it.

While the Chief continued to shower, I crept out of the recess of Bella's small closet. I didn't go back to the rocking chair, but stood near her night stand. Still sound asleep, she remained on her back, that gorgeous mane of hair a tangled fan on her pillow. I glanced at the world outside her window as another Kinglet sounded the call for morning. The sky had begun to lighten further, the indigo almost completely chased from view. Bella's abhorred green was emerging from the darkness, albeit the muted green of another overcast day.

I whispered, again so softly that neither Bella nor the Chief could hear,

_For winter's rains and ruins are over,_

_ And all the season of snows and sins;_

_ The days dividing lover and lover,_

_ The light that loses, the night that wins;_

_ And time remembered is grief forgotten,_

_ And frosts are slain and flowers begotten,_

_ And in green under wood and cover_

_ Blossom by blossom the spring brings."_

Swinborne hadn't crossed my mind for quite some time; his works had faded from the limelight even in his native London in years past. This passage spoke to me now more than ever, representing the changes going on inside me as well as the world outside.

The sound of water running from across the hall stopped abruptly, and I took the few steps back behind Bella's clothes. Now that he'd showered, the Chief's thoughts seemed more organized. A minute later I heard the bathroom door click open and the sound brought with it the spicy scent of Old Spice and humid air under Bella's bedroom door. On the heels of the sound and smells, I heard cabinet doors open again and the soft squeak of human flesh sweeping condensation from the mirror.

Almost instantly after, the Chief's thoughts became clear. I saw him remember pushing a box to the back of the shelf above the washing machine marked "bathroom vent fan" and I chuckled when this memory revealed to me that he'd chosen fishing over that particular Saturday project. He regretted that decision after every shower, but his stomach growled at the thought of the resulting fish fry and that regret faded quickly. With a sigh, the Chief and I heard shaving lather expelled into his hand. A moment later, I heard the scrape of a razor against the skin of his neck and face.

I decided to remain behind Bella's few clothes until I was certain the Chief had left for the station. His thoughts were a jumble of concern for Bella, guilt for detaching her battery cables, and curiosity about what would come across his desk during his shift. Once he'd given himself a once-over in the bathroom mirror, I heard the Chief walk back into his room and the soft click of his bedroom door latch behind him.

When his attention turned to the contents of his closet, I closed off that part of my mind that listened in on his thoughts. His "voice" became a low murmur under the surface of my own thoughts. I knew that if he thought about coming into Bella's room I would hear. With this knowledge I abandoned the idea of staying in the closet and without sound made my way back to the rocking chair.

This time, however, I didn't relax back into it. I perched on the edge, expecting the Chief to check on his daughter before leaving for the station. His mind hadn't gone back to the images from his dream, but I suspected that was because he refused to remember them. It had to be one of his deepest, darkest fears to be the one to zip the body bag of someone he knew. In this small a town, I wouldn't be surprised if he already had.

As the sun crept higher in the sky, and the Chief ambled down the stairs, I gazed at Bella's form for the umpteenth time. Bella seemed to get more beautiful each time my eyes found her. Since she was still on her back, I could fully take note of the facial features that changed so much when she was awake. There were still so very many things I didn't know about her, so many emotions that I couldn't quite discern, and so many little nuances about her face that would never show themselves unless she was this relaxed.

I found myself, once again, studying Bella's face. Her eyebrows were smooth, darker than her hair, and still . . . something that didn't occur much while she was awake. They weren't arched like Alice's or perfectly sculpted like Rosalie's, but no less lovely from her inattention. The peaches and cream complexion that I loved showed off cheekbones that spoke of some exotic heritage in her family's past. Bella's chin was somewhat pointed now that her small teeth weren't worrying her bottom lip and was in perfect line with her slim but perky nose.

Bella's neck was slender and smooth, unmarred by freckles or moles and gave way to narrow shoulders. One clavicle peeked out from the worn, wavy neck of her threadbare shirt. I longed to kiss her along the exposed skin, but the proximity of her carotid artery was dangerous. Also dangerous was that incredibly sexy spot just behind her ear. Aside from its propinquity to the rich blood just pumped from her heart, I had no idea what intrigued me so much about that spot. There was something so very sensual about the hollow just under and behind the coil of her ear.

Even her ears seemed too delicate for me to touch, for fear I would hurt, or break, her in some way. She'd never had her ears pierced and the lobes were small, much like the rest of my beloved. Almost of its own volition, my right hand began to extend toward the quilt that covered Bella. I snatched it back, not surprised that the teenager still had some infinitesimal amount of control over me. There were parts of Bella's body under that quilt that he longed to see, and the gentleman in me was embarrassed and ashamed.

The shrill beep of the microwave downstairs startled the teenager long enough for me to throw him back into a corner. I sighed deeply as I was forced to confront, yet again, the knowledge that Bella and I could _never_ be intimate in that way weighed heavily on my still heart. I longed to touch the soft skin of her stomach, feel the beat of her heart against the bare skin of my own chest, and kiss every inch of places I could not currently see. I could _never_ do those things with her. No matter how much I wanted it, in that very moment.

_Cullen, that level of intimacy is too close to losing control. Best not to dwell on what can never be._

A sigh somewhere close to a sob escaped me at the whispers of one of the voices I battled with. I couldn't argue with the truth of the words spoken.

_She's right, you know, this relationship is bringing out your soft human side . . . especially that teenager . . . just look at those raging hormones!_

The monster sneered at the weaker side of me, but I couldn't argue with him. Before this handful of weeks, I had never considered copulation – the act had always seemed like something others enjoyed. I had never felt the desire to be with another human in that way, and as a vampire, had found no one that I cared deeply enough for . . . until now. Although lust was something I was familiar with, I'd seen and felt it through the minds of others, there had never arisen a situation that I'd felt comfortable enough in to act upon it. I'd listened to enough minds to know that sex and love didn't always travel in the same circles as much as I would like, but I wanted it to with myself and whomever I found that stirred the desires within me.

The squeak of the Chief's step on the loose step brought that line of thought to a sudden halt. I blurred silently back into the small recess of Bella's closet just as her bedroom doorknob began to turn.

He hadn't turned the light on at the top of the stairs, so the light of Bella's room didn't change.

He cleared his throat, "Bells?" he queried the form on the bed.

"Mhmm?" Bella groaned in response, still mostly asleep.

"Heading to work," he mumbled, his thoughts full of relief that she appeared to have spent the night right where she lay.

"M'kay" she croaked in response, and threw her arm over her eyes to both block out the increasing light and her father's voice.

Satisfied that Bella had been in bed all night, but still curious about what had her so excited the night before, the Chief closed her door again and headed back down the stairs. The squeaky stair groaned under his boot, and when he reached the bottom step he let out his breath in a rush.

His thoughts were surrounded in that strange, impenetrable fog as he reached for his keys and his gun belt. However, I could see through his eyes as he left the house, locking it behind him with the key from under the eave. His next stop was the passenger side of Bella's truck, to reattach her battery cables. The opening and closing of the rusty hinges seemed to echo through the neighborhood and frightened a few birds inhabiting the woods behind the house. I heard, as did the Chief, the distinct call of a Bald Eagle somewhere in the vicinity.

Moments later, the Chief's cruiser roared to life. I stood and walked to the window, for some reason I wanted to see him leave. I was careful to stay back in the shadows so that if he looked up at his daughter's window I would not be seen. Without further hesitation, the Chief pulled out of his driveway, his tires crunched over the gravel as he left. I watched as he executed a three-point turn and headed in the direction of the police station.

I stayed in the shadows until the cruiser was completely out of sight, and then returned to the rocking chair. Bella still lay with her arm over her eyes, and I felt a pang of guilt at keeping her up as late as I had last night. But I didn't believe that either of us would change a single minute, if given the implausible possibility. I yearned to wake her in order to continue our conversations and to further explore the feelings we both seemed to have for each other.

I managed to resist both the urge to wake her _and_ rifle through her drawers to learn more about her, as I sat quietly considering what Bella and I would do today. The notion occurred to me that I should introduce her to the rest of my family fleeted across my consciousness, but before I dismissed the idea completely, I decided to contact the only person who could tell me exactly how such a whim could turn out . . . Alice.

I removed the small silver phone from my pocket, and was not at all surprised to see "1 new message" flashing on the small screen. I smiled to myself, and flipped the phone open.

U no Rose won't approve appeared on the screen. The message had been sent an hour ago, long before I had even consciously considered the thought.

I chuckled at my favorite sister, and replied quickly.

She doesn't have to, Alice.

Alice's response came fast on the heels of mine.

Rose will go hunting . . .

Emmett may go with her, that's not clear.

I sighed.

I had hoped she would be more receptive

after our earlier conversations.

I knew Rosalie had reservations about Bella, but I truly had hoped she had moved past them. When I'd left home earlier, Rose was in the capable hands of my family. Although I hadn't expected a complete turnaround of her ideals, I _had _hoped she would at least agree to meet Bella.

Alice's thoughts were on par with mine, and her response was a long one.

She will come around. She's dealing with

her jealousy as best she can. Emmett is

helping, but she's also worried about the

consequences of revealing ourselves to a

human.

There wasn't much to say on this subject that hadn't already been said at some length; Alice and I both knew that.

I hardly think the knowledge of one human

in a relatively secluded area of the US

will end up exposing us all.

I typed those words knowing that I was deluding myself, because Alice and I had seen the Volturi dispatch vampires, even those with the gifts they coveted, for less. And, I said it with complete faith that with Alice on our side, there would be no surprises.

Maybe, maybe not. Either way, it's

something that we * cannot * ignore

forever.

Alice's response was quick, and right. As usual.

I sighed again.

But, you foresee no problems with Bella

visiting Esme, Carlisle, you, and Jasper

tomorrow?

I needed her reassurance that things would go well, now more than ever. Somehow, knowing whether or not Bella would be safe with Jasper could confirm or destroy my hopes that I had chosen the correct path yesterday in the meadow.

I know she'll be fine, Edward. She and

I will be great friends, I've told you

that! And Jasper will be a perfect

gentleman.

I smiled at the little phone and part of me, that I chose to ignore, wanted to acknowledge that it was statistically impossible that Alice could _always_ be right. Statistics were not in our favor, but they could also be manipulated by outside forces. And I knew that Alice's visions could always change, but my confidence in my sister's abilities never wavered.

I didn't want to dwell on her visions for fear of the reappearance of those awful images of Bella in the recesses of my mind.

Thank you, Alice

All my love,

E

I didn't want to think about Jasper's original reaction to solving the "human problem" as he had called it in the beginning, so in order to refocus myself, I snapped the phone shut and returned it to my pocket. A smile played around my lips as my confidence in my plans for tomorrow grew. The gentleman I had been taught to be was thrilled that I was _finally _taking Bella to meet my family, even if I was doing things out-of-order in his rulebook.

_Especially with that kiss . . . and spending the night in her room!_ He balked at the things that I had done, without the knowledge and permission of her father, of my family.

I shook my head at his incredulity.

_The kiss was meant to be quite a bit more chaste than it turned out to be, _I thought back at him, _I didn't take into consideration Bella's possible reaction._

The gentleman was smug; his point had been made that I was doing everything all the wrong way around and he fell silent. I _did_ somewhat agree that the way I had handled things with Bella up until this point had been the opposite of everything my parents had instructed me was "polite behavior." I had lamented the passing of such behavior in passing conversations with Carlisle and Jasper, and even Peter had agreed that being a "proper gentleman" was a lost art form. We understood the women's liberation movement was necessary and empowering, and rightfully so, but we sorely missed doting on the women in our lives in some ways. In fact, I had seen a young man try and open a door for a girl in the Forks High School cafeteria and he had been _chastised_ by her for doing so.

I chuckled at the memory; the exasperation had been so clear on the young man's face. It was mildly amusing and yet, very unsettling, at the same time.

A soft click from the bed startled me out of the memory. Bella still hadn't moved, and her heartbeat remained in the slow, steady pace of sleep. I looked her over, panicked that something was wrong – that I hadn't sensed a change in her breathing that indicated she was in distress. The soft click came again, and now that my attention was focused on her I caught the minute movement of her throat as she swallowed. Bella swallowed a third time and then let out a long, shuddering deep breath.

For the next three minutes, I watched as Bella's breaths became more shallow and the room lightened as the sun struggled higher through the ever-present cloud cover. The Kinglet's early call had been taken up by a myriad of the Pacific Northwest's songbirds as well as the odd call of a few Bald Eagles. Bella's heart began to beat a bit more quickly and I hoped she would wake soon. I considered _encouraging_ the waking process as my impatience deepened, but I didn't want to lose her to sleep again quite so quickly.

I sat back into the rocking chair and watched as Bella became more restless. Her legs moved up and down under the sheets and I heard the catch of a rough patch of her skin on her heel against the sheet. Her chest heaved again, as she sighed deeply. It sounded as if she was trying to will herself to stay asleep.

_Is she dreaming now? Her heartbeat borders on its waking rhythm, but her body is still at rest. Why does she fight waking so much? Is she afraid that yesterday was all a dream? Or is she afraid to come back __to a reality where she's in love with a monster?_

I forced myself not to focus on the latter fear, and shut out everything but the sounds of Bella's heart and breathing. Those sounds had become my anchor in the last 18 hours or so. My anchor to a human world that I had been pulled from, but as much as I _could_ have resented Carlisle for the decisions he made years ago, I could not any longer . . . my world just opened her eyes.

Bella's arm still rested across her eyes, but I could hear the soft sound of her eyes blinking repeatedly as she tried to focus. I couldn't read her thoughts, but it seemed as though she was determined to go back to sleep, and her heart-rate remained closer to asleep than awake, so I remained completely still and silent. Suddenly, the arm that had been draped over her eyes slammed down to her side, and she let out a moan.

She turned from her back to her side, now facing away from me, and snuggled down into her pillow again. A moment passed, and with a gasp, Bella sat up.

"Oh!" she exclaimed.

"Your hair looks like a haystack . . . but I like it." I teased, smirking from the rocking chair.

"Edward! You stayed!" Bella's astonishment was clear in her near-shriek which filled the quiet house.

In a move that shocked me in both its grace and speed, Bella threw off her bed covers and launched herself into my lap. A split second after her slight weight landed on my lap and her hands linked behind my neck, she froze.

I laughed. "Of course" I answered her shock with my own at her boldness and carefully rubbed small circles into her back.

Gingerly, Bella leaned her head against my shoulder, seeming to understand that her enthusiasm was alright, and I wondered why she seemed so careful with me when _she_ was the breakable one. When she inhaled deeply against my neck, I remembered somewhat sadly that I smelled almost as good to her as she did to me. My scent was by design, hers was completely by accident.

"I was sure it was a dream," she said dreamily, and I could only assume she meant yesterday in the meadow.

I balked at the idea, "You're not that creative."

"Charlie!" Bella gasped and jumped up from my lap, heading for her bedroom door.

I chuckled at her confusion. "He left an hour ago – after reattaching your battery cables, I might add. I was disappointed. Is that really all it would take to stop you, if you were determined to go?" Bella stopped halfway between me and her door, contemplating something. "You're not usually this confused in the morning," I observed, holding my arms out to invite her back to my lap.

The heat from her initial touch was coursing through me and I longed for to return to my arms so that I could relish her warmth a little longer.

After chewing her bottom lip for a few seconds, Bella made a decision. "I need another human moment," she said looking a little embarrassed.

"I'll wait," I nodded in her direction and dropped my arms back to the arms of the rocking chair mentally calculating my movements so I wouldn't break the antique.

Bella skipped – _yes, skipped_ – to the bathroom, and managed not to trip over her own feet in the process. I heard the bathroom door shut and her exasperated sigh as she put the toilet seat down with a clatter. The toilet flushed, and then water began running into the basin. I heard Bella brush her teeth – she was worried about morning breath? – and rake her brush through her hair. The water came on again, and I heard it splash and drip as, I assumed, she washed her face.

With the same exuberance with which she left, Bella hurried back to me. Before she reached the threshold, I held my arms back out for her.

"Welcome back," I murmured, as Bella settled back into my lap a little more carefully than before.

We rocked in the rocker for a few minutes, not saying a word. The only sounds were Bella's heart beat and respiration, and the quiet click of the runners on the wood floor as I rocked us back and forth. I concentrated on the sounds of Bella's heart as it fluttered from excitement back down to normal. I reveled in the rich scent of her as well. With her arms wrapped around my neck, I could feel the soft throb of her pulse in her wrist against my nape. Combined with the heat of her, it was almost intoxicating.

Bella nuzzled deeper into my neck, absently fingering my collar. She suddenly looked up at me, her eyes roaming to my hair, then my chest, and then she glanced quickly at my lap underneath her. A puzzled expression appeared where care-free happiness had been moments before.

"You left?" she asked, an edge that I couldn't identify in her tone.

I tried to smile, but probably only looked mischievous. "I could hardly leave in the clothes I came in – what would the neighbors think?"

Bella pouted a little, but there was no way I was going to tell her the _real_ reason I had left her side in the middle of the night.

"You were very deeply asleep; I didn't miss anything," I teased, "the talking came earlier."

Bella groaned and a slight blush rose to her cheeks. "What did you hear?" she whined.

I drew her eyes up to mine, "You said you loved me." I hoped she could read how deeply hearing those words had affected me.

"You knew that already," Bella smiled, and then ducked her head back down away from my eyes.

"It was nice to hear, just the same," I told her honestly.

Bella hid her face from me in my shoulder, but I could feel the heat of her blush rising through the fabric of my shirt.

She whispered into my shoulder, "I love you."

"You are my life now," I responded simply and honestly. I couldn't help but wonder if she understood the true levity of those words as I spoke them.

I continued rocking with Bella cradled in my lap, just enjoying her warmth and closeness. There was nothing else I wanted to be doing at this very moment. Being this close brought a burning to the back of my throat, but it was a pain I could bare. As long as she still wanted me, I could bare it.

The light in the room changed from a grey-steel to a soft yellow, and then a muted, foggy orange as time passed and the sun struggled against the ever-present cloud cover. The near silence was comforting, each inhalation of mine brought the slow burn of the monster's desire as each one of hers must bring in the scent made to lure her in.

_I wonder what I smell like to her_. I almost chuckled at the thought, because to ask such a thing would be inappropriate and embarrassing.

Suddenly, a small noise escaped Bella. One I'm not sure she was aware of. "Breakfast time," I said, casually reminding her that although _I_ could sit here all day quite happily, she needn't ignore her own needs.

Bella sat up, clutched her throat with both hands, her brown eyes wide with fear. It wasn't until I registers the shocked "O" of her mouth was turned up at the edges that I realized she was engaging in some sort of joke at my expense. I have, to this day, no earthly idea what my expression must have looked like to Bella.

"Kidding!" she giggled. "And you said I couldn't act!"

I couldn't contain my contempt. "That wasn't funny," I stated simply.

"It was very funny, and you know it," she said smugly, her eyes searching mine. I felt my expression soften under her gaze.

"Shall I rephrase?" I asked, holding her eyes to mine. "Breakfast time for the human," I said, touching her stomach lightly with the tip of my forefinger.

With a playful smirk of my own, one I'm sure she caught as I swiftly throw her own my shoulder. She wriggled and fought, pounding her small fists on my back, laughing all the while as I darted down the stairs in vampire speed and into the small yellow kitchen.

I casually moved one of the kitchen chairs out from the table with the toe of my shoe, and delicately placed Bella upright in the chair. Her face was flushed from the few moments she had spent up-side-down, but none the worse for wear. Her smile lit up the tiny space.

"What's for breakfast?" she asked me mischievously.

I inhaled deeply of the aromas surrounding me. I could smell eggs, milk, various forms of wheat, vegetables, but I had no notion of what Bella preferred. "Er, I'm not sure. What would you like?"

My confusion must have been evident, because Bella jumped up from her chair and smiled. "That's all right, I fend for myself pretty well. Watch me hunt." She made an obvious effort to tear her eyes from me, tucked her hair behind her ears, and went to work.

I sat down at the table, as Bella opened one cabinet and retrieved a ceramic bowl and opened another to retrieve a cardboard box full of some wheat-and-sugar-smelling material. I caught her chewing her lip as she turned, and longed to be able to worry at her lip with my own. I watched her every move, confident in her own surroundings. She poured some of the contents of the box into the bowl, and returned the box to the cupboard. As she opened the ice box I held my breath, not wanting to be overwhelmed by the scents of "food" barely trapped behind the door. She deftly poured the milk, shut the ice box door with her hip, and opened a drawer to retrieve a spoon. Upon closing the drawer and putting the bowl on the table, she paused, suddenly unsure of herself.

"Can I get you anything?" Bella asked, with all seriousness. She seemed to think she was somehow being ungracious by not offering before now, and worried again at that bottom lip.

I rolled my eyes at ridiculous idea, and gestured for her to sit, "Just eat, Bella."

Bella began to eat, her eyes not on her food but on me. I was gazing at her, too, watching her every move. It was fascination, watching a human eat – especially this human.

She cleared her throat. "What's on the agenda for today?"

"Hmmm . . ." I thought back on Alice's reassurances that everything would go wellt and slowly answered. "What would you say to meeting my family?"

Bella's reaction was priceless; equal parts fear and shock. Her bite of cereal lodged in her throat, and momentarily I thought my question had caused her to asphyxiate. With a rather loud and undignified gulp, Bella managed to swallow without incident.

"Are you afraid, now?" I asked, almost hoping Bella's fear response would be triggered now rather than later. Her eyes were betraying whatever steady resolve she may have been preparing.

"Yes," she admitted, begrudgingly. She tried to look away but my eyes held her captive. Her teeth worried at her lip, though, and I was hit by the sudden desire to kiss her again.

I reigned myself in. _After all this time, you're still acting like a besotted teenager. _"Don't worry," I stated simply, ignoring the inner voice, and knowing from Bella's expression that she already was. "I'll protect you."

Bella's eyes shifted up slightly, as if she would have rolled them had I not been looking into them still. "I'm not afraid of _them_," she stressed, "I'm afraid they won't . . . like me." This time she did look away, clearly embarrassed. "Won't they be, well, surprised that you would bring someone . . . like me . . . home to meet them? Do they know that I know about them?"

I smiled, "Oh, they already know everything. They'd taken bets yesterday, you know," I chuckled, but the sound felt off even to me, "on whether I'd bring you back, though why anyone would bet against Alice, I can't imagine." My voice had hardened as I spoke, the annoyance at Alice's visions and my brothers' penchant for frivolous wagers, especially in _this_ situation, tried my patience. "At any rate, we don't have secrets in the family. It's not really feasible, what with my mind reading and Alice seeing the future and all that."

Bella's lips turned up into a smirk, "And Jasper making you feel all warm and fuzzy about spilling your guts, don't forget that."

I lightly touched the tip of her nose, smiling broadly, "You paid attention."

"I've been known to do that every now and then," Bella's face wrinkled into a grimace of sorts. "So did Alice see me coming?"

I felt my face fall, and I turned my gaze away from Bella so she couldn't see the sadness in my eyes. "Something like that," I almost snapped at her.

_Bella's eyes . . . red . . . the color of a newborn._ _A flash of light. Then, Bella's eyes . . . clouded over, in death . . . her throat torn out_. The images almost completely blocked my vision of the kitchen.

_Change the subject, Cullen_ the voice whispered.

"Is that any good?" I asked almost too suddenly, looking at the bowl sitting on the Formica between us. "Honestly, it doesn't look very appetizing."

_Conversational whiplash, much?_

Bella's eyes twinkled mischievously, "Well, it's no irritable grizzly . . ." she murmured, looking away when the weight of my glare reached her. Her eyes remained on her cereal as she ate, more quickly now. The crease between her eyes was back, as she was clearly concentrating on _something_.

As I pondered what she could be thinking about, my eyes washed over the small room and around the house. I could hear someone approaching through the forest, a moment before I could hear Alice's "voice." My eyes lingered on the forest just outside the back windows of the house, for a moment longer than necessary as she passed close enough for me to pick up her thoughts.

Her voice was like a whisper on a silent breeze in my head.

_Jazz and I are going on a field trip . . . _she showed me a small abandoned cabin the two of them had found on their last hunting trip, and the wicked glint in her thoughts was all I needed to know about what they had planned. _He doesn't want to admit it, but he needs to eat again if Bella is going to be coming over later. And we need a few moments of alone time, too. Mom and Dad _. . . she showed me our parents leaving the hospital hand in hand . . . _will duck into the woods near the house. Rose and Emmett left before the sunrise without saying when they would be back_ . . . and I saw Rose run in the direction of Alaska, Emmett shrugging and following close behind.

The last thought and image came along with Alice's knowing smile. She _had_ already told me they would be away when I brought Bella over.

I'd hoped Bella hadn't noticed my apparent distraction, but when my eyes found hers again she was studying me intently – my distraction clearly had been noticed. I smiled warmly at her, and I heard her heart flutter in response. I wondered, for a moment, what she'd say about introducing _me _to _her_ family. Speculation would get me nowhere, though.

"And you should introduce me to your father, too, I think," I suggested.

Bella's spoon froze half-way from her bowl. "He already knows you," she managed, a little defensive at the suggestion.

"As your boyfriend, I mean." I advised, hoping to encourage her.

Bella's faced changed completely before my eyes, confusion and suspicion had drawn barely perceptible lines at the corners of her mouth and on her forehead. "Why?" she asked, looking down at the contents of her bowl again.

"Isn't that customary?" I asked. In my youth, I had never been in a situation where _both_ sets of parents didn't already know that their children were courting. I had no idea what the acceptable dating procedure was in this century. The books and movies of this time suggested that children were "hooking up" at the drop of a hat, their parents completely unaware of the fact that their children were behaving in such a way. I knew Bella wasn't that type. And, clearly, as the Chief of Police in such a small town, Chief Swan was going to find out. I just wanted him to hear it from us, not another source.

"I don't know," Bella admitted, looking around the room, but still not at me. "That's not necessary, you know. I don't expect you to . . . I mean, you don't have to pretend for me," she stammered.

I drew her eyes back up to mine, and smiled at her patiently. "I'm not pretending," I stated simply.

Bella looked back down at her cereal. She pushed the few mouthfuls left around the bowl, chewing her lip all the while. She didn't say a word. The only sounds in the small kitchen were the scrape of her spoon on the bowl, her breathing, and her heartbeat. The silence of her mind, and her voice, were infuriating.

"Are you going to tell Charlie I'm your boyfriend, or not?" The words had come out much more sharply than I had intended. The silence was maddening.

"Is that what you are?" Bella squeaked, obviously affected by my tone. I hated myself for that.

I needed to remember to be patient with her silence. I had relied on my gift when interacting with humans for so long, I took for granted the information I gleaned from it. And this was hardly an everyday situation, either I felt like I was floundering or I was relying on a gift I had begun to hate. I couldn't win.

Trying to lighten the mood, a repair some of the damage I may have done with my sharp words, I tried for some flippant humor. "It's a loose interpretation of the word 'boy,' I'll admit."

"I was under the impression that you were something more, actually," Bella responded quickly, but her eyes were still downcast, looking at the table. I had hoped to gain a chuckle or at least a twitch of the corners of her lips, but Bella still seemed upset.

_Something more than my harsh words? Could she be worried that I'm taking her to meet my family not as my girlfriend, but as a meal?_

These thoughts, and others, raced through my head as we continued our conversation. "Well, I don't know if we need to give him all the gory details." In fact, I wanted Bella to be the only human aware of our secret. I reached across the small table to lightly touch her face. Instead, my hand betrayed me once again, as my forefinger touched just under the point of Bella's chin. I had to remind myself, only once, of her delicate nature, of the fact that I was touching a delicate soap bubble, as I applied slight pressure to raise her eyes to mine.

"But he will need some explanation for why I'm around here so much. I don't want Chief Swan getting a restraining order put on me," I explained.

Her eyes were anxious when she responded, "Will you be?" She paused, trying and failing to look away from me. "Will you really be here?"

I put my face directly in her line of sight. Once I had her eyes, I spoke with complete sincerity, "As long as you want me."

Her face set with an expression I was familiar with, "I'll always want you." The stubborn set of her jaw was echoed in her eyes. "Forever," she clarified, her eyes boring straight into mine.

Bella's response hardly surprised me, but it frightened me as well. I couldn't put my feelings into words at that very moment. I was overjoyed that she felt the mysterious pull between us, but sadden by her seeming desire to be with me _forever_. That word meant so much more in my world, than it did in hers.

I reflected on these things as I moved around the table to get closer to her. I was truly rendered speechless by this fragile girl in front of me. Part of me doubted that she truly understood what that word meant to me, how much it moved me that she was thinking on those terms. I touched my fingertips to her cheek, the love I felt for her in that moment truly unquantifiable. The world seemed to stop revolving for a moment, as I touched her and her warmth spread into my hand.

"Does that make you sad?" Bella whispered.

It did, in some ways. In others, it filled me with a happiness I'd never fathomed. I couldn't speak. I could only stare into the two endless well of melted chocolate before me, and I felt myself falling. Falling in love; falling into the richness and depths of Bella's eyes. I was lost in her, but found as well.

Both of us held our breath, and lost ourselves for a period of time. I don't know how long. Even with the abilities afforded me by my true nature . . . the world just stopped.

Finally, Bella blinked and the moment passed. I looked down at the bowl of cereal, and the couple morsels left floating in the milk. "Are you finished?" I asked.

She jumped up as if an electric current had coursed through her chair. "Yes," she gasped, turning toward the sink, where she dumped the last of her cereal, and rinsed out the bowl.

Bella turned to look at me, and before I roughly embraced and kissed her, I nodded in the direction of the stairs. "Get dressed – I'll wait here."

With a nervous smile and gnawing her bottom lip, Bella crossed the kitchen and ascended the stairs.

** _to be continued _**

_A/N: Dear Constant Readers:_

_Thank you for your concern over my Mum. She is doing much better (although fussing about turning 77 last month – lol) and appears to be cancer -free now! * touch wood *_

_Getting back into the swing of writing feels so very good._

_Thanks, again, for sticking with me._

_XxoxX,_

_Allis_


	14. Chapter 16, The Cullens, Part 4

Last bit of Part 3 -

With a nervous smile and gnawing her bottom lip, Bella crossed the kitchen and ascended the stairs.

Chapter 16, The Cullens, Part 4

While Bella opened and slammed closed what seemed to be every drawer in her room, I took a moment to look around the small, yellow kitchen. The monster's senses didn't need to open any cabinet doors to see what was inside. I could smell what was behind them. The yellow paint seemed out of place in what seemed a house laden with heavy wood grains and it's seemingly bachelor pad décor. I wondered idly if the yellow had been done by, or for, Renee. If it _was_ left over from the Chief's married life, there were few other hints of it. There was certainly no sign of Renee's decorating sense in the living room. The small space was dominated by a flat screen, a worn-looking recliner, and a rather nondescript couch. A few pictures were propped up on the mantle: Chief Swan and, who I could only assume was Renee in front of the "welcome to Las Vegas" sign, the Chief and Renee in a hospital room, Renee holding newborn Bella. Then there were a series of pictures of the Chief and Bella from her various summer trips here over a period of years. The last two pictures were of the Chief, and Billy Black, holding a very large King Salmon in one and a Halibut in the other. Another picture, tucked behind the others, depicted the Chief with another tribesman, this one I didn't recognize.

Bella was grumbling to herself upstairs, the words a jumble of frustration and low growls. If I hadn't known with abject certainty that she was alone up there, I would have been concerned that she was struggling for her life against some unknown attacker. I shook my head at the fuss she was making; she just did not understand that she would be beautiful in whatever outfit she chose.

I studied the face in the picture, the long greying black hair, the square jaw, and wondered if I should go upstairs and try to help her choose something to wear. Another Black? Both the unknown man and the Chief were holding greasy brown paper bags, and looking triumphant. Curiosity got the best of me, and I used the monster's speed to pop open the back of the frame.

_Clearwater fish-fry, Harry and Charlie, 2005 _in a female hand marked the back.

_Another Quileute? Another complication?_

I sighed, but I couldn't let the fact that the Chief was friendly with the Quileutes change the path that I had chosen in the meadow. Bella had become my life, simply put. The Quileutes had their legends, that was true, but their laws prohibited them from sharing those stories with people outside of the tribe. The Chief wasn't a member, honorary or otherwise, so he couldn't know the stories or hold the Quileutes suspicions against me. _Could he?_ I couldn't imagine the Chief being _overjoyed_ at the prospect of meeting his daughter's boyfriend, but neither could I see him believing any of the Quileutes old stories. The Chief really didn't seem the type.

The banging stopped, there was a groan upstairs, and the sound of a brush tearing through tangled hair. I felt exasperated and helpless in equal amounts. I wanted to shout that she would look amazing no matter what she chose to wear, but I wasn't sure if flattery would have the desired effect in this situation.

Bella took a deep breath in, whispered to herself "you can do this" and opened her bedroom door. I moved with the monster's speed to the bottom of the stairs just as Bella began her descent, calling "Ok, I'm decent."

She bounded down the stairs, not seeming to notice where I was, and barreled right into me. I caught her at arm's length and made sure she was steady on her feet. In the second before I crushed her to my chest, I had taken her in. The sight was what all Renaissance painters tried to capture. Desire coursed through me at the sight of her. Blue was certainly her color, and her hair pulled back into a ponytail exposed that incredibly sexy spot behind her ears.

"Wrong again," I breathed in the strawberry scent of her hair. "You are utterly indecent – no one should look so tempting, it's not fair."

Bella tried to pull back, and I barely noticed the motion. An unexpected longing surged to the surface, and not the type I was used to fighting in the presence of a human. I clamped down on the teenager's urges as best I could, and pushed him back into the corner of my brain where he could do the least amount of damage.

"Tempting how?" Bella asked my chest. "I can change . . ." she offered.

I shook my head at her absurdity, and sighed into her mahogany locks. "You are _so_ absurd," I said, releasing her so that I could show her the sincerity on my face. I gently touched my lips to her smooth forehead, trying to emphasize just how breathtaking I thought she was. Looking at her face, just inches from mine, I longed to explain to her the things I felt.

"Shall I explain how you are tempting to me?" I asked, not expecting an answer since her heart was fluttering wildly. Both of us were breathing heavily – proximity seemed to make us lose a bit of control – and neither of us could speak. I could feel the teenager's wanton desire, as my fingertips danced along the contours of Bella's spine. They skittered down her vertebra as they would across the keys of my piano, delicately, carefully. Her small hands were relaxed against my chest, and the warmth of her touch traversed quickly all over my body. I felt as though I was under the influence of some illicit drug – or teenage hormones. I leaned in toward her, diving into the depths of molten chocolate and rose petal flush. This time when I kissed her, when I touched my lips to hers, I almost lost control completely. Before I realized she wasn't breathing, I had parted her lips _almost_ exposing her to the venom that coated my mouth.

And then Bella was dead weight in my arms. Alice's vision of Bella dead flashed through my mind, and I nearly lost my hold on her. A millisecond later, I was supporting her weight and evaluating her vitals. I let out a breath I was unconscious of holding when I came to the conclusion that she had only fainted.

"Bella! Bella?" My voice was calm, but I felt as though my world had been upended.

_How could you be so stupid, Cullen? What were you thinking? _Were _you thinking?_

"Bella?" This time her eyelids fluttered slightly. I gently shifted her weight so she was slightly supporting her own weight, so as not to astonish her further by her waking up in mid-air.

"You . . . made . . . me . . . faint," she accused, her voice slurred.

_"What am I going to do with you?" _ I groaned, half in exasperation half joking. "Yesterday I kiss you, and you attack me! Today you pass out on me!"

She looked up at me, and her eyes nearly rolled again. I was still holding the majority of her weight, but she managed a weak, breathy laugh. This stirred in me a desire to kiss her again. Concerned for her health, I pushed back the desire.

"So much for being good at everything," I muttered, not expecting Bella to be able to hear me. I wanted to see her eyes, to see if her pupils were dilating more properly now, but before I could adjust her in my arms she turned to me to speak.

"That's the problem," Bella said, still sounding muddled. "You're _too_ good. Far, far too good."

A huge smile broke across my face. Even though the love of my life, née existence, was in my arms weak from fainting, I couldn't help myself. Trying to hide my immature joy at being called a good kisser, I quickly asked, "Do you feel sick?" remembering the clammy sweat that had come with blood-typing in Biology.

Bella shook her head.

_Trying to be brave, again, _I thought.

"No – that wasn't the same kind of fainting at all," Bella said, as if reading _my _thoughts. "I don't know what happened." She shook her head again, either apologizing or trying to shake the cobwebs loose; I had no way of knowing.

"I can't take you anywhere like this," I teased, holding her out at arm's length just above the elbows, and not quiet letting her stand completely on her own just yet.

Her jaw set in that all-too-familiar way. "I'm fine," she insisted. Her mouth pulled down slightly. "Your family is going to think I'm insane anyway, what's the difference?" She grumbled sullenly, smoothing her hands on her skirt as I let go of her.

I knew there was nothing I could say to ease her anxiety. Regardless, I longed for words that would sooth her. She would just have to meet my family before she would truly understand just how loving and sincere they are. _At least those not named Rosalie._ I tried to draw Bella's eyes to mine, and failed. "I'm very partial to that color with your skin," I blurted instead.

Blood rushed to Bella's cheeks, and I choked back at moan as the scent of her blood mingled with my teenager's desire for another kiss. _At the very least another kiss._ She looked away, embarrassed at my sudden compliment.

_Has no one ever taken the time to compliment her? _ I wondered. _Even a clumsily delivered one, like you just gave her, Cullen?_

"Look, I'm trying really hard not to think about what I'm about to do, so can we go already?" Bella asked, her voice betraying the nervousness she was trying so desperately to hide.

I wanted to laugh out loud at the absurdity of the situation, but I knew that would not encourage Bella in the slightest. On one thing, though, I needed clarification. "And you're worried, not because you're headed to meet a houseful of vampires, but because you think those vampires won't approve of you, correct?"

Still looking away, only now Bella was chewing on her bottom lip as well, she answered, "That's right." Something about what I had said had given her pause, though. It was almost as if something I had said had made the shadow of a flinch cross her face. Whatever it was, she didn't want to acknowledge. For now, I let it go.

I shook my head at the ridiculousness of the beautiful girl in front of me. "You're incredible."

We walked out of the house in an awkward silence. I continued to Bella's truck as she slipped the key from the eave and locked up behind us. I leaned on the front fender and watched as Bella carefully navigated the two steps down to her front walk. A slight breeze made her ponytail whip around and she shrugged it back over her shoulder.

When her boots crunched on the gravel, I held out my hand for the key to the truck. This time, the only warning about her beloved hunk of rusted metal was an expectant expression and a couple of raised eyebrows. I palmed the key and used the monster's speed to reach the passenger door before her. This time when she reached the door and found me there already holding it open for her, only slight surprise showed on her features. Bella smiled a nervous smile at me, and got in.

I closed her door as carefully as I could manage considering the amount of effort it took an average human to get it to close. I backed out of the driveway and headed toward the center of Forks. Bella stared out of her window, still fidgeting with her skirt, trying to smooth imaginary wrinkles from the fabric. I placed my hand, palm up, on the seat between us. I hoped she'd find solace in the touch, but either she didn't notice or was too apprehensive to hold my hand.

As we emerged from the meager downtown area, Bella fussed with her hair; smoothing it, changing it from ponytail to messy bun to ponytail not once, but twice.

"You look beautiful," I murmured. It earned me a sharp look and a sigh.

We crossed the bridge over the Calawah River, and Bella seemed to calm for a few moments. She slouched back into the bench seat, and rested her hand briefly on mine. She rested her head on the back of the seat, and stared at the truck's ceiling.

"They'll like you, Bella, don't worry," I encouraged. Apparently, that wasn't the thing to say. My words sent her into another round of smoothing her skirt, adjusting her hair, and straightening her shirt, but I got no reply.

My own thoughts began to swirl. _Have I rushed her into this? It is too soon after the meadow? Does Bella have reservations about our relationship? About me? But, Alice saw . . . _

I couldn't let myself think that way. What Alice saw could change. All of us needed to remember that. I had proof of the pliant nature of her visions with her vision of Bella dead in my arms in the meadow. _That_ vision had been based on my giving into the monster; my decisions had taken the future in a different direction. _Alice saw no problems with my bringing Bella to the house today, but I should have asked about the repercussions. Will seeing us all in one place be too much?_

Bella remained frustratingly quiet as we rode the 101 further north. Here, the loggers had been kept away from the lush evergreens. The houses were getting further apart, and more luxurious, as we traveled outside Forks. I wondered what she was thinking for the hundredth time today. Part of me hoped that something inside Bella's brain would jolt awake, and I would suddenly, unexpectedly, be able to hear all that was locked away from me.

With her continued silence, my calm demeanor began to crack. I started to panic about the very pliant nature of Alice's visions that I had been grateful for, only moments ago. As the last of the infrequent houses faded behind us, I thought about the various scenarios that could plague this meeting. Despite Alice's assurances, my biggest concern was Jasper. He was still struggling with his bloodlust, as was evident by his words after the incident with the van.

_She should have died today, Edward. I would only set that right._

Jasper's words echoed in my head, his Southern drawl both menacing and protective as he spoke – no less so even after all that had happened since. No matter what Alice saw, he was the newest member of our vegetarian family, and the one struggling the most with that choice. He would never go against Alice, as long as she loved Bella there was some semblance of safety. And, that safety would only last as long as his resolve. He wouldn't seek to remove the threat, as he once had, because he no longer saw her as long as Alice saw them as friends. But what if that changed? Would his love of Alice hold him back if Bella revealed our secret to the humans of Forks? Would the brotherly love he felt for me halt his actions, or would the bloodlust win out?

No matter what Alice saw, I couldn't be sure.

For a moment, Bella relaxed enough to lightly place her hand in mine once again. I'd gone so long without feeling her heat, I almost flinched away from the burn. I stifled a gasp, but the touch reminded me of something Bella had said the day I had begun to refer to as the "onion root experiment" when I chose to think about it at all.

"I thought you didn't like the cold," I teased, smirking at my passenger. As soon as the words left my lips, I regretted them. Nervousness was not an emotion I was used to trying to cope with. Clearly, I needed to think more before I spoke.

_Why are you surprised, Cullen, you always say too much around her._

Bella glared at me, and that was the only response she deigned to give me. For a moment, I thought about confessing my own nervousness to her, but it would only make matters worse for Bella's.

"Sorry," I apologized instead, and applied gentle pressure to the small, delicate hand that rested on mine. Bella continued looking at the forest outside, but I saw the corners of her eyes and lips turn up ever-so-slightly. I hoped that meant I was forgiven.

"It's going to be ok, Bella," I said quietly, but matter-of-factly.

"Ok," she said meekly as I turned off the main road onto what Emmett has dubbed the "Gravel Road to Home." Unmarked and unpaved it was known by the moniker SR-1386 on the emergency maps of the area, but almost no one else in Forks knew what it lead to. Half of those who noticed it, thought it to be an abandoned logging road or a four-wheeler track. It wasn't rutted or weedy, but neither did it broadcast that it was essentially a driveway. Carlisle had most of his mail delivered to the hospital, and what didn't come there came to us via private messenger from Seattle. That poor lad was _terrified_ of us, but as it always seemed to be Emmett that met him at the door, it was hardly surprising. The memory of the pimple-faced boy stepping out from his early-80s Honda almost directly into Emmett's massive chest almost made me chuckle out loud. But I managed to curb _this_ inappropriate reaction before it manifested.

Bella shifted in her seat, and brought me back to the present. Even against my ice cold hand, Bella's had grown clammy. She drew it back, and rubbed it against her skirt again. It didn't come back to my hand this time, as she looked around at the enclosing trees outside the truck. The trees here were nearly all virgin forest, never subject to thinning or logging, and a wonder to behold to someone more used to the barren landscape of Arizona. I turned to look at her, and found her squinting at the road ahead of us.

The road was windy and although I could drive it blindfolded, I turned my eyes back to it – not wanting to make Bella worry any more that she already was. My thoughts went back to Jasper's unpredictable nature, and Alice's assurances echoed in my thoughts as well. I found myself looking back at Bella frequently, trying to guess her thoughts but also finding solace in the silence. On the one hand, I'd longed for mental silence since my gift had manifested, and yet, on the other, Bella's silence was going to drive me insane. I thought she found some enjoyment in the fact that her mind was silent to me, because she valued her privacy so much. For that, I couldn't blame her. In the beginning, I'd fantasized that her silence and the scent of her blood were the only reasons I had been infatuated with her. Even Emmett had seen through that one.

Bella leaned forward, now, still squinting at the road just in front of the truck's nose. I couldn't help but wonder if even one thought was on her personal safety as I whisked her off to a house full of vampires. Was she worried that I was driving her, not to _meet_ my family, but to _feed _them? Was her only concern, truly, that my family wouldn't like her? Did she honestly believe that she had nothing to offer them? Did she not understand that they, aside from Rosalie, had already decided she was part of me? They wanted me happy, nothing more. Alice only truly took issue with Bella's wardrobe, and agreed with me on her beauty. Esme would only balk if Bella turned out to be a Siamese twin, and even then she would try to hide it. Emmett thought I was insane, but even he admitted that Bella was "cute" - out of Rosalie's earshot, of course. Jasper, as much as he loved our family, he loved Alice more and would only ever see Alice. Carlisle had only encountered Bella briefly at the hospital after the van fiasco, and had already grown protective of the small girl. All this _not including_ Alice's vision of them being easy friends. She was already liked; she had no reason to fear this meeting. _As long as everything went according to Alice's vision._

_So, if everything is going to be fine, why are _you_ worried, Cullen?_

Fortunately, I didn't have time to consider an answer to the monster's question because the forest had thinned and opened into out lawn. I saw Bella's mouth drop open as she took in the six gargantuan cedars that surrounded the Cullen house. The faded white of the outside seemed to glow in the muted light of the forest, and those cedars dominated everything in view.

The house stood in the shade, white and almost aglow to my eyes. I watched Bella as she leaned forward to peer up at the three levels through the truck's windshield and then peered out at the wrap-around porch. I didn't need to be able to hear her thoughts to be able to delight at her amazement. Bella's mouth still hung open slightly as she whispered an awed, "Wow."

"You like it?" I asked, smiling, not only happy she was pleasantly surprised, but also at Alice chattering away at both Jasper and I that everything was going to be fine. Bella's eyes lingered on the massive front door, and I almost laughed out loud at the irony. Rosalie had been the door's only supporter in the family; the rest of us had been in favor of something a little more modern.

"It . . . has a certain charm," Bella replied, the twinkle in her eye revealing just how impressed she truly was. For a moment, her quiet calm was back. Then, with a blink, the small crease returned between her eyes and the nervousness returned.

I pulled gently at the end of her ponytail and chuckled at the little jump and squeak that came from Bella in response. As I burst around to the passenger side of the truck, I heard Esme's nervous thoughts from just inside the house.

_She's here. She's here. She's here. Where's Carlisle?_ The thoughts raced through my head, her voice as strong as it would have been had she been standing next to me, speaking aloud. Once Esme's eyes found Carlisle, her nervous fidgeting and worry quieted into a mental list of those little actions we take for granted when not around humans. _Blink. Breathe. Shift your weight. Blink. Blink. Breathe. Pluck a fuzzball from my shirt. _Esme was flawless at pretending to be human; the fact that she was reciting these things to herself revealed just how very nervous she was. It also touched me that she was so concerned about how Bella would react to her. Once Carlisle's hand was firmly ensconced in hers, Esme's thoughts quieted.

By the time I reached Bella's door, Esme was humming to herself happily and Carlisle was quietly pondering something that he was succeeding in hiding from me. Alice and Jasper were working on an investment portfolio in his study. I couldn't hear Rosalie or Emmett, so I assumed they were off on their own hunting or . . . well, I didn't want to think about that.

"Ready?" I asked as I opened Bella's door for her only a second after the driver's side door creaked closed.

"Not even a little bit – let's go," came her nervous croak. As soon as she was out of the truck, Bella smoothed her skirt and started to fuss with her hair, again.

"You look lovely," I stressed again, and took her tiny hand in mine. I wanted desperately to have that same calming effect on her that Carlisle had on Esme, but I could hear and feel the reaction her body had to my touch. Her heart rate quickened slightly and there was a sharp intake of breath that she tried to hide.

Bella looked nowhere but straight ahead as we approached the front door. She worried her bottom lip with her teeth, and paid careful attention to every step she took. I squeezed her had slightly, and then with feather-like pressure, drew what I hoped were soothing circles on the back of it with my thumb. We climbed the few steps up to the front door, and with one quick glance down at her skirt Bella squared her shoulders as my hand touched the doorknob.

The door swung quietly open to reveal the interior of the Cullen house.

"Wow," Bella said again, as I came to the realization that she was the first human we had invited inside. The bright, wide open space clearly surprised her; I could tell from both her expression and the way she blinked in the sudden light.

I smiled as her eyes darted around the front room. I could tell when Bella's eyes found the south wall – our wall of windows – that showed off our proximity to the Calawah River.

Bella's eyes traveled from the wall of glass back into the house, and turned toward the large curving staircase, as if she had just become aware of its presence on the right side of the room. I watched as her eyes followed the steps up to the next floor. Her chin lifted up slightly as her gaze went from the steps to the high ceiling of our front room. Her lips parted slightly as she took it all in. Bella's stare slid down the far wall, and then landed on the thick cream carpet directly in front of us.

Carlisle's internal voice drifted over to me in the relative quiet. _Should we give her another moment?_

I inclined my head in his direction and smiled as I realized he was very nearly restraining Esme, who wanted nothing more than to wrap Bella in a huge, welcoming hug.

Oblivious to our exchange, Bella's eyes were on the move again. This time, they moved from the carpet to the left side of the room. Her eyes widened again as she discovered the landing, my piano, and then my parents.

Bella's breath caught in her throat as she regarded them. Most likely the fact that they had remained silent as she took in the house had startled her, but as if on cue, both Carlisle and Esme smiled in welcome. Neither said a word, but Esme made a small move to come closer, but Carlisle squeezed her hand and she stayed put.

_For goodness sakes, I'm not going to hurt her! I just want to welcome her to the family, _Esme's voice was teasing, light, but I knew she was over-eager and frightened in equal parts.

I decided to do the introductions, before Carlisle had to physically restrain my mother. "Carlisle, Esme," I gestured toward them, respectively, and then told them what they already knew, "this is Bella."

Much to my surprise, it was Carlisle who spoke first.

"You're very welcome, Bella," he said as he took several deliberate, careful steps toward Bella. I thought he was being rather restrained, but appreciated his effort to keep the human façade even though Bella knew our true nature. Carlisle stretched his hand out cautiously to shake Bella's, all the while looking at me as his thoughts swirled around their first meeting in the emergency room.

Bella stepped forward, dropped my hand, and shook hands eagerly with my vampire father.

"It's nice to see you again, Dr. Cullen," Bella said, her confidence seemed to return as Carlisle covered her hand with both of his. She showed no shock at the coolness of his hands, and I wondered if he had hand-warmers in the pocket of his slacks. It was a necessary evil when he was attending to patients at the hospital, but it hadn't occurred to me that he would use them today as well.

"Please, call me Carlisle," he offered, dropping Bella's hand.

"Carlisle," Bella responded, her confidence back and shown with a warm smile for my father.

With that smile, I relaxed a little.

Esme's face lit up as well, and she stepped forward to greet Bella. I relaxed further with the realization that Esme was only extending her hand, not lunging forward for the hug that I knew she truly wanted. Despite the speech she had planning welcoming Bella to our family, she said simply, "It's very nice to know you."

Bella's response was calm, warm, and quick as she clasped hands with my mother, "Thank you. I'm glad to meet you, too." She sounded more herself now than she had ever since I had mentioned meeting my family earlier this morning. What could have been an awkward, quiet moment was turning into a warm, comfortable encounter.

"Where are Alice and Jasper?" I asked knowing full well they were in Jasper's study, awaiting my signal.

"Hey Edward!" came Alice's enthusiastic shout from the top of the stairs. Ignoring the warning glance I shot in her direction as her thoughts reached me, Alice bounded down the stairs with the speed and silence of the monster and the grace that she'd no doubt had as a human. I wasn't sure how much of Alice's motion Bella actually registered, but a few loose hairs from her ponytail flew back from Alice's flight and Bella tucked them back behind her ear as the pixie-like girl came towards her. I was confident, however, that Bella _did_ notice the warning looks that Carlisle and Esme had shot Alice too, due to the amused expression on Bella's face as Alice came to a sudden stop inches from her.

"Hi, Bella!" Alice exclaimed as she kissed Bella on the cheek. I couldn't believe what risks Alice was taking in her approach, nor could I see my own expression but the looks on Esme's and Carlisle's faces were aghast. Esme looked both abashed and amused. Carlisle was equal parts shock, horror, and bewildered.

Just then, a realization struck Alice hard with her first unnecessary inhale in close proximity to Bella and Carlisle's calm façade slipped just enough for me to get sight of something he was trying to keep under wraps. Alice had yet to really be close to Bella, and the scent of her blood affected her more than she had expected. For all her foresight of her and Bella being the best of friends, she had never stopped to consider that Bella might smell good to her, as well.

For less than a second, even less than that in truth, Alice was tempted to taste human blood. Bella's scent, of strawberries and freesia and summer, combined with the tempting sweetness of any human's blood was desirable even to Alice. In that split second, when Alice registered the aroma, I stiffened ready to spring in an attack on my favorite sister and defense of my beloved.

"You do smell nice, I never noticed before," Alice confessed suddenly in her tinkling voice, the admission seeming innocent in such a delivery but dangerous under the surface. Bella seemed ignorant of the latter, and blushed quiet deeply.

_Wow. I hadn't realized how potent she would be in such close quarters, _Alice trilled in my head. Her voice was both surprised and apologetic. Her shock was short-lived as she squeezed Bella's elbows lightly and turned her attention to encouraging Jasper mentally to come down the last few steps to the landing. She remained facing Bella, however; her golden eyes locked on Bella's chocolate ones.

_Jazz, come on. The shock you felt was just my surprise that Bella smells good to me, too. I'm ok. Everything's fine. I'm calm, see? _Alice knew that Jasper couldn't hear her, but the emotions that she felt translated to him just as easily.

The stare did not seem to make Bella feel at all uncomfortable, in fact she seemed even more comfortable now that Alice had arrived. _Maybe they _are_ destined to be great friends, _I thought, smiling internally. _Not that I would bet against Alice. _Then my thoughts turned to another vision she'd had . . . but I wouldn't let it darken my mood by giving it any attention.

The silence stretched on for only a moment, but no one seemed to mind. Alice eventually turned to stand on the opposite side of Bella and looked expectantly at Jasper. Bella looked up at Jazz as he took the last few steps down to the landing. His boots clicked as he stepped from the carpeted stairs to the wood floor near my piano.

Keeping the piano in between himself and Bella, Jasper began to concentrate on staying calm. Even at a distance, once he caught Bella's scent he was tempted. And thirsty. As if that wasn't torture enough, Jazz had to fight the thirst he felt in _my_ throat as well. Alice had shut down her desire for Bella's blood instantaneously, but it was something I would constantly be battling as long as I chose to be near her. Jasper's unusual gift not only allowed him to project feelings to others, but he also had to feel all the emotions of those he chose to surround himself with. That left him having to contend with my desire for Bella's blood as well as fighting his own urges due to being our most recent vegetarian.

As Jasper continued to concentrate on being calm, and not thirsty, I knew the feeling would start to permeate the room quickly. I noticed Esme's shoulders relax first, and then Alice's knowing smile before I felt the tingle of his emotional influence myself.

_She is a purty little thing, _Jasper's thoughts whispered to me in the same Southern purr as his spoken voice, if not slightly more accented. _Her scent is truly something divine_ . . . _I'm good, though_. In his thoughts I saw Alice's reassurances and his plethora of doubts. But his calm was holding, even as he questioned me. _So, this little thing sent you running back to Tanya? _As he teased me, raising an eyebrow, I felt Bella's eyes on the two of us and nodded almost imperceptibly in his direction. _I'm not coming any closer, Cullen, don't get your panties in a bunch. My calm is holding very nicely right where I am, thank you._

"Hello, Bella," Jasper said, his hand resting lightly on the far side of the piano. His voice betrayed little of his doubts, or his accent. I never really understood why he tried so hard to hide it.

"Hello, Jasper," Bella replied, seeming a little less confident but completely calm in the den of a house full of vampires. She then looked back toward Esme and Carlisle, glancing back at Alice as well. "It's nice to meet you all – you have a very beautiful home," she spoke without even a hint of the nerves she had exhibited in the truck on the way here.

As she spoke, Carlisle's thoughts whispered into my mind. _I hate to give you more news that could complicate things, but Alice had a vision earlier_ . . . and his thoughts showed me Alice coming to a sudden halt while discussing one of CEE Inc's philanthropic ventures. Alice was always a whirlwind of energy, so when she came to a sudden stop we all tended to pay attention. After showing me the stop, he focused his thoughts on her words as she processed what she saw.

_Three vampires. Nomads. Traveling in the coastal areas. Hunting. Two men, and a female. Wild. I see red hair. They're going to cause a problem with their feeding. Nothing we can't handle._

I nodded to Carlisle once, hoping that Bella hadn't noticed our non-verbal exchange. However, as I turned my attention back to her she turned a little too quickly back to the piano. Something about the instrument made her expression soften and her eyes look far away.

Esme caught the look and I let my mother break the silence since she was so very desperate to connect with Bella. "Do you play?" Esme asked.

Bella shook her head, her ponytail bobbed playfully. "Not at all," she answered. "But it's so beautiful. Is it yours?" she asked Esme in return.

"No," Esme laughed as she answered, realizing maybe Bella didn't know as much about me as I had let one. "Edward didn't tell you he was musical?"

The light, teasing tone in Esme's voice wasn't reflected in Bella's frustrated expression. "No, she glared at me, narrowing her eyes, "I should have known, I guess," she shrugged.

Esme raised an eyebrow, not sure what had gained me Bella's scrutiny.

Bella rolled her eyes. "Edward can do everything, right?" she joked, a slight air of exasperation to her tone that I hoped only I had noticed.

Jasper snickered loudly from his position on the other side of the piano, thinking about various bets I'd lost and pranks that I had attempted that had fizzled. Esme looked at me as though I had just been discovered as the playground bully.

"I hope you haven't been showing off – it's rude," Esme scolded me in her best mom voice.

"Just a bit," I laughed, thinking of my performance in the meadow and the joy of Bella accepting me still.

_You really did show her all we can do?_ Esme asked me silently. Her face had softened when I laughed because she had been so completely convinced that Bella would not run from my display. _I told you she wouldn't run._

And before I knew it, Esme's face showed no sign of the motherly scorn from a moment ago and became slightly smug.

"He's been too modest, actually," Bella stated.

_When? _I wondered as I thought back to the monster's display in the meadow.

Before I could give much more thought to the question, I found Esme gesturing me toward the piano.

"Well, play for her," Esme suggested, urging me on.

"You just said showing off was rude," I teased.

Her eyes wrinkled a little at the edges as she smiled, knowing she had me with her response, "There are exceptions to every rule." Esme enjoyed the playful banter of her forever teenage children, and this time was no different.

"I'd like to hear you play," Bella weighed in.

"It's settled then," Esme said with a wink for Bella.

And then Esme was behind me, pushing me playfully toward the piano. She could not have moved me, was I not willing, and she knew I wouldn't deny Bella's request so I allowed Esme's playful push. I took Bella's hand and pulled her gently with me.

When we reached the piano, I made sure Bella sat down beside me on the bench. After I took my place beside her, I looked over at her trying to convey the fact that Esme was forcing me. She looked back at me expectantly, but there was something else there that I couldn't quite decipher. I wondered for a moment about what she could have meant with her "Edward is good at everything" joke, but I saw nothing in her expression indicating she didn't want me to play.

I started slowly. Alice suggested I play the unfinished work I had recently started, but I wanted to play something finished to start. Esme would never request it, but I knew she would always love to hear her favorite. As my hands flew over the keys like no mortal's hands could, I watched Bella's face.

When the music first began, Bella had been visibly impressed. As it came to its crescendo, I looked over to find Bella's mouth agape and her face clearly showing her astonishment. Alice chuckled behind us as she saw Bella's face, and then quietly began ushering everyone out of the front room.

As Esme's favorite came to a close, I looked to my left at Bella and smile playfully. "Do you like it?" I asked.

Bella gasped as the understanding must have hit that what I had played was an original piece, "You wrote this?"

I nodded my ascent, "It's Esme's favorite." I continued to play the last few notes as I knew Esme could still hear it wherever in the house or grounds Alice was moving her to.

At the admission, Bella's eyes closed and she shook her head as if in defeat.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

Her eyes remained closed as she answered, "I'm feeling extremely insignificant."

As an answer, I paused after finishing Esme's song and transitioned into something I thought Bella would recognize . . . her lullaby. Alice's voice whispered to me: _You should have started with that one. I wouldn't have had such a hard time getting rid of the parentals if you had. You know Mom loves watching you play._

Bella's eyes opened and widened as the notes became familiar. "You inspired this one," I explained as her lullaby filled the open room.

I played a little longer, in the silence, and Bella's eyes closed again. She swallowed once or twice as if there was something she wanted to say, but couldn't find the words.

A few more moments passed and the finished part of Bella's lullaby came to an end. I continued to play, composing a little more as I went. Before long, I couldn't stand the silence any longer. "They like you, you know. Esme especially."

Bella's eyes blinked open, and she looked quickly over her shoulder. Finding the room behind her empty, she asked, "Where did they go?"

"Very subtly giving us some privacy, I suppose," I answered when in truth I knew exactly where they were – gathered in Carlisle's office discussing the nomads and what they may mean to the security of our treaty with the Quileutes.

Bella looked uncomfortable for a second and then sighed. "_They_ like me. But Rosalie and Emmett . . ." she trailed off as though she didn't quite know how to finish her thought.

I felt myself frown at the idea that Bella was worrying herself about Rosalie's petty jealousy. "Don't worry about Rosalie," I said while studying Bella's face and trying to be persuasive, "she'll come around."

My words didn't exactly have the effect I had hoped. Her uncomfortable frown changed to utter disbelief and her lips puckered. "Emmett?"

"Well, he thinks _I'm_ a lunatic, it's true, but he doesn't have a problem with you." I paused, taking in the subtleties of Bella's face again. I shrugged. "He's trying to reason with Rosalie." _Good luck with that, bro, _I added silently.

Bella processed that for a moment, chewing on her lip again. Hesitantly she asked, "What is it that upsets her?" Her face wrinkled up a bit when she asked, as though she wanted to know but was afraid of the answer.

I sighed deeply, unsure of the way I wanted to answer. _You tell her the truth and she takes it fine, _Alice whispered in my thoughts. _As if you'd ever answer her with anything but, _she teased.

"Rosalie struggles most with . . .," I paused, trying to decide on the correct way to describe us "with what we are. It's hard for her to have someone on the outside know the truth. And she's a little jealous."

Bella's reaction was immediate: complete shock. "_Rosalie_ is jealous of _me_?" she asked, completely confused and dismayed at the thought. She shook her head, her mahogany ponytail dusting her shoulders. The juicy scent of strawberries stirred on the light breeze she created.

"You're human," I said matter-of-factly, and shrugged both at Bella's shock and to hide the physical shudder of desire her motion had stirred within me. "She wishes that she were, too."

"Oh," she muttered, clearly not believing my explanation. She shook her head again, but this time I was prepared. "Even Jasper, though . . ." she trailed off again.

That was an easier question for me to answer. "That's really my fault," I explained, "I told you he was the most recent to try our way of life. I warned him to keep his distance."

Bella shuddered. I could only imagine the thought that had caused it.

"Esme and Carlisle . . .?" Bella asked quickly, trying to cover up her reaction.

I smiled. "Are happy to see me happy. Actually, Esme wouldn't care if you had a third eye and webbed feet," I laughed and lightly nudged Bella with my elbow and hoped I had been gentle enough so as to not leave a bruise. "All this time she's been worried about me, afraid that there was something missing from my essential makeup, that I was too young when Carlisle changed me . . . She's ecstatic. Every time I touch you, she just about chokes with satisfaction."

Without missing a beat, Bella continued in her line of questioning, "Alice seems very . . . enthusiastic."

At once I became tense, afraid of what Bella might ask next and knowing I couldn't deny her anything. Through tight lips, I answered, "Alice has her own way of looking at things."

"And you're not going to explain that, are you?" Bella asked.

We looked deeply into each other's eyes for a moment, and something passed silently between us. Somehow, she seemed to know that I was keeping something from her and yet she also seemed to realize that pressing the issue would get her nowhere. I have no idea how I gleaned all this from gazing into her eyes, but the knowledge came to me nonetheless. The stubborn set of her jaw also told me that this was a slight she would not forget either.

Our eyes remained locked for a moment longer; then whatever magic had passed between us faded.

Bella blinked once and then pushed in with another question, "So what was Carlisle telling you before?"

I felt my facial muscles tense into something akin to surprise mixed with concern. "You noticed that, did you?"

Bella shrugged, "Of course."

_Of course she noticed that, Cullen _the monster chided _didn't you say she was more observant than most?_

I looked at the piano keys for a moment and then back at Bella, thinking carefully for a while about the best way to respond to her. Alice was quiet on the subject, so I assumed she was attempting to give us some privacy, finally, as well. "He wanted to tell me some news – he didn't know if it was something I would share with you."

"Will you?" Bella asked innocently, clearly more than a little concerned at what Carlisle had said and what it might mean.

I turned my attention back to the keys as I played. "I have to," I rationalized, "because I'm going to be a little . . . overbearingly protective over the next few days – or weeks – and I wouldn't want you to think I'm naturally a tyrant." _Alice seemed unclear when they would arrive or how long they would be in the area. That will come, though, now she knows of their presence._

"What's wrong?" Bella asked, concern written plainly on the features of her face.

"Nothing's wrong, exactly," I explained, trying to calm her nerves, "Alice just sees some visitors coming soon. They know we're here, and they're curious."

"Visitors?" Bella asked, her eyebrows raised.

"Yes . . . well, they aren't like us, of course – in their hunting habits, I mean. They probably won't come into town at all, but I'm certainly not going to let you out of my sight till they're gone."

Bella's eyes widened slightly, and she trembled.

"Finally, a rational response!" I grumbled angrily. "I was beginning to think you had no sense of self-preservation at all."

For reasons I couldn't fathom, Bella didn't respond to my accusation. Instead, she looked around the room again. She looked at all the things she'd only glanced at upon our entrance into the front room, and looked again at things that caught her attention the first time. The moment earlier when I left as though I knew what she was thinking had completely faded, and once again I was left wondering where her thoughts were taking her. For a few moments I let her take in the room again in relative silence. I even followed her gaze for awhile, and then my patience with her silence grew thin.

"Not what you expected, is it," I asked, confident that it wasn't even close.

"No," Bella confessed.

I laughed. "No coffins, no piled skulls in the corners; I don't even think we have cobwebs . . . what a disappointment this must be for you," I teased.

"It's so light . . . so open," Bella said, ignoring my jape.

Throughout our musings, I had continued to play Bella's lullaby. In some ways, I was still composing it as we spoke, adjusting the smallest details that Bella's human ears couldn't notice. For that reason, I was much more serious when I answered her. "It's the one place we never have to hide." The truth was so easy in Bella's presence, but at every turn I was afraid of her reaction.

I hadn't composed the ending to her song yet, and when the notes finally trailed off I realized how somber it sounded. The last note I played, especially, seemed to lay heavy in the air; sad, wistful, almost defeated. I hadn't intended it to seem so heavy, but when I had stopped composing I was still uncertain what the outcome of the meadow was going to be.

"Thank you," Bella sniffed, dabbing her eyes. The fact that she was moved so completely touched me in ways I didn't think were possible. I felt both the glowing pride of an artist praised and the humbling joy of knowing I had surprised and pleased someone I held so dear.

I touched the corner of her left eye and seized a single tear on the tip of my forefinger. For a short while I let it sit there, examining it, and then quickly sucked it into my mouth with the speed of the vampire.

I had hoped Bella hadn't noticed the moment, but when I turned toward her, her expression was questioning. For once, I didn't answer her unasked question because I didn't truly have an answer for my actions. I had acted on an impulse that _I_ didn't even really understand. I assume I tasted Bella's tear out of simple curiosity. I wanted to know if her scent was an integral part of her chemical makeup, or just some by-product of her blood. When Bella's tear hit my tongue, I was somewhat disappointed to learn that her tear tasted like saline; a typical tear. As long as I had been a vampire, some things about it were surprising me anew now that Bella had entered my life.

Bella's curiosity was still evident on her face as I continued to gaze at her. _Would she ever see herself as I do?_ I wondered. _I suppose I have her lifetime to try and convince her_. After a long while of considering this, I smiled. "Do you want to see the rest of the house?" I asked, hoping the distraction would work.

"No coffins?" Bella quipped, her anxiety slightly ratcheting up again.

I laughed and stood, gesturing for Bella to do the same. After she stood, I quickly grabbed her hand relishing in the feel of her all over again. I lead her away from the piano.

"No coffins," I assured her as we headed up the wide staircase.

As I lead Bella carefully up the stairs, she trailed her hand along the banister. I worried for a second about her getting a splinter in her hand, but I knew the rail to be safe. _As many times as Alice, Jasper, and Emmett had slid down it, I would have heard if their clothes had been snagged. _Bella's eyes were everywhere as we ascended, so I watched her carefully in case she were to stumble.

At the first landing, we stopped. Bella's right hand moved from the stair rail to the Honey Maple paneling. The floor up here was made of the same wood, and the walls continued on in a very light cream. As Bella took it all in, I have her a moment to look around.

Once she'd had her moment, I lead her past a few doors. The first door was open, "Rosalie and Emmett's room," I nodded toward the large "L" shaped room that overlooked the Calawah River and shared the south window wall. Light poured in and was reflected around by the stark white walls. "Carlisle's office . . ." I pointed to the closed door and, in fact, lead to Esme's smaller office as well. "Alice's room . . ." I said as we passed another closed door. In truth, it was both Alice _and_ Jasper's room but you would never know it to look in there. Everything about the room screamed Alice, except for the small nook Jasper had carved out for himself and called his "study" which was actually directly over my piano.

I would have gone into more detail as we continued, but Bella had stopped in her tracks at the end of the hall. Her eyes were wide as she stared, disbelieving, at the enormous cross hanging above her head. I chuckled as she extended a hand, one finger stretched out as though she wanted to touch the large, wooden cross. "You can laugh," I offered, "it _is_ sort of ironic."

Bella's hand kept moving toward the cross, but she still didn't quite come in contact with it. "It must be really old," she quietly theorized. Her hand hovered mere inches from the bottom of the upright beam of the cross.

I shrugged, "Early sixteen-thirties, more or less."

Bella's hand dropped loudly to her side, and she turned to me shock once again evident on the small features of her face. "Why do you keep this here?" she asked.

"Nostalgia. It belonged to Carlisle's father," I stated matter-of-factly.

"He collected antiques?" Bella asked dubiously. For all of her uncanny ability to cope with this abnormal situation I had brought her into, she had a knack for missing the obvious sometimes.

"No. He carved this himself," I explained, "It hung on the wall above the pulpit in the vicarage where he preached."

Bella's face revealed her shock once more as she turned her scrutiny to the three hundred and eighty five year old hand-carved cross. Her jaw dropped again as she began to appreciate the cross for what it really was, an artifact older than the country in which she was born. Her chocolate eyes went back to the top of the cross and slowly dropped down to the barely visible cross-halving joint in the center. When she examined the cross beams, her head turned slightly to the left and then to the right. She took a step toward the cross and her hand rose again as if to touch it, but she thought better of it and her hand fell back to her side.

Once again, her silence stretched on and on. The seconds ticked by and Bella made no sound other than the quiet click of her eyes blinking, her intake and exhale of breath, as she further studied the ancient cross. Her expression had gone from one of shock to one of concentration mixed with something I hadn't observed before. _Could it be more than simple curiosity? Fear?_

"Are you all right?" I asked when the silence had gone on too long.

Still looking up at the hulking cross, Bella ignored my query and countered with one of her own. "How old is Carlisle?"

_And any minute something I tell her will send her over the edge of her ability to process, and then Jasper's solution will be the only viable one left to us._

Stealing myself for whatever reaction was to come, I answered her honestly, "he just celebrated his three hundred and sixty-second birthday."

Bella's gaze turned back to me, and I didn't need to hear her thoughts to see all the questions there. Her forehead puckered as her eyebrows rose with what I'm confident was a mile-long list of queries.

I decided to start with the beginning of my family's tale, with Carlisle's story. "Carlisle was born in London, in the sixteen-forties, he believes." Bella's lips parted slightly, I think to interrupt with a question about why he didn't know the exact date so I explained. "Time wasn't marked accurately then, for the common people anyway." Her lips closed again, so I figured I had assumed correctly. Her head tilted slightly as if remembering some long forgotten history lesson. "It was just before Cromwell's rule, though," I added.

I stopped for a moment, taking the time to examine Bella's features for the tell-tale signs of shock, fear, or imminent flight. Disbelief started to creep into the corners of her eyes, but she quickly shut it down.

I decided to continue, "He was the only son of an Anglican pastor. His mother died giving birth to him." That fact pulled down the corners of Bella's mouth, but it wasn't uncommon back then. Perhaps the admission made her think of Renee and what her own life would have been like without her mother's influence; I had no way of knowing. "His father was an intolerant man." Bella's frown deepened at the words. "As the Protestants came into power, he was enthusiastic in his persecution of Roman Catholics and other religions. He also believed strongly in the reality of evil. He led hunts for witches, werewolves . . . and vampires."

With the utterance of the last word of my sentence, Bella's breath caught and she became very still. Even with all her knowledge of us, the word seemed to still be somewhat taboo. But, I couldn't stop now. The words were pouring out of me. "They burned a lot of innocent people – of course the real creatures that he sought were not so easy to catch."

As I spoke, and watched every minute detail of Bella's face, I remembered Carlisle's expressions as he had told me his story the very first time. I could recall every detail, as he remembered it, due to my ability to hear and see his thoughts. I saw the pyres in the courtyard of the Great Mews stables which served Whitehall Palace, known today as Trafalgar Square, and heard the screams of the innocent and their accusers.

"When the pastor grew old," I continued without pausing as far as Bella was concerned, while seeing Carlisle's aging father in my mind's eye, "he placed his obedient son in charge of the raids. At first Carlisle was a disappointment; he was not quick to accuse, to see demons where they did not exist." In my mind, I saw the older man chastising his son frequently as he chose to imprison and question instead of dragging the accused through the streets straight to the pyre. "But he was persistent, and more clever than his father. He actually discovered a coven of true vampires that lived hidden in the sewers of the city, only coming out by night to hunt." Bella's face became quizzical again at that information, and I hoped I knew her well enough to be able to predict the question she was forming. "In those days, when monsters were not just myths and legends, that was the way many lived," I answered.

At that, Bella's face relaxed and she nodded slightly as if she understood. I struggled with the cliché of the story I was about to tell as well as my own fear that hearing this narrative would somehow result in the end of this burgeoning relationship. When I began to speak this time, my voice had lost most of its confidence and a lot of its volume.

"The people gathered their pitchforks and torches, of course," I laughed but the sound held no joy, only nerves and irony, "and waited where Carlisle had seen the monsters exit into the street. Eventually one emerged."

Bella squeezed my hand gently. I'm not even sure she knew she had done it. The slight pressure was reassuring, anchoring. I struggled to describe the scene as Carlisle had seen it, hoping Bella would remember I was speaking of a long time ago. "He must have been ancient, and weak with hunger. Carlisle heard him call out in Latin to the others when he caught scent of the mob. He ran through the streets, and Carlisle – he was twenty-three and very fast – was in lead of the pursuit. The creature could have easily outrun them, but Carlisle thinks he was too hungry, so he turned and attacked. He fell on Carlisle first, but the others were close behind, and he turned to defend himself. He killed two men, and made off with third, leaving Carlisle bleeding in the street."

My voice had hardened by the last couple of sentences, and I paused to re-gain control of my emotions. Carlisle _had_ been the first to catch up with the vampire, but the story wasn't quite as cut and dry as I had suggested to Bella. Carlisle's voice permeated my brain and I was transported, momentarily, back to Chicago and his first telling of his story.

_I was the first to catch him, _Carlisle's voice whispered from the past, _to corner him_

_ as he tried to go back underground. Although he had signaled the others in Latin, he knew_

_ the commoner's language as well which he showed me by calling me by name . . . "Carlisle _

_ Cullen, the prodigal" . . . he had hissed from the alley's dead end. I wasn't shocked that he_

_ knew of me; my father had made quite a name for himself among the people – and apparently_

_ with the monsters he chased as well._

_ "Your father knows not what he is doing, young apprentice," he said as he crouched_

_ ready to spring against me. The mob wasn't far behind and I was too frightened to speak. The_

_ creature lunged for me, but his thirst hadn't been quenched in so long he wasn't as fast as we_

_ are. I struck out with my torch and he went back flat against the wall. Just then, the creature's_

_ head turned suddenly to the sky. His feint worked, because I looked up as well. In less than half_

_ a second he was on me, tearing at my throat._

It was then that Carlisle showed me the faint scar he hid under his collar and tie. It wasn't the ugly pink gash that I had expected, but his marble was skin was raised in the perfect imprint of a human bite, in three different places.

_I had screamed with the first bite, but when I tried to a second time no sound emerged._

_ The mob was upon us, then, and he must have thrown me to the ground. I watched, bleary-_

_ eyed and helpless, as the creature broke the necks of the next two humans who advanced upon_

_ him. The third he fed upon and escaped with in a gap made by a fleeing torch-bearer._

If Bella noticed my pause, or that I was leaving anything out, she didn't comment on it. Her eyes were wide, disbelieving, but encouraging. She didn't seem at all frightened.

So I continued, "Carlisle knew what his father would do. The bodies would be burned -" but not in the square on public display, this had been a defeat for the proud pastor, for the vampire had escaped, "anything infected by the monster must be destroyed. Carlisle acted instinctively to save his own life. He crawled away from the alley while the mob followed the fiend and his victim. He hid in a cellar, buried himself in rotting potatoes for three days. It's a miracle he was able to keep silent, to stay undiscovered. It was over then, and he realized what he had become."

I had glossed over Carlisle's transformation, hoping Bella's curious nature would be mired in the other details of the story. The ploy seemed to be working since she was still looking up at me expectantly when I stopped speaking. There was none of the fear I had expected to see. At least not on the surface.

"How are you feeling?" I asked somewhat suddenly.

"I'm fine," she nodded, and then bit her lip. In the depths of her gorgeous molten chocolate eyes only curiosity burned.

I smiled despite my concerns for Bella's state of mind, "I expect you have a few more questions for me."

"A few," Bella responded, a wicked twinkle in her eyes suggesting that it was a good deal more than a few.

Seeing Bella still so vibrant and curious after all she had just heard gave me immense joy. My smile broadened as I headed back toward Carlisle's office, pulling her along by the hand I still had clasped in mine. I knew he had heard everything I had said, and the parts that I had left un-said, and I wanted _him_ to tell Bella the rest of his story.

"Come on, then," I goaded. "I'll show you."

_A/N: Thanks, as always, for hanging in there with me. I **know** I'm an inconsistent updater, and for that I will always apologize. Life is about to get crazy busy for me as we roll into the Retail Hell season the rest of you call Christmas. ;-) I hope to update again, soon, but with my boss being in hospital with a broken hip I've got a lot more responsibility this year. Ugh. _

_Again, thanks for sticking with me, and I hope it's worth the wait._

_XxoxX,_

_ Allis_


	15. Chapter 17, Carlisle, Part 1

Chapter 17 – Carlisle – Part 1

Bella and I arrived at Carlisle's office door a few moments later. I paused, one hand on the doorknob, listening. I wanted to make sure Bella and I weren't interrupting anything. I knew the discussions about the nomads had ended some minutes ago and that Carlisle's thoughts had turned to quiet reflection of his early days as a vampire.

The monster's hearing made knocking on doors somewhat unnecessary with most of us choosing to wait patiently outside a closed door until invited inside. Alice was the main exception to this unspoken rule. The little sprite tended to barge through any closed door she found, regardless of what sounds were emanating from the other side, as Rose and Emmett could attest.

Just before Carlisle called, "Come in," his thoughts turned to a phone call he had received earlier today. _Dr. Snow can't do his rounds today, Edward, so I have to go in to the hospital . . . well . . . now, actually. If you want me to tell Bella our story, it will have to wait. Mrs. Marks came in with a stomach problem and yet Dr. Gerandy's tests have all been inconclusive. David said her color didn't look good, and he sent some blood off to Seattle but I'm hoping I'll be able to sniff out the problem, quite literally. _He chuckled internally at his little pun. In fact, Carlisle's keen sense of smell had been integral in diagnosing several diseases early enough to save the patients' lives.

I opened the door and guided Bella through into Carlisle's office ahead of me, never releasing her hand in the process. I left the door open as I entered behind her. Immediately, Bella began to look around the room, her eyes flitted from the ten foot ceilings to the windows – larger than an average home's but nothing like our window wall. Bella glanced from the wainscoting, where it was visible, to the many bookshelves that Carlisle had painstakingly made to fit precisely where he wanted them. Most of them were over nine feet tall, with the exception being the smaller ones running underneath the windows. Unbidden, the memory of watching him chisel out the rabbet joints with amazing dexterity and precision came to mind; the smell of sawdust and sap had been like a calming salve for him after losing his first patient here in Forks. _A preventable death . . ._ his voice whispered to me from the past.

While I had been reminiscing, Bella looked around the room with the same curiosity and surprise that she had expressed in the front room. Her eyes stopped their pursuit of every nook and cranny when Carlisle's mahogany desk caught her attention. I don't know what she had expected, but the oval-shaped modified partner's desk clearly wasn't it. The mahogany was dark brown with various red highlights – much like Bella's hair in the sun – and much larger than traditional partner's desks. The mill work shone in the warm light of Carlisle's desk lamp, and the brass fixtures looked newly polished. Carlisle had looked up as we entered, but Bella hadn't seemed to notice him until he moved to place the red ribbon from one of his journals in between the pages he'd been reading. From across the room, it looked as though he had been reading either one of his early-vampire-days journals or one of his father's monster-hunting ones. Their handwriting was eerily similar, even though Carlisle had attempted to make his appear more modern.

Noticing her attention had turned his way, Carlisle asked warmly, "What can I do for you?" He rose from the comfy-looking modern leather chair as he spoke and moved to the side of his desk. As he moved, his thoughts conveyed to me a need to hurry to the hospital but his movements were unhurried, relaxed. He even wore an expression of fatherly love, whether for me or Bella, I could not be certain. Bella turned to me for an explanation.

"I wanted to show Bella some of our history," I answered, inclining my head in his direction. "Well, _your_ history, actually," I amended.

"We didn't mean to disturb you," Bella inserted, looking at the journal Carlisle had placed in the center of the aged leather top of his desk. As long as he had lived, there weren't many knick-knacks cluttering its surface. Her eyes were soft and curious, always afraid of inconveniencing someone.

Carlisle's response was immediate, his smile radiant. "Not at all," he said looking fondly at Bella. With a slight turn of his head, he directed an inquisitive gaze at me and asked, "Where are you going to start?"

"The Waggoner," I replied non-nonchalantly touching the back of Bella's shoulder with my free hand. I turned her, gently; almost three hundred and sixty degrees back toward the door we had just entered through. No sooner had my hand made contact with the fabric of Bella's blouse, her heart responded by squeezing, pausing, and then lurching into a fast gallop.

Carlisle's reaction was immediate. _Edward! _ His silent voice was concerned and alarmed. _Your lack of concern is shocking, son._ His tone was full of reproach, and then he caught my expression. _Oh, this is normal? She reacts to your touch the same way Esme did to mine? _His eyebrows rose with the questioning lilt of his internal voice. When he noticed my slight nod, his thoughts began to rearrange from those of emergency medicine to whether or not heart murmurs ran in the Swan family and how he could ask without embarrassing Bella. I shook my head in the negative. I didn't think bringing attention to it could be done without her becoming mortified that my father had noticed. He understood the slight shake of my head. I rolled my eyes slightly, hoping Bella was too entranced with the plethora of images before her.

I shot Carlisle a reproachful look, hoping I could also convey to him that we could continue this conversation at a later time. After all, Bella had to sleep, we didn't. She hadn't noticed our silent dialogue; her eyes were glued to the paintings she now faced. I was still holding her hand, but I released it and lightly placed two fingers on the crook of her elbow to pull her along to the far left side of the wall of art.

The first painting there was a rather small one, no bigger than an eight-and-a-half by eleven inch piece of copy paper. Its worn frame and sepia tones made it both easy to over-look and somewhat insignificant when surrounded by others both larger and more colorful. Each time I looked at this simple painting, I found myself lost in the simplicity.

"London in the sixteen-fifties," I stated, staring into the layers of paint with Bella. As artwork, it was too simple to be hanging in any of the world's large galleries but, to my eyes at least, it was full of overlapping brushstrokes that drew a person in. After looking at it for a few moments, you almost expected the river's water to begin to ripple and the small flecks of soot to start collecting on your shoulders – as was customary at the time. Bella was definitely lost inside the boundaries of the small frame, because she startled when Carlisle spoke from a few feet behind her.

"The London of my youth," he said, nodding toward the small painting. I lightly caressed Bella's hand with my thumb, as I took it in mine again. I hoped she'd understand the touch as affection, but I realized too late that she may have interpreted it as a chiding for not being aware of Carlisle's movement.

_Stop over-thinking everything, Cullen_, I snarled at myself, almost missing the muscles of her hand attempting to squeeze my hand back.

"Will _you_ tell the story?" I asked, knowing what his answer would be.

Bella turned toward Carlisle as he smiled at both of us. "I would," he nodded to me, "but I'm actually running a bit late. The hospital called this morning – Dr. Snow is taking a sick day. Besides, you know the stories as well as I do." As he spoke the last sentence, he smiled a proud smile at me. One full of encouragement, and his thoughts betrayed him for a moment. _Edward seems so happy with her, perhaps he __wasn't too young when I changed him._ Bella looked up at him for a moment, the crease between her eyebrows returned. What she was puzzling over, I couldn't tell, but whatever it was didn't take her long to resolve because within a minute the little line had disappeared.

Carlisle nodded again and gave Bella another warm smile and left us alone in his study. Bella's attention went back to the little painting and remained there for several long moments.

I looked at it again, too, and wondered what it looked like through Bella's human eyes. I had never seen painting without the better sight of the monster, so I couldn't help but wonder. Would it seem as alive then? Would it have captivated me the same way then that it does now? I was about to start asking Bella all of the inane questions occurring to me when I noticed Bella's eyebrows rise and her lips part slightly – sure signs she was about to speak.

"What happened then" she asked, turning her face up to mine, "when he realized what happened to him?"

She watched my face, most likely making careful notes of the expressions she saw there, to see what things I might be holding back. Therefore, I tried to keep my expression unfocused, neutral. I didn't want to tell her about the excruciating pain he felt as his cells died as the poisonous venom was slowly pumped through his bloodstream by his weakening heart. Instead of burdening Bella with the images that swam behind my eyelids as I blinked, I looked from her face to the rest of the paintings. Bella gaze followed mine as I looked at a landscape to the right of the small image of mid-fifteenth century London. The one that I focused on next was larger than Carlisle's image of his hometown, and more colorful, but also rather vapid. The colors were the heavy golds of fall, accented with dreary greens of a meadow at dusk. The greys and browns of the mountain peak in the background did nothing to lighten the weight of the disconsolate painting.

I began slowly and quietly to answer her question. I wanted to tell her everything, but at the same time, I didn't want to lose what I had just found with her either. I feared that something I would tell her would send her over the edge of her threshold for strange. The conflict that this argument stirred within me was astounding. "When he knew what he had become, he rebelled against it." I glanced quickly at Bella's facial features; a pause so fast I doubt she sensed it as anything more than the pause at the end of a sentence. "He tried to destroy himself. But that's not easily done."

"How?" Bella blurted out. The fact that she had spoken so loudly had clearly surprised her; shock was one of the easier emotions for me to discern.

"He jumped from great heights," I stated, trying to keep my voice from betraying the anguish I had felt vicariously from Carlisle as he had told me this part of his story. "He tried to drown himself in the ocean . . . but he was young and new to the life, and very strong." I felt as though I was re-living all of this _as_ Carlisle as I spoke for his words, thoughts, and voice – both internal _and_ external – were playing in my head as I relayed them to Bella. Vampire perfect recall was both a blessing and a curse. My own shock and awe at the things he had done, and attempted to do, began to shape the way I spoke. "It is amazing that he was able to resist," I paused to swallow, an unnecessary action, but a reaction to the burning that flared at the back of my throat, "feeding," I swallowed again, "while he was still so new. The instinct is more powerful then, it takes over everything." And, for one millionth of a second, I saw myself feeding from Bella in the meadow; my eyes changing from gold to red as I drained the life from her body. Alice's vision still haunted me, even after its timing had passed. "But he was so repelled by himself that he had the strength to try and kill himself with starvation." Starvation . . . all of a sudden it was an attractive concept when compared with snuffing the life of the warmth that stood next to me.

"Is that possible?" Bella's voice was very soft, and a little strained. I wondered what was harder for her, processing what we are, or the scope of our longevity.

My answer came quickly, if a little tersely, and concise to the point of sounding scientifically detached, "No, there are very few ways we can be killed."

Bella opened her mouth to say something, possibly to ask another question, but once I had begun to tell her this tale I wanted to finish. I yearned to hear her thoughts and questions, but I also feared them. I feared telling her so much, but if she was to be a part of this life she needed to know what she was in love with. If that knowledge sent her screaming from my arms, I would have to find a way to cope.

"So he grew very hungry, and eventually weak," again I saw things the way Carlisle had. I could not fathom how he had had the self-control not to feed after he had stopped burning. "He strayed as far as he could from the human populace," before he had collapsed in abandoned hovel after hovel, "recognizing that his will power was weakening, too." He stumbled further and further away from civilization. Ironically, his self-preservation kept him moving, even while he was trying to find ways to end his vampire life. Almost mad with the burning thirst and fighting the nature of what he had become, he had found a natural cave to hide in during the day. "For months he wandered by night, seeking the lowest places, loathing himself.

"One night," he heard sounds outside the cave; he knew the noises weren't human and, without thinking, he found himself outside the cave and, "a herd of deer passed his hiding place. He was so wild with thirst that he attacked without a thought." His razor-sharp incisors found the jugular quickly. "His strength returned and he realized there was an alternative to being the vile monster he feared." I heard Carlisle's internal monologue rationalizing taking the lives of the animals in my head and spoke them aloud, "Had he not eaten venison in his former life?" Carlisle regained his mental faculties quickly, and experimented with other wild animals and began making notes in journals that he found discarded, or stole. "Over the months his new philosophy was born. He could exist without being a demon. He found himself again."

I sighed, but didn't pause long enough for Bella to detect it. "He began to make better use of his time. He'd always been intelligent, eager to learn. Now he had unlimited time before him. He studied by night, planned by day. He swam to France and -"

Bella interjected, "He _swam_ to France?"

I smiled, hoping it wasn't as condescending as it felt, and stated simply, "People swim the Channel all the time, Bella."

With an almost imperceptible shrug, Bella mused, "That's true, I guess. It just sounded funny in that context. Go on."

"Swimming is easy for us -" I began.

"Everything is easy for _you_," she snapped.

I pursed my lips, careful not to laugh, because I now understood where her 'Edward is good at everything' joke had come from a bit better. I remained silent for a few moments, and Bella misinterpreted my silence as impatience.

"I won't interrupt again, I promise," she said with a curt little nod of her head.

I chuckled somewhat cryptically, and continued, "Because, technically, we don't need to breathe."

"You -" Bella started, clearly perplexed.

"No, no, you promised," I teased, laughing. Carefully, I put the tip of my index finger to her soft, warm lips. Before the frenzied desire to replace my finger with my lips consumed me, I spoke again. "Do you want to hear the story or not?"

Bella's eyes were adamant as she mumbled against the subtle pressure of my finger. "You can't spring something like that on me, and then expect me not to say anything."

Knowing I was only teasing her, I removed my finger from her lips and cupped my hand around the side of her neck just under her left ear. Bella's heart began racing at the touch as goose flesh appeared, and my lips pulled up in her favorite lop-sided grin at the sound of her heart.

"You don't have to _breathe_?" She insisted, ignoring both my smile and her own slight blush.

"No, it's not necessary. Just a habit." I shrugged away an annoying thought . . . _Remember, Bella, I'm technically dead – what would I need oxygen for?_ . . . and Bella probably thought I was being nonchalant.

"How long can you go . . . without _breathing_?" Bella's tone was ratcheting up octaves as she spoke; panic was sneaking into her features, as well. My worst fears were being realized; she couldn't deal with the monster's reality.

Masking my fears, I answered matter-of-factly, "Indefinitely, I suppose; I don't know. It gets a bit uncomfortable – being without a sense of smell." My thoughts flickered to Bella's first day at Forks High School, and Biology.

"A bit uncomfortable," Bella echoed. Her voice was back within its normal octave range, but devoid of emotion. I listened carefully to the panicked gallop of her heart, and watched as her chest rose and fell as her respiration quickened as well. I knew the symptoms of shock well enough to see it beginning in Bella. My hand dropped to my side, and I began to focus only on her vital signs. I stood stock still as I watched her pupils dilated. I continued to watch as the only heartbeat within a few miles began to slowly return to normal. Bella's respirations had begun to slow as well, as her expression changed from one of panic, to one of concern.

Bella whispered, "What is it?" And, showing none of the fear that had begun to take over, she slowly brought her small, warm hand up and touched my face. The signs of shock had faded almost as quickly as they had begun to appear, and her face was once again unlined and calm. She cradled my cheek in her warm hand, and I felt my own panic, laced with sorrow, begin to melt.

I sighed deeply, inhaling both her unparalleled fragrance and a touch of her warmth. "I keep waiting for it to happen," I stated simply.

"For what to happen?" Bella asked, as I knew she would.

I placed my marble-hard hand gently over hers and removed it from my face, but still held her hand in mine. "I know at some point, something I tell you or something you see is going to be too much. And then you'll run away from me, screaming as you go." I smiled sadly at her, showing her some of the anguish creeping into my thoughts. "I won't stop you," I said seriously, "I want this to happen, because I want you to be safe. And yet, I want to be with you. The two desires are impossible to reconcile . . ." my words trailed off as if of their own volition, my eyes still locked on Bella's face. Part of me was waiting for her voice to ratchet back up along with her heartbeat and respiration.

Bella attempted to squeeze my hand again, the pressure as light as gossamer. "I'm not running anywhere," she assured me. Her voice was confident and sure, but I wished I could hear what she was really thinking.

"We'll see," I said, trying to keep my tone light and burying the dark thoughts that tried to intrude on the telling of Carlisle's story and Bella's presence.

Bella frowned up at me, but yet she was also attempting to be encouraging. "So, go on – Carlisle was swimming to France."

I paused for a moment, silently checking both Bella's vital signs and my own resolve before I decided whether or not I was going to continue the story. As I considered, my eyes glanced toward the next painting in the sequence. Alice must have been eavesdropping, because her mind reached out and touched mine. _Go ahead, Edward. She stays. She's stronger than you think. Jasper felt her panic, so I had a peek at the next few hours._ Her last comment came with her signature wink and guilty-trying-to-be-innocent smile. She knew I didn't like her searching Bella's future.

I regarded for another moment the gilt-framed painting that would have dwarfed any room outside of a museum but somehow seemed at home here. The colors were rich, and the figures more akin to Greco-Roman mythology than reality, but we would come to that explanation in time.

I began where I had left off; trying to ignore any remaining doubts I had about Bella's threshold for vampire knowledge. "Carlisle swam to France, and continued through Europe, to the universities there. By night he studied music, science, medicine – and found his calling, his penance, in that, in saving human lives."

At this point, I had given up keeping the admiration from my voice, because I was truly impressed and awed with the way Carlisle had focused himself so quickly after his transformation. "I can't adequately describe the struggle; it took Carlisle two centuries of torturous effort to perfect his self-control." _But he knew almost immediately what he wanted to do; he never once thought to give in to the demon he'd become. _"Now he is all but immune to the scent of human blood, and he is able to do the work he loves without agony. He finds a great deal of peace there, at the hospital . . ."

My voice trailed off as I thought about what Carlisle had found. If there was ever a person who had found their calling, it was my adoptive father. I knew it was cliché, but I couldn't help but wonder if there was a future akin to what he'd found in the works for me. Or was Esme right? Had I been turned too young? Was the joy, colored with anguish which I felt at Bella's touch – this strange and strained relationship of love between predator and prey – my lot in life? _Well, not in life_ the monster snickered.

Bella had noticed _that_ pause, I could tell by her expression. I tried not to draw further attention to it and tapped lightly the huge canvas before us. "He was studying in Italy when he discovered the others. They were much more civilized and educated that the wraiths of the London sewers."

I extended my arm slowly, and drew Bella's attention to the foursome that occupied the highest balcony depicted in the painting. Three of the four were looking down on the chaos that had been painted below them. The fourth looked uninterested and slightly bored. Bella examined their faces individually and with a surprised laugh, I could tell she had recognized the blonde as Carlisle.

I chuckled at her reaction. "Solimena was greatly inspired by Carlisle's friends. He often painted them as gods." I pointed to each of the Volturi in turn, "Aro," with his shoulder-length black hair, "Marcus," with his longer, arrow-straight black hair, "Caius" with his thick white mane. "Nighttime patrons of the arts," I added, as if that explained so much.

Bella considered this for a moment and, like with the ancient cross in the hall, reached out to touch it but stopped herself a half a centimeter from its surface. "What happened to them?" She asked quietly.

"They're still there," I shrugged. Truthfully, I hadn't given them much thought beyond Carlisle's story. "As they have been for who knows how many millennia," I supposed. "Carlisle stayed with them only for a short time, just a few decades." I noted the trivial way I had spoken of decades, perhaps a lifetime for Bella, and hoped it hadn't made her as uncomfortable as Carlisle's age had. "He greatly admired their civility, their refinement, but they persisted in trying to cure his aversion to 'his natural food source,' as they called it."

As I spoke, Bella, Carlisle's office, and the huge Solimena painting faded to a far corner of my mind and I saw events unfold as Carlisle had. I saw Aro, Caius, and Marcus standing much as they were in the painting, discussing Carlisle's unusual food choices. "They tried to persuade him," I explained, glossing over one of the more animated discussions where Aro punctured a nearby human's jugular in front of Carlisle, "and he tried to persuade them" and the horrified and bemused expression of the other three stone faces when Carlisle brought his own feast of freshly captured lynx and brown bears to offer them "to no avail." I blinked quickly, trying to bring the present back into focus; to quiet the thirst the images had brought to the forefront of my mind. "At that point, Carlisle decided to try the New World. He dreamed of finding others like himself," _others who had a moral compass that pointed in the same direction_, "He was very lonely, you see."

The weight of those words I was quite familiar with. For the last nearly ninety years I had watched him with Esme, and then Rosalie find Emmett, and then Alice and Jasper found us . . . lonely was something I had familiarity with.

"He didn't find anyone for a long time. But, as monsters became the stuff of fairy tales, he found he could interact with unsuspecting humans as if he were one of them." I had fast-forwarded through a lot of years at this point, knowing that if Bella pressed, I would tell her about his periods of wandering, too. His encountering of Native Americans, of forging bonds with them that his later British counterparts would dash, and his watching of the birth of this nation. "He began practicing medicine. But the companionship he craved evaded him; he couldn't risk familiarity." Being unable to be seen outside in the sunlight and not appearing to age made it understandably difficult to remain in any one place for more than a decade or two.

"When the influenza epidemic hit, he was working nights in a hospital in Chicago. He'd been turning over an idea in his mind for several years, and he had almost decided to act – since he couldn't find a companion, he would create one. He wasn't absolutely sure how his own transformation had occurred, so he was hesitant." He knew his attack had been violent, destructive, and wondered if the change could be made differently. He theorized that multiple bites would spread the venom more quickly, perhaps saving his subject some of the agony he had experienced. "And he was loathe to steal anyone's life the way his had been stolen. It was in that frame of mind that he found me."

A vague human memory flickered in the recesses of my mind of my father coming home with a fever late one night, coughing up blood by the next morning and dying in the influenza ward of Saint Anthony's under the care of a Dr. Carlisle Cullen. Mother and I were quickly infected and took up residence in the same ward. The young doctor who had pronounced father deceased, quickly became a favorite of Mother's as he was more attentive than the other doctors. He was kind, where others were too overworked to fuss over the small things. Mother and I declined quickly, despite Dr Cullen's extra efforts.

My voice had fallen several decibels, though, full of the emotion of losing my parents and the agony of the burning that was in my not-too-distant future. Dr. Cullen had allowed me to stay in the room with her even after she died. They had had many whispered conversations before she passed, and even as I lay on the gurney next to her, fighting my own fever and delusions, I knew those conversations were about me. Sometime after Mother's death, I was moved by nurses I didn't know from the sick ward into a huge room full of other people in their last hours. I shook myself free of the hazy human memories of the last few days of my human life. "There was no hope for me; I was left in a ward with the dying. He had nursed my parents," I told Bella all that I dared, "and knew I was alone. He decided to try . . ."

_Yes, he decided to try. _Anothermemory of Carlisle's came, unbidden, to the forefront of my mind.

_My face, sweaty, feverish, my ears and the sides of my face starting to turn_

_ blue from the strange lack of circulation. Carlisle was speaking, but I hadn't caught_

_ the beginning of what he had said, " - mother asked me to do whatever I could_

_ to save you. I think she somehow knew there was something . . . more . . . about_

_ me. I'm going to move you now. Take you somewhere safer, somewhere we're less_

_ likely to be overheard."_

My own memories of what transpired in the last hours of my human life were virtually non-existent. Carlisle had acted quickly after my mother's pleas had ended in unconsciousness and death. I had always felt like he had been speaking for a few minutes when I came to again. But, I hadn't understood anything he had said, in fact, I thought the entire thing was some trick of my fever. I was even more puzzled when I opened my eyes and what came into focus wasn't the hospital ward I had been sharing with the dying, but a comfortable family room with a roaring fire in the fireplace.

Carlisle had been surprised that I had come around at all, his shock evident in his thoughts when he recalled these moments to me. His hand had been on my wrist, taking my pulse, when my eyes opened and I struggled feebly to sit up. He gently pushed me back into the pillows and put a cool cloth over my eyes. The cloth was almost shockingly cold, and I realized it must be because of my fever. His memories took over again, showing me things from his perspective.

_ "Where am I?" I said, thickly, the illness making it hard for me to speak._

_ "My home," Carlisle gestured to the small room, indicating the rest of the_

_ house._

_"Edward, I -" Carlisle began, but a racking cough ripped through me. He_

_ handed me a handkerchief, which was quickly stained through with blood. My _

_ coughs shook my emaciated frame, and concern that he had waited too long to make_

_ his decision colored his thoughts. Bloody froth bubbled from my nose and mouth and_

_ I lost consciousness again._

_ Carlisle put his ear to my chest, my breathing was labored but he was _

_ confident that my lungs would hold out through the transformation. He picked up my_

_ arm, which was laying limply across my chest, and felt for my pulse._

_ "Weak, thready," he muttered to himself._

_ For a moment, he considered letting me die. He sat in silence, listening to the_

_ sounds of my dying body. His thoughts lingered on my mother, and her plea that he_

_ should do what only he could._

_ Just then, I moaned._

_ His attention snapped from my heart rate and respiration to the words he _

_ thought I was trying to form. _

_ " . . . Mother . . ." I moaned._

_ In that instant, Carlisle knew the rash decision he had made no more than forty-_

_ five minutes earlier was the right one. The image of my mother's eyes flashed in his_

_ memory; her concern, her love, my eyes the same shade of green, and her abject_

_ devotion that my soul was worth saving all came rushing back as another coughing_

_ episode ripped through me. What finally drove him to act, though, was the soft crack_

_ of one of my ribs. He couldn't stand for me to suffer anymore._

_ And then he held my hand, and bent his head to my wrist. Before he could over-_

_ think his decision any further, he began to recreate the injuries he suffered at the hands _

_ of a London sewer wraith upon me . . . and I knew nothing aside from fire._

I slammed the memories, both mine and Carlisle's, back into the chest of drawers beside the monster's imaginary jail cell in my mind. I turned my attention, and my body, back to Bella. Just seeing her, still here, curiosity lighting her up from the inside brought a tender smile to my lips. _This. This is worth everything I've been through. Bella. Bella is what I've been waiting for._

"And so we've come full circle," I stated simply, concluding _Carlisle's_ story before it became _my_ story.

"Have you always stayed with Carlisle, then?" Bella mused, unaware of the metaphysical chest of drawers I was wrestling. It wasn't the time to tell her everything, yet. In fact, I wasn't sure there would be a _good_ time for her to know everything about my vampire life, but I was also fairly sure that I wouldn't deny her the information should she push. As long as Alice managed to keep her mouth shut about other things she'd seen.

"Almost always," I answered, gently turning Bella back toward the door we had initially come through. With my hand resting on the back of her waist, I moved with her back out into the hall. Bella craned her neck looking over her shoulder at the rest of the paintings back in Carlisle's office. I wasn't sure, but I thought the one that had captured her attention was a small one of some Civil War cavalrymen. Jasper wouldn't be immune to her curiosity, it would seem.

I chose not to elaborate as we walked back down the hall to the stairs.

And as if Bella was the mind reader, she pushed. "Almost?" she asked, innocently.

I sighed. Fear pooled in the pit of my stomach, because my time away from Carlisle was a time I wasn't particularly proud of. Part of me was convinced that if Carlisle's story hadn't sent her running for the forest surrounding the house, surely this story would. I started speaking slowly, reluctantly, "Well, I had a typical bout of rebellious adolescence – about ten years after I was . . . born . . . created, whatever you want to call it. I wasn't sold on his life of abstinence, and I resented him for curbing my appetite. So I went off on my own for a time."

"Really?" Bella's voice remained steady, showing none of the panic she had exhibited earlier. I guided her to the stairs and we began to ascend the final flight.

I wondered at Bella's ability to process that. I took _human_ lives during that time; surely that had registered. "That doesn't repulse you?"

"No," Bella answered simply.

"Why not?" I asked, my own voice sounding more shocked than hers.

"I guess . . . it sounds reasonable."

I laughed out loud, quite dumbfounded at Bella's ability to rationalize my homicidal digression. We had reached the top of the stairs, now, and Bella seemed content to look around for a moment so I elaborated. "From the time of my new birth," I almost mumbled, "I had the advantage of knowing what everyone around me was thinking, both human and non-human alike." I remembered the discovery of my ability clearly.

**_ to be continued **_

_A/N: Happy Christmas!_


	16. Chapter 17, Carlisle, Part 2

Chapter 17 – Carlisle – Part 2

I remembered emerging from the burning, Carlisle looking down on me, a concerned expression on his unnaturally young face. His skin was almost like stone, with no lines, only soft curves around his mouth and nose. I stared for a few moments, taking in the unnaturally golden hue of his eyes, as he sat there, unblinking, looking back at me.

_Why doesn't he blink? I thought to myself. What's wrong with him?_

_ I tore my eyes from him, and thought about testing my ability to sit up. Immediately, I was in the sitting position, my feet on the floor. There had been no hesitation. I had thought about sitting, and half a moment later, I was. At that point, I was convinced this was another hallucination from the illness, as had been the awful pain from only moments before._

_And, still, Carlisle only sat there. _

_This had to be a dream, something. I had never known the doctor to be so inattentive before. Clearly, I was having some sort of fit, and he wasn't checking my pulse or my breathing. _

_Then, I heard something. Some sort of movement. A horse nickered outside, but I could hear a low thumping sound coming from the same direction, and something about the sound drew me, hypnotized, toward it. And, before I knew it, I was across the small room._

_Carlisle was suddenly in front of me, a hesitant but firm hand on my chest._

_ "Edward," he said, cautious and concerned all at once, "I know what you need right now, and slaughtering Mrs. Andersen's horse isn't the answer."_

_ Aghast, I withdrew from his words. Was he suggesting that I would kill a horse? What kind of barbarian did he think I was?_

"_Edward," he said again. "I can help you with your thirst."_

_ Thirst? Was I thirsty? Now that he mentioned it, my throat burned in a way I hadn't thought possible until my recent foray into burning._

_A groan escaped my lips._

_In a flash, Carlisle left the room and returned with a chilled jar. Without being told, I knew the contents were for me as flames leaped to my mouth. My tongue felt heavy and dry, and it tingled as it tried to produce moisture that wouldn't come. Carlisle removed the lid and an instant later a scent filled the small room that made everything around me disappear._

"_Drink" he said, but my hand was already wrapped around the jar. "Gentle," Carlisle commanded before relinquishing the jar to me, "you could crush it."_

_Me? Crush glass? I wondered, but the thought was fleeting as I inhaled again. Had I inhaled before? I couldn't remember; did I not have to breathe? As these thoughts tumbled about in my head, the scent from the bottle reached my nose._

_The burning flared again, but some part of my mind was repulsed that the smell would be appealing. I didn't lend much credence to it, though, as the bottle was already at my lips and the thick liquid was entering my ever-so-thirsty mouth._

_All my senses shut down, and the only thing that mattered was the contents of the jar in my hand. A small thought of revulsion whispered concern at the back of my brain, but I knew Carlisle was watching and somehow I knew that he wanted me to drink its entire contents._

_I upended the jar, hoping more would drip onto my still parched tongue, but it wasn't to be._

"_Edward," Carlisle said cautiously, "sit down."_

_And, once again, I moved without being aware that I had. I was suddenly sitting back where I'd started, on his sofa._

"_How do you feel?"_

"_Better," I replied. Wow! My voice was all wrong, distorted, but more melodic at the same time. It held a charisma that it hadn't had before as well, a strange musical lilt. "What's happened to me?" I managed, before being distracted by a whole new range of colors that I could see in the flames of the fire place._

"_You're a vampire, now, Edward, like me," Carlisle answered, resolve stealing his features. I could tell much about the doctor's thoughts, just by looking at his face, I discovered. He was clearly concerned about me, and something else was weighing heavily on him, too. I could see it in the slight slump of his shoulders and the way his lips turned down at the corners._

_Then his words processed through the distractions of my overly observant mind. "A what? But, I was sick, dying . . . my mother!" And, in that all-too-fast motion, I was at his front door, my hand reaching for the knob – when he was once again in front of me, blocking my path._

"_Edward, I know this is all very new, very confusing, but . . . let me explain . . ."_

And, explain he did. How my mother had begged him to save my life, and how she seemed to know that only he could save me from the influenza that had wiped out my family. He explained what he was, told me the story I had just recounted to Bella including the more gory details, and how he'd decided upon a whim to change me. He had only left my side once since he'd made the decision to change me, and had begun to think I wasn't going to survive it when my eyes I had opened. They were the color of blood, and although the color was familiar to him he was no less taken aback.

He had danced around the particulars of how he sustained himself for quite some time, and I grew restless. It was then that he'd confessed he'd left me for a time just after my screams had quieted to hunt. The hunt wasn't required for him, but for me. He knew that I would be ravenous if I made it through the transformation, so he'd gone just a scant mile away into the forest and taken down a large buck. The buck's heart had still been pumping, as Carlisle was careful to break its neck in such a way that it still lived, and once he got the animal home, he began draining it of blood to preserve for me.

As soon as he mentioned this, my throat was ablaze anew. In another flash, Carlisle was sitting next to me with another jar, which he handed to me without the earlier warning. In my haste, I _did_ crush the glass this time, and chuckling Carlisle went to retrieve another as I rather unceremoniously licked my hand clean. The third jar I managed to open and consume without spilling, and Carlisle decided it was time I learned to hunt for myself.

Carlisle had already informed me how much my body had changed, and now I got to test the theory. He showed me how easy it was to find compass points now that my eyes could detect the slightest differences in the angle of sunlight. He pointed me due East, and then told me to run until I reached the dense forest . . . but to try not to run at my full speed because I was much stronger and faster than he was as a new vampire. The word "vampire" was still hard for me to dole out to myself, and nearly caused me pause enough to forget my purpose. Carlisle nudged me and pointed in the general direction, and I was focused on the task at hand again.

"_Focus, Edward," Carlisle whispered from behind me._

_And, no sooner than his words reached my ears, my mind was focused on the burning of my throat. I nodded to Carlisle and began running._

_In a matter of mere seconds, I was standing in front of a large copse of trees. I knew roughly how far I'd traveled and the fact that my body wasn't showing any signs of the exertion was a marvel to behold. Once again, I found myself distracted by the many things that I could think about at the same time. It was as though I could process infinitely more thoughts at once, like my head suddenly had more room for things that would have gone unnoticed before._

_While I ruminated on these things, Carlisle caught up to me._

"_You are _fast_, Edward!" he exclaimed when he came to a stop next to me. And even though I could discern it had taken quite an effort for him to catch up to me from his expression, there were none of the tell-tale signs of exertion. Even though I knew that neither of us was human, part of me expected to still see a racing pulse, sweat, and labored breathing. I got the impression he'd never had such a hard time catching up to another vampire before, but I wasn't sure how I knew that._

_ "Now that we're here, let's go further into the forest. You can use your heightened olfactory and auditory senses to find prey here." Carlisle explained, as he had inside, perhaps sensing how difficult it was for my thoughts to remain focused._

_ We moved quicker than any human, but slower than we had to get here, inside the depths of the forest. It wasn't until I had taken down my first elk that I realized neither of us had spoken since we entered the relative darkness of the forest. I had made a ridiculous mess of the carcass and although Carlisle hadn't __said anything, I realized he was both amused and reminiscent of his own first kill._

_ I threw the remainder of the carcass away from me in disgust, and immediately I knew that Carlisle had misinterpreted my disgust._

_ Carlisle sighed quietly as he gently released his elk, with barely a hair out of place. "I understand the revulsion; however, hunting more cleanly will come with time."_

_ "Ahhhhhhhhhhhh," I yelled. The sound startled the birds from the nearby trees, and the chorus of calls nearly drowned out Carlisle's shushing me. "Why didn't you tell me about this? How did I know where to bite, how to hunt, which areas to avoid? That you were thinking of your first hunt? HOW DO I KNOW THESE THINGS?" I grabbed my head with my bracken covered hands, holding them down over my ears as I realized I was hearing his voice, but he wasn't speaking._

_ Shock was evident on his face, but Carlisle masked it well. Somehow, I knew that he was also a little frightened. "Calm down. I know it seems ridiculous, but take a deep breath, and then explain to me what you're experiencing."_

And, before long, my initial thirst marginally sated, as we sat amongst the trees and discussed my seeming ability to hear his thoughts.

I had remembered all this in the few moments after explaining to Bella why I had chosen to continue with Carlisle's chosen diet for so long. She hadn't noticed my distraction at all, because, to her only a split second had passed.

Out loud, I continued our conversation. "That's why it took me ten years to defy Carlisle -" _that and having to listen to their amorous thoughts that they didn't feel they could act upon with me around and Esme's constant fear that her abusive human husband would find her -_ "I could read his perfect sincerity, understand exactly why he lived the way he did.

"It took me only a few years to return to Carlisle and recommit to his vision. I thought I would be exempt from the . . . depression . . . that accompanies a conscience. Because I knew the thoughts of my prey, I could pass over the innocent and pursue only the evil. If I followed a murderer down a dark alley where he stalked a young girl – if I saved her, then surely I wasn't so terrible."

It wasn't in an alleyway were I took down the most horrible of those human monsters. _No, Charles Evenson was the worst of your human victims,_ the monster mused smacking his lips thirstily. _He was by far the most depraved, _I agreed.

Bella looked thoughtful for a moment, and then shivered. I didn't want to inquire what thought had spawned such a response, partially because I was lost in the memories of the late Mr. Evenson's demise.

_The year was 1927 and Carlisle, Esme and I were approaching the end of our time in Ashland, Wisconsin. Fortunately, Carlisle and I had started our lives there as uncle and nephew, and when Esme joined our family they saw a resemblance between the two of us that made it easy to believe that I was her younger brother. She had quickly become a surrogate mother to me, with her gentle and kind demeanor, and the children she taught loved her dearly as well for many the same reasons. Both Esme and I understood the reasons for our needing to leave, but both of us were loathe to. Esme felt she had just begun her life; that she was finally free of Charles's influence, and I wanted nothing more than her happiness._

_Carlisle and I had had many rather heated debates regarding the matter. He was becoming far too well-known by the locals and there were whispers beginning about his youthful features. Esme hadn't been there as long, but Carlisle was afraid that we weren't far enough away from Charles's reach. A concern that I shared, but believed that the useless bastard had given up, probably with another innocent victim. However, I saw the joy in Esme's eyes when she spoke of her students and couldn't bear asking her to give them up. I didn't understand how Carlisle could ask her to give them up._

_One night, when our angry words still hung heavy in the air, Carlisle and Esme were talking quietly in their bedroom on the other side of the house. I was reading one of Carlisle's early journals – well, translating it from his coded Latin – and their thoughts came uninvited to my mind. I wasn't to the point with my gift that I could completely control what thoughts I heard and what I could tune out to the internal static that I could ignore._

_Their thoughts began innocently enough. Carlisle worrying that he should have moved right after changing Esme; Esme focused on the murder mystery program on the radio while sitting on their bed hemming a pair of my pants. Before long, though, Carlisle had joined her on the bed and the pants had been forgotten. Carlisle's thoughts became sexual at the same moment Esme's giggle echoed through the house. Her thoughts focused on his lips, the way they felt on her highly sensitive alabaster skin._

_I didn't yet know how to block out their thoughts, and seeing the woman I'd come to think of as my mother-figure naked in Carlisle's thoughts was not something I wanted to experience. I clutched the sides of my head, fingers tangling in my hair that she loved to play with, willing the thoughts and images to stop._

"_Aaargh!" I groaned jumping up from my chair, the journal clattering to the floor._

_The effect on my parents' thoughts was immediate. They pulled apart, all amorous actions forgotten. Esme sighed, her thoughts returning to the hem of my brown pants. I heard the bed springs squeak as Carlisle's thoughts returned to his medical journals. And just like that, their thoughts were merely whispers in the back of my mind, easy to ignore._

_Compelled to apologize, I picked the journal from the floor and placed the red silk ribbon between the pages. I moved nearly silently through the small house, but both Carlisle and Esme called me in a moment before my knuckles actually met the wood of their door._

"_Come in," they both called._

**** to be continued ****


	17. Chapter 17, Carlisle, Part 3

From Part 2

_Compelled to apologize, I picked the journal from the floor and placed the red silk ribbon between the pages. I moved nearly silently through the small house, but both Carlisle and Esme called me in a moment before my knuckles actually met the wood of their door._

"_Come in," they both called._

Chapter 17 – Carlisle – Part 3

_I opened the door and entered the room in one fluid motion. Carlisle looked up from his journal and when he caught my expression, his thoughts became guarded. Esme's thoughts were both concerned and slightly embarrassed. I simultaneously processed their thoughts and chose my words very carefully._

_ "Esme," I looked to the woman I had begun to consider my mother, "Carlisle," and I inclined my head towards my new father. "I want to apologize for . . . interrupting . . . again. We've spoken of this many times, and I know you say it isn't an imposition," Esme opened her mouth to protest and I shook my head, "but it is. It is time for me to leave." Esme's lips had already parted to begin her protest, but when my words met her ears her mouth formed a shocked "o."_

"_Edward, no," she managed, as her face fell. Dropping her sewing on the bed, she was in front of me in an instant. "You're my son," her voice cracked with the emotion her thoughts betrayed. Her baby, dead in her arms. Her husband's face haunting her human nightmares. Her fears that had the baby lived, he would have grown to emulate his father._

_All those thoughts and emotions swirled in her mind. The power of her loss and the thought of now losing me was enough to make me gasp. "Esme . . . Mom . . . I cannot, in good conscience, stay here with the two of you." I spoke softly, only to her, but I knew that Carlisle could hear me as well. "You've heard our arguments; I've outgrown this life. Human blood has to make us stronger than animals – why else would we be drawn to them! I don't believe for a second that human blood won't make me stronger, faster. I need to see for myself."_

_I turned to Carlisle, as Esme's anguish began to overwhelm her. "Carlisle . . . I want to thank you, again, for saving me, for helping me in the aftermath. But, I can't do this anymore. I'm a burden to you, the two of you, now. I'm in the way of your happiness." I said, looking from him back to Esme whose small shoulders were racked with tearless sobs._

_Carlisle moved from his desk to Esme's side, wrapping his arms around her as she turned and buried her face in his chest. "As I have said numerous times, Edward, you are no burden to either of us." I wanted to argue, but I didn't have it in me to fight again when Esme was already so upset. Carlisle's thoughts turned hard, as he correctly guessed the direction of his wife's thoughts._

When Charles found the family who'd hidden Esme before, he tortured them, Edward. I've not seen her this upset since we found out about it, _Carlisle __thought directly at me. The hard edge to his words leading me to understand he __had expected me to come to this conclusion eventually. Out loud, he said, "And I still maintain my argument that the killing of humans is wrong, Edward, even those who are monstrous in their actions. The taking of a human's life _will_ weigh heavily on you, Edward, no matter the human's disposition."_

_Esme released the handful of his shirt she'd been clutching and regarded me with red-rimmed eyes. We could no longer cry, but our eyes sometimes betrayed our desire to. "Edward, whatever you decide today . . ." she choked on her words, "you will always have a home with us. Always."_

_She spoke as though the decision wasn't already made._

"_Always," Carlisle echoed._

"_I love you, son," Esme said as she turned her face back into Carlisle's chest._

"_And I you, Mother, Father," I said to both of them as I turned on my heel to gather a few things from my room._

_I tried desperately not to hear, think or even allow myself to feel as I collected the few times I planned to take with me. My case had served as a sometimes footstool since we'd been here, but for the most part it had only been used to store my journals and scraps of sheet music that I had begun doodling notes on in recent years. I picked it up from its spot at the foot of my bed and moved with exaggerated slowness to set it down on the bed. I looked around the room and committed its every nook and cranny to my already photo-perfect memory of the space. Then, in a flurry of activity, I packed a few clothes on top of the journals and folded some loose bills into some socks that I stuffed into my favorite pair of shoes on top of it all. The bag's latch strained to meet in the middle, but close it did after a struggle it was doomed to lose._

As I relived these memories, Bella took in the room around her. My vampire brain processed the memories so quickly that Bella didn't notice my quiet reflection.

_With a final glance around the room and a small sigh, I lifted the bag and started for the door. I hesitated a few feet before I reached it, and considered going back for a final goodbye, but I knew it would make it harder for Esme to let me go. As it was, I could hear the anguished, tearless, sobs and Carlisle's concern that if he let go of her, she'd try to chase after me. He wasn't angry, or hurt, or even surprised; but he was concerned about what my leaving would do to Esme's state of mind. Her grief over her baby had driven her to jump from a cliff . . . my leaving was sure to make her relive some of those painful emotions._

_My feet felt leaden as I took the last few steps toward the door to my freedom, and the weight of Esme's thoughts almost brought me to my knees. She was remembering the day she realized she was pregnant. Her initial reaction had been sheer joy, but that emotion was quickly over-shadowed by the horror that this child was _his_. Having his baby would give Charles even more power over her, and she had been terrified of what he would do to the child._

_I staggered another step and my hand finally touched the doorknob. As if she knew I was considering turning around, if only to comfort her, her thoughts exploded in a miasma of Charles's abuse. The bruises she had to hide. The times she had had to set her arm herself so no one would suspect. His repenting and promising to never do it again . . . followed quickly by the back of his hand. The one time he'd "accidentally" blacked her right eye._

_All this flooded through Esme's thoughts and solidified my idea that what I was doing was the right decision; for wasn't ridding the world of such scum a noble act? And with that thought, I had selected the man who would be my first victim. Charles Evenson. He would rue the day he had ever mistreated my mother._

_It was with that thought that I finally had the strength to leave my home, the only family I had had in this, my second life, and the vegetarian way of life._

_I found him sixty-eight miles outside of Columbus, Ohio on an airfield in Riverside. The United States Army Air Corps and Air Forces airfield was in turmoil as new buildings were being constructed and their contents shuffled from one location to another. It wasn't hard to find him in the minds of his subordinates, as they all seemed to think of him in the same unflattering ways: domineering, belligerent, and power-hungry._

_With all the uproar it wasn't hard to sneak over the surrounding fence and find my way to the administrative office wing. At this time of night, there were only a few lights burning down the various corridors and I was careful to avoid the pools they created. Listening to the minds of the few officers and pages awake at this hour, I was able to glean the location of one Lieutenant Colonel Charles Evenson's office._

_I stood at the door, hesitating for only a moment, before I broke the simple handle lock with a twist of my wrist. The pop was too quiet for the ears of even the nearest human to catch, and then I was inside._

_I didn't know when the Lt Col would return to his office, but the three half-empty boxes lead me to believe he was either packing to move or unpacking and would return at a reasonable time in the morning. I decided to familiarize myself with the contents of his files, as I waited for the wife-beater to return. I mused about the various ways I could torture him as I read through the court martials he had been a part of. In every instance, Evenson had been in favor of the highest punishment allotted for the crime committed. His superiors often had to talk him down to more reasonable terms._

_A picture of the man that had become the epitomy of evil was forming in my mind. An arrogant man who expected everyone under him to obey a certain set of rules, even when he seemed to want to circumvent them every chance he got. He believed he was above not only the law, but the rules that he so religiously enforced, as was evident in his treatment of Esme._

_After I had read all the files on his desk, I started rifling through the contents of the rather ostentatious desk. There was nothing of consequence, until I found the false bottom of the last drawer. In it I found a long-barreled Parabellum M17 and a bottle of Glenfiddich Single Malt Scotch. The gun smelled of oil, like it had been cleaned recently, and the Scotch smelled of apples, oak, and cinnamon._

_I was admiring both items when I became aware of the press of a cacophony of thoughts pushing against my consciousness. Several officers, pages, and secretaries had begun to arrive and the day's business was about to begin. I silently placed the items back in their hideaway in the drawer, thinking one of them might help make the abuser feel some of the fear he had instilled in others._

" _. . . wonder how many leers I'll have to dodge when _that_ one arrives" thought a secretary as her heels clicked on the tile outside Evenson's door, "Marge warned me about him. I wonder what happened between them. I bet Sally at the switchboard knows, she seems to know everything that goes on here. I'll have to remember to ask her . . ."_

_The scent of her blood was evident even through the closed door, and even though my throat burned at the thought I knew she was not to be my prey. Gossiping wasn't the same as attempted murder._

_Once I could no longer hear her modest heels on the tiled hallway floor, I moved into position behind the door. When Everson arrived, he would see nothing out of place, until he turned to sit as his desk._

_At first, I busied myself with imagining the various ways I would hurt this man, until my hands shook with rage. To calm myself, I began counting the breaths I didn't need to take. To be without my sense of smell would be an uncomfortable distraction._

_By the time I had counted three thousand four hundred and seventy-two unneeded breaths, I felt the thoughts of a new mind pressing against mine. The breaths I had been counting, I now held – not in fear, but for stealth. I didn't want to alert him to my presence with even a whisper of a breath. The noises from his mind seemed mundane, almost innocent and I began to suspect that the mind I was listening to wasn't that of the one I sought._

"_Evenson!" A gruff voice barked from the office on the corner, as the footsteps bringing the new mind toward me grew closer. The surprise at the sound of his superior's voice was clear in the way his thoughts came to a screeching halt._

Bastard_, thought Evenson as he greeted the general with the utmost respect. However, the thoughts and memories that bubbled to the surface were anything but._

I hoped the years had changed you, Charles, _I thought with a sneer as the Lieutenant Colonel reflected on the various nefarious things he'd done in order to climb as high through the ranks as he had._

_Charles and the General exchanged pleasantries for a few more minutes and the former's thoughts drifted along in a strange, non-linear way. The __majority of the humans whose minds I had encountered were quite linear in nature. Charles, however; seemed to obsess over small details that had no relation to the events currently happening. At first, his thoughts followed a certain line; he imagined inflections of tone where there were none and slights more imagined than real. Then, he would remember something from his childhood – this time licking the chocolate off his fingers from freshly-baked chocolate chip cookies – before returning to his obsessive scrutinization of the General's voice. There were a few flickers of Esme's face in his thoughts, as well as another brunette. Any time he imagined a discourtesy from the General, a vision of Esme or this other woman cowering in fear would come to mind, and his esteem would grow again. He was growing impatient with the tedium of the conversation as well._

Finally! _Charles thought as he disentangled himself from the General and resumed his descent down the hallway to his own office. His thoughts were a jumble of the tedium of the day's scheduled meetings as he turned the key. He was definitely distracted, because he didn't even notice the locking mechanism was broken._

_I tensed, ready to subdue the man I had been waiting for._

_Everything seemed to happen with extreme slowness as the door opened toward me. The half second it took for the door to swing open was nearly painful. His scent assaulted me before his back came completely into view. I was thirsty, very thirsty. Up until now, I had only seen Charles Evenson in Esme's blurry human memories, but the width of his shoulders seemed small compared to the imposing presence he'd had in Esme's mind._

_Charles's back was still to me as the door clicked shut behind him. He placed his briefcase down on the chair to the right of the door and slid his keys into his front slacks pocket. Then, with a sort of shrug, he flipped on the overhead light._

_It was then that I made my move. Without a sound, I sprang upon the slightly smaller man, locked the inside of my right elbow around his neck and squeezed. I had to be careful not to accidentally kill him. Even as weak as I felt, I could snap his neck without meaning to. I didn't want to end his life without seeing the fear in his eyes that he so relished seeing in others. For a moment, he struggled, and I pulled him further into the room so he couldn't kick at the door and alert anyone to his plight. His left hand clawed at my forearm but when he could get no purchase on my marble skin, he quickly gave up._

Who? Was she married? _Were the only discernible thoughts the Lt Col had before his precious blood stopped reaching his brain and he lost consciousness._

_I knew I didn't have long before he came to, so I went to work quickly. Still holding him in the crook of my elbow, but releasing a little of the pressure, I drug his limp body around his desk and rather unceremoniously dumped him into the chair behind it. With the deftness of the monster's speed, I removed my victim's tie and secured his wrists together behind the back of his chair. Then, I removed his belt and tied his ankles together and to the vertical pole under the seat of the chair. _

_Seven seconds later, Charles made a small clicking sound in the back of __his throat. I realized then that I had no plan put in place to keep him quiet. Before he could come completely around, I looked for something I could use as a gag. I was sure the Lt Col kept an extra shirt in his office somewhere, and my eyes lit upon the metal cabinet in the far corner. The small padlock squeaked quietly as I crushed it. Once the cabinet was open, I had my choice of three officer's shirts and an extra pair of slacks. Folded on the floor of the cabinet were three white cotton undershirts which would do nicely._

_I took two of the undershirts from the cabinet and as I moved past the office door, I worried about someone barging in since I had effectively destroyed the lock when I entered. Charles had been so absorbed in his own thoughts, that he hadn't noticed when he'd inserted his key, but he hadn't tried the door first, either. There was a small bookcase under the light switch which I slid under the doorknob to hold the door closed. I switched the light back off, hoping that anyone looking for him would assume he was in meetings and not press the issue. I moved back in front of him and began to tear his undershirts into strips. I knotted several strips around one long strip, making a large knot in the middle that I shoved into Charles's mouth over his tongue and then secured the gag tightly behind his head._

_The clicking from his throat came again, and this time his eyelids began to flutter open. For a moment, his eyes were unfocused and then, as he began to fully come to, he remembered what had transpired. His eyes widened, his throat worked, but he made no move to struggle. His thoughts were slow to reconcile what he remembered happening with what he saw before him._

A kid. A well-dressed, snot-nosed kid, _he thought, feeling smug. _Got the upper hand because he caught me by surprise_. Then he became aware of the fact that his hands and feet were bound and that a hard knot of fabric was wedged expertly in his mouth. However, he refused to believe that he was in any danger from me; choosing instead to believe I was some new recruit with something to prove to my peers._

"_Lieutenant Colonel Charles Evenson, I presume," I whispered, fingering the name placard on his desk. He made another noise in the back of his throat, this time gagging a little. "Oh, it's no use trying to deny it, Charles, I know it's you." I said, tapping one finger against my temple. Charles's eyes darted to the door, and what he saw from the corner of his eye must have warranted a better look, because he slowly turned his head to get a better view. "No, no one will be disturbing us," I explained._

_An image of the General's stern face flickered in Charles's mind and, not wanting to show all of my cards in the first minute, I chose not to address this thought. His eyes wandered back to me and his eyebrows rose in a questioning manner. "Ooo ahh ooo?" he managed around the ball of cloth._

"_Who am I?" I whispered back, and he nodded. "Why Charles, who I am is unimportant. It's what I am that should concern you."_

_Charles shook his head, not understanding._

"_That's not important just now," I said, changing tact, "what is __important is who I know and what you did to her; that haunts her even in her new, less fragile, life."_

_Charles blinked slowly, tried to swallow again, and his mind filled with images of women – all cowering from him – searching for one with my unique shade of bronze hair, or with the same shaped face. The number of different faces that flashed in his mind was staggering. Esme's face was a late feature, and accompanied a feeling of anger that he didn't get to choke the life from her body himself._

_My horror at the number of women was only overshadowed by my anger at his murderous intentions toward my mother, and my right fist struck him in the stomach with lightning speed. There was whump as my fist made contact, and Charles groaned softly._

_Once Charles regained his composure, I ripped open his shirt – the buttons skittered somewhere across the room – and demanded in the loudest voice I dared use, "Do you think that will bruise, Charles? Probably! But, it doesn't matter, Charles, because it's where no one will see it!" I hissed, poking him the sternum to emphasize my point as I echoed one of the things Esme has remembered Charles saying after a particularly brutal beating. "Do you remember saying that to Esme, Charles?"_

_His eyes widened and looked at me with disbelief. He shook his head repeatedly, trying to reconcile his memories of Esme's family – not including a brother – with the kid he saw before him. He had only heard of Esme's death, not the circumstances behind it, and once again the regret that he hadn't been the one to snuff the fire within his "entitled skirt" crossed his mind._

_His thoughts enraged me, and the precarious handle I had on my self-control snapped. I punched him in the stomach again and then broke his nose. The force of my punch to his face snapped his head back with such force that he blacked out again. His head lolled backward on his shoulders, and with his thoughts quieted, I was able to regain control over myself. My thirst was making it hard to keep my emotions in check._

_I paced the office while Charles was unconscious. I listen in on the thoughts of those in the vicinity and their conversations. No one seemed to be missing the Lieutenant Colonel. In fact, a couple people seemed a bit relieved that he hadn't shown. The assumption was made by one mind's voice that he was still moving his office, and since everything was in such a state of upheaval, no one seemed willing to go in search of him._

_Content that we would be alone for at least a while longer, I resolved to try and rouse my captive. The only thing I thought might be strong-smelling enough to wake him was the Glenfiddich in the false bottom of the drawer I had discovered earlier. I wasn't sure if it was strong enough to use as a smelling salt, but I decided to try. I opened the bottle directly under his nose, and was rewarded with a low groan. His head was still chin up and he shook it slowly from side to side before he returned it to its original position._

_He jerked once against the bonds around his wrists as if he had forgotten he was bound and wanted to put his hands to his broken nose. Although his nose had made a satisfying crunch under my fist, and despite already beginning to swell, he looked remarkably undamaged. I had hoped to actually leave a mark with that particular attack._

_I contemplated these things, and what I was going to do next, while I capped the scotch and watched the Lieutenant Colonel come back around._

_For a moment he seemed cross-eyed, and I realized he was trying to look at his damaged nose._

"_My, you are a vain one, aren't you?" I chuckled mirthlessly._

I had remembered all of this in the few seconds it had taken us to walk the length of the short hallway to my room.

Out loud, I said, "But as time went on, I began to see the monster in my eyes. I couldn't escape the debt of so much human life taken, no matter how justified. And I went back to Carlisle and Esme. They welcomed me back like the prodigal. It was more than I deserved."

I squeezed Bella's hand slightly as we came to a stop in front of my door.

"My room," I said, quietly trying to hide my nervousness, and turned the knob and pulled her into the room behind me.

As I gave Bella a few moments to look around and take in the room, my mind drifted back to Charles . . .

_He grunted in response to my question._

_He looked at the bottle of Glenfiddich on his desk, and then back at me._

_His thoughts were full of questions: who I was, what I had to do with Esme, what I wanted from him. He started grunting against the gag in his mouth, trying to articulate some of those questions, I supposed._

_I waved my hand at him dismissively. I didn't really care about his questions. I only wanted to inflict pain on the man who had caused so much pain wherever he went. I wanted to hurt him. The thought struck me hard. I had never been a violent person. In fact, it went completely against my nature – my human nature. The human part of me that I clung to was horrified that I wanted to watch bruises in the shape of my hands appear on his flesh._

_My anger surged again. "Remember when you broke her clavicle, Charles? When you broke her wrist? When you broke her jaw? All the times you left welts on her skin? These are the things I am going to do to you."_

_Even though I whispered, Charles's thoughts revealed that he had heard the conviction in my voice. He believed that I expected to cause him pain, but some part of him believed that he would both be able to best me in some way and that he would survive the encounter._

_I sneered at him. I stood directly in front of him, placed my hands on the armrests of the chair he was fettered to, and forced the human to look me in the eyes. "You will _not_ survive this, Charles, and if you believe otherwise . . . you're all wet." I hated most of the slang of the time, but it seemed appropriate here._

_Charles did not look away, I would give him that much credit. His nostrils flared not once, but twice. A slight sheen of sweat collected on his forehead, and once his pupils dilated, I knew that my point had finally struck home._

"_I can smell your fear," I whispered in his ear, raising gooseflesh on his neck._

_He struggled against his bonds, and I backhanded him hard. Not hard enough to draw blood – I knew I wouldn't be able to control myself if he bled now – but hard enough._

_We continued like this – his questioning thoughts, my threatening answers punctuated with a slap or a punch – until the light filtering down the long hallway had changed direction. I could tell that quitting time was approaching as the thoughts of those people around us changed to those of home-cooked meals, their favorite radio programs, and which talkie was on at the local theater._

_Several groups of people walked down the hallway to leave and each time I made sure Charles was in no shape to try and draw attention to his plight. With either another well-timed punch or choke-hold, I made sure he was unconscious as his co-workers left the building._

_Only one – the General he'd spoken to in the early morning – even gave the Lieutenant Colonel a second thought as he passed. The General's footsteps came to a stop a few steps past Charles's door as he considered checking the office he'd just passed. In the end, the General only cast an inquisitive glance over his shoulder, double-checking that the light hadn't been on in Charles's office. Assuming that no light meant the Lt. Col. had already left, he continued on his way out._

_When the very last person left the surrounding offices, and I allowed Charles to come to again, I began meticulously recreating the injuries he had given Esme – and apparently others – over the course of their relationship. I started with a quick jab to his right clavicle, smiling as the bone snapped clearly and Charles screamed into his gag. Once his screams had died to pitiful moans, I moved to adjust the bonds on his wrists and inadvertently wrenched his right shoulder completely out of the socket. The subtle pop startled both of us, and Charles writhed in agony._

_By then, Charles was holding nothing back. He struggled rigorously against his bonds, screaming loudly into his gag, all the while cursing Esme in his thoughts for bringing this demon upon him._

"_Oh, Charles," I taunted, "Esme didn't bring this doom upon you. Nor did Helen, Ethel, Ruth, or Lillian. You brought this on yourself." I punctuated __each word of my last sentence by poking the skin above his broken clavicle._

_His eyes widened as a wet spot spread across the seat of his sweat-stained pants, and the scent of piss filled my nostrils. I looked down at his lap and shook my head disapprovingly, tutting in the back of my throat._

_I had completely given myself over to the monster that was in the room with me._

_I pushed the heel of my hand into the depression left by his dislocated shoulder and stated again, "This is all your fault, Charles. All yours, bimbo." I slid my hand down the length of his arm to grab his wrist – my touch light – and he shivered when my ice-cold skin touched his. I had barely registered his movement as I quickly yanked his hand up toward his shoulder._

_The snap of both his radius and ulna, followed by the snick of his scaphoid bone, seemed extremely loud in the now quiet building. Charles's eyes rolled backward in his head, and he passed out._

Bella looked at the south facing wall-sized window, and into the forest outside. Even she could make out the Sol Duc River from here. Her eyes traveled from the river to the mountains peeking above the trees, to the wall filled with shelves of CDs. Bella gasped almost silently as she must have realized the number of CDs she was looking at. From the CDs, her eyes moved to the corner and my sound system. Her eyes widened slowly as she took in the huge piece of equipment. She looked from the black leather sofa to thick golden carpet beneath her feet, and then to the heavy fabric hanging from the curtain rod.

"Good acoustics?" She asked, her eyes still lingering on the curtains.

I chuckled and nodded in the affirmative. Moving with the slowness of a human, I picked up the remote and turned the behemoth stereo on. The gentle sounds of Boney James's "Seduction" began to fill the room, as Bella walked to the shelves and began perusing the CDs she saw there. I chuckled a bit at the irony of the song, but Bella clearly didn't know it.

She trailed a finger along the edge of the shelf. "How do you have these organized?" she asked.

Absently, my mind still in 1927, I answered, "Ummm, by year, and then by personal preference within that frame."

_I took the opportunity given to me, and quickly untied his gag. I used the relatively clean ashtray on his desk as a bowl, poured the scotch into it, and allowed the make-shift gag to soak up as much fluid as it could hold. The golden-brown liquid smelled less astringent than the bootlegged hooch that had been passed around the nearly empty train car I had hitched a ride on to get here, but the scent was just as unappealing._

_In less than thirteen seconds, I had the gag secured again, perhaps fractionally tighter than before. The Lieutenant Colonel's throat worked slowly sixty-seven seconds later, as the moisture from the gag slid down his throat. A moment later, he was sucking it down with genuine thirst._

"_I realized when you wet yourself, Charles, that I have been neglecting your needs – your basic human needs." I still spoke marginally above a whisper, for what reason I don't really know._

_His thoughts caught my slight inflection on the word 'human' and then he began to reflect on the quickness of my movements, the blackness of my eyes, and the coldness of my skin despite the warm room. He also made a mental note of the fact that I had not left his side all day, for the bathroom._

"_Waaa aaa ooo?" he turned to scream at me._

_The fact that I shook my head and refused to answer enraged him, and he pulled hard against his wrist and ankle bonds, making pain flare up from his broken bones. His chair rolled a few measly inches and then stopped._

_His eyes widened and his breath started coming in short gasps. He began to hatch a plan._

_I smiled. "Oh, you can try that . . . but you'll just knock yourself out against my forehead, Charles." I tutted again. "Really. I had thought you were quite the bright individual." I shook my head, and his eyes followed the slight movement. "I'm a vampire, Charles. I torture you because you tortured so many others; including the "entitled skirt" Esme. My soul maybe as black as yours because of what I am, but surely ridding the world of the likes of you is some kind of justice."_

_He shook his head, his thoughts full of equal parts defiance and fear._

"_Finally," I sighed, "you've begun to understand your situation." _

_He didn't believe that I was a vampire, but that was inconsequential. He'd realize soon enough that what I said was true. _

_We stared each other down for a long time, and before I started to second-guess what I was doing here, I began to speak. I told him about my parents, my real parents, and about watching them die. I told him about Carlisle and what he did for me. I told him about Esme. About how Carlisle had treated her when she was a teenager, and how he'd found her after the child she'd hidden from Charles had died in her arms. _

_His shock that she'd managed to hide that information from him, even after he'd tortured her cousin's family into telling him that she had run away to Ashland, was almost palpable. He thrashed in anger as I told him Esme's hazy memories of the child's birth, and then of the child's death a mere two days later._

_His anger only fueled my own and I lashed out with my fists. I hit him repeatedly in the torso, breaking a few of his ribs, and perhaps his sternum. Then, in keeping with my promise, I broke his jaw. His lip broke open in the process, and the scent of his blood was my undoing._

_I had the presence of mind to untie him before I sunk my razor-sharp teeth into his neck, but there were no other thoughts as I sated the thirst that had been building in every cell of my body since I left Carlisle and Esme in Wisconsin. _

_His blood hit my throat and the taste was . . . indescribable. I had yet to taste human blood, and when his hot life's blood hit my tongue, I vowed to never drink from an animal again. _

_I could feel my strength returning, only this time I knew I would be stronger, faster, and more of a monster. His blood was bitter, and as I drained the last drop, I realized what I was going to do. I was going to hunt humans. The argument I had repeatedly had with Carlisle came to mind as I dropped Charles's lifeless body to the floor. I could do this. I could hunt humans, but only the ones whose thoughts revealed to me that they had committed heinous acts, like Charles had._

_Quickly I removed all signs that Charles had been held captive in his office, stuffing the gag in the pocket of my slacks. I would dispose of it at my first opportunity, but not here. I left the Glennfiddich and the Parabellum in the center of his desk knowing that, in this time of Prohibition, having the Scotch would probably be more controversial than the ownership of a German Luger, but both would paint the Lieutenant Colonel in a strikingly different light than most saw him in now._

_I tossed Charles over my shoulder, removed the bookshelf from under the doorknob, and exited the building. I didn't have a plan in place for discarding Charles's body, until I reached the air field. The ruts made by planes and vehicles were several inches deep in places; perfect ankle-twisters for a drunk officer who was staggering in the wrong direction while trying to remember where he parked his car. Rather unceremoniously, I dumped his body in amongst the ruts and headed out of the state._

_I felt powerful, like the world was mine to do with as I pleased. I had never felt that under Carlisle's tutelage. By the time I reached Michigan, I was convinced that I had been right, and Carlisle had been holding me back. I ran faster than ever, my mind-reading was clearer and more focused. My legs pumped with a power I had never felt before. _

_I had a mission, now, a purpose. And I set out to fulfill them in the slums of Detroit._

It was then that I realized something. I realized that I had just divulged my family's history – warts and all, as the saying went – and Bella was still here. Warm, inviting, and curious about my music collection. I was more than relieved, I was glad.

Just then, she turned to me, and looked me in the eyes.

"What?" she asked, her eyebrows slightly raised, curiosity written all over her beautiful face.

I had no way of knowing what she saw in my face, but I saw her more clearly now. I saw her humanity, and knew that I could never let her go. To her, I said, "I was prepared to feel . . . relieved. Having you know about everything, not needing to keep secrets from you. But I didn't expect to feel more than that. I _like_ it. It makes me . . . happy." I shrugged, hoping it would make the admission seem less awkward, and felt my lips turn up in a small smile.

"I'm glad," she stated simply, smiling her widest smile.

But, some part of me, maybe what was left of the monsters' blood in my tissue, couldn't stay happy for long. I was certain that there would come a time when something, maybe even something trivial, would make her turn away from me . . . and I would have to accept that. I felt the smile fade from my lips as my spirits – those that had been soaring above the treetops mere moments ago – come crashing violently back to earth.

"You're still waiting for the running and the screaming, aren't you?" Bella's face was concerned. I guessed that she wanted to comfort me. Me? The monster standing before her . . . she wanted to comfort _me_?

The thought made me smile somewhat sadly, and I nodded. I couldn't find the words to express what I was feeling in that moment.

Something in Bella's expression changed, as if she'd had an idea. "I hate to burst your bubble, but you're really not as scary and you think you are. I don't find you scary at all, actually," she teased. At least, I think she was teasing me, not out-right lying to me.

I had started to move toward her, to what end I don't know, but I stopped in my tracks. I raised my eyebrows at her, in playful disbelief, and decided then and there to act on my joy and flashed her a wide, mischievous grin.

"You _really_ shouldn't have said that," I laughed darkly, teasing her back. I let loose a feral growl, but not enough of one to be threatening – it was almost a loud purr – and curled my lips back in a mock snarl. In an instant, I was halfway crouching, ready to pounce.

Her heart thumped wildly in her chest, but she showed no other signs of fear as she backed away from me with the strangest expression on her face. Was she _glaring_ at me? If she was, it only egged me on.

"You wouldn't," she challenged, but the threat that she presented was miniscule.

I quickly gauged the amount of force I would need to grab her, and land gently on the couch behind her, and leapt. We crashed onto the couch and it pivoted slightly, the top of it hitting the wall loudly. I had her comfortably nestled in my arms when we fell, careful not to jostle or hurt her in my playfulness.

She was gasping, hopefully from shock not fear, as she struggled to right herself. Instead of letting her get away, I held her closer. She looked up at me, cautiously, and met my gaze. I was grinning stupidly as her chocolate eyes met mine.

Letting loose another small growl, from behind my smile, I asked her playfully, "You were saying?"

Bella swallowed, perhaps trying to get her rebellious heart under control, and replied, "That you are a very, very terrifying monster." I _think_ she was trying for sarcasm, but it was lost a bit as she tried to catch her breath.

"Much better," I laughed.

She struggled a bit against my chest. "Um," she said wiggling again, "Can I get up now?"

I had heard Alice pacing already, and knew she was pestering Jasper to let her come and greet the girl she _knew_ was going to be her new best friend – her first friend outside of our little family – and tried to signal her as best I could mentally that she could come in now. I laughed at Bella's attempts to get free of my arms, as I heard Alice and Jasper blurring down the hallway to my doorway.

Jasper must have stopped her before she could come bursting through the door, as was her custom, because she didn't come barging in. "Can we come in?" Alice's musical voice called from the other side of the door.

Bella struggled against me, again, and I thought perhaps she didn't want to be found by my sister and brother cradled in my arms. So, instead of letting her go completely, I shifted her to a more socially acceptable position on my lap. Alice's patience was at its limit by then, and she opened the door with her usual flourish. Bella blushed deeply as Alice and Jasper entered my room.

"Go ahead," I laughed at my sister, knowing full well that she had seen all of this already and was bursting to get to know Bella more intimately.

Alice moved with her usual dancer's grace to the center of the room, and plopped herself Indian-style on to the floor there. Jasper wondered silently if my threat about not getting too close to Bella still held, and something unspoken passed between us, and he remained in the doorway. He seemed genuinely shocked at what he saw inside my room; Bella on my lap and my large smile surprised him on many levels. He could feel my soaring joy – which was a completely new experience for him – and he clearly didn't know how to process it.

Unflustered by anything she saw, as usual, the little pixie piped up from the floor. "It sounded like you were having Bella for lunch, and we came to see if you would share," she quipped.

Bella stiffened against me. She looked cautiously from Alice, to Jasper, to me, and once her gaze landed on my still-smiling face, she visibly relaxed – apparently she wasn't sure if we were joking or not.

The thought made me smile wider. "Sorry, I don't believe I have enough to spare."

I nodded slightly to Jasper, who wanted only to bask in my happiness, and he entered my room as well. "Actually," he said smiling his goofy crooked grin, "Alice says there's going to be a real storm tonight, and Emmett wants to play ball. Are you game?"

Bella looked from Alice, to Jasper, back to me, and then landed on Alice again. She seemed puzzled about something, that small crease appearing between her eyebrows again.

I started to answer, my enthusiasm probably evident on my face, and then I stopped. My lips were parted, ready to politely refuse, when Alice spoke up.

"Of course you should bring Bella," Alice chirped. Jasper's quick glance revealed to me that the addition of Bella to our game was news to even him. I felt a questioning thought from the Texan, but a mental shrug later, and it was gone.

_Alice knows what she's doing_, he thought. _The nomads she saw must not be coming for a few days yet. I wish she'd tell me, when she decides to change our plans. _With another mental shrug, Jasper's trust in his sometimes-wife's foresight was renewed.

I looked down at Bella. "Do you want to go?" I asked, hoping that I was keeping my excitement at the prospect in check.

Bella's expression told me that I clearly wasn't. "Sure," she said, "Um, where are we going?"

"We have to wait for thunder to play ball – you'll see why," I explained with a wink.

Bella looked again at the three vampires in the room. "Will I need an umbrella?" Her question was so unexpected, all of us laughed.

Jasper looked at Alice, "Will she?"

"No," came Alice's quick and decisive answer. "The storm will hit over town. It should be dry enough in the clearing."

Jasper face broke into a huge smile. "Good, then." His excitement was infectious, whether he intended it to be or not.

Alice stood in one quick motion, and headed to the door. "Let's go see if Carlisle will come."

"Like you don't know," Jasper teased playfully as they both left my room. Without being obvious about it, he pulled the door closed behind him.

Bella looked at me, the same crease still between her eyebrows. "What will we be playing?" she asked with a demanding lilt to her tone.

I touched the end of her nose. "_You_ will be watching," I explained. "We will be playing baseball."

She rolled her eyes! She actually rolled her eyes at me! "Vampires like baseball?" she asked incredulously.

Smiling again, I answered as though my pride was hurt, "It's the American pastime."

** end of chapter 17 **

A/N: You can find the video for Boney James's "Seduction" here: .com/watch?v=IobhierRqOc (It was released October 10, 1995 and the entire album broke all kinds of records for consecutive weeks on the Billboard Contemporary Jazz charts, among others. It was recommended by one of my Betas, and the irony of the title was not lost on either of us. ;) Enjoy!)

The actual lyrics can be found here: .com/lyric/boney-james/seduction-


	18. Chapter 18, The Game, Part 1

Chapter 18 – The Game – Part 1

We sat like that for a few more moments, her perched on my lap, my arms wrapped tightly around her, and I was surprised to find that I wasn't even thinking about her scent . . . of course, now that I'd had the thought, her scent became all I _could_ think about. The reaction I had to it wasn't the primal one I'd had that first day in Biology, because what I felt for Bella now went beyond predator and prey. Much further. I had found my other half, the part I never knew was missing but Esme thought I was somehow defective without it. I realized now that maybe I was.

A conversation from another floor whispered up the stairs. I knew Bella couldn't hear it, but as she was the subject, I felt I had to listen in. Besides, with this many vampires in the house, if you wanted privacy, you needed to head elsewhere.

_Jasper's drawl reached me first. "Darlin', why'd you extend an invitation to the girl? Those folks are in the area. We don't know what they want, or when they're comin', just that they end up visiting us three days from now. Did you see something new?"_

_ I could virtually hear Alice's eye-roll. "Jasper, don't be such a fusspot," she teased. "Her name is Bella." Each word of that sentence was punctuated with a tap, possibly she was tapping him on the nose, something she was wont to do to her mate. I realized with an internal chuckle that I'd just done the same to Bella. "They still don't make contact with us until then, as far as I can see, so their path hasn't changed. I've seen us in the clearing, playing ball with Bella" - tap - "and nothing bad happens."_

_ "Look, Alice, and look hard, he will never forgive us if something happens to her," Jasper stressed. _

_ I could hear and see the images as Alice went through them again, and they were the same ones she'd projected to me when she'd inserted herself into my room a few moments ago. _

_Emmett and Esme hunting. Emmett dropping the scruff of a grizzly bear he had been draining, at the sound of vampire footsteps behind him, and crouching in a defensive posture in front of Esme. Esme peaking around his massive shoulder, and starting to make introductions as Emmett relaxed. A woman with striking red hair, with eyes to match, stood on an outcropping of rock above them smiling a little girl's smile. Her name was Victoria, and she'd heard them talking, knew they were like her, but they smelled funny._

It was there that the images faded, and Alice and Jasper headed toward Esme's small office to ask the questions they already knew the answers to . . . would all of our family be attending the game? It looked as though the answer was 'yes.' Another image flickered through Alice's mind.

_A circle of seven vampires and one human in our clearing, playing a rather shocking – to the human – game of baseball strategically timed to coincide with the thunder from the storm swirling all around us. The rain wouldn't reach where we were until it was time to take Bella home._

I smiled to myself that Jasper had slipped into the protector role for Bella as well. It seemed Alice was right . . . again . . . that the acceptance of this human into our family would be a seamless one. As long as I didn't think about Rose, that is. I still worried about Jasper, feeling the double-whammy of his own desire for her blood mingling with the pull it had for me, but Alice would warn us if anything dangerous was coming.

Bella shifted a little in my lap, and suddenly her warmth was no longer comfortable . . . I felt as though I had a river from Hell itself pooling on my thighs. I stopped breathing, careful to slightly move my diaphragm every few seconds, and shifted Bella to the lush leather couch just to my left.

At some point, the CD had ended, and neither of us had noticed.

"Why baseball? And why during a storm?" Bella blurted.

I chuckled. "You'll see. It defies explanation any other way." _And if I told you, without being able to show you, I don't think you'd believe me_, I thought darkly. "You don't want me to ruin the surprise, do you?"

Suddenly, Bella looked uncomfortable. "The idea of attempting to play in front of your family is a little daunting, Edward." A small frown was starting to form on her lips, and I couldn't bear it if she became sad now.

"Oh, you won't be playing," I stressed, hoping I didn't sound like the control-freak boyfriend I felt like, "it would be too dangerous. You'll be watching." I winked at her, and hoped I'd calmed her worries, at least for the time-being. Not being able to hear her thoughts at times like these was more than frustrating.

The lines around her eyes and mouth faded fractionally, and she looked down at her hands. I could tell, from my quiet observance of her, that she was still concerned but trying to hide it. I touched her lightly on the back in an attempt to be reassuring, but the hitch in the rhythm of her heart at my touch was probably indicative of the act having the opposite effect.

I decided a change of tact was necessary.

"Do you want to see the grounds?" As soon as the words were out of my mouth, I regretted them. If she was feeling inadequate in the light of my family, as I suspected she was, showing her the lush grounds probably wouldn't help matters.

Her face brightened a little, but I think she was just glad to be moving again. Despite my late-night confessions that I did, in fact, find her attractive she seemed saddened by something. Did she _want_ me to attack her like a "normal" hormonal teenaged boy would, if left to his own devices, alone in a large house? I was out of my element in ways that I couldn't even _begin_ to understand, and resolved to speak with Alice at the first opportunity.

As we descended the stairs, the hush of the house was deafening to me. Rosalie and Emmett were gone, so that accounted for some of the silence, but it seemed as though everyone had decided that Bella and I needed our privacy. Even Alice and Jasper weren't within earshot, which must have been taken a gigantic amount of self-restraint from Alice as excited as she was to be "BFFs" - as she put it - with Bella. I had asked Jasper to keep his distance, but I hadn't expected Esme to leave as well.

Bella stumbled once on the very last stair and, without thinking, I was instantly by her side stabilizing her.

"You hold back a lot, don't you?" she asked, a blush rising to her cheeks either from her clumsiness or because of the question, I didn't know.

I didn't have to ask what she meant, and I remembered a conversation we'd had about the distinct possibility that I could hurt her without meaning to. I sighed, the melancholy threatening again.

"Yes, I do. It is important that we keep up the appearance of being human, but I am at home – where I don't have to hide – and you know what I am . . ." I trailed off and ran my hand through my hair, shrugging.

She accepted my answer with her usual silence, and I tried desperately not to question her perpetually.

I took her tiny hand in mine; I didn't have to remind myself that I was touching a bubble anymore, I noticed absently. I lead her past the piano and out the front door. We walked to the edge of the forest, and around behind the house. Bella looked up at the large glass wall that was the back of the house and her eyes widened.

Would I ever get tired of watching the nuances of her every expression?

_If you don't kill her_ the monster whispered, never letting me get too carried away.

I watched Bella as she moved, carefully, across the grass toward the river. Anticipating where she was headed, I used the monster's speed to arrive at the tree swing a moment before her.

She smirked up at me, and I winked in response. We shared a secret, now, one that no one else could know. I thought for a minute about Rosalie's concerns that Bella would disclose that very secret to everyone in Forks. If nothing else, in my obsessive observance of her after my return from Alaska, I had learned that she let everyone around her gossip, but she wasn't inclined to do the same. I was confident that our secret would be kept.

I held the swing still, and gestured for her to sit. The swing been here when we moved in, and Esme had been loathe to remove it, and often sat out here reading. The bench was large enough for two, and I sat down beside her.

"It really is beautiful here," Bella whispered.

"You mean, it isn't "too green"" I teased.

Another blush rose to her cheeks, and she attempted to elbow me probably only succeeding in giving herself a bruise.

We sat there in silence for several long minutes. I felt no need to drown out the sound of the rushing water with the sound of my voice, and neither did Bella.

When she began shifting in her seat – I imagined the wood wasn't comfortable for long – I offered to take her home. Hand-in-hand we walked back to her truck and I distinctly heard the sounds of one of Emmett's video games coming from within the house.

_Ah, you gave us privacy but stayed nearby . . . just in case._ I shook my head at the notion that any member of my family could believe that I would hurt Bella now. Now that she knew. And now that she hadn't run away.

The ride back to the Swan house was quiet. I didn't push her to tell me what she was thinking, even though I desperately wanted to. I tried asking if she had any questions about all I had told her, to no avail. As we got closer to her home, I worried that it had all been too much . . . that she was going into shock. I adjusted my hand in hers, in order to better feel her pulse, and found it strong and regular.

"Your silence is positively exasperating," I grumbled with a nervous laugh.

Bella smirked, "You know, the rest of us have to survive without your advantages."

It was then that, through the light drizzle that had started, I saw a strange car in the driveway behind the Chief's car. A small, black Ford, its paint job clearly having suffered prolonged exposure to the elements and I realized where I'd seen it before. Under my breath, but perhaps not quite low enough that Bella didn't hear, I swore.

I had to believe that Chief Swan would never believe his friend Billy, if the latter decided to break his vow of silence. I had to.

And yet, I couldn't deny the anger that was surging within me at the sight of the two bronze-skinned Quileutes at the Swan front door. The young one stood behind Billy Black's wheelchair, one of his shoulders getting wet because he'd made sure the wheelchair-bound Elder was dry before taking care of himself.

As I pulled Bella's truck tightly against the curb in front of the house, I was assailed by the Elder's thoughts. He had made the decision to betray his tribe's secrets to his life-long friend. The young one at least had the decency to feel embarrassed by his father's determination. He was surprised to see a man driving Bella's truck, and jealousy bloomed in his thoughts. Bella _had_ really done a number on the poor boy at the beach. Had I not been so annoyed with what Billy had planned, I might have found that amusing.

"This is crossing the line," I muttered, forgetting myself for a moment.

"He came to warn Charlie?" Bella's voice sounded irritated, and though it was slightly higher-pitched than usual I didn't hear the tell-tale sounds of panic.

My fury was building; all I managed was a nod of ascent in response. Billy was staring daggers in my direction, daggers that I returned in kind.

"Let me deal with this," Bella suggested, surprising me once again with her ability to cope with everything she had been told today. But, I couldn't hear her thoughts to know for certain just how _well_ she was coping. I was afraid to let her out of my sight for fear that she would start going into shock, but I couldn't stay here with _them_.

I hoped that at least one of them would understand the symptoms, and resigned myself to leaving. "That's probably best," I said through gritted teeth, "Be careful, though. The child has no idea."

Bella's eyes narrowed at the word "child" and she immediately jumped to the boy's defense. "Jacob is not that much younger than I am."

I couldn't help myself, seeing the indignant expression on her face made all the anger I'd been feeling toward the two Quileutes fade. "Oh, I know," I stated, my grin breaking through.

Something I had said, or done, made her sigh then. That tiny little exhale confused me. Before I had a chance to ask, though, Bella's hand was on the door handle and she was readying herself to dart out into the rain. I had to get out of there, preferably before the child began to suspect anything.

"Get them inside," I encouraged, "so I can leave. I'll be back around dusk."

"Do you want my truck?" Bella offered, clearly not thinking before she spoke.

I couldn't help but roll my eyes at the absurdity of her offer and I rolled my eyes. Chuckling, I told her, "I could _walk_ home faster than this truck moves." I expected her to immediately come to the defense of her beloved rust bucket but, as always, she surprised me.

"You don't have to leave," she almost whispered, clearly trying to hope the idea into fruition.

_Oh, Bella . . . how I wish I could stay. I don't trust them with you. I'm terrified that Charlie will find some small detail in the stories that he believes, latch on to it, and expose my entire family. But, I can't be here with them. Someone will die if I do._

In spite of my internal monologue, I smiled at her expression of hopefulness. "Actually, I do. After you get rid of them" - I glared at the Elder - "you still have to prepare Charlie to meet your new boyfriend." As the words fell from my lips, Bella squirmed uncomfortably, which made me grin like a maniac.

Seeing my grin, she groaned, and I almost laughed out loud.

"Thanks a lot," she grumbled.

I smiled at her, more suavely this time, "I'll be back soon." Some angry, possessive part of me looked out the side window and looked at the Blacks before diving in to plant a chaste kiss just under the edge of her jaw. I was rewarded with a head full of her intoxicating scent and the satisfying lurch of her heartbeat. She followed my glance to the two figures on the porch, and a blush rose to her cheeks. The Elder had clearly seen; his fingers clawed at the armrests of his chair.

"_Soon_," she stressed as she opened the door and stepped out into the rain. I doubted that she saw me nod in response as her focus had changed to the two men on her front step. I watched her carefully half-jog toward them, hoping she wouldn't slip.

I heard her greet both of them cheerily, "Hey, Billy. Hi, Jacob" as she stepped up onto the small porch. "Charlie's gone for the day – I hope you haven't been waiting long."

I heard the key scrape into the lock, as the Elder's thoughts finally turned from exposing my family to wondering when the Chief would be home.

"Not long," Billy replied in his gravelly voice, and he took mental stock of Bella's appearance. _She's pale, but she's always been pale. She's clearly nervous, but I don't think she's been turned. _"I just wanted to bring this up," he said, as I heard a paper bag crumple as he lifted it from his lap.

Bella's expression was hard to interpret through the raindrops on the window, but her mumbled "Thanks," was clearly confused. "Why don't you come in and dry off?"

By now the door was open, and Bella was waving the two Blacks into the house in front of her.

Jacob walked in first, and began flipping on the lights. Billy rolled in after him. "Here, let me take that," Bella said, taking the brown paper bag out of the Elder's lap. The smell reached me a moment later. Some sort of fish and deep-fried batter. I wrinkled my nose in disgust. Bella's eyes drifted back to me as she closed the door, her eyes wary.

As the latch clicked closed on the Swan front door, I was out of the truck and standing the other side of the door, listening.

"You'll want to put it in the fridge," Billy said, apparently discussing the fish in the bag. It's some of Harry Clearwater's homemade fish fry – Charlie's favorite. The fridge keeps it drier." I heard the rustle of fabric as he moved, but had no idea what the movement meant.

"Thanks," Bella said with much more feeling than before. "I was running out of new ways to fix fish, and he's bound to bring home more tonight." I could hear the slightly sarcastic tone in her voice, along with the tension, but I doubted either Black noticed it.

The younger's thoughts were bubbling over with curiosity about who had been driving the truck and what that meant his chances were with Bella. I wanted to laugh and tell him he had no chance, but I could also see the _sense_ that her having a human boyfriend would make.

Billy's voice distracted me from his son's thoughts, "Fishing again," he asked. "Down at the usual spot? Maybe I'll run by and see him."

I heard Bella's sharp intake of breath, and hoped she could lie better to them than she could to me. "No," she said almost too quickly, but the Elder's thoughts didn't portray any suspicion. "He was headed someplace new . . . but I have no idea where."

Through the Elder's thoughts, I could see the subtle changes come over Bella's expression. He observed a hardness there that hadn't been present when they had arrived, and resolved to confront her. _But not in front of the boy_, he thought to himself, _he still believes they are only stories._

"Jake," he called to his son who had moved into the living room, "Why don't you go get that new picture of Rebecca out of the car? I'll leave that for Charlie, too." _That ought to distract him long enough . . ._

Jake's footsteps began coming toward the front of the house. "Where is it?" He sounded downtrodden.

"I think I saw it in the trunk," Billy said dismissively, "You may have to dig for it."

I took off to the trees by the Chief's cruiser, before Jacob even reached the door.

Jacob looked angrily at Bella's truck as he came back out into the rain, falling harder now. He opened the driver's side door and bent down to pull the trunk release. Gravel crunched under his shoes as he walked to the back of the car and he opened the trunk, muttering under his breath about the rain.

Inside the house, the silence was growing. I heard Billy's wheels squeak on the linoleum, and assumed he was following Bella's footsteps into the kitchen. I heard the fridge open, and close again, and the rustle of bags and paper from the trunk of the small Ford.

The silence inside the house went on for another few moments, and the grumbling from the trunk of the Ford grew louder.

"Charlie won't be back for a long time," Bella was the first to break the silence. Her voice was harsh, hard. It was a tone I had never heard before, and hoped I'd never hear directed at me.

There was no response from Billy.

Jacob continued to grumble, now about how wet he was getting on his father's "damned goose chase."

Billy was thoughtful, but remained silent. He wanted to know exactly how much Bella knew, but didn't want to raise her suspicions if she was an innocent in the matter of werewolves and vampires.

"Thanks again for the fish fry," Bella stated, clearly trying to dismiss the Elder from her house.

Billy still said nothing.

Jacob had reached the other side of the trunk, and resolved to work his way through all the junk one more time before giving up. He knew that his father wanted to speak to Bella alone, but he didn't understand why he hadn't just said so. _Why not just say "I need to speak to Bella alone, Jake?" Why all the mystery? She's never going to believe your stories, anyway_, his thoughts were even grumbling.

From inside, I heard Bella sigh.

For almost a minute there was no sound either from the house, or the car.

Then, from inside, I heard Billy's voice. "Bella," he said sadly, but seemed unable to go on.

Bella said nothing.

Jacob continued to mumble to himself.

Billy said nothing.

I fought the urge to go tearing into the house to force the Elder to speak his mind. His thoughts were dissecting the treaty and making sure he hadn't missed any clauses about exposure, even though it was clear that he'd gone over it a million times. He was more concerned about the other tribal elders, and what they'd think if he exposed their secrets to someone outside of the tribe, but his concern for his best friend and his daughter outweighed that fear.

"Bella," he cleared his throat, "Charlie is one of my best friends."

"Yes," came Bella's curt response. Even with only one word, I could hear her exasperation and impatience.

Billy thought up a few sentences, disregarded them, and started over several times before he spoke again. "Maybe it's none of my business," he spoke slowly, carefully, trying to reveal nothing, "but I don't think that is such a good idea."

Bella took his pause as an invitation. "You're right," she snapped, "It _is_ none of your business."

To Billy this wasn't quite an admission of knowledge, but something in her face convinced him to continue on. "You probably don't know this, but the Cullen family has an unpleasant reputation on the reservation."

Bella made a small "ahh" sound. "Actually, I did know that," she responded, keeping the edge in her tone, and Billy's shock was palpable, "But that reputation couldn't be deserved, could it? Because the Cullens never set foot on the reservation, do they?"

Billy was completely surprised that Bella was so well-informed. He had figured us for a den of liars, that wouldn't have told her the entire story. He reevaluated his plan of attack. "That's true," he paused, trying to collect this thoughts again, "You seem . . . well informed about the Cullens. More informed than I expected." His confession surprised me.

Jacob let out a frustrated sigh, and decided to go through the box in the backseat as well, before returning inside empty-handed.

"Maybe even better informed than you are," Bella accused.

_Well, considering you've actually spoken to someone who was there at the original meeting, I would hope that you are_, I thought to myself, wishing she could hear me silently backing her up.

Billy was quiet for another heartbeat. "Maybe," and he was building up to something, "Is Charlie as well informed?"

And with that, I knew Bella's hard façade had cracked even before I saw the image of her face through Billy's eyes.

"Charlie likes the Cullens a lot," she said, but her voice had lost its edge and I could tell that Billy knew it.

Billy saw an opportunity, and took it. "It's not my business," he paused, "But it may be Charlie's."

"Though it would be my business, again, whether or not I think that it's Charlie's business, right?" Bella countered, and her stumbling word game gave the Elder pause.

The rain began to fall in earnest, now, and the sound of it was almost enough to drown out the rest of their conversation . . . but not the string of muttered oaths coming from the backseat of the small Ford.

"Yes," Billy sighed, resigned that he wasn't going to get anywhere with Charlie's headstrong daughter, "I guess that's your business, too." _If there was ever any doubt to her paternity . . . she's just as stubborn as Charlie_, Billy chuckled gravely to himself.

A clap of thunder drowned out what I thought was Bella sighing in relief. "Thanks, Billy," she acquiesced.

But Billy wasn't quite finished. "Just think about what you're doing, Bella," he cautioned.

_Your concern is noble, Chief Black, but as much information as I've given her recently . . . she's well-informed and, for some reason, not running away. _I admired him for wanting to protect Bella, wasn't that what I wanted as well? But I also wanted – no needed – her. The two desires were very hard to reconcile.

"Okay," Bella answered, clearly trying to end the discussion.

I hoped Billy would give up quickly, because his son was clearly reaching a point of exasperation that would send him stomping back into the house at any moment. Clearly, the child thought his father was nothing but a superstitious old man and wouldn't approve of his meddling.

"What I meant to say was, don't do what you're doing," Billy reiterated and, for once, Bella didn't have a rebuttal.

Nor would she get the chance. Jacob was heading back into the house, his frustration evident in his stride.

The front door opened and closed again, and Jacob's frustrated whine permeated whatever tension had been building in the kitchen. "There's no picture anywhere in that car."

"Hmm," was Billy's only response and his wheels squeaked on the linoleum again. "I guess I left it at home," he mused.

"Great," Jacob snapped.

"Well, Bella, tell Charlie," wheels rolled closer to the front door, "that we stopped by, I mean."

"I will."

An annoyed sigh escaped the boy, "Are we leaving already?" His thoughts circled around Bella, and their encounter at the beach. Her attempt at flirting had definitely reeled the poor boy in.

"Charlie's gonna be out late," Billy said with finality.

Convinced whatever danger had flickered across Bella's path had been diverted, I ran home.

The woods blurred past, and I didn't give anything but the upcoming game any thought. It had been a long while since we'd played. When Peter and Charlotte had visited I had been in the beginning throws of my "stalker-like obsession" - in Rose's terms - and they had chosen football, anyway. The note on the newel post had been brief, but I could still clearly imagine Emmett's joy at finally winning the sports coin-toss. I didn't understand the fascination with that sport; baseball is much more refined. Besides, I struggled with tackling the girls, even if they were indestructible. In previous baseball games, Charlotte had proven a better umpire than even Esme, not caring if Rosalie pouted or whined, and Peter had a wicked curve-ball that even Alice had a hard time predicting. I sighed at the thought of missing a chance to play with them, but was conversely ecstatic that I could share this fun with Bella.

But, first, I needed to check with Alice.

The little pixie met me in the garage.

"Edward, _please_, stop stressing over this. I'm watching them. The others _still_ don't interrupt our game tonight. Bella will be safe. We'll have so much fun. But, _only_ if you stop worrying!" Alice had a way of influencing your emotions almost as effectively as her sometimes husband, Jasper. Well, alright, maybe she isn't _that_ effective, but she had a tendency to infect you with whatever mood she was in with frightening accuracy. Infectious like the Measles.

Whatever retort I had unconsciously thought of was cut off by the rev of an engine to my left.

"Rose and Emmett are coming," Alice said, nodding toward the behemoth Jeep that our other sister was emerging from underneath. "All ready to go?"

Rose rolled her creeper out from underneath the Jeep, and didn't spare a look in my direction. It amused me to no end that she insisted on wearing heels while, dressed in her designer coveralls, she worked on any of our vehicles. Emmett jumped down from the lifted Jeep and took the creeper from her in order to hang it among the various other tools on the pegboard along the back wall of the garage.

Emmett looked cheerful, but yet he almost always did, so gauging Rose's mood by his demeanor was fruitless.

"Rose," I said quietly, almost afraid to incur her wrath if she was still angry with me.

"Edward," came the brusque reply.

"You know I'm bringing Bella, right?"

I heard something metal complain under her hand, and looked to Alice for encouragement. The only response was a quick shake of her inky head, and she was gone. From somewhere inside the house, I heard her tinkling laughter, and hoped it wasn't at my expense.

Rosalie turned to face me, and Emmett was quickly by her side, arm slung across her shoulders. Her face softened at the touch. "Edward, I know," she said with a sigh, "and Alice tells me that she won't get hurt so none of us will be anymore tempted than we are at school. I still have my doubts, but -"

"- we want you to be happy." Emmett finished for her, although by the dark look he received, I'm not sure that was _exactly_ what Rose had planned to say.

And, with that, they left the garage as well. I looked over at the counter where I'd heard the squeal of metal, and saw that the victim of Rose's temper had been the tire iron for Carlisle's Mercedes. I decided to tuck it under the work bench, out of sight, to save her the embarrassment of being confronted by either of our parents and resolved to replace it at the first opportunity.

_After all, my actions are the reason for her anger._

** _to be continued **_

Bench swing: .com/imgres?hl=en&client=firefox-a&hs=65B&sa=X&rls=:en-US:official&biw=1366&bih=637&tbm=isch&tbnid=D1LWBO3HTDV5pM:&imgrefurl=.com/&docid=1MIo6S1V280LsM&imgurl=.com/image_manager/attributes/image/image_19/1097816906_&w=500&h=377&ei=e4VfT5XrHMWCgAeU0piZCA&zoom=1&iact=hc&vpx=1037&vpy=262&dur=889&hovh=141&hovw=206&tx=152&ty=101&sig=109438836823410564435&page=1&tbnh=141&tbnw=206&start=0&ndsp=12&ved=1t:429,r:5,s:0

A/N: Sorry for the delay in posting. I've not said this before, but I suffer from depression . . . and it's been very bad lately. I'm in intense therapy as well as taking medication, which we have been changing around as of late, and when I can't force myself to care about my life it's very hard to try and write. I'm ok. I think. Just trying to claw my way back up to see the sun.


	19. Chapter 18, The Game, Part 2

Chapter 18 – The Game – Part 2 (Final)

After placing the mangled tire iron out of sight, I darted to my room to find my baseball gear. Alice made sure we were even stylish when playing ball. Our uniforms usually varied due to our own personal style, she allowed us that much, and the colors we wore changed on her whims. On my couch, covered in dry cleaner's plastic, was my white with blue pin-stripes Cubs baseball shirt. Clearly, Alice knew how excited I was for this game and wanted it to be more reflexive of my human life . . . for Bella.

Once, Alice had suggested that we all wear full baseball uniforms, and even Esme had had to stifle a groan while the rest of us rolled our eyes and made gagging noises. She had sulked for a week. As usual, I had been the one she'd forgiven first but only because my reaction had been the mildest – an exasperated eye-roll – and as that was my usual reaction to her clothing suggestions, I suppose it afforded me the quick forgiveness.

We had acquiesced to these team shirts, which most of us didn't really mind. What we wore _with_ the shirts was our choice, most of us electing to wear either jeans – Jasper – or athletic pants. Rose insisted on curve-hugging spandex and sporty running shoes. Alice often coordinated with both of them.

I changed from casual clothes into the Cubs shirt Alice had left out for me and my favorite Cubbie Blue Clemson-cut polyester warm up pants. Another item of clothing Alice had let me keep after the "spring-cleaning" of our wardrobes. I wore my usual cross-trainers and grabbed a Cubs baseball hat from the top shelf of my closet.

As I grabbed the bill of my hat, I heard a familiar step behind me.

I turned to see Jasper in my doorway, his thoughts a mixture of my joy and his own anxiety.

"Nothing is going to happen, Jazz, Alice would have seen it," I spoke to his silent concern before he'd even had time to articulate it to himself.

He smiled his own crooked smile and for a moment I could see why some of the children at Forks High thought, of the four of us, Jasper and I might actually be related. "Naw, I'm not worried about the others," his eyes shifted to the stairs and he wondered if Alice could hear him, "I'm worried more about the things she can't see, cuz. Like the girl having some sort of accident. Alice tells me she's . . . well . . . a mite clumsy and I don't know if I can control myself if she were to get -"

"Jazz, she won't be playing," I interrupted. I hated how he doubted himself. As one of the most courageous people I've ever met, he doubted himself the most.

He held up his hand to stop either my concern, pity, or only my words; I wasn't sure. "I knew that, son," he paused, "I just wanted to . . . give you . . . permission to . . ."

He struggled with the words I could hear bouncing around his head: _hold me back, detain me, do whatever you deem necessary;_ but I let him finish, as I saw his worst fears play out in his thoughts.

" . . . do whatever you need to do stop me from killin' the girl if things should go catty whompus out there." In his thoughts, he saw Bella stumble over a tree root on the edge of the clearing, skinning her knee. All of us laughed it off, but once the blood had soaked through her jeans . . . Jasper launched himself at her. Before the scene played completely out in his mind, he shut the thought down. Perhaps I had betrayed some emotion that only he could sense, because when I finally managed to make the older man look me in the eye, all I saw was anguish.

"Jazz, you won't hurt her. It won't come to that." I put every ounce of conviction I was capable of into that statement, and Jasper rewarded me with a small smile.

"I appreciate your faith in me, cuz," he said, and before I could protest further, he was gone. I heard Alice's laughter peal on the other side of the house, and knew he'd been trying to keep his fear and doubts from her.

I changed quickly, pulling my cross-trainers on hard enough that I heard the stitching strain.

"You need to be more careful with those," Esme called from the stairs.

I chuckled, and heard Esme return my laughter from the front room of the house where she was triple-checking that we had all the equipment we needed for our game.

Without pausing to tell any of my siblings where I was going, I quickly descended the stairs, and made my way to the garage. I knew Bella's truck would never make it through the tough terrain outside our clearing so I needed the Jeep that Rosalie had been working on.

The garage's bay door was still open, as I had found it earlier, but I heard no sounds of anyone inside as I approached. I sighed a little at that. In some ways, I wanted to catch Rose alone, so that I could attempt to repair whatever perceived damage I had done to her ego by outing her jealousy. In others, I almost relished in the fact that I had gotten to the bottom of why she acted the way she did around me. The knowledge that she had been saved, largely because Carlisle had thought we would have been a good match, for me had weighed heavily on me for some time. I hadn't thought my rejection of her all those years ago had hurt her, but yet she acted so differently around me than she did everyone else. It was nice to know some of the reasons behind it, even if that _did_ put Bella in Rose's cross-hairs. The fact that I saw _anyone_ in a romantic light, that wasn't her, was going to cause her issue; I knew that now. And, I hoped that one day we could get past that.

These thoughts weren't the only ones on my mind as I entered the large garage, but they were the most pressing. I also wondered how Chief Swan would feel about being introduced to his daughter's boyfriend, but I knew enough about him to know that he would be supportive of Bella. He, unlike the child that may still be at Bella's house, had no misgivings about my family.

As I walked over to the small cabinet where we stored the keys for our various vehicles, Emmett came in behind me. His face was alight with his usual easy-going smile, and I couldn't help but return it. He was dressed in his own Cubs-style shirt, and even though I knew it pained him to not be wearing his Cincinnati Red, he was looking forward to the game as well. My smile widened after a moment as the realization that this was really happening dawned on me. I was nearly buoyant with joy at being able to share this family outing with Bella.

"It's good to see you smiling, Ed," Emmett teased, lightly punching me on the left bicep, "even if you are insane. And grinning like a lunatic!" His laugh echoed around the garage.

His thoughts were always pure, innocent, without any of the layers of deception or self-preservation that I found in most human minds. He was as direct in his thoughts as he was with his words and actions. It was always refreshing to be around him.

I laughed with him, and grabbed the keys to the Jeep from their hook.

"I'm going to go pick up Bella. I'll meet you at the clearing in a little while." I nodded toward the Jeep. "Rose finished with all the customization?"

"Yup," he responded, coming up behind me, "she had some instructions, though."

_Of course she does, _I thought to myself.

"She lifted it eight inches, so the steering will be a little different," the pride he felt in Rosalie's work was infectious, "but the new suspension should make up for it. She also installed a five-point harness to the passenger seat. Since you're an overprotective love muffin, now."

I turned to swing at him, but he expected it and danced out of the way. "I see the boxing classes are helping," I laughed at his hands came up to block my second strike.

He laughed, another deep, thundering laugh and I joined him. I settled for a playful fist-bump instead of slugging him and started toward the Jeep. A glint of chrome near the passenger door attracted my attention.

"What's that?" I asked, pointing to the offending bit of metal.

"Oh, that," Emmett chuckled, "is so your human can climb up into her. It's a retractable step ladder, basically. The lowest step," he pulled the rickety-looking ladder from the wheel well, "is about three inches from the ground, and surely she won't trip over that. There's a handle, here, too," he said, and pulled himself up by the handle that had been attached to the left side of the door.

I was a little overwhelmed by the lengths Rosalie had gone to in order to make the Jeep safer, and more easily accessible, for Bella. My face must have betrayed the emotions running through my thoughts, because Emmett slapped me lightly on the shoulder and nodded affectionately.

"I suppose it's her way of apologizing . . . for the Aston as well as being so bitchy about Bella." He shrugged.

"Wow, Em, I'm . . . speechless."

"Aw, Edward, she means well. She only wants to keep our secret safe, so that we can stay here a little longer. You know that." Emmett's love for Rosalie was never clearer than when he was defending her.

I really didn't know what to say. I knew that Rose regretted some her outbursts regarding Bella, but for her to turn around and do something so very . . . _un_Rose-like . . . I was floored.

"Emmett, tell her thank you for me," was all I could manage, reaching up to put a hand on his shoulder.

"Tell me yourself, Edward," Rose said from the other side of the garage. In my surprise, I hadn't heard her approach.

I startled my sister by appearing next to her and folding her into an embrace. "Thank you, Rose," I whispered into her hair and, before she could protest, I ran to the driver's side of the Jeep and started the engine, effectively drowning out whatever snide remark Rosalie had shouted after me.

As I backed the monstrous Jeep out of the garage, Rose called after me, "Don't scratch it, Edward, or I'll make you buff it out with a toothbrush!" And I knew she meant every word.

I chuckled, waved to both of them over my shoulder, and drove away, trying not to spray gravel in my wake.

The drive back to the Swan house was strange. The Jeep did handle a bit differently than it had before Rose's adjustments, but it didn't take me long to learn its new quirks. Every other vehicle I encountered was quick to get out of my way. I suppose the Jeep _did_ seem rather intimidating in the rear-view mirror of your average sedan. I could have done without all the added attention driving such a large truck through the streets of Forks, but I understood the necessity of it as well. The last time I had carried Bella, and shown her the full capability of my vampire speed, she had turned rather green and that wasn't a situation I wanted to repeat.

As I turned onto Bella's street, I began to pick up on the Chief's veiled thoughts. I picked up on them before I could hear the conversation he was having with Bella. He was shocked, surprised, and a little angry. He was weirdly fixated on whether or not my house was within the town's limits, and the focus of his thoughts made that one idea very sharp to me. He wasn't lingering on the details, so I didn't understand why he wanted to know, but he seemed to think that Bella was splitting hairs.

I'd have to remember to ask her what all that was about.

_Oh, yeah, because confessing you watch her sleep wasn't ghoulish enough, Cullen. Now you're going to ask her about a conversation she had, in private, with her father about the town limits? Because that's not creepy . . . _the monster ranted at me from his cage. _There's actual thought behind the old adage "curiosity killed the cat" you know. Let the girl have her private moment with her father. _He was shaking his head in disgust, and I had to admit he had a point. I'd have to let this one go. Maybe.

"I hope you're getting the Spanish Inquisition out of your system now." Bella huffed at her father. It sounded as though they were in the kitchen, from the slight echo. "We're going to play baseball with his family."

The Chief's thoughts immediately turned to the approaching storm, and then his daughter's proclivity toward clumsiness came to mind. He chuckled deeply. "_You're_ playing baseball?" His chuckles couldn't hide the incredulity in his voice, however.

Bella let out a breath she'd been holding. "Well, I'll probably watch most of the time," she responded. I couldn't help but wonder what she was thinking as I pulled into the driveway.

"You must really like this guy," the Chief grumbled, his thoughts returning to the dream he'd had of Bella being zipped into a body bag.

This time, Bella sighed in earnest. At the sound of the Jeep, I heard Bella's chair scrape against the linoleum and the clink of dishes as she gathered them up.

"Leave the dishes, I can do them tonight," the Chief offered, adding, "you baby me too much."

His thoughts were various shades of disgruntled and suspicious, but he seemed safe enough to ring the bell now.

If I'd been human, my palms would have been slick with sweat. Reflexively, I wiped my hands on my pants as Bella opened the door.

Every time I saw her, I realized the image I carried around in my mind didn't do her justice. With the light from the kitchen behind her, she was a vision in blue jeans. Her scent assailed me, and I swallowed against the burn that it brought to my throat. The rain had started in earnest as I had pulled in the drive and it sheeted off the roof behind me. My raincoat was dripping on the small porch, and for a moment that was the only sound.

Bella's heart lurched as she looked up at me, her eyes searching my face for. . . what? Reassurance? She was clearly nervous.

"Come on in, Edward," Chief Swan's gruff voice called from the kitchen, and I heard his footsteps coming toward us.

Bella let out the breath she'd been holding in a rush of air between slightly parted lips. I wanted to grab her hand, and give it an encouraging squeeze, but that was too forward an action before I'd even been officially introduced to her father.

"Thanks, Chief Swan," I called back and stepped into the house.

The Chief moved toward me, and extended his hand. If he noticed the temperature of my hand, he said nothing about it, nor did he think anything. "Go ahead and call me Charlie. Here, I'll take your jacket," he offered, stepping behind me.

"Thanks, sir," I responded, realizing too late that I was being a little too formal. Charlie hung my jacket on a hook, right next to his gun belt, and then gestured for me to follow him into the living room.

"Have a seat there, Edward," he said, eliciting a grimace from Bella that he chose to ignore if he'd noticed it at all.

I sat down in the only chair, which left the couch for Charlie and Bella to share. Bella shot me a dirty look – for what, I wasn't sure, but I winked at her in response. I hoped that would calm her down a little, but it only seemed to make her pulse race even faster. Her heart rate was already elevated and had she not been the picture of health, I would have worried that she would have a stroke.

Charlie was clearly nervous, as well, a light sheen of sweat had beaded on his forehead as he sat down beside Bella on the couch facing me.

He swallowed, glanced at Bella, who was looking straight ahead at me , and began to speak. "So I hear you're getting my girl to watch baseball," he said, clearly trying to lessen the awkward nature of the moment. He gave a quick thought to the rain, and then to his daughter's clumsiness, before dismissing both.

"Yes, sir, that's the plan," I replied. I was still marginally surprised that Bella had told him the truth, but supposed that – should something go awry –the truth would prove more useful. He quickly flipped through several of Bella's most recent injuries, and snapshots of her in various casts and slings crossed his thoughts.

_At least his father's a doctor,_ he thought, _so if anything goes wrong there will be someone knowledgeable on the scene. _

"Well, more power to you, I guess," he said, laughing and thinking of the many times he'd tried to get Bella interested in the sport, only to turn and find her nose-down in a book on the couch next to him.

Bella shot up out of her seat, clearly agitated. "Okay," she stated with finality, "Enough humor at my expense. Let's go." She marched out of the room and to the hall, where Charlie had just hung my jacket.

I followed, eager to be alone with her to find out what she was really thinking, and Charlie followed close behind me. Bella shrugged on her jacket, and as I reached for mine, Charlie spoke the thought that had been on his mind.

"Not too late, Bell," he cautioned. There weren't too many places we could go large enough to play baseball, but he incorrectly assumed that we'd be playing at the High School. _That's within a safe distance of the hospital, that's probably good, _he thought, always worrying about his daughter's safety.

"Don't worry, Charlie, I'll have her home early," I offered, hoping to allay his fears somewhat.

It didn't.

"You take care of my girl, all right?" His thoughts were suddenly not only concerned, but protective.

Bella groaned in exasperation, but both of us ignored her protest.

I looked Charlie in the eye, something that we normally tried to avoid because of the unique color of our eyes, trying to reassure him of my intentions. "She'll be safe with me, I promise, sir," I said.

Bella grew further frustrated at the exchange and stomped out onto the porch.

Charlie laughed, and I laughed with him as I slipped on my jacket to follow her out.

Bella's storming off ended at the end of the porch, when she spotted the Jeep parked behind her truck.

Charlie's reaction was similar. He let out a low whistle. After clearing his throat, he choked out a strangled "wear your seat belts" before nodding a goodbye to me. He remained on the porch while Bella and I walked out in the rain to the passenger side.

Bella stopped at the side of the Jeep, and looked from the ground to the floorboards a couple times before letting out a quite groan. She started to jump, but before her feet actually left the ground, I sighed at the thought of what could happen if I let her jump and picked her up one-handed and placed her in the seat. A quick glance across the hood confirmed that Charlie hadn't witnessed my feat of strength, which was a relief.

The monster railed at me for being stupid and not showing her the small ladder and therefore risking the Chief of Police seeing something that could have potentially revealed my true nature to him. The gentleman in me was impressed that I had managed not to do anything he deemed "inappropriate" by his 1920s standards. All this I considered as I walked around the front of the Jeep at a very human pace.

Charlie was still watching, his thoughts resigned but concerned.

I opened the driver's side door and, with one more look at Charlie, turned to climb in.

"What's all this?" Bella asked, indicating all the belts draped over her shoulders.

"It's an off-roading harness," I explained.

"Uh-oh," Bella squeaked.

After I climbed up with more exaggerated slowness, I looked over at Bella. She was clearly struggling with all the belts and buckles on the 5-point harness, so I leaned over to help her. Being this close to her in such a small space was excruciating, and I sighed at the realization that, if I wanted to pursue this – and clearly I did – the burn in my throat was going to be something I needed to get used to.

Seemingly unable to control my hands, once again, I found myself boldly stroking the length of her soft neck and trailing my fingers along the raised ridge of her collarbones. The smell of the rain in her hair, combined with her mouth-watering scent in a maddening way. Desire burned within me, both to kiss her, and to drain her dry.

Without saying another word, I started the Jeep up, and flinched a little at the volume of the engine. I pulled away from the house, seeing Charlie go into the house with a shake of his head.

I focused on taking shallow breaths until I could acclimate myself to the cramped quarters and tantalizingly warm scents swirling around me.

Bella was the first to break the silence. "This is a . . . um . . . _big_ Jeep you have."

I chuckled quietly to myself at the idea that this vehicle could be _mine_. "It's Emmett's. I didn't think you'd want to run the whole way."

I'd thought she would groan at the thought, but, as ever, she surprised me with the turn of her thoughts.

"Where do you keep this thing?" She asked, looking around at the various knobs and dials that she'd probably never seen before.

"We remodeled one of the outbuildings into a garage," I explained, remembering the frightening sight of Emmett with a large sledgehammer.

"Aren't you going to put on your seat belt?"

_I _wasn't the one who needed protecting, and the look I gave her must have been explanation enough.

Then, something must have just sunk in from an earlier part of our conversation, because her eyes widened and the color drained from her face.

"Run the _whole_ way?" Bella's voice was approaching the octave range of panic, and she wasn't done. "As in, we're still going to run part of the way?" And there it was – panic. A houseful of vampires, one of which still struggled with the vegetation lifestyle, she was ok with, but _running_? That sent her into a panic.

I grinned at her, the irony not lost on me, but it was almost a leer. I quickly shut down the expression. "You're not going to run," I said simply.

"_I'm_ going to be sick," she whined.

I was glad for the gloom of the storm, because I could hide my eye-roll quite well. "Keep your eyes closed, you'll be fine." I was trying to be reassuring but, in truth, I was only guessing. The science behind motion-sickness suggested it was brought on mostly by inner ear problems, but vision also plays a large role.

I could hear her teeth working her bottom lip and, without thinking, I leaned over to plant an encouraging kiss on the top of her head. The smell of the rain in her hair, mixed with the scent of her blood was almost too much. I groaned with equal parts desire and pain.

I drew back, eyes back on the road, but felt her eyes on me. Bella had the most puzzled countenance on her face that I had ever seen.

_How much do I tell her?_

"You smell so good in the rain," I said, hoping that was enough of an explanation for my ever-curious girlfriend. _I like the sound of that word . . . _

After she took a moment to process, where the crease of concentration made its first appearance of the evening, she asked guardedly, "In a good way, or in a bad way?"

I sighed, my honesty was never quite enough it would seem. "Both, always both."

_Will I ever be able to be in close quarters with you without wanting to quench my burning throat in your life's blood, Isabella?_

We rode for several miles in comparative silence, lost in our own thoughts. My thoughts were mostly of her mortality, her break-ability, and pondering how all this would play out as she aged. I couldn't dwell there. I had promised Alice to try and live in the moment with Bella because her moments were so very many fewer than ours. But, as they often were, my thoughts were cyclical – always bringing me back to the same thing. Bella was mortal, and I was not.

I had to change the course of my thoughts. I tried focusing on the joy I'd felt back at the house, about Bella joining us for the family game, but it was hard to find that place again.

I turned onto the side road, with only her heartbeat and the thump of the windshield wipers as my soundtrack. Before long, the road became little more than two semi-visible ruts full of quickly-filling potholes. I spared several glances over at my passenger and was often amused by what I saw. Although the harness kept her from being thrown from her seat into the dash or out the doors, it hardly kept her still. I couldn't help but grin like an idiot as she tried to keep her composure while being bounced around as though she was an unwilling passenger on a pogo-stick.

Besides, the more I looked over at her, the more I was able to actually live in the moment with her. Bella, quite simply, had become the sole reason that the sun rose every morning. Here she was, coming to join me in doing one of my most favorite things, with the family I had chosen to live out immortality with.

_There, Alice_, I thought to myself, _I can enjoy the moment._

And it was then that the road, such as it was, came to an end. I switched off the windshield wipers and turned off the ignition. The rain had slowed from the standard Olympic downpour to a fine mist and the clouds were actually a bit lighter toward the clearing.

"Sorry, Bella, we have to go on foot from here," I apologized through my mischievous grin. I couldn't help but see the irony, though, that _now_ at the prospect of a simple run she was nervous, given everything I had shown her in the last few days.

Bella looped her thumbs through the shoulder straps. "You know what? I'll just wait here," she said with a defiant nod.

I continued to smile. "What happened to all your courage? You were extraordinary this morning." I brought her eyes up to mine with a glance, but her confidence was truly leaving her with every accelerated breath. I didn't understand how someone so caring and beautiful could doubt herself as much as she did, even in something so small as this.

"I haven't forgotten the last time yet," she complained, looking away at the surrounding forest again.

I kicked open the small Jeep door and jumped down to the forest floor. In a flash, I had her door open and started working on the various buckles securing her into this monstrosity.

Bella swatted feebly at my hands. "I'll get those," she protested, "you go on ahead."

I chuckled – more at the feather-light sensation of her swatting my hands than her words – and quickly released the last strap. "Hmmm . . ." I hummed as I tried to appear thoughtful and perhaps a little sinister, "it seems I'm going to have to tamper with your memory."

In one graceful motion, I lifted her from the Jeep and stood her on her feet beside it, marveling a bit at how small she seemed in its shadow.

_It's so isolated out here, Cullen, no one would hear her scream._

"Tamper with my memory?" Bella asked, her voice both betraying her nerves and snapping me out of the clutches of the monster's thoughts.

"Something like that," I said, gazing at her intently. Then, ever so slowly, I inched toward her. Careful not to actually press my body up against hers, I came closer still, then put a hand either side of her head on the side of the Jeep effectively pinning her in place. I kept my eyes trained on hers as I leaned in ever closer. Her scent filled my nose and mouth and I breathed it in deeply, almost enjoying the savage burn I got in return.

"Now," I whispered, coming in close enough to feel the warmth of her on my face, "what exactly are you worrying about?" I longed to press my lips against the pulse-point I could see throbbing irregularly in time with her lurching heartbeat, but I didn't trust myself in the moment. I was almost completely besotted by her warmth, her scent, her beauty, and her blood – things could have gone either way if I lost even one iota of my concentration. If she took the initiative and kissed me, or moved suddenly, this could easily end badly.

Her pulse raced. She licked her lips. "Well, um, hitting a tree -" Bella gulped another breath of air, heavily laden with my scent "- and dying. And then getting sick."

I chuckled. Clearly my proximity was wreaking havoc upon not only her pulse but her ability to process her thoughts. My plan was working. I fought to hold back the Cheshire Cat-like grin I could feel erupting on my face and, against my better judgment, leaned in further to kiss the soft flesh above her manubrium. Even in the gloom of the passing storm and dense deciduous canopy, I could see the gooseflesh race up her neck at my touch.

Bella's heart lurched to a momentary stop, and then began again to gallop at an alarming rate.

Only moving my lips a fraction of a millimeter from her skin, I whispered, "Are you still worried now?"

Bella swallowed noisily, and was nearly gasping. I found myself counting the rise and fall of her breasts, as they were invitingly close to touching my chest.

"Yes," she panted, "About hitting trees and getting sick."

I trailed my nose up her clavicle, across her shoulder, up her throat, and to the point of her chin. I was pushing my control almost as much as I was pushing poor Bella's heart. I was breathing heavily, as well, against her skin and the gooseflesh continued to rise.

"And now?" I murmured against her jaw.

"Trees," she gasped. "Motion sickness."

Absently, I wondered if my family could hear this exchange. I could hear the sounds of a bat singing through the air, but I couldn't hear their voices. Either they weren't talking – and therefore eavesdropping – or they were just out of earshot.

I tilted my head slightly, in order to place a light kiss on either of Bella's now-closed eyelids. I counted her heartbeats as she stood, still gasping and trapped, between me and the huge muddy tire of Emmett's Jeep. I took another flame-inducing deep breath of the scent of her hair. "Bella," I choked out around the inferno my throat, "you don't really think I'd hit a tree, do you?"

She took another shuddering breath. "No, but _I_ might," she managed, but the fight was gone from her voice.

Insane with her closeness, the scent of her blood, the desire of the teenage boy I once was, the scent of the rain, her warmth, and I don't know what else, I found myself kissing my way from the bottom of Bella's ear to the corner of her mouth. I made myself stop there, as much as I wanted to claim her lips for my own.

"Would I let a tree hurt you?" I asked her, taunting both of us with my lips so very close to hers. Whether due to her struggle for air, or the closeness of my lips, her bottom lip quivered. The movement was nearly my undoing. Desire pulsed through me as if my heart was still beating.

Bella sighed, defeat clearly written on the contours of her face. "No," she said, resigned.

I could control myself no longer. I grasped the sides of her delicate head in my hands, and acted on an impulse that would have made my favorite sister proud. She was always saying that I was a prude, when in truth, no one I had ever seen before evoked even the slightest twinge of what I was feeling now. I was able, at the last second, to consciously think about the amount of pressure I was putting on her head and lips as I claimed her soft, supple ones for my very own. I was careful not to expose my razor-sharp teeth to the soft flesh of Bella's lips while I attempted carnal knowledge of them. To my constant surprise, Bella's initial response was cautious. It wasn't until her small arms encircled my neck and her long fingers became entangled in my hair that I nearly lost all control. Her bubblegum tongue traced my bottom lip unraveling my restraint. I kissed her harder, trying to explore her mouth in every way I could. And then her small form slammed against my stone one and her lips parted, inviting me inside, and I felt my control obliterate.

I staggered back away from her, her hold on me not as strong as she probably thought.

"Damn it, Bella!" I was astounded at how very close I'd come, and how loud my voice had been. I was gasping, not for lack of oxygen, but to try and fill my lungs with some other scent – _any_ other scent – than hers. "You'll be the death of me, I swear you will." I regretted the words as soon as they left my mouth, but I couldn't take them back . . . or the truth of them.

As I inhaled heavily of the scents of the forest, Bella lent over with her hands on her knees gasping as well.

"You're indestructible," she mumbled more to herself than me. She was still panting, but her heart rate was slowing.

Certain I was in control again, I took a step toward Bella. "I might have believed that before I met _you_. Now let's get out of here before I do something really stupid," my voice was gruff enough that it probably sounded more like a growl to her.

Without giving Bella another second to remember what she was afraid of again, I tossed her on my back. I was angry, and I'm sure she could see it in the set of my jaw, as observant as she was. But she didn't comment on it. Obediently, she locked her legs around my waist and fastened her arms around my neck in a weak attempt at a choke hold.

"Don't forget to close your eyes," I ordered. I wasn't sure that she had, but I felt her nose burrow into my shoulder blade as she buried her face there under her own arm.

And with that, I was off. I ran with the fury I felt toward myself. I wasn't angry with Bella, although I imagined she probably thought I was, but I _did_ think she had learned what my limits were. Maybe it was an honest mistake; maybe she simply lost control as I almost had. I didn't feel right asking, and not being able to read her thoughts at a moment like this was almost as infuriating as trying to understand why we both reacted the way we did.

I ran and tried not to think, to just enjoy the run. But, every thought was permeated with the feel of Bella's lips on mine, the heat of her winding her fingers through my hair. I mentally shook myself, because although my family could certainly hear me now, they couldn't read my thoughts but if I didn't calm the desires burning within me . . . they were sure to notice my arousal. And Emmett, no doubt, would have to comment. I didn't want Bella's second meeting with my family to be any more mortifying than the first. So, I distracted myself as best I could with distinguishing the myriad of shades of green along my route to the clearing.

I came to a halt twenty minutes later and about ten feet from the edge of the clearing, guessing Bella would want to be spared being seen as a human knapsack by my family, and wanting to give us a moment of perceived privacy before the game. I stood in silence for a moment, expecting Bella to jump down at the first opportunity. When she didn't, I reached back and gently touched her hair.

"It's over, Bella," I encouraged quietly.

I felt her arms unlock from my neck and the pressure of her heels on my thighs release, and then she was on the ground.

"Oh!" She exclaimed as she hit with a wet-sounding thud.

I whirled to face her, at once concerned that she was hurt and also unsure as to how angry I still was with myself. She looked up at me with the most confounded expression on her face, I couldn't help myself, I burst out laughing. I threw my head back and let out the loudest laugh I think I'd ever laughed in front of her, so I didn't see her stand up. But I heard her smack angrily at the back of her jacket which, for reasons I'll never understand, made me laugh even harder.

Her shoulders straightened in consternation, Bella started marching off into the forest to our right. Before she could get far enough to trip on some unseen root, I came up behind her and lightly embraced her around the waist. I could hear Emmett trying to stifle some laughter and Rose's snort of disapproval, but I didn't acknowledge them.

"Where are you going, Bella?"

"To watch a baseball game," she responded, still indigent. "You don't seem to be interested in playing anymore, but I'm sure the others will have fun without you." Her heart had leapt at my light touch and as I matched her pace, I could feel her anger cooling.

"You're going the wrong way," I stated simply, trying not to anger her further.

_And she said _I _could change my moods quickly._

She turned quickly, keeping her eyes down while she broke our physical contact, and stalked off toward the back of the Jeep. I caught her again, easily, almost enjoying chasing her. There was something exhilarating about this pursuit, even though I knew she really didn't want to get away.

The teenager then launched into a series of images of Bella, naked, her hands pinned above her head by mine and writhing . . . but not in pain. I almost had to physically shake myself to tear control away from him.

Instead of arguing with him about the appropriateness of his fantasies, I focused on Bella and firmly slammed a mental door in his face. "Don't be mad," I found myself almost pleading, surprised by how much I wanted to see her smiling again, "I couldn't help myself. You should have seen your face." And, I could see it as many times as I wanted to. The vampire's perfect recall had me nearly giggling again.

She turned to look at me, eyebrows rising with a question. "Oh, you're the only one who's allowed to get mad?"

I felt a smile threatening and quickly stifled it, thinking it improper at the moment. "I wasn't mad at you," I stressed in all honesty.

"'Bella, you'll be the death of me?'" She threw my words back at me so sourly that I was afraid the night had been ruined.

At the thought, I could feel Alice's thoughts pressing against my brain, but I didn't _want_ to know how tonight ended. I wanted to live it, without the gifts from our monstrous sides.

"_That_ was simply a statement of fact," I said, almost teasing, hoping she wouldn't hear the truth in those words as well.

Bella tried to turn away again, and I thought I saw tears beginning to well in her eyes as she chewed her bottom lip again.

She kept her eyes down, as she spoke, "You were mad."

"Yes," I confirmed, again hoping that she would allow me to further explain myself.

"But you said -" Bella began to protest, her voice wavering.

"That I wasn't made at _you_" I could never be mad at you for reacting the way I wish I could, "Can't you see that, Bella?" I wanted her to know just how much I was testing the limits of my self control by kissing her, but the need for closeness outweighed any sane impulse. "Don't you understand?"

"See what?" she asked, confusion coloring her expression and creasing her forehead. She looked up at me, trying to read something in my face.

I didn't know what she saw there and, for a second, I almost tried to read her thoughts. I knew it was an exercise in frustration, and dismissed the thought just as quickly.

"I'm never angry with you – how could I be?" You're with me, against even my better judgment. "Brave, trusting . . . warm as you are." My voice had dropped, the seductive whisper surprising me. I felt as though I was the villain in one of Esme's favorite black and white films, trying to seduce the heroine into some dark alley.

Bella drew in a ragged breath. "Then why?" Her eyes darkened as her thoughts went . . . who knows where.

Putting my hands up on either side of her fragile bubble face, I began a confession that I knew Emmett would tease me about at the first opportunity. "I infuriate myself," _because there's a part of me that wants to ravage you physically as well as the part of me that wants to destroy you_, those last words were best left unspoken. "The way I can't seem to keep from putting you in danger. My very existence puts you at risk." _I swore to be your protector that night in Port Angeles, and yet I'm still here, an ever-present threat you your life_. "Sometimes I truly hate myself. I should be stronger, I should be able to -"

Bella's small hand clamped down over my mouth, cutting off words we both knew were painfully true. "Don't," she said, eyes shining with almost-tears. She _did_ know. I wasn't sure if that comforted me, or made me angrier. At myself, of course.

I gently took her hand from my mouth, and placed it on the angle of my jaw, holding it there. I relished in the fire that burned me from her touch. Capturing her eyes with mine, I laid the truth out in words I never thought I'd be uttering to anyone . . . ever.

"I love you," more than I can even begin to express, even with all the knowledge I have. "It's a poor excuse for what I'm doing," subjecting you to myself, not to mention other vampires, "but it's still true."

As I spoke, the realization hit me that I hadn't actually said "I love you" to her before, directly. I marveled at the idea, and wondered if she noticed.

The slight widening of her eyes expressed what she didn't verbalize. She _had_ noticed it.

"Now, please try to behave yourself," I teased and inclined toward her, never taking my eyes off hers, and softly brushed my lips against hers. Her body shuddered slightly at the contact, but she held still. No hands tangling in my hair, her body not melding to mine; I almost missed it.

She sighed.

I understood the sentiment behind it.

"You promised Chief Swan that you would have me home early, remember? We'd better get going," she said, clearly not wanting to linger on the specifics.

"Yes, ma'am," resisting the urge to salute. I smiled and let go of her, all but her hand, and led the way to the clearing. Bella stopped as soon as we made it around the large Hemlock tree, taking in the view.

Emmett, Rose, and Esme were perched on a large Tholeiitic basalt slab one hundred and fifty-three yards away. I could hear Emmett buttering up Rose, but knew he was speaking quietly enough that Bella couldn't hear him. Esme's thoughts brightened, along with her face, when Bella appeared in the clearing. Jasper and Alice were three eighths of a mile to our right, tossing our baseball back and forth. I was sure Bella couldn't even see the ball, it was moving so fast, but she tracked their movements as best she could. Carlisle was driving the bases into the anchors we'd set ages ago.

Esme immediately stood, and began walking toward us. Emmett and Rose stood as well but even with his encouragement, Rose chose to walk out onto the field without so much as a nod in Bella's direction. Her thoughts were tremulous, torn between jealousy over someone so "mousey" and what she felt was "right" for our family's interaction with humans. Emmett stared, somewhat hungrily, at Rose as she walked away and then turned his grin toward us.

As she evaluated whether or not I had dressed Bella warmly enough, Esme asked "Was that you we heard, Edward?" Her eyes shone with happiness as she remembered the sound of my laughter echoing through the woods.

_A sound like no other, the sound of happiness. I have longed to hear that sound more often. _She thought, somewhat wistfully.

From behind her, always ready to take a shot at me, Emmett laughed and said, "It sounded like a bear choking."

Bella gave Esme a weak smile, and pointed her thumb at me, "That was him," as if they needed confirmation.

Emmett caught my eye and wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. _Heard you macking on her, how was it?_

I ignored him.

"Bella was being unintentionally funny," I said to Esme.

Just then, Alice pirouetted to a stop next to Bella. "It's time," she declared.

Almost immediately after Alice spoke a low, loud clap of thunder echoed around the clearing. It started east of us, and rumbled around until settling to the west over Forks. Bella's eyes widened.

"Eerie, isn't it?" Emmett asked her, and winked playfully. His thoughts were playful, familiar, as if he'd already gotten used to the idea of Bella being around us when Rose's thoughts were so different.

"Let's go," Alice chirped and took Emmett's hand as they ran onto the field. Bella's eyes followed them, even though I knew they would seem like two blurs until they stopped again.

"Are you ready for some ball?" I asked Bella, feeling my earlier happiness returning. Her eyes searched my face.

"Go team!" Bella was trying very hard to be enthusiastic, but I could tell her heart wasn't quite in it. I didn't know whether she was still upset from my "you'll be the death of me" comment or if Alice's abilities had set her on edge, but I hoped she'd enjoy the game.

I couldn't help but chuckle at her efforts, though, and I playfully tousled her hair before I ran off behind Emmett and Alice. As I ran, I heard her breath hitch and almost ran back to her to see if she was alright. Esme had heard it as well, and her smug thoughts made me realize that what had made Bella's breath hitch was . . . me.

"Shall we go down?" Esme asked. I had to stifle another laugh as I heard Bella's teeth come together quickly, suggesting that she had been staring open-mouthed after me. I heard Bella's hair moving against her coat, and assumed that she was nodding her assent. I heard them moving slowly – well, at a human pace – toward the field and shook my head at Esme's ever-cautious nature.

Alice, Jasper, Rose, Emmett and I tossed the baseball around a sloppy square as they headed to home plate where Carlisle was fastening down the last base.

"You don't play with them?" Bella asked Esme.

"No," Esme laughed, "I prefer to referee – I like keeping them honest."

"Do they like to cheat, then?"

"Oh yes -" Esme laughed again, thinking of Emmett and I fudging the lines of the truth, "- you should hear the arguments they get into! Actually, I hope you don't, you would think they were raised by a pack of wolves." Esme chuckled a little at the word "wolves" and gave a fleeting thought to the Quileute reservation only a few miles away.

Bella didn't notice the distraction, and laughed in a little more relaxed way. "You sound like my mom," she said.

Esme returned her gaiety, but her thoughts quickly turned to the baby she'd lost all those years ago. "Well, I do think of them as my children in most ways," she explained, "I never could get over my mothering instincts – did Edward tell you I had lost a child?"

Again, Bella's exhale caught somewhere between her lungs and her nose. I froze, listening.

"No," Bella said very quietly.

Esme continued, but her voice seemed far away as she was lost in her thoughts, her memories of her baby boy. "Yes, my first and only baby," she said, still walking toward where the rest of us were. "He died just a few days after he was born, the poor tiny thing," she ended with a sigh, snapping herself back to the present. "It broke my heart -"

_No, Esme, I hadn't told her that._

"- that's why I jumped off the cliff, you know" she finished, as though Bella already knew.

Bella's mouth worked silently, as I imagined she tried to find something poignant enough to say at a moment like this. For a millisecond, I worried that she may something out-of-sorts in response, but a slight nod from Alice – returned by a glare from me – tipped me off to the outcome.

"Edward just said you f-fell," Bella managed.

Esme's thoughts were full of motherly pride when she spoke next. "Always the gentleman. Edward was the first of my new sons. I've always thought of him that way, even though he's older than I, in one way at least." She looked over at me then, and smiled. "That's why I'm so happy that he's found you, dear." If I had been able to, I would have blushed crimson at the term of endearment. "He's been the odd man out for far too long; it's hurt me to see him alone." Her thoughts filed through many a night when Alice and Jasper, Emmett and Rosalie, and herself and Carlisle had gone about their nights as most couples would; and I remained alone in the house.

I was growing somewhat uncomfortable with the stream of this conversation, and when I looked to Esme to plead for her to stop, I was met by her steady gaze.

_No, Edward, allow me to speak my peace,_ she thought, _I want to tell her this. I _need_ to tell her this._

Bella's expression seemed pained. "You don't mind, then?" Her voice was quiet, sad. "That I'm . . . all wrong for him?"

_You're damned right you're all wrong for him, _Rosalie's hostility floated across our mental link. _She's going to expose us._

As if he could also read her mind, Emmett reached for Rose and planted a kiss on her temple. "Come on, baby, we haven't played baseball in forever. Be good," he whispered in her ear. Her thoughts immediately shifted to the way Emmett's lips tickled her ear, and I quickly focused my attentions back on Bella and Esme. I really didn't want to travel down their road of desire.

"No," Esme said, her expression pensive. "You're what he wants. It will work out, somehow." Despite her words of encouragement, Esme's face bore the marks of a mother's worry. Her forehead creased as she thought, for a moment, about Rose's concerns. She dismissed them quickly, though, determined that we would find a way to make it work.

They had reached the edge of the field, which had been grazed down to a manageable length by the farmer who used it alternate years for planting. Emmett and Jazz had come out first, to clear any fallen trees from the area we used, and build up our pitcher's mound.

I was standing far out in left field since I was the fastest runner, Emmett was swinging the bat, Alice was getting ready to pitch, Carlisle was between first and second, Jasper was playing catcher, and Rose was – well, Rose was sulking somewhere, I didn't care where. I was watching Bella, standing with my mother, at the edge of the field and I could feel the euphoria from earlier returning.

Another clap of thunder started, and Alice nodded toward Esme.

"All right," she said, getting all of our attention. "Batter up."

I watched Bella out of the corner of my eye, but Alice pitching was a sight to be seen. There was no arm-flailing, leg-pumping windup due to the power her tiny body packed. She started by holding the ball firmly in her right hand, then lightly touching the fingers of her left hand to the ball at her waist. The next motion happened so quickly that I wasn't sure Bella could catch it with her human eyes. Alice's right hand snapped out, more like a whip being cracked than a traditional pitch, and then there was the distinctive sound of the leather ball hitting the marble of Jasper's palm.

"Was that a strike?" Bella whispered to Esme, but I knew everyone else could hear her.

I was even sure everyone heard Rosalie roll her eyes and sigh, too. _Are we going to have to stop playing every time she has a question?_ She thought, and almost said aloud.

Esme was more patient. "If they don't hit it, it's a strike," she explained.

Jasper was quick to return the ball to his lady love, who winked at her husband after she'd deftly caught it again. And, almost immediately, she flung out another pitch. The ball traveled so fast that I knew Bella's eyes couldn't follow its movement. Emmett's eyes could, though, and he managed to get his bat on it.

The sound the contact made echoed the sound of the booming thunder around us, and I knew that Bella had made the connection between us playing baseball and the thunderstorm by the small "o" her lips had formed. I only spared her a glance, though, as the ball whistled over my head. I heard Emmett's thundering footsteps begin to circumnavigate the field and I took off like a missile after the ball.

I thought I heard Bella mutter "home run" as I headed for the trees.

"Wait," was Esme's only response.

A few feet inside the trees I actually passed the ball and had to backtrack. I caught it in my left hand and sauntered back to the edge tree line.

I heard Esme's call of "Out!" as I reappeared there.

I grinned in response to Emmett's low curse, and it wasn't until I realized I didn't hear Esme chastising him, that I had heard his thoughts and not his actual voice. I trotted back to the field, tossing the ball back to Alice.

"Emmett hits the hardest," Esme told Bella, "but Edward runs the fastest."

Jasper was up to bat next, so Emmett took his place as catcher. Alice knew his style well, since he had been the one to teach her how to play. The first pitch went straight into Emmett's waiting hand. Jasper backed away from the bag, and looked around. Emmett chuckled at the look of frustration on his brother's face. His laugh nearly got him shoved backward off his heels. Jasper saw the entire thing play out in his head: Emmett's laugh, his own light shove that knocked the larger man off his precarious catcher's stance, but Jasper didn't act on the thought. We all had our competitive streaks, but baseball was serious business for Jasper. He took his time setting up, but then tapped the base with the end of his bat, and stood in position, waiting for the next pitch.

Alice nodded. Then, her forearm flicked out again. This time, Jasper made the conscious effort to hit it _away_ from me. The ball didn't fly up this time, he'd hit it low on purpose. I saw Bella wince at the sound of his bat making contact, and hoped we weren't doing any unusual damage to her hearing. To my ears, the sound had a different resonance and pitch than the following peal of thunder, but I could see how the less acute hearing of humans could mistake the sound for thunder. It sailed about three feet off the ground, just beyond Carlisle's reach. He sprinted the few feet he needed to in order to catch the ball, then started charging for first base.

Jasper was on his way to the same destination, at roughly the same speed. They were on a collision course, and they both knew it. They were smiling like fools.

Bella realized what was going to happen, too. Her eyes widened. Her mouth formed a tiny 'o.' And then, as Jasper and Carlisle collided with a sound akin to two wrecking balls slamming into each other at full speed, she shot up from her spot on the grass. Her face lined as if she was concerned that, somehow, one or both of them was hurt. I smiled, fondly, at the fact that she already seemed to care about my family. I was genuinely touched.

"Safe," came Esme's call as Jazz and Carlisle untangled themselves, laughing.

Jazz jumped up, making sure he had a foot firmly planted on the base as Carlisle walked backward to the mound to give the ball to Alice. Carlisle knew Jazz's penchant for stealing bases, and wanted to make sure Jazz knew he was watching.

Rose was up next. Of all of us, she had the most aggressive streak. She didn't wait for the ball to come to her bat, she _attacked_ the ball in mid-flight. She _never_ swung at the first pitch, though. It was "something her Daddy told her" about "all the best batters" she had told me once. Why she hung on to that tidbit and seemingly nothing else, I would never understand. But, this was Rose, one didn't spend much time trying to understand her without threat of going mad.

So, Alice's first pitch landed audibly in Emmett's waiting palm. Emmett stood, to toss the ball back to Alice, and whispered something in Rose's ear. I made a point of ignoring both his thoughts and his words. I wasn't the psychic one, but I could guess and that was enough for me.

Whatever he said had her smiling and tossing her long, blonde hair over her shoulders before setting up to bat again. Alice waited another moment or two, before nodding inquisitively at Rose who nodded back. Alice spared a glance over her shoulder at Jasper, who scurried back to first base under her watchful eye, then her hand flicked out again. An _instant_ before her pitch, Jasper had taken off for second. Rose made thunderous contact, sending the ball rocketing high and far out on Carlisle's side of the field. He started running on impact, but I knew he wasn't going to catch it before Jasper made it home. I ran from the outfield to second, hoping to cut Rose off there, but she stopped at first. Jasper was already rounding third, at this point, heading for home. Emmett was waiting there for him, or to catch the ball from Carlisle.

"I – damn – I've got it!" Carlisle's voice came from the trees, muffled by a loud clap of thunder and half a second after I heard Jasper's foot slapped down on home base. "Rose is safe, it bounced off a tree," he mumbled, as he emerged from the ferns, sending the ball rocketing back to Alice. Rose could have tried for second, but seemed content with first.

We all turned to look at Esme, but she was listening intently to something Bella was saying about her mother, and only spared a barely perceptible nod in our direction. So, score one for Emmett's team.

_They've got a planned play, here, Edward. _Carlisle had noticed their subtle signals as well, and though neither of us knew what they meant, we could tell they had put something new together for this game.

Meanwhile, Emmett and Jasper were sparring playfully over home plate. Alice daintily stamped her foot, getting both of their attention while adding a rumble to the last thunder roll. Jasper chuckled, swung at Emmett one last time and went to retrieve the bat Rose had discarded.

Jasper settled behind home plate, sitting on his calves, while Emmett took a few practice swings. After the third, Alice cleared her throat. Emmett beamed innocently in her direction, and took up his stance. Alice's first pitch was a steamer, right over the plate. Emmett made to swing, but thought better of it at the last second, and pulled the bat out of the way. It smacked soundly into Jasper's waiting hand. A millisecond before Alice had released the ball, Rose had started for second. Carlisle ran for second, as well, hoping that Emmett would hit it to my side of the field. They arrived at the base at the same time, at the same instant that the ball landed in Jasper's hand. Rose was safe. I silently cursed the ball for not hitting Emmett's bat.

Jasper lazily threw the ball back to Alice, a smug grin on his face.

Carlisle and Alice exchanged another glance, and Emmett stepped back up to the plate. With Rose right behind Alice, she had to either turn her head to see the blonde, or rely on either Carlisle or myself to signal her if Rose crept too far from second. In reality, she _could_ have used her gift to know if Rose would try to steal third, but I knew she wouldn't, no matter how far behind we got.

Emmett tapped the base. Once, twice, three times and then he was ready. Alice nodded. Rose took one silent step from second. Jazz nodded to Alice that he was ready as well. Rose took another step. Carlisle shuffled his left foot, signaling the pixie that Rose was taking her lead-off stance. Rose was deceptively adept at baseball, even though she wouldn't slide for fear of messing up her nails.

I blew a long breath out of my mouth, readying myself for whatever Emmett hit.

Alice spared a glance over her shoulder at Rose, who took three steps back to base so quickly that I was sure Bella would have thought her dematerializing instead of moving.

Alice focused back on home plate, and Rose took those lead-off steps again. This time, she went a little further away.

Alice's forearm snapped out again, and the ball was live.

Emmett's face was a mask of concentration as he swung.

Rose took off for third.

Thunder clapped off to the East.

Then thunder erupted from home plate as Emmett made contact. I saw the trajectory the ball was taking as Rose reached the mid-point between second and third, and signaled to Carlisle that I'd get the ball.

I took off running in the direction I'd estimated the ball would go. Running, baseball, having Bella here with my family, all of those things made me almost buoyant as I approached the tree-line.

_Rosalie has tagged third_ came Carlisle's silent voice.

I charged forward. Emmett did indeed hit the hardest, as Esme had told Bella.

I reached the trees, the ball still sailing ahead of me. I pushed myself harder, knowing I'd need to get the ball back to Carlisle at home plate if Rose kept running. She could run, if she put forth the effort, and it wasn't a foregone conclusion that she couldn't tag back third before I could get the ball back to home.

I spared a glance up to the ball. It was still too high for me to jump up and snag it. And, if I stopped to climb up a tree, it would still sail past me. I knew Emmett was lumbering for first, from the minds of the rest of my family. Bella, apparently, was standing, staring at the spot where I had entered the trees.

The dead place in my chest would have swelled at the idea of my girlfriend – for that's what she was, wasn't she – watching so intently, if it could have. The thought didn't dampen my joy a single iota, though. I charged through the underbrush, the ferns, and jumped fallen limbs in pursuit of a fist-sized white ball and, in my joy, I felt as though I was flying.

_Emmett just tagged first, _Carlisle informed me, urging me on silently.

I checked the ball again, which was still streaking above my head. It was a wonder it hadn't hit a tree – and perhaps blown straight through it – and it was starting to descend.

Thunder roared overhead.

A few more steps, and I could jump up on that fallen log, and reach the ball, if I timed it just right.

_Rose is halfway home_ Carlisle whispered. I could hear the other things he was thinking, too. _Come on, Edward. Don't fail me now._

One. Two. Three. And, jump! My right foot landed on the log, and I used my momentum to push myself up. The log was rotten, and gave way under my weight with a sickeningly squelching sound. I sank a foot down into the rotten peat but gained _just enough_ lift to get to the ball. I managed, barely, to wrap my fingers around the wildly spinning sphere and pluck it from the air.

"Got it!" I yelled, knowing that everyone had probably already heard.

"Em, you're out!" Esme called, her voice quiet in the distance.

I heard Emmett groan, his footfalls stopped, and then turn back to home. "Rose," he yelled, "get back and tag second! GET BACK! Then, RUN! RUN, ROSE! You can do it, baby!"

I forced my foot out of the pulverized log and turned quickly back for the clearing. As I heard Emmett's cheering and Rose's deceptively feather-light footfalls, I became distressingly conscious of just how far I had run to catch the ball.

I ran. I leaned into the wind, pumping my legs harder and harder. I could feel the extra exertion, but I knew I wouldn't tire. _This monster's body does have its advantages_. I could push myself harder and harder, and my muscles wouldn't tire, my lungs wouldn't burn, and I'd never run out of steam. It was positively exhilarating.

I could hear Esme explaining the idea of "tagging back" to Bella, who understood the concept but had never really seen it in action. Her father had taken her to several Mariners games, but had given up pretty quickly. Bella didn't seem to share her father's interest in sports. Perhaps due to her apparent clumsiness, but I thought it was more due to the escape she found in her well-worn copies of the classics. I had seen for myself just how wrapped up in the stories she could become, on the day she had fallen asleep in Charlie's backyard.

I reminisced a moment about watching Bella from the tree tops, until Carlisle's voice interrupted my reverie.

_Rose is almost back to second, Edward._

There was urgency in his tone. I could also hear just how torn he was between the two teams. You could find no more impartial man on the planet. I teased him frequently that he would have made a good Chief Justice, but he would always wave me off saying that he had never had an interest in human law. I had never asked, but I assumed it had something to do with his time with the Volturi because whenever I mentioned it the image of their black cloaks would appear in his mind, before he could stop it.

_Edward! _Alice and Carlisle yelled simultaneously, both seemingly sensing my distraction even though I hadn't slowed a bit.

Mumbling under my breath a stream of both obscenities and complaints about how I didn't see either of _them_ running after Emmett's long fly balls. I heard Alice's bell-like giggle travel on the wind in a lull of the storm, and Esme's silent admonishment of my language, but Carlisle remained focused on Rose's progress.

_Rounding back on third_ he thought, slipping into the rhythm of a sports commentator.

"Almost there," I whispered.

I could see the edge of clearing fast approaching, but from Carlisle's commentary, I knew that I wasn't going to make it before Rosalie had crossed home plate. I didn't slow my pace, though, in hopes that what I saw playing out in my head wouldn't come true. After all, I had finally found my other half after almost a century of not even knowing that I was missing it . . . anything could happen, now, couldn't it? I smiled in Bella's direction, even though I knew she probably couldn't make out my expression from where she was sitting, and bolted out of the trees.

Rosalie was closing in on home, Carlisle was standing over the plate.

We both knew she'd never slide, so if I could get the ball there a split second before she did, I could save the run. Rosalie would be unbelievably angry, but that was only icing on the cake as the saying went.

I signaled to Carlisle that I was going to throw the ball, and he turned his attention in my direction. He extended his arm, put his left foot on home plate, and spread-eagle as far as he could into the path of the oncoming ball.

It happened so quickly, even for us. Rose's left foot slapped down just shy of home. Carlisle's arm stretched a little further, the toe of his loafer dragging to the edge of the base from the center. I saw Rose's eyes dart in the direction of the ball. Her right foot landed on the base . . . and then the ball slapped into Carlisle's awaiting hand.

"Safe," Esme called from her spot next to Bella.

Rosalie stopped her forward momentum with uncanny speed and launched herself into Emmett's awaiting arms. They embraced quickly, Rose wrapping her legs around Emmett's waist, and then it was back to baseball.

Emmett quickly took his place back behind home plate, and Jasper once again picked up the bat.

Carlisle tossed the ball quickly to Alice, and Alice set up to pitch, looking first to me to see if I was back into position. I nodded once, while Carlisle went back to his spot. Alice turned back to Jasper, who nodded that he was ready.

In less time than it took Bella to blink, Alice's hand had popped out again and the ball slapped into Emmett's awaiting palm.

Emmett jumped up, and threw the ball quickly back to Alice.

Another nod from Jasper, and Alice pitched again. This time, Jasper swung, but the ball still slapped into Emmett's hand.

"Come on, darlin'," Jasper teased, "give me sumpthin' a boy can hit!"

Alice winked, and thought for a moment before throwing out the last pitch.

Again, Jasper swung, but this time his bat made earsplitting contact. The ball howled through the air, as another clap of thunder rolled around the edge of the clearing. This time, though, it arched high in the air and I only had to move three steps to my left to catch it.

"Out!" Esme called as the ball landed soundly in my outstretched hand.

Without consulting with anyone out on the field, I hurried to Bella's side and sat on the grass beside her.

I couldn't help the huge smile on my face. "What do you think?" It felt so strange to have to actually _ask_ someone, and have to trust their answer completely. Once again, I realized just how much I had come to rely on my 'gift' in my every day interactions. Bella was a conundrum I could spend the rest of my existence trying to fathom.

"One thing's for sure," she said, looking up at me, "I'll never be able to sit through dull old Major League Baseball again."

Her eyes were dancing with . . . I had to assume joy. My smile grew even more. "And it sounds like you did so much of that before," I teased, laughing. I heard Esme's quiet gasp at the sound, and her thoughts became so much more joyful at the same instance.

Bella's chocolate brown eyes changed their expression ever-so-slightly. "I am a little disappointed," she said.

"Why?" I was genuinely perplexed.

"Well, it would be nice if I could find just one thing you didn't do better than everyone else on the planet," she quipped.

I was amused by her comment but, in some ways, concerned as well. Did she think we were in some way showing off? I had promised Alice that I wouldn't over-think things quite so much, and decided instead to just smile away Bella's jab.

The effect was instantaneous. Her breath caught, her heart lurched, and I felt as though whatever had fueled her jocularity came from good humor, for her lips were still turned up in a smile. I really wanted to kiss her, as happy as I felt we both were in that moment, but I didn't think it prudent in front of my mother.

"I'm up," I stated once her heart had settled back into its normal rhythm, and then headed for home plate where Alice stood with the bat.

Carlisle took over at catcher and, after handing me the bat with a wink, Alice went to stand near second base. Jasper took over as pitcher with Rosalie in the outfield and Emmett hovering between third and home.

I spared one glance over my shoulder at Bella, before taking a few practice swings. There was no real need for me to warm up, but I liked going through the motions nonetheless. After my second swing, I kept the bat positioned over my right shoulder, and nodded to Jasper that I was ready.

His first pitch went wide, and had we been playing in a normal game it would have been called a 'ball.' But, since I didn't hit it, it was my first strike. Up until this point, Bella and Esme had been chatting about Bella's life and family, but Esme was making a conscious effort to remain quiet. Bella was clearly intent on watching me at the plate, and I was flattered at the attention.

Carlisle tossed the ball back to Jasper, who set up immediately ready to pitch again. I nodded again. This time, I made contact. I tried, and succeeded in hitting it away from Rosalie, and sent it low and long just out of Emmett's reach. He grunted as the ball streaked by him, and I chuckled. He took off after it. I thought he'd be able to catch it immediately, but I'd hit it low enough that it skittered by his outstretched hand. I ran for first base, keeping my eyes on Emmett and the ball. I tagged first. Emmett was gaining on it and the ball was dropping toward the ground. I slowed as I approached second. The ball was only a fraction of an inch from the ground now. I tagged second, and hesitated.

The ball had rolled off Emmett's fingertips in the same moment my foot landed on the plate – he was always trying to muscle the ball where he wanted it instead of finessing it into his hand – but he had control now and was gunning the ball to Jasper who was standing on third. I ran through the base and kept going. Jasper's lips turned up in a sly grin, giving away the position of the ball and I back-pedaled to second.

Jasper slapped his thigh with his empty hand, cupping the ball in his other.

I laughed as Emmett trotted back to his position, shaking his head, and mentally admonishing himself for letting that one get by his outstretched fingers. Rose was by his side in an instant, gave him a quick kiss on the cheek, and went back to her spot in the outfield.

Alice and Carlisle conferred in their silent way, and then Alice crouched back down into the catcher position. Carlisle swung the bat a couple of times and then signaled he was ready. Alice nodded. I took three long sideways steps away from second. Rosalie whistled. Emmett ran to my base and Jasper spun to throw the ball to him just before I made it back there.

_So, that's their signal this time_ I thought. _Of course, now they will change it._

Carlisle swung at Jasper's first pitch, and the contact was louder, by far, than the claps of thunder than had recently been rolling around the clearing. Only Emmett hit it harder than Carlisle, but no one had his accuracy. The ball shot like a missile directly between Emmett and Rosalie's assigned areas of the field. Both of them went charging in to the trees after the ball.

I rounded on third as they crashed through the underbrush and Carlisle crossed first. A few seconds later I crossed home plate. I thought I heard a tree crack and fall as Carlisle rounded on third.

_The ball must've shot through a tree, or Emmett did._

I looked over at Esme and Bella and, once again, I felt extreme pride. As much as I wished, at times, that I was human and the people in this clearing were my real family a part of me was glad that Esme couldn't tell Bella embarrassing stories of my childhood. At the moment, Esme was telling Bella what had drawn her to teaching before her baby was born. Bella was surprised to hear that a lot of Esme's reasons were the same as Renee's.

Carlisle tagging home plate snapped me out of my eavesdropping, and I turned just in time to return Alice's high five and clap Carlisle on the back. Emmett and Rose jogged up to home plate to return the ball to Jasper and to heckle our celebration.

Alice was up next, so I took over as pitcher. Her first hit was a light touch that sent the ball straight up and behind, nearly coming down directly on my head. I snagged it out of the air and tossed it back to Jasper. Had we been playing a normal game, she would have been out, but we called it a strike.

"Bet she didn't see _that _coming," Rose sniped as she jumped up on her toes a few times.

"How do you make a blonde's eyes twinkle, Rose?" Jasper teased from the mound. "Nothin'? You shine a flashlight in 'er ear."

"Children!" Esme snapped quietly. If Bella heard, she didn't comment.

Alice slapped home plate with her bat, effectively shutting them up for now. Emmett was trying to stifle a chuckle by turning it into a low growl . . . and failing.

Alice and Jasper exchanged another terse nod, and Jasper's arm quickly swung out with his second pitch. Alice swung with all her might. And missed. The ball crashed into my hand and I hopped up and tossed it back to Jasper. His next pitch was closer to the plate and Alice cracked a long line drive down the third baseline. I sucked in a worried breath as that was the side where Bella and Esme sat, but Alice tsked me, shaking her head.

"Like I'd let _that_ happen, Edward," she called over her shoulder as she ran to first base. Emmett was charging after the ball, purposefully swinging wide of them as he ran. Carlisle waved Alice on to second, unsure if she'd get to keep the bases as fast as Emmett was gaining on the ball.

"Catch it, Em!" Rose yelled from the right outfield.

"Working on it, Rose," he called back.

I didn't know if Bella could make out what we were saying as we heckled and jeered each other, or if the sound was muffled by the thunder, or obscured by the speed at which we ran.

Rose ran to stand on third.

Carlisle waved at Alice to stop on second.

Jazz ran to stand on home plate.

Alice half danced, half ran to second.

Emmett scraped the ball from the bracken and threw it to Rose, in case Alice decided to try for another base.

I was up to bat again, so Carlisle took my place as catcher. I didn't have to look over my shoulder this time to see if Bella was watching; Rosalie had a fixed glare on her face that told me all I needed to know. My first contact sent the ball on a line drive down the first baseline. Rose was quick to snag the ball out of the air and throw for second as Alice ran back to tag the base before Jasper caught the ball to tag her out.

Carlisle and I switched places. Alice remained on second, inching away from the base silently.

Honestly, Jasper didn't need us to let him know when we were ready, but we all went through the motions anyway. After a nod from Carlisle, he snapped out a pitch. It was a slider that arched down over the plate and slammed into my hand. The sound of the ball slapping against my hand rang in my ears, I couldn't imagine what it sounded like to Bella.

Carlisle backed away from the plate with a grunt, dropping the barrel of the bat to the ground. His thoughts cycled through the best of Jasper's pitches. As he stepped back up to the plate, Alice gasped.

All of us out in the field stood from our crouches, our attentions turned to the pixie standing four feet from second base. Her expression was far away. She was in the throes of a vision.

_Three nomads, running through the forest, fifty miles from here. _

_The woman, two men, from her other visions. The ones Emmett and Esme were due to encounter on a hunting trip._

_The crack of Carlisle's hit reverberated, and the woman's head snapped around toward the sound._

_ Flash forward a few minutes . . . _

_The redhead leading, they change direction, following the familiar sweet scent of others of their kind._

_Quickly approaching a clearing . . . _this_ clearing._

_The three of them looking through the trees at us; one of them a sure hunter – light on his feet in the forest, one a old vampire – almost as old as Carlisle – and a woman, almost cat-like in her mannerisms than the humans she hunted._

"Alice?" Esme's concern was evident in the pitch of her voice.

"I didn't see – I couldn't tell," Alice stammered through the edges of what she was seeing.

With all of us but Esme and Bella standing around her, now, Alice's fists were clenched at her sides. Esme and Bella were approaching the rest of us, hand-in-hand.

Carlisle's voice took on the tone of a father, "What is it, Alice?" He was firm, but not scolding her. Concern and curiosity swirled in his thoughts.

Still not entirely focused, Alice spoke barely above a whisper, "They were traveling much quicker than I thought. I can see I had the perspective wrong before."

A look of confusion crossed Bella's face, understanding flickered in the eyes of the rest of my family.

Jasper stood directly in front Alice, trying to bring her focus back to the now with his presence. "What changed?" His voice was so tender, so worried, it almost felt like peering through the keyhole at something you should politely turn your head from.

Fully returned to her senses, Alice's voice regained its strength. "They heard us playing, and it changed their path," her voice was apologetic, pleading. Her eyes were wide, afraid.

My family's eyes all flickered to Bella's – very human – face and then looked away, all hoping she didn't notice their concern. Only Rosalie's eyes lingered, venomous.

_We are going to have to end the game because of _her, _aren't we? _Rose's inaudible voice was dripping with malice.

Carlisle kept his head, shelved his concern for a moment. "How soon?" The question was directed at Alice, but Carlisle's eyes bored into mine, questioning. He knew I could replay the vision with perfect accuracy, and calculate their time of arrival at our game.

"Less than five minutes," I said, rounding up, they would actually arrive in four minutes and thirty-seven seconds. "They're running," I explained, more for Bella's sake, "they want to play."

On the heels of the calculations came the realization that I had put Bella in very real, very mortal danger.

"Can you make it?" Carlisle asked. His eyes darted to Bella, his thoughts on escape and me carrying her through the trees.

"No, not carrying -" I cut myself off, I didn't want her to panic about me carrying her again. "Besides, the last thing we need is for them to catch the scent and start hunting."

Emmett was preparing for a fight. He asked Alice, "How many?"

"Three," she said with certainty. We hadn't told Esme, Emmett or Rose what she'd seen before. We thought we'd had more time.

"Three!" He laughed, "Let them come." He unconsciously stood in a modified most muscular pose, the muscles in his arms rippling. For a nanosecond, I wanted to change bodies with him. I would never admit as much to his face, though. My gift had its uses in a fight, just as much as his muscles.

The following silence was deafening. My family's thoughts were not. Rose was put out. Esme worried about everyone and everything – afraid for Bella, that one of us would get hurt if we had to defend her, and even considering running her out of the clearing herself.. Emmett picturing himself defending the family, dispatching the three nomads single-handedly, not even stopping to consider that they could be friendly. He was ready to defend Bella, at any cost. Carlisle was still trying to fathom an effective way to remove Bella from the situation. Alice was upset with herself, for not looking for other ways for the nomads to cross our path. And Jasper. Jasper was part concern for his mate – he knew she would never forgive herself for this supposed slip of her foresight – and part military strategist.

We all looked to Carlisle, though, to guide us.

After a very long few seconds, he spoke, "Let's just continue the game." Carlisle was determined this would just be the meet-and-greet Alice had seen before. His voice didn't betray the concern his thoughts held. "Alice said they were simply curious."

Everyone had forgotten to act human for a moment, but once Carlisle spoke we all started our human movements again. I wondered if Bella noticed the change.

Esme turned to me, and spoke low and fast so that Bella couldn't hear. "Did Alice see? Does anyone get hurt? Are they thirsty, Edward?"

I only shook my head, but the relief that simple motion brought Esme was obvious. I could tell she was still frightened, but the knowledge that Alice didn't see anyone getting hurt relaxed her. She started to take Bella's hand, and lead her back to the edge of our field, but I stepped in between them.

"You catch, Esme," _I'm the fastest runner we have _I thought to myself, "I'll call it now."

Rose, Emmett, Carlisle, and Jasper returned to their places on the field. Instead of to the catcher's position, Alice stayed near Bella. As did Esme; Alice was still berating herself for not seeing the nomads' change of plans, and resolving to stay near Bella to make up for it. Esme was being a typical Mom, worrying about all of her children – even the one she had just adopted.

_You've got to do something about her stench, Edward,_ Rosalie snapped.

"Take your hair down," I almost barked at Bella. I couldn't _believe_ how stupid I had been, bringing her here, thinking we could do this. This _unnatural_ paring was just that. It could never work. Why did I let myself _feel _like this?

_As if you could have helped it, _Alice chastised me, her voice always the loudest in my mind. I raised an eyebrow at my sister in response. _What? I know you. I know what you're thinking, Edward. Live. In. The. Moment. _And then her eyes, and the eyes of the rest of my family, scanned the trees again.

While we had this little exchange, Bella took slipped her hair from its elastic tie and shook that silky mahogany mane down around her face and shoulders. That small movement sent waves of her appetizing aroma washing over me. A battering ram of fire slammed into the back of my throat. I suppressed a shudder.

"The others are coming now," Bella stated rather than asked.

"Yes," I answered, trying to hide both the agony I was feeling and the panic I was starting to feel, "stay very still, keep quiet, and don't move from my side, please." I knew my words were too harsh, that Bella could probably see through the calm I was trying to project. Non-vegetarian nomads – that I had only glimpsed, but thought were wild, uncivilized – were coming _here_ near the _one thing_ I had decided I couldn't live without, that would smell almost as good to them as she does to me. I touched her hair, pulled more of it forward, over her shoulders.

Alice shook her head. "That won't help," her voice was quiet, the joyful sound of bells dull from her feeling responsible for whatever mess was coming, "I could smell her across the field."

"I know," I confessed. I looked at Alice, pleading with her to see that this would turn out alright. A small shake of her coal-black hair was the only answer she had for me.

_They don't know there's a human here, so I can't tell what decision they'll make when they smell her. I'm so sorry, Edward. I didn't see. I didn't know. _Alice's voice whispered inside my head, apologetic and pleading.

I didn't blame her. I blamed myself. What _had_ I been thinking? Why had I even entertained the _idiotic_ notion of allowing Bella out in the open when those nomads were even in the _Pacific Northwest_? I was angry, and I'm sure Alice sensed it, but I had to hope that she wouldn't think I was angry with her.

Alice reluctantly left my side to return to second base. Carlisle stood in position to bat again. Rosalie was the only one who stood as far out as she had before, defiant. Emmett stood between Alice and Carlisle, much closer in. I saw Esme glance over at Rose, and the look my mother gave the blonde must have been deadly, because Rose ran, very quickly, closer to the rest of us.

Bella was looking down at her hands, and although I had no idea what she was thinking, I almost wished for some sign of the panic that this situation really deserved.

Instead, she whispered, "What did Esme ask you?"

I opened my mouth, intent on telling her the truth, but I couldn't form the words. I couldn't think about them being thirsty, I wouldn't. Alice's vision was clear on the color of their eyes . . . blood red. I suppressed another tremor of anger. Or was it fear?

After a moment, I was able to speak. "Whether or not they were hungry," I mumbled against clenched teeth.

We stood in silence. The colorful, or perhaps off-color, banter that had kept us laughing and jeering had stopped. It was as though I was watching a game on the television, with the mute button pressed. Everyone's expressions were grim. Well, everyone's but Rosalie's. She still looked angry.

Carlisle hit the next pitch, but a bunt was never much of a test for Emmett. I should have batted next, but Esme took my turn. She hit a low bunt just out of reach of Emmett's extended arm. Even our bunts sounded like thunder, and traveled further than any of us would have liked. In the moments it took him to stand back up to chase the ball, Alice made it to third. Rosalie tagged Mom out at second, so Carlisle was up again.

Bella watched, not saying a word, and although her heart was racing I couldn't glean any other sense of stress from her. _Will you ever react to the danger we present properly? _I wondered. I almost said it aloud, but I didn't for risk of the nomads being able to hear us somehow.

My family was playing, but only going through the motions. Every few seconds, someone would stop and scan the trees around us, straining to hear that which wasn't there yet. The only one who looked elsewhere was Rose. More than once, I felt her glare burning from me to Bella, and I was glad I was ignoring her thoughts. I could hear the anger in her internal voice, but I refused to let myself hear her words. She wasn't yelling anything at me that I hadn't already said to myself.

I didn't take my eyes off the trees. I knew they were coming, and approximately which direction they were traveling from Alice's vision. I didn't want to miss them. I wanted to hear their intentions before they arrived.

"I'm sorry, Bella," I spoke through my anger, my regret. "It was stupid, irresponsible, to expose you like this. I'm so sorry."

The breath I didn't need to take caught in my throat. I could hear them. One mind sharp, seeing everything, the one tracking our scent to the clearing. The female: wild, strong, cat-like, the mate of the tracker. And the last, the older: genuinely curious, but also wary of the number of different vampire scents that they were following. I'd have to keep the fact that I knew these things about them already to myself. We hid our gifts from others as much as possible in self-preservation.

I could hear their silent voices clearly now as they approached from right field. Alice's vision was right that they weren't thirsty, they all felt sated, full.

_That could change if they smell her, _the monster whispered. I was all too aware of how things could change.

I took half a step in front of Bella, trying to shield her from the three nomads as my family froze for a moment, and then turned as one toward the sounds I knew we could now all hear.

Danger was about to enter the clearing. Danger that I wouldn't be able to gauge until it was too late. I began, again, to doubt my sanity as I heard the thoughts of five of my six family members change from wary to defensive.

_A/N: So so so sorry this chapter has been so long in coming!_

_ I also feel the need to apologize for my abismal knowledge of baseball. I've never been a fan, and when I attempted to learn the mechanics and rules, I had to take into account that there were only SIX people/vampires on the field and that most of those rules wouldn't really apply! Then there was the fact that, clearly, some of those vampire were scoring . . . so their extraordinary vampire skills had to be flawed in some way in order to let that happen, or there had to be * similar * rules but with vampire twists (like if the ball crashes through a tree before it's caught, it isn't an out). Also, Bella's observation of the game had to be a tiny bit flawed for things to have happened the way SM recorded them (ie there's no way the score could have been only 1-0 for Emmett/Jasper/Rosalie's team if things happened the way she said and Edward caught the third out). So, for those reasons, and my complete * inability * to be able to understand a game where the ball isn't kicked with feet, but hit with sticks, is why this was a) so hard for me to write and b) is so utterly lacking in baseball details. And, of course, because Edward lives so much in his own head, focused on one Isabella Swan._

_ As always, any reviews are appreciated. Even the three word kind! And the critical ones, as it gives me an insight I perhaps hadn't thought of._

_ Enjoy!_

_ Oh, and click the link below for SM's post regarding what Emmett's Jeep looked like. (It's from her website, if for some reason the link doesn't work.)_

www. /features/jeep/0708_4wd_1997_jeep_tj/photo_


	20. Chapter 19, The Hunt, Part 1

Chapter 19 – The Hunt – Part 1

As the strangers drew closer, the tenor of the thoughts I could hear became clearer. They'd been traveling, hunting, that much was clear. That they weren't vegetarians had been evident in Alice's visions, the threesome's thoughts were of one mind: baseball. The elder vampire was the only one who seemed to have noted the number of vampire scents they were following, but I didn't think for a second the other one, the hunter, had missed it. Playing baseball with others of their kind seemed to be their current desire. And that was the thing, wasn't it? These vampires were used to acting on their every whim. The reoccurring theme within the vegetarian covens was, in effect, self-control.

Self-control. Precisely. And I had been completely lacking in it, bringing Bella here out in the open when I _knew_ this group of unknowns were in the area.

I couldn't spare another second berating myself for what I _should_ have done, as much as I wanted to.

The strangers were here, now, and protecting Bella needed to be my main focus. Period.

As they broke through the trees, I simultaneously noted their physical features and matched up their internal voices.

The hunter was of average build and height. With most of us there was an allure – it was all part of the predator's make up – that made us seem more attractive to the humans that were our prey. However, he was almost nondescript. His hair was a light brown almost light enough to be a sandy blond, but long and dull, tied back at the nape of his neck. He was slender, but muscular, and not exceptionally tall. He was first to emerge from the forest, but hung back, and waited for the others to take the lead. His clothes appeared old and worn, with the hems and knees of his jeans frayed and his thick canvas shirt appeared to be thin at the elbows.

His thoughts were very organized, and yet very chaotic. He seemed to see everything at once, and then immediately began sizing up what he saw for the element of threat it provided. He had kept the others on-course to meet us, though, seeing even our tracks through the forest, tracks that we were careful to keep to a nearly imperceptible minimum. The woman had kept insisting we were closer to the town, and he was taking satisfaction in the fact that he had been right . . . again. Tracking and hunting were games to him; games he obviously thoroughly enjoyed. And something seemed to irritate him about Alice. His thoughts didn't linger there long, but a sense of surprise and annoyance did.

The woman was, to put it mildly, wild. Her hair was shockingly red, ranging in every color from a light strawberry blond to a deep rust color with every shade of red and orange in-between. There were even leaves and twigs tangled in her long hair, adding to her wild appearance. She had been young when she'd been changed, and appeared to be about the same age as Bella. Her movements, down the slight twist of her head, were very cat-like and quick as if she had spent more time as a vampire than a human. Her wardrobe, much like the first male's, seemed hap hazard, something I was unfamiliar with due to the constant ministrations of my sisters. It seemed, in the eccentricity of it all, that perhaps she took an item she admired from each of her human victims, but I couldn't be sure. She wore the same worn, thick clothing and, when looking at her, I realized they were all barefoot.

Her thoughts were as quick and jarring as her movements. She was concentrating on the various ways her little group could escape this clearing, without actually _finishing_ any of the thoughts so that I could alert my family. Strange. She was clearly the reason these three were nomadic, as well, because even our small coven frightened her. She longed to be back in the woods, traveling, and being in constant motion. Being with even this small number of people made her uncomfortable.

The second male _seemed_ the elder of the three, both in vampire years and human ones. He was taller than the first male, with a more muscled form, and glossy black hair. His complexion was more olive than the other two, hinting at a more exotic heritage than the rest of his little group. The first male had ducked back behind this one, trying to convey that the second was their leader, but his thoughts betrayed the truth. He smiled in a relaxed manner that was slightly disarming to me, given how utterly tense I was.

Like the others, his attire was worn and old, but he seemed somehow less ragged. He held himself with an air of royalty, or confidence that came from somewhere within. His jeans were an older style, his shirt more fitted, as if he had taken the time to have it tailored or had adjusted it to fit him better. He seemed somehow more refined and reserved, so I understood why the others had chosen him to be their speaker.

He seemed to be able to tell who the "leader" of our little group was, his eyes darting to Carlisle more than the rest of us. In fact, he seemed a bit confused about us, intrigued at the strange color of our eyes.

_Edward, you stay with Bella, _Carlisle commanded silently, _because even carrying her, you are faster than the rest of us. I'll take Emmett and Jasper out to meet them half way, maybe they won't be as distracted by her scent out there. Or maybe they will think it's a lingering scent from a hunter. _

Carlisle was much more confident in both my speed and their ignorance than I was.

No sooner had my brothers and father begun walking toward the three new-comers, the three of them stood more upright. It was as if they had just realized that they were in the company of civilized people instead of prey.

The elder, Laurent apparently, smiled again as Carlisle approached. His red eyes lingered on Carlisle's gold ones and thought it strange that all of us would wear contacts. Jasper was testing their emotions before he would let Carlisle take even a single step closer.

_Curiosity at our somewhat hostile stances, _Jasper reported back to me, _and the one out front seems extremely interested in Carlisle. The blond is surprised about something. The woman is cautious, calculating, and wild. I don't sense any malice. They haven't smelled Bella, yet, either._

Jazz nodded almost imperceptibly toward Carlisle, who took a couple of steps closer to the nomads, holding out his hand in welcome.

_So, he _is_ the leader, _thought Laurent, smiling again.

The woman was looking at my sisters and my mother, thinking it strange that they seemed so polished, so refined. The hunter had turned his thoughts toward the game they had all heard over the storm.

Laurent took the few steps toward Carlisle, and I saw the muscles in Emmett's back flex.

"Easy, Emmett," I whispered.

Emmett's shoulders rose in a slight chuckle, his thoughts dismissive of my concern.

"We thought we heard a game," Laurent spoke with slight inflections of a French accent, perhaps from Niger. "I'm Laurent," he said, touching his chest, "these are Victoria and James." He indicated the redhead and then the other male as he spoke their names.

Carlisle's stance relaxed somewhat, although I doubted that anyone outside of our family could tell. Jasper was concentrating on trying not to project calmness, even though he desperately wanted to. We tried to hide our "gifts" when meeting new vampires, in order to not attract undo attention. The fact that we were such a large group was curious enough to most of the vampires we had encountered.

"I'm Carlisle," he stated in a clear voice. "This is my family, Emmett and Jasper," he indicated to his right then left, "Rosalie, Esme and Alice, Edward and Bella," he indicated the rest of less specifically.

I heard Bella's sharp intake of breath as her name was spoken and wished, not for the first time in the last few minutes, that I hadn't brought her today.

Laurent glanced over Carlisle's shoulder at the groups of us, his thoughts a mixture of curious wonder at the familial aspect that he saw and eagerness to play baseball with those of his kind. He remembered thinking the sport silly until actually trying it ages ago. _I wonder why they seem so tense _he thought _what are they hiding?_

James and Victoria continued to look all of us over carefully, and I actually found myself oddly thankful that Bella's skin was so pale. She hadn't had much of a tan when she'd arrived, and her paleness helped mask her humanness at the moment.

Victoria was clearly enamored with James, but I couldn't tell from his thoughts if they were an actual couple. She seemed to seethe with hatred every time she looked at Rosalie. I supposed that wasn't much different than the reaction that most human women had, but it surprised me that one so wild would resent someone for her beauty.

James was clearly ready to play, pretending to warm up without a bat, but his thoughts weren't on the game at all. He kept stealing glances at Alice. He knew something about her, I could tell, but he wasn't thinking about what he knew so I couldn't figure out what it was. He was trying to decide if he would follow her, after the game. The fact that he was somehow familiar with Alice was the only thought that I was able to grasp.

The thought that he knew something about her was disturbing. I tried to catch Alice's eye to give her some kind of signal, but she was concentrating so hard on feeling guilty about not seeing the nomads and trying to see their next move that I couldn't seize her attention.

Carlisle was speaking, as I was eavesdropping on the visitors' thoughts. I heard him say that we were finishing up the game, which gained him a glare from Rose. "But we'd certainly be interested another time," he was guarded, but friendly. "Are you planning to stay in the area for long?" His casual question was one that was on _all_ of our minds.

Laurent glanced at James, his thoughts unsure of how much he should say. He decided on the truth, when receiving no instructions from the other vampire. "We're headed north, in fact, but we were curious to see who was in the neighborhood. We haven't run into any company in a long time." His thoughts flickered over the last few years of "mindless wandering" and seemed genuinely curious about us.

"No," _you wouldn't_, Carlisle thought briefly about warning Tanya that nomads might be coming her way, "this region is usually empty except for us and the occasional visitor, like yourselves."

James tensed at my father's admission that we seemed to know so much about the area. _Do they stay here? _He wondered, thoughts lingering on the number of humans nearby that would provide endless fodder for him. _They're so weak, they aren't much fun to chase,_ his thoughts took a turn I didn't like and I tried to block them out.

Sensing my increasing apprehension, Jasper started emanating calm. Although it helped me to think a little clearer through my increasing panic, it did nothing to change the tenor of my thoughts.

Laurent and Carlisle settled into easy banter about the area, and how we were able to use the large parcel of land unnoticed, but that only held a fraction of my attention. I was searching the thoughts of the hunter who, although not thirsty, was still predatory and strangely fixated on Alice. He examined her features carefully, trying to compare them to a huddled and dirty human form in his memory.

His thoughts, again, didn't linger so it was impossible to deduce the connections there.

James's thoughts turned quickly to the curiosity that we presented to him and his group as Carlisle answered a question of Laurent's somewhat unexpectedly.

"We keep a permanent residence nearby," Carlisle's words replayed in his head a couple of times as he, once again, took in our clean and refined appearances.

Laurent had leaned back a bit on his heels at the admission, but James had been quite shocked.

"Permanent? How do you manage that?" Laurent's shock was colored with honest curiosity and his strange draw toward Carlisle became more defined with his words. James and Victoria were not as able, or just not as quick, to cover their shocked expressions. Victoria even going so far as to take a step back, feeling somewhat threatened by the idea of being even _further_ inside what she seemed to perceive as enemy territory. She was formulating reasons to leave in her mind, but dismissing each one as too transparent.

Carlisle had switched from guarded ambassador to humble host at Laurent's interest and the change hadn't gone unnoticed by the olive-skinned vampire. "Why don't you come back to our home with us and we can talk comfortably," he suggested, latching on to Laurent's inquisitiveness hoping to both lend Bella and I the chance to escape and to convert another vampire to vegetarianism. "It's a rather long story," he continued, trying not to seem as desperate to move the discussion as he was.

Laurent's answering smile hid the private debate in his thoughts about whether this was the chance he'd been looking for to separate from James, or if this was just another distraction along the way. The idea of sitting inside what was sure to be an impressive house was intriguing to him as well. They'd been moving for so long, he was weary of the nomadic life. "That sounds very interesting, and welcome," he said as he pondered the repercussions of the decision he was about to make. "We've been on the hunt all the way down from Ontario, and we haven't had the chance to clean up in a while." Mentally, he took stock of his sturdy, but threadbare, clothes and lack of shoes compared to Carlisle's casual but well-tailored appearance.

Bella was trying to stay as still as the rest of us who weren't trying as hard to keep up our human facade as we usually did since we were in the company of others of our kind, but even though I appreciated the effort, there was nothing she could do to disguise the beating of her heart. I believed that I had Jasper's ministrations to thank for the fact that the sound hadn't permeated their notice, and no matter the outcome, I would be grateful for his efforts.

"Please don't take offense," Carlisle was saying, "but we'd appreciate it if you'd refrain from hunting in this immediate area. We have to stay inconspicuous, you understand."

Something stirred at the outskirts of Alice's extra sense, then, but it was so fleeting and unclear that neither of us were able to capture the image. The flicker had sent Alice down another path of self-criticism so dark that I almost completely missed Laurent's admission that the threesome had hunted outside of Seattle. I didn't miss, however, Bella's subtle shiver at his words. It sent another shock-wave of guilt through me from where our hands were joined that even Jasper must have felt underneath the calm he was projecting.

"We'll show you the way if you'd like to run with us – Emmett and Alice, you can go with Edward and Bella to get the Jeep," Carlisle's voice betrayed none of the concern of his thoughts. He was splitting us up in a very strategic way. Lending me Emmett's brawn and Alice's foresight, while keeping Jasper with himself, Rosalie, and Esme in order to keep the mood of the meeting light.

When Carlisle had begun to speak, the storm winds swirled. There would have been nothing extraordinary about that given our location, except for the fact that it had changed direction. All of a sudden Bella's scent was no longer in the background, being carried away by the wind and easily overlooked as one that had been left by a passing hiker. It assailed all of us so much so that even Jasper's efforts at soothing the tension presented by the strangers wavered for a moment.

And a moment was all it took to change _everything_.

Bella's hair was falling back down around her shoulders, and I rooted myself to the spot where I stood, not wanting to draw James's attention any further. I knew any movement or acknowledgment would trigger his predatory instincts. _Too late_, I sighed internally, as the other vampire's head whipped around in a blur his eyes darkening and his nostrils wide, trying to find where the scent had come from. Some of the red had leeched from his eyes I noticed as he saw Bella – really saw her – for the first time.

The stance of my family, relaxed and welcoming, changed almost as quickly as the winds had. All of us became rigid, defensive, and had the situation been different I might have been moved by the fact that Rose's stance had also changed. There wasn't time for that now. Eight vampire minds erupted in a frenzy. Two intent on feeding, even though thoroughly sated, and five resolute on defending the object of their desire. Only one seemed curious and indecisive . . . Laurent's.

_What a savory smell. Is she some sort of servant, hoping to be changed? Anne told me about the practice, but I never dreamed I'd see a human so comfortable around us. But, there's not a mark on her. I wonder if she knows what she's in for. _Victoria's thoughts were contemplative, with a twisted amusement at "the girl's" evident horror for she incorrectly deduced that Bella was some sort of thrall who's expression of fright was due to the number of vampires now surrounding her.

But it was James's thoughts that destroyed any civil thoughts that remained in my head. _A human. Some kind of pet? I will drain her dry, slowly, her blood smells decadent. _

I snarl ripped from my throat as he imagined all the places where he'd bite her, taste her, seal the bites, and move on to the next spot. I crouched, ready to spring at the trio, my lips pulling back from my teeth in a truly animalistic response to a threat.

I had to loosen my grip on Bella's hand to place my body between the newcomers and her. I heard her teeth chatter as she shivered. Either she'd finally grasped the danger she was in or the wind was colder than I'd thought.

All that happened within a second. Laurent was first to recover from the shock.

"What's this?" His voice was incredulous. James was crouching now, too, toward me. Victoria was leaning a bit toward him, her instinct to flee making her twitch with the effort not to run.

James planned a lunge at Bella, and I leaned slightly in the direction of his planned movement.

"She's with us," Carlisle snapped in the direction of James. His concern for Bella's safety was the forefront of his thoughts, to the near detriment of his normally civilized demeanor.

Laurent was slower to process the actions those around him, until a second breeze stirred Bella's scent in his direction. Understanding dawned quickly over Laurent's face and thoughts, and he took a mesmerized step forward.

"You brought a snack?" he sneered, eyes opening widely in surprise, thoughts skeptical.

His thoughts weren't as sinister as James's had been, but the tenor of them tore another snarl from me. The ferocity of it broke Laurent's revelry, and took a step back.

The thought that I was irrevocably frightening Bella flitted across my conscious mind, but I resolved to worry about that particular problem at a later time. The thought crossed my mind that this would be the moment when she ran away from me for good. I shook my head, trying to clear the thoughts from my mind, as crushing as they were.

"I said she's with us," Carlisle's voice was now cold, threatening.

"But she's _human_," Laurent responded, his voice a bewildered whine. He was still drawn, inexplicably, to Carlisle, but his thoughts were now a perplexed jumble.

Emmett, his thoughts usually light-hearted, was eager to end this confrontation and was suddenly at our father's side.

"Yes," Carlisle confirmed, staring down James.

James's thoughts were resolved. The hunt would wait. He knew he had no chance against all of us, who were clearly so ready to defend Bella. He cautiously moved from his crouch to a more relaxed standing position. His eyes never left Bella as he moved, so I didn't move from protective posture. I didn't for a second think he was really backing down. His thoughts were disappointed and, with that feeling of defeat his eyes flickered quickly back to Alice before trying to stare through me at Bella again.

I would _not_ let my guard down again.

Laurent, sensing the impasse, held his hands out palms-up at his sides. _I don't want this to end in conflict_, he thought, _I could learn much from these odd kin._ "It appears we have a lot to learn about each other," he said, trying to diffuse the now-tense situation and fearing he would not be able to uncover the reason for his draw toward Carlisle.

"Indeed," came Carlisle's still-chilly response.

Laurent was quickly trying to come up with ways to repair the damage done by James's _usual untoward behavior._ "But we'd like to accept your invitation," he stated quietly, glancing quickly at me then back at Carlisle. It seemed he was used to diffusing situations with James. "And, of course, we will not harm the human girl. We won't hunt in your range, as I said." He wasn't sure either was a promise he could keep for James, but he didn't want trouble with such a large group. Especially while still curious about Carlisle.

James fixed a look of both disdain and annoyance on Laurent, and then looked to Victoria whose thoughts were still a fractured mess of escape and complete trust in James. Her eyes didn't stay in one place for long, seemingly dismissing each of us as impermanent fixtures in her long life.

Carlisle studied Laurent for a moment, waiting for some cue from either him, or Alice, or me that the vampire with the crimson eyes didn't mean what he said. I wasn't going to be of any help to him. I could only hear what he was thinking. Alice could see what he was deciding. All Alice could see was Laurent leading a curious James and a wary Victoria toward our home. The conversation as they traveled changed, as did whether James was with them, but Laurent seemed sincere to even our enhanced abilities.

James's thoughts lingered on what Bella's blood would taste like, comparing it to drinking from a heroin-addled waif a few years ago. Imagining it having the same bitter flavor and burst of euphoria, before the venom in his system burned it away. He wasn't thinking about acting on it, but he _was_ curious to what lengths I would protect my _pet_.

I had to get her out of here.

Protect her.

Then, I had to break both of our hearts.

Mine would be no easier to break just because it was no longer beating. To leave was the only way to keep her safe.

"We'll show you the way. Jasper, Rosalie, Esme?" Carlisle's suggestion was evident in his voice. _We're going home, Edward, get Bella safe _were his words for only me.

Before they left, Jasper used his vampire speed to first kiss Alice on the cheek before blurring to Carlisle's side. Rosalie glared at Emmett before joining our father; her vehemence at having to stop the game was as axiomatic in her thoughts as it was on her face. Emmett shrugged apologetically before backing away from the confrontation and toward Bella and I – keeping his eyes on James – effectively blocking her from James's view. He was still ready for a fight, ready to defend his new definition of family, and keeping eye-contact with James was his way of communicating that to the smaller vampire. Esme looked over her shoulder at Bella, her expression grave, and then quietly placed her hand in Carlisle's. A split second before the three strangers and half of my family made for the trees, James winked in Alice's direction.

The motion surprised me, but his thoughts were firmly rooted in the present.

"Let's go, Bella." My voice seemed a hollow even to my ears.

She didn't move.

I spared a moment I didn't really have to look at her. Her eyes were wide, her face a lighter shade of pale than usual, but there was nothing else to indicate she was having the appropriate flight response. Bella had all but grown roots down into the spot where she stood.

She stared at the spot where my parents, sister, and brother-in-law stood. Carlisle was giving directions, even though he intended to lead the newcomers straight to the house, trying to buy the rest of us some time to get Bella out of sight. He hoped that James's interest was only temporary, and that being able to wash and complete other sundries would distract him further.

I wasn't so sure.

Within a second, I grabbed Bella's elbow, pulling more sharply than I meant to in my haste. I hoped, somewhat futile, that my fingers hadn't bruised her. I wasn't sure I could bear hurting her, when I had already put her in so much danger with my carelessness.

I took several vampire steps forward, realizing a half a moment later that a quick retreat would attract James's attention further. He'd want to hunt Bella, just to engage me, if I ran like I was afraid. She stumbled along beside me, even though my pace was no faster than a human would usually walk. Fear made her more clumsy.

As soon as the others left the clearing, Alice's string of both near-silent and silent apologies started. What she didn't whisper to low for Bella to hear, she showed me with her mind. I didn't have time to comfort her now, and she knew it.

"Alice, stop. We need to focus on getting Bella safely away. Watch the tracker's thoughts," I whispered back, "and, please, find a way that I can save her. He may not want her now, but he's _going_ to want her. Our reactions set him off. If we'd all seemed uninterested in Bella's safety, perhaps we wouldn't be in this mess."

"Or she'd be dead, Edward. That's not a future I want to see."

_He still hasn't decided what to do _she thought. _He wanted to see how you reacted as we split off from the rest. He's determined to go and listen to what Carlisle has to say_.

The "for now" at the end of her sentence was understood.

_I'll keep watching, let you know if his mind changes._

Her mind went quiet, searching the future; trying to find some way out of this.

Emmett's was busy scanning the trees around us for any sign that the strangers had left Carlisle's company and decided to start a fight. His shoulders were still slightly raised, as if he were trying to make himself seem bigger. Like he needed to, the trio of vampires had taken in his bulk almost immediately.

Finally. We'd made it to the trees without attracting their attention. Rather unceremoniously, I threw Bella back onto my back. I didn't bother to try and coddle her into closing her eyes, or making sure she was comfortable. I was both horrified that I didn't, and aware that we didn't have time to spare.

_He's going to come, Edward. The light is different. I don't know. I can't see –_

"Be. Certain," I hissed through gnashing teeth as we careened through the dense forest back to the Jeep. Speed was of the essence, but so was silence. I knew if James decided to track us, he would simply follow our scent, but I hoped the confines of the Jeep would at least bide us some time. If there was any chance that James was near, we couldn't even risk speaking our plans aloud. Fortunately, he didn't know of my ability to read minds, and would probably come within my range without realizing it. That wasn't something I could count on, however.

The more I heard Alice's constant scanning of the future, the angrier I became. I wasn't angry with Alice, despite what she told herself with parts of her mind that she tried to keep hidden. I _was_ angry that she hadn't seen the strangers approach, but as they hadn't known until virtually seconds before she did, I could not fault her for that. We were constantly relying on her gift, aware that it had holes – what she called blind spots – that she herself reminded us of and then chided herself for not seeing.

Despite needing stealth more than speed, we made the Jeep much faster than I had expected. I didn't wait for Bella to unclasp her hands from my throat or her ankles from my waist this time. I tore open the door behind the driver's, almost removing it from it's hinges, and deposited Bella harshly into the back seat.

Emmett appeared next to her, his arrival much quieter. Before slamming the door shut again I barked at Emmett.

"Strap her in."

Alice was silent in the passenger seat. Her expression was grim. Her thoughts were traveling down a hundred different paths, searching every strand of James's time-line, with the thread of guilt coloring everything she saw.

I growled a string of curses at her guilt, and then cursed the slowness of the Jeep, the weather, and anything else I could think of. I hoped Bella couldn't make out the specifics, even if she understood the words I flung at my sister or, more accurately, the words I flung at my sister's visions. All of them ended badly. Badly for Bella.

Emmett was glaring out the window, into the woods, thinking of nothing at all. Just being vigilant.

I wanted to soothe Bella, calm her, reassure her, but I had to focus on getting Bella out of the scope of James's predatory nature first. Alice couldn't see anything for certain as James had not yet made up his mind which course he would take. He _had_ decided to hunt Bella, he couldn't resist the draw, but he hadn't decided exactly _how_ to pursue her.

The four of us bucked, vaulted, and bounced around the inside of the Jeep as we sped through the woods at a speed I wouldn't have even dreamed of on the way to the game. I spared a few glances back at Bella in the rear-view mirror, but her face was an unreadable mask of worry and, I hoped, real fear. She looked out the side windows as well, but I knew she couldn't see more than a few feet outside the radius of the Jeep's array of headlights and spotlights. Her head bobbed and she was jostled from side to side as I ran over and away from the ruts we traveled to get to the clearing.

I switched the brightest of them off as we hit the main road in record time. Emmett considered congratulating me on the world record speed for off-roading, but one glance at my eyes in the mirror and he wisely decided against it.

"Where are we going?" Bella's voice was barely a whisper over the roar of the engine and the hum of the tires at this speed.

I opened my mouth to answer, and then realized I didn't know the answer. I searched Alice's thoughts for a destination, but she was still focused on James. I knew Bella wouldn't be satisfied with only the direction, as she could see that from the road sign we'd just passed. Alice heard her question, but didn't want to spare a second from searching her visions to answer. Emmett didn't know, either, so he remained silent as well.

The silence that responded to her question only made her panicked heart-rate quicken.

"Dammit, Edward! Where are you taking me?" Bella screamed at me. I'd never heard her so angry. Or so scared.

Hearing the level of fear in her voice I'd expected to hear since she figured out exactly what I was snapped me out of my silence. I looked at the chocolate brown eyes that had captured me so completely in the shaking rear-view. There was anger there, alright, but fear was what made the whites of her eyes show all around the brown.

I looked quickly back at the road, I needed to at the speed I was going.

"We have to get you away from here – far away – now," I answered her finally, my voice devoid of the emotion, the panic, I was feeling.

The words took less time than I thought they would to process.

Bella was in full panic response now. I could smell her fear, hear her heartbeat thudding against her ribs, pumping that delectable-smelling blood through her veins at an incredible rate. My throat burned as her scent pushed hard and fast against my slipping control.

"Turn around!" Bella screamed, clawing at the harness that kept her safe in the monstrosity that was Emmett's Jeep. "You have to take me home!" I could hear her fingernails scraping against the webbing of the belts.

Afraid she would figure out how to unbuckle herself in her panic, and get hurt, I growled at Emmett to stop her.

"Emmett," was the only word that was discernible to her, I'm sure, the rest lost in the grumble of my agony.

Immediately, her fingernails stopped scraping and I heard her soft gasp as his icy hands held hers.

It did nothing to quell her panic-fueled anger, though.

"No! Edward!" She screamed. "No, you can't do this," her anger was still there, but the words were calmer and more coherent.

I swallowed against the burn in my throat before I tried to speak again, and searched Alice's still racing thoughts for any change.

"I have to, Bella, now please be quiet," my voice was flat, uncaring. I couldn't believe it was actually mine considering to whom I was speaking.

Bella took a gulp of air, and I knew there was a verbal barrage coming. She didn't disappoint.

"I won't! You have to take me back – Charlie will call the FBI! They'll be all over your family – Carlisle and Esme! They'll have to leave, to hide forever!"

I knew her words had merit. Charlie _would_ hunt us to the ends of the earth to find her. That much was true.

"Calm down, Bella," the words were cold even from my lips and offered her no comfort when all I wanted to do was wrap my arms around her and hold her. "We've been there before." I hated lying to her. The truth was, we'd only had to run once, after Emmett's indiscretion in the club. But that knowledge had no place here. If I was going to get her safe, and then put some distance between us, this small lie was going to be the first of many.

If she knew I was lying, or she bought the lie, it didn't show.

"Not over me, you don't! You're not ruining everything over me!" While she screamed, she fought feebly against Emmett's hands covering hers. I heard the material of her coat rustle against the seat as she tried to shake him off.

"Edward, pull over." Alice's voice held none of its usual musicality, but her command went unheeded. I pushed harder on the accelerator.

I ignored her, but flashed her a warning look.

If nothing else, my favorite sister was persistent.

"Edward, let's just talk this through."

My foot smashed the accelerator to the floor.

"You don't understand!" I shouted at Alice. I sorted through the images of James's past victims, past hunts, in my mind and wished that Alice could see what I saw so that I wouldn't have to actually put what I saw into words. "He's a tracker, Alice, did you _see_ that? He's a tracker!" I wanted to hit the steering wheel, but I balled my fist instead. I knew that my fist would go straight through the steering column and I needed this Jeep to go, not be dead on the side of the road.

Alice flinched away from my voice, and Emmett stiffened in his seat. He had known there was danger, but hearing the words cemented the idea in his head. Instinctively, he flexed his biceps.

"Pull over, Edward," Alice didn't scream back at me, but the tone of her voice rang of a certainty that this was the right thing. Her gift was foresight, but occasionally she had an uncanny ability to think clearly in times of stress. And, to be honest, my thoughts were focused only on getting Bella _away_.

My foot didn't move from the pedal.

But, Alice never lets things go when she's got an idea.

"Do it, Edward."

"Listen to me, Alice," I spat, "I saw his mind. Tracking is his passion, his obsession – and he wants her, Alice – _her_, specifically. He begins the hunt tonight."

_I know, Edward, but we need to think this through and - _

"He doesn't know where -" she only spoke half of her thought out loud.

"How long do you think it will take him to cross her scent in town?" I interrupted, the entire thing playing out in my mind. "His plan was already set before the words were out of Laurent's mouth." That wasn't entirely true, but it wasn't a complete lie. Alice didn't know when he'd made the decision, just that he had.

Bella's gasp interrupted my tirade.

"Charlie!" Her voice was reaching panic-levels. "You can't leave him there! You can't leave him!" I heard the webbing of the seatbelt whine as she strained against it. Emmett hadn't released her hands and didn't want to accidentally hurt her by pinning her shoulders; his thoughts encouraged me to listen to Alice.

Alice's voice was level, "She's right."

My foot eased a fraction of an inch from the floor.

"Let's just look at our options for a minute," she continued.

_We don't know when he's planning to start hunting, Edward, we could put a plan in place. There are __options we haven't considered yet. Running isn't going to stop him. It will only fuel his need to hunt._

Not wanting to send us into a skid, I let the car slow to a manageable speed, and pulled us over into the gravel of the hard shoulder, slamming the brake pedal down. The Jeep's breaks screeched, and Bella was propelled forward against the harness probably earning her breast bone a decent bruise. Emmett held her hands gingerly now, afraid of an emotional outburst.

"There are no options," I rasped through clenched teeth.

"I'm not leaving Charlie!" Bella reiterated her point by pulling her hands from Emmet's grasp. She didn't struggle to unbuckle the harness, so Em let her hands stay where they were.

Emmett considered for a moment. "We have to take her back." His words were simple, his thoughts fully focused on protecting the newest member of our family.

"No." My response was flat.

"He's no match for us, Edward." Emmett's chest expanded as he compared the three strangers against our strengths and our numbers.

"He'll wait," I countered.

Emmett's evil grin was cocky. "I can wait, too."

"You didn't see – you don't understand. Once he commits to a hunt, he's unshakable. We'd have to kill him." What could I say to make them understand? This wasn't going to go away. _James_ wasn't going to go away. I regretted the idea that I would have to kill one of my own, but I _would_ protect Bella.

Emmett shrugged. "That's an option." He only saw something that was a threat to his family, something that needed to be destroyed.

"And the female. She's with him." I hoped that he'd shy away from the idea of hurting a woman. "If it turns into a fight, the leader will go with them, too." I wasn't sure that Laurent was really the leader, but that lent no weight to my argument.

I wasn't winning. Emmett was growing more cock-sure, instead of backing down. "There are enough of us." In his mind, he had us lined up against the trio, both males looking feeble in comparison to his bulk.

"There's another option," Alice said softly. _If she loses her father, Edward . . . _she couldn't finish the thought.

I had remained facing forward, but now I turned the full force of my anger on my sister. "There-is-no-other-option!"

I saw Emmett's eyes widen in my periphery, and imagined Bella's shock echoed his.

Alice's golden eyes bored into mine. She wasn't backing down.


	21. Chapter 19, The Hunt, Part 2 Final

Chapter 19 – The Chase – Part 2

from Part 1:

"And the female. She's with him." I hoped that he'd shy away from the idea of hurting a woman. "If it turns into a fight, the leader will go with them, too." I wasn't sure that Laurent was really the leader, but that lent no weight to my argument.

I wasn't winning. Emmett was growing more cock-sure, instead of backing down. "There are enough of us." In his mind, he had us lined up against the trio, both males looking feeble in comparison to his bulk.

"There's another option," Alice said softly. _If she loses her father, Edward . . . _she couldn't finish the thought.

I had remained facing forward, but now I turned the full force of my anger on my sister. "There-is-no-other-option!"

I saw Emmett's eyes widen in my periphery, and imagined Bella's shock echoed his.

Alice's golden eyes bored into mine. She wasn't backing down.

And she wouldn't shut up about her favorite option, even if she hadn't spoken it aloud. It was like a flashing neon sign, each flash punctuated with an atom bomb of sound in my head. She didn't dare speak it – she knew better – but it was almost always knocking around in her thoughts. She _wanted_ it, and I couldn't think of anything more tragic.

_I've seen it, Edward_ her silent voice whispered.

Bella broke the silence and our silent conflict.

"Does anyone want to hear my plan?" Her voice was ragged, almost like she had been crying. My eyes left Alice's for half a second, as I checked Bella's face for tears.

"No," I snapped at both of them, because Alice's mind had switched neon and napalm to the aftermath of the tragedy – her hand in Bella's, walking into the sun where they _both_ sparkled.

Emmett responded to the threat in my voice and Alice's angry glare with curiosity, and then understanding registered in his thoughts.

_So Emmett knows, too? I really need to speak to Alice about keeping her opinions to herself. _I nearly saw red, my anger flared so quickly.

Our exchanges went unnoticed as they happened in less than a second.

"Listen," Bella urged, her voice plaintive. "You take me back."

If there was more to her thought, I didn't let her finish it. "No," I stated again firmly.

Her return glare was hard, fiery, and stubborn.

She made sure she had my attention – somehow pulling my eyes away from Alice's – Bella started again.

"You take me back. I tell my dad I want to go home to Phoenix. I pack my bags. We wait until this tracker is watching, and then we run. He'll follow us and leave Charlie alone. Charlie won't call the FBI on your family. Then you can take me any damned place you want." The last sentence she spoke with equal parts venom, desire, and resignation. I had no idea she could pack so much emotion into so few words. She was always surprising me.

"It's not a bad idea, really," Emmett spoke first, clearly surprised that the human had out-planned three vampires. He had already broken down the elements of her plan and strategized the parts of it like a coach planning a surprise play late in the game.

If Bella was insulted by the evident surprise in Emmett's voice she didn't show it.

_It could work, if we plan it right and make sure the jerk is listening_ Emmett thought, quietly. He saw the rage in my eyes, and misconstrued it as directed at him for agreeing with Bella. I'd have to apologize to him later, but there was no time now.

Next to me, Alice scanned the future. Even thoughmy eyes hadn't left Bella's, I knew Alice's had gone blank and she saw what only she – and I through her – could see.

She saw James in the woods just outside of the Chief's house, nose to the air and ear toward the house, a satisfied smirk growing across his plain features. "She'll never actually go there," he whispered to the redhead in the trees above him. "Follow the youngest one – she's his." And then the image wavered, as if it wasn't completely concreted into the future. That troubled me. But it was all we had to go on.

Alice gave a terse nod. "It might work – and we simply can't leave her father unprotected. You know that." _She'd never forgive you Edward, and I wouldn't blame her._

Alice's silent words always seemed to hold the most rancor.

Two pairs of vampire eyes and one set of human ones looked to me. I was the deciding vote. How did that work, when I was clearly out-numbered? And I didn't put it past Alice and Emmett to over-power me and do it their own way, regardless of what I was to say in this moment.

I shook my head. "It's too dangerous – I don't want him within a hundred miles of her," I said, but my voice didn't sound as violently opposed as it did only moments ago.

"Edward, he's not getting through us," Emmett was almost smiling he was so confident. He hadn't seen Alice's vision waver at the edges, though. But it wasn't _his_ life being threatened. It wasn't Rose in danger. And his brute strength couldn't always win – no matter his opinion on the subject. I thought about telling him as much, but Alice's voice and another vision interrupted me.

"I don't see him attacking," Alice confirmed, searing the future again. "He'll try and wait for us to leave her alone."

_Try_ I thought to myself snidely. _And I suppose Bella could _TRY_ to not smell so good? Because that would be just as effective. _I sighed inwardly, feeling my resolve weaken. _But, she's right. He isn't suicidal. He's a hunter. He can wait out his prey. Wait for us to grow complacent. He won't try and flush her out, he'll wait until he thinks it's safe. _The idea of him thinking of Bella as prey nearly had me refusing the only semi-viable plan we had.

"It won't take him long to realize that's not going to happen," I stated simply, thankful that my voice didn't betray my once again irrational fury.

"I _demand_ that you take me home," Bella snapped in the silence.

I nearly laughed aloud at the absurdity of her _demanding_ anything of the three of us.

Her voice sounded stronger, more sure, and I was immediately glad Emmett had grabbed her hands again. I envisioned her trying to escape the confines of the Jeep if he'd left her to her own devices.

I still wasn't convinced. I rubbed my fingers on my temples, making a strange grating sound in the small area of the Jeep, and closed my eyes on the faces of the three people urging me to make a decision quickly.

It couldn't end this way. Whatever higher power that allowed us to walk, undead, on the earth couldn't be so cruel as to take her away from me now – could it? Alice had seen another ending, but that wasn't a resolution. That was taking away Bella's choice, Bella's option to have the life that Rosalie so badly desired. I couldn't condone that. Ever. She had to live through this, even if it meant I had to give her up after the tracker was dealt with.

"Please," Bella pleaded.

I didn't look up, didn't stop rubbing my temples, when I spoke. If I saw her now, outside of the small human form she had in my mind, I would lose my resolve. If I looked at her now, would I see a strength there that could handle this life? I couldn't risk it.

"You're leaving tonight, whether the tracker sees or not. You tell Charlie that you can't stand another minute in Forks. Tell him whatever story works. Pack the first things your hands touch, and then get in your truck. I don't care what he says to you. You have fifteen minutes. Do you hear me? Fifteen minutes from the time you cross the doorstep."

My voice was forceful, detached as I ordered her to do what I thought might safe her from James. What she didn't know was that it would save her from the rest of us, too. If she survived this, I had to remove us from her life. We were a danger I couldn't afflict her with any longer. This would be one of many dangers having vampires in her life would bring. I couldn't do that to her. She deserved a life. A real one.

My eyes prickled in that strange way ours do, when the tears we would have cried as humans threaten, as I gunned the Jeep back to life and whipped us around the highway back in the direction of the town. I hadn't waited for Bella to respond. I knew she'd agree; it was her plan and we all knew it was the only one I would agree to.

The tires protested loudly as I finished the U-turn, and I pushed the accelerator to the floor. The Jeep was slower to respond than my Volvo, but within a few seconds the needle on the speedometer began to creep up satisfyingly.

"Emmett?" Bella squeaked, but I didn't look to see what she wanted. I started blankly out the windshield, willing the vehicle to move faster.

"Oh, sorry," I heard him respond, and heard the fabric of his shirt rustle as he pulled back away from her. He must have released her hands.

Alice sat next to me, scanning the future, trying to keep the neon and napalm to a minimum. She still seemed satisfied that we were making the right move, but she scanned the future quietly nonetheless. Emmett seemed a bit discouraged that James wouldn't gang rush us, that there wouldn't be an all-out brawl, but he remained annoyingly positive that this would end in a fight. The inside of the Jeep remained quiet, as we all seemed lost in our own minds.

I let several minutes pass in silence, as I listened to what Alice saw and chose my words carefully before I spoke them.

"This is how it's going to happen," my words were for Alice and Emmett, but Bella listened attentively as well. "When we get to the house, if the tracker is not there, I will walk her to the door. Then she has fifteen minutes." I looked up into the rear-view mirror, and instantly regretted it. Bella was wide-eyed with fear and panic, and yet I could see a resolve there. A resolve that seemed in complete opposition to my own. Her face seemed to say that this was what she had to do to be with me. I quickly looked away again. "Emmett, you take the outside of the house. Alice, you get the truck. I'll be inside as long as she is. After she's out, you two can take the Jeep home and tell Carlisle."

"No way," Emmett snarled, "I'm with you." He didn't say it, but he thought I needed almost as much protection as Bella did.

"Think it through, Emmett," I encouraged, ignoring his thoughts. "I don't know how long I'll be gone."

His response was quick. "Until we know how far this is going to go, I'm with you." _Besides, if it's Bella this James wants, that's where the fight will be_ he thought to himself.

I sighed. He wasn't going to be swayed by me.

"If the tracker _is_ there," I continued, ignoring his insistence, "we keep driving."

Flashes of the future from Alice, it seemed the tracker had already ditched the other half of my family. He was following my scent through the woods. It looked like he was going to be sidetracked by a detour through our meadow.

"We're going to make it there before him," Alice twittered confidently.

I returned my attention to the road, listening to Alice's visions as she continuously checked the outcome of our trek to the Chief's. I felt myself willing the Jeep to move faster, as James's decision to check the meadow wavered for a moment.

After his decision was made again, Alice's thoughts turned to more technical details. "What are we going to do with the Jeep?"

"You're driving it home," I snapped.

"No, I'm not," she answered, showing me what she saw: her and Jasper driving Carlisle's car, Bella in the back seat.

I knew what she was thinking, but I couldn't fathom the idea of leaving Bella's side now when _I_ had been the one to put her in this danger. I _had_ to be with her now, to make her grasp the gravity of this situation and the fact that if we continued this charade it would only get worse.

I began a tirade against everything both holy and unholy that I hoped Bella couldn't understand as Alice began with neon and napalm again. She also dissected the parts of my plan that were logical. Like me going _anywhere_ near wherever they were taking Bella.

_The tracker won't buy the diversion, Edward. He's not going to believe that you would leave her with us. Your reaction in the clearing showed him who Bella belonged to; he's going to follow _you.

I tried to ignore her as she prattled on. I hated to admit that she was right. I didn't want to admit it to her. And I didn't want to hear that other thought, or any other time.

Bella whispered so quietly I almost missed it in my verbal onslaught, "We can't all fit in my truck."

Emmett chuckled quietly, and pictured himself riding in the bed "surfing asphalt waves." Even his jovial nature couldn't break through my horror at what I had caused today.

"I think you should let me go alone," she said to her hands.

_That_ I had no problems hearing. I nearly slammed on the brakes.

How could she even _think_ that I would allow that?! There was _no way_ I was going to allow that. Ever.

As if echoing my thoughts, Alice shook her head slightly and didn't even stop to consider _that_ version of the future. She wasn't going to let that happen, either.

I tried not to roar with the rage I felt at the suggestion when I responded, "Bella, please just do this my way, just this once." I could hear the way my voice must sound to her, and wished there was a way I could do this rationally. But, I'd left rational behind in the clearing.

"Listen, Charlie's not an imbecile," Bella argued, her voice louder now, more confident. "If you're not in town tomorrow, he's going to get suspicious."

_Damn, was this some sort of unspoken conspiracy?_

"That's irrelevant. We'll make sure he's safe, and that's all that matters," I managed to choke out through the torrent of rage and fear I was feeling.

And then she started the same argument that Alice started a minute before her . . . "Then what about this tracker?" Bella's voice was even, now. Her silence before hadn't been the panic I had expected, it had been the planning of a diabolical mind. "He saw the way you acted tonight," she explained, "He's going to think you're with me, wherever you are."

I heard Emmett's small sound of surprise, even if no one else registered it.

"Edward, listen to her," he encouraged, "I think she's right."

I almost threw my hands in the air. It _was_ a conspiracy! A conspiracy against my sanity.

"Yes, she is," Alice echoed what she'd already shown me.

"I can't do that," my hands were clamped so hard on the steering wheel, I had to concentrate not to snap it.

"Emmett should stay, too," Bella just kept on fueling my rage and fear. "He definitely got an eyeful of Emmett."

"What?" Emmett's voice was shocked, his thoughts jumbled as he rearranged his strategy.

Alice nodded again. "You'll get a better crack at him if you stay," she agreed. The future flickered across her thoughts, the location changing but staying within Forks, and each one featured Emmett ripping James's head from his shoulders. The last one, though. The last one featured a place I didn't recognize, and _Alice_ doing the deed.

I stared at Alice, willing her to look at that more closely, but her inky spikes just shook me off.

_It's not even in focus, Edward. It won't come to pass._

She turned her attention back to Emmett, dismissing my curiosity. "You'll get a better crack at him if you stay," she said.

I stared at the side of her head. "You think I should let her go alone?" I wanted to scream at her, but instead my voice sounded doubtful.

"Of course not," Alice said, looking back at Bella with a tight smile, "Jasper and I will take her." She showed me the vision she'd only moments ago, it was solid, clear, as if it was already decided.

Sometimes, I hated her foresight. It often made me wonder whether the future was decided, or if we unconsciously worked toward the goal she gave us making the future turn out the way she saw it.

But, I didn't have time to contemplate that now.

"I can't do that," I said aloud, feeling resigned and out-numbered. _ I can't be without her if these are our last moments together._

I just couldn't fight the logic of what they were saying, and what Alice saw.

"Hang out here for a week -" Bella's voice caught in her throat when my eyes caught hers in the rear-view "- a few days. Let Charlie see you haven't kidnapped me, and lead this James on a wild-goose chase. Make sure he's completely off my trail. Then come and meet me. Take a roundabout route, of course, and then Jasper and Alice can go home."

My eyebrows drew together as I thought through what they were suggesting.

Alice was scanning the future again.

"Meet you where?" I sighed.

"Phoenix," Bella replied.

"No." We were getting close to Charlie's, we needed to have this wrapped up when we got there. "He'll hear that's where you're going."

I could almost hear her eyes roll from the seat behind me.

"And you'll make it look like that's a ruse, obviously," Bella explained. "He'll know that we'll know that he's listening. He'll never believe I'm actually going where I say I am going."

Emmett's low rumble of a chuckle was the only sound inside the Jeep.

"She's diabolical," he said, still chuckling.

"And if it doesn't work?" Everyone could sense that my resolve was breaking. Alice was trying to hide a triumphant smile, and Emmett was still musing over Bella's "diabolical" plan.

_All of us vampires, with hundreds of years of experience, and the _human_ is the one with the wicked-cool plan. _Emmett was still chuckling.

Bella became defensive. "There are several million people in Phoenix," she stated matter-of-factly.

"It's not that hard to find a phone book," I argued.

Alice snorted beside me. I refrained from shooting a glare in her direction.

"I won't go home," Bella had answer for everything.

"Oh?" My tone had become threatening. Without even realizing it, I had pictured Bella alone in the big city of Phoenix and immediately was protective and angry.

"I'm quite old enough to get my own place," the set of her jaw evident even though I could only hear her voice.

A growl started to form in the back of my throat.

"Edward," Alice warned, too quiet for Bella to hear. Her voice brought me back to reality.

Aloud Alice spoke, "Edward, we'll be with her." Her voice was calm.

Mine was not. "What are _you_ going to do in _Phoenix?" _I couldn't help but picture blazing sun and parched dirt.

"Stay indoors," came her quick reply. Mentally, she stuck her tongue out at me.

"I kind of like it," Emmett agreed. The Xs and Os in his mental play-book all neatly lined up the way he wanted them, with James's X being eclipsed by his own O.

"Shut up, Emmett," I snapped.

But he wouldn't. He never did.

"Look, if we try to take him down while she's still around, there's a much better chance that someone will get hurt -" he nodded toward Bella, "she'll get hurt, or you will, trying to protect her. Now, if we get him alone . . ." Emmett trailed off, his head full of the image of his huge hands twisting James's head violently to the right. I didn't have to look at his face to know he was smiling.

Now closer to the Chief's house, I slowed the Jeep to what felt like a snail's pace.

Bella's heartbeat was thudding loudly in my ears, as it began to quicken the closer we got to her home.

"Bella," I whispered, pouring every ounce of desperation, regret, longing, and love into my voice. "If you let anything happen to yourself -" I nearly choked on the mere thought of it "- I'm holding you personally responsible. Do you understand that?"

Alice and Emmett turned their attention to the dark places the streetlights didn't reach, giving us as much privacy as they could.

_Will you hold me responsible, too, Edward? _Alice said to me alone. But we both knew the answer.

"Yes," Bella said after a couple hard swallows.

I looked at Alice, who felt my eyes on her and turned back to face me.

"Can Jasper handle this?" I thought of him being confined with Bella for long periods of time, her scent permeating everything, and the thought made me shudder.

"Give him some credit, Edward. He's been doing very, very well, all things considered," Alice replied.

_With you not around, thinking and feeling how wonderful she smells to you it'll be much easier for him, and you know it. _The mental tongue-out was only implied this time.

And I had to agree she was right.

"Can _you_ handle this," I asked, and immediately regretted it.

Alice let loose snarl that must have come all the way from her toes. It rattled the windows of the Jeep, and had Bella pressing herself deep into the cushions of the bench seat in fear.

_I can handle myself, Edward. You forget I'm not the little doll you mistake me for._

I smiled at my little pixie of a sister.

And then her thoughts returned to neon and napalm.

_Besides, I've seen it, Edward, I _will_ turn her and soon._

"But keep your opinions to yourself," I muttered as we moved slowly across Forks.

_** the end of Chapter 19 **_


	22. Chapter 20 - The Chase, Part 1

The end of Chapter 19 – The Chase

Alice let loose snarl that must have come all the way from her toes. It rattled the windows of the Jeep, and had Bella pressing herself deep into the cushions of the bench seat in fear.

_I can handle myself, Edward. You forget I'm not the little doll you mistake me for._

I smiled at my little pixie of a sister.

And then her thoughts returned to neon and napalm.

_Besides, I've seen it, Edward, I _will_ turn her and soon._

"But keep your opinions to yourself," I muttered as we moved slowly across Forks.

Chapter 20 – Goodbyes

We passed the last few houses on Bella's street in silence, each of us lost in our own thoughts.

Emmett peered out of the window, thinking about nothing but defending his family. Alice was simultaneously scanning the future and the trees.

I was stretching my vampiric multi-tasking skills to the limit, trying to watch Alice's visions, what she saw or didn't see in the trees, _and_ watching Emmett's view as well as listening to Bella's increasing heartbeat and scanning the woods in my own line of sight.

Bella's respirations began coming quicker as well, but she remained eerily still. I expected her to be trying to get loose from the harness, ready to stumble from the Jeep as soon as it was stationary, but she seemed too quiet.

I glanced at her in the mirror, but she was quietly looking at her hands. She spared each one of us a quick glance in turn, but for once, I couldn't even read her expression.

That frightened me.

Would she change her plan, now that we'd agreed to do things her way?

I pulled the Jeep in front of the house, well away from Bella's truck.

The windows of the Jeep were still closed, but Alice, Emmett, and I were still tasting the scents around the house, looking for any sign of the tracker or the woman. Alice hadn't seen Laurent in any of her visions, so we had to assume he wasn't a part of James's hunt, at least for the moment.

Charlie was still up, with just about every light on inside the house. I could hear the television in the living room and the Chief fidgeting with something in his hands. The remote? His gun? I couldn't tell, and he wasn't paying it any mind so that I could see. His thoughts were focused on the clock, comparing it with the time on his wristwatch. He had heard the roar of the Jeep – who could miss it – and was wondering what we were doing with the engine still running? Were we coming in? Were my hands somewhere inappropriate?

I shut off the engine, hoping he would think we were just discussing whether or not I was coming in. It did little to sway his fears about my hands, however.

Alice shook her head, quickly followed by Emmett doing the same. Neither of them saw anything in the woods, or the street, or even on the roof of the Swan house. I scanned everything again, just to be sure.

"He's not here," I said aloud. "Let's go."

As I stepped with exaggerated slowness from the Jeep, I heard Emmett helping Bella with her harness.

"Don't worry, Bella," he chuckled quietly, his affection for her evident in his tone, "we'll take care of things here quickly."

I put my hand on Bella's door, and I saw that tears were spilling down her cheeks. I longed to crush her to my chest and tell her that everything was going to be fine. But, I didn't know that for certain and I didn't plan to start lying to her now. I literally shook with the need to comfort her.

Instead, I barked at my siblings. "Alice, Emmett," I said, and they slipped without another word from the Jeep and into the woods surrounding the Chief's house. One of them would move the Jeep when it was pertinent for the Chief to think I had left.

I opened Bella's door and took her hand, helping her down from the lifted vehicle. Instead of holding her tenderly and desperately to my chest, I tucked her gently under my arm. We walked silently and slowly to the front door, Bella's face and neck getting wetter by the second from her free-flowing tears.

I didn't look at her directly. I couldn't. It would hurt too much. In fact, I probably looked everywhere _but_ at her. I scanned the woods, the roof, the road, the trees, and the shadows with my eyes all the while stretching my mind out, listening for the unique voice of the tracker's. I'd only touched his mind briefly, but I knew I'd be able to pick it up again if he was nearby. I could hear Alice and Emmett, though, and James didn't seem to be anywhere near them either.

_But Alice saw him_, I thought to myself, _he'll show_.

"Fifteen minutes," I reminded Bella. I was surprised at the level of emotion I could hear in my voice.

Bella sniffed, her tears running down her chin and soaking into the collar of her shirt. "I can do this," she choked out as we reached the steps.

While I was still on the bottom step, Bella turned to face me. Her jaw was set, determined, and yet utterly miserable. There was a strength in her eyes that I didn't understand, given her tears. She held my gaze with hers, and then reached up to cradle my face in her hands.

She stared into my eyes for a few heartbeats.

"I love you," she said with a voice that didn't match her tear-stained countenance. "I will always love you, no matter what happens next."

_He's not here_, Emmett's voice came from somewhere to the north, his disappointment almost palpable.

Without missing a beat, I returned her stare and echoed her intensity. "Nothing is going to happen to you, Bella," I warned, urging her to hurry.

_He's not here yet_, Alice whispered from somewhere to the west. She and Emmett had circled the house in opposite directions twice already. _The light doesn't match my vision yet, though_, she added hastily, showing me exactly what she meant.

"Just follow the plan, okay?" Bella asked, pleading with my over-protective side. "Keep Charlie safe for me," as she spoke her eyes seemed to harden – she'd decided something – although the tears still slipped from the dark brown depths of her eyes. "He's not going to like me very much after this, and I want to have a chance to apologize later."

_What are you planning, Bella_, I wanted to ask.

Instead, I rushed her. "Get inside, Bella. We have to hurry."

_He's on his way! _Alice urged me silently to get Bella inside while showing me the bored expression James wore while Carlisle spoke about the benefits of a vegetarian lifestyle as they ran toward our house. _He's made the decision to find where we've stashed Bella._

Bella's hands were still on my face, filling my nostrils with her dizzying scent and drenching my face with the molten lava of her skin on mine. Her eyes didn't waver from mine, nor mine from hers.

"One more thing," she whispered fiercely. "Don't listen to another word I say tonight!"

Unconsciously, I must have been leaning slightly toward her, because she barely had to move in order to kiss me. And she kissed me _hard_. I hadn't been expecting that from her at all. Nothing about the tears and determination on her face had even hinted that she was planning on kissing me. I was caught so completely off guard that the force of her kiss had me rocking back on my heels. Before I even had a chance – even with my vampire reflexes – to kiss her back, she was releasing my face and turning away. She wrenched the doorknob harshly to the right and kicked the front door open.

I was rooted to the spot, still shocked from the kiss.

Charlie reacted to the sound of the door opening violently with a grunt, his thoughts immediately defensive. A half second later, he remembered it was Bella and his demeanor changed to one of concern.

"Go away, Edward!" Bella screamed over her shoulder, the steely control of a second ago vanished into the ether.

The Chief had risen from the couch at the sound of the front door crashing open, and I heard the remote clatter to the floor. "Bella?" His thoughts were confused, but sharp for a moment, as she fought to control the emergence of the images from his dream.

_Fourteen minutes, thirty seconds._

"Leave me alone!" Bella screamed in his direction now and then thundered up the stairs in the direction of her room.

_Edward, what did you do to her_? Emmett was circling back to the house, concern that he'd missed something propelling him forward all that much faster.

Alice caught him before he reached the house and explained it was part of the act. While she instructed him to stay nearby but out of sight, she showed me her most recent vision and drove the Jeep down the street out of sight.

_Bella and I fleeing in her truck, Alice behind in the Jeep. The tracker running in the woods behind us, __Emmett in stealthy pursuit._

I was already in the tree next to Bella's window, waiting for her to get safely inside – alone.

After slamming the door and locking her father out, I launched myself in through the window. Bella was on her stomach on the floor of her closet, pulling out a beaten up duffel bag. The teenager in me wanted to linger on the view, but we didn't have the luxury of time. I turned instead to her dresser and started scooping out clothes, sorting through the myriad of fabric for lighter types more suited to southern climates. I turned to hand the clothes to Bella, and she was on her knees, with her arm between the box spring and mattress. When she pulled out a sock that smelled of money, I nearly laughed out loud.

The Chief pounded on Bella's door with the heel of his hand. "Bella, are you ok? What's going on?" His voice was panicked, his thoughts were murky again, but his concern was evident. He was also scared he was losing his daughter.

"I'm going _home_," Bella shouted, her voice breaking on the last word as she snatched the clothes from my hands and forced them in one end of the bag. She turned, bag in hand, to a drawer near me. She looked out the corner of her eye at me and the blush that rose to her cheeks told me to turn away from her as she emptied the contents of that drawer into her bag. Then she turned to her nightstand.

"Did he hurt you?" This time, Charlie sounded angry.

"No!" Bella shrieked and caught more clothes as I threw them from her dresser.

Charlie's thoughts became clearer for a moment as he pondered whether or not he was out of his league with his teenaged daughter. "Did he break up with you" he asked, hoping there was something tangible for him to focus on.

"No!" Bella yelled again, breathlessly trying to shove more clothes in the bag. I'd picked out a lot of the clothes by scent, and I wondered idly if any of them actually matched.

The Chief paced for about three steps, and then shuffled from one foot to the other, his panic at not having any clues or information sending him pounding on the door again. "What happened, Bella?" His voice had a commanding edge to it, now.

_Nine minutes, fifteen seconds_.

"_I_ broke up with _him_," Bella yelled back, fighting to get the zipper to close on the bulging bag. Her frustration at not being able to close the bag renewed the waning flow of tears.

I gently swatted her hands away from the zipper and quickly had the bag zipped. The fabric of the duffel puckered in a few places, but it held. Bella seemed frozen for a moment, until I placed the strap from the duffel on her shoulder. She shook her head slightly, but I couldn't let her waver now.

"I'll be in the truck – go," I whispered into her hair, giving her a slight nudge toward her door and then jumped out the window.

I heard Bella take a deep breath and then unlock her door. She must have pushed her way past him, because I heard her on the stairs.

"What happened?" He demanded again, and then began the descent behind her. "I thought you liked him," he sounded bewildered, but he wasn't letting this go. The sight of the duffel concerned him.

I could hear Bella and Charlie approaching the kitchen and the squeak of Bella's tennis shoes told me she spun around abruptly. I had no idea what made her turn so quickly, but I guess that Charlie must have grabbed her and spun her around.

"I _do_ like him," Bella sniffed miserably, "that's the problem." Her voice was muffled a bit from the walls of the house and although I needed to be hiding in the truck, I wanted to hear what she was going to say next. So did Charlie. "I can't do this anymore!" Bella was yelling now. "I don't want to end up trapped in this stupid, boring town like Mom! I'm not going to make the same dumb mistake she did. I hate it -" her words stung Charlie as if she had slapped him, "- I can't stay here another minute!"

Charlie's mind went completely blank for a few heartbeats and I wondered for half a second if he had had a stroke.

I had to get in the truck, I couldn't waste the chance that Charlie would see me outside, when I had supposedly already left. I opened the passenger door of Bella's truck and climbed into the crumbling floorboards, safely hidden from view.

Bella's footsteps echoed in the silence of the house, heading for the front door. Something stopped her in her tracks.

I gathered Charlie had said something, but it was too low for even me to hear outside the house.

"I'll sleep in the truck if I get tired," came Bella's reply from closer to the front door.

"Just wait another week," Charlie said, his voice regaining its volume, "Renée will be back by then."

Bella's shoes squeaked to a halt again. "What?"

Charlie sensed a small victory. "She called while you were out," his words came out rapidly. I'd never heard him quite this vocal. "Things aren't going so well in Florida, and if Phil doesn't get signed by the end of the week, they're going back to Arizona. The assistant coach of the Sidewinders said they might have a spot for another shortstop."

So we only had a few days to solve this before Bella's Mom was in the cross-hairs, too.

_Six minutes, twenty-seven seconds_.

I pulled my cellphone from my pocket. Hopefully Alice had hers on silent.

Renee will be in AZ in a few days, I texted her quickly.

No, she won't, came Alice's reply. P will be signed in FL.

Well, that answered that. I snapped my phone shut and winced at the volume of the sound.

_Way to give away your hiding spot, Cullen_. I ignored the monster once again.

Bella had made it to the door. I heard the knob turn. But she stopped. "I have a key," she mumbled.

The door came open. Charlie must have been right behind Bella because I could hear the quiet beating of his heart, in rhythmic opposition to hers.

"Just let me go, Charlie," Bella said without turning around. Her words must have held some relevance to her father. Immediately, he was in two different times. He was still in the present, but he was also back what must have been seventeen years ago – watching Renée's back and baby Bella walk out the very same door. "It didn't work out, okay? I really, really _hate_ Forks!" Charlie had been moving forward, following Bella, but her words rooted him to the spot just inside the front door.

_Ah, she's running_ a voice full of hunger whispered inside my head.

James had arrived.

_I see him,_ Alice's voice was nearby, _he hasn't seen us. Stay put!_

It took a level of self-control I didn't know I had to follow that order as Bella ran wildly into the front yard and toward her truck.

_Emmett, NO!_ I flinched again as Alice's voice turned into a vision of Emmett attacking James from behind and the smaller man running out into the Swan yard, capturing Bella by her hair. Alice caught herself. _He won't do it, but he considered it, Edward._ Her voice was contrite. She knew how close I had come to ruining the entire façade. So had Emmett.

_Run faster, Bella_ I urged her silently although only a second and a half had elapsed. _And for God's sake, do not trip_, I pleaded.

_She makes it, Edward,_ Alice sighed. _Sorry, I didn't mean for you to see that,_ she muttered,_ was concentrating too hard._

The clatter of Bella's bag in the truck bed startled me, and then Bella wrenched her door open. "I'll call you tomorrow" she yelled as she slammed the door closed. Her hand found the key I had placed in the ignition and the engine roared to life. She threw it into drive and slammed the accelerator down hard enough to spin the tires.

If Bella saw me emerge from the floor, she didn't look my way. I could hear Emmett and James's thoughts, although Emmett was pushing the distance limits of my gifts. He was quietly pursuing James – at a more than safe distance – who was completely immersed in his hunter's instincts.

As soon as I was certain the Chief wasn't pursuing Bella in his cruiser and we were out of sight of the house, I reached for the hand on the top of the steering wheel.

"Pull over," I pleaded. She was sobbing so hard. I had no idea how she could see where she was going.

"I can drive," same the strangled response. Her chest was heaving with every sob, but I knew she wouldn't willingly give up the spot behind the wheel, either. I knew she'd miss our driveway in this state, though. She would miss it without the tears clouding her vision.

In one swift motion I had my foot on the accelerator, pulled Bella across my lap after removing her hands from the wheel, and had taken over her spot.

She eyed me angrily from beside me, but said nothing. Instead, she wrapped her arms around her chest and sobbed harder.

"You wouldn't be able to find the house," I muttered my explanation.

_I'm right behind you,_ Alice chirped in my head.

Once in a while the tracker's voice invaded my head, but I couldn't listen to him. With Bella so close, I couldn't risk listening to his every thought about drinking her dry for fear that _his_ impulses would become my own. Especially as drenched in her scent as I was in the enclosed space of her truck.

Headlights swept the dash from behind us, and Bella jerked in fear. She craned her neck to see behind us, but I knew the only thing she could make out in the dark were the lights.

"It's just Alice," I whispered, and gabbed the hand she'd put down to steady herself as she'd turned.

"The tracker?" Bella's voice rose not only because of her question, she was beginning to panic.

"He heard the end of your performance," I confirmed, stroking her hand with my thumb, trying to give her what little comfort I could through the cold of my touch.

"Charlie?"

"The tracker followed us," _he knows I'm with you_. "He's running behind us now."

Bella shivered.

"Can we outrun him?"

"No," I answered honestly, but pushed the truck to go faster anyway.

Bella turned her head, staring out at the woods just beyond the truck. A few deep breaths, and she had herself marginally more calm. Seemingly looking for something to distract herself with, she turned back to looking at the headlights of the Jeep behind us . . . just in time for Emmett to land in the bed of the truck.

She screamed. I covered her mouth with my hand, cutting the sound of her scream off.'

"It's Emmett!" How she couldn't tell it was Emmett's hulking form, not James's smaller frame I couldn't fathom.

She blinked twice, and I moved my hand from her mouth. Instead of grabbing her hand again, I pulled her closer, wrapping my arm around her shoulders.

"It's ok, Bella," I tried to reassure her, giving her a slight squeeze. "You're going to be safe."

We drove a few miles in silence, but I could feel her eyes on me. Instead of asking her what I really wanted to know – _what are you thinking_ – I decided to try and distract her by getting her talking. The problem was, all I could think about were the things she had said to her father. The things she had told me not to listen to. Why had what she'd said stunned him into complete silence? Why did he flash to Renée leaving? Was it just seeing Bella upset and leaving, or was it something more? Did she _really_ hate Forks? Was she staying here because of me?

As these questions whizzed through my mind I started speaking, trying to keep my tone light as we raced James. "I didn't realize you were so bored with small town life," I tried to sound like I was teasing, but I don't think I hid my curiosity well. "It seemed like you were adjusting fairly well – especially recently. Maybe I was just flattering myself that I was making life more interesting for you."

_What the Heck, Edward? _Emmett scolded from the bed of the truck. _Are you really that insecure? Wow._

"Shut up, Emmett!" I snapped back at him too quietly for Bella to hear.

Bella sighed, "I wasn't being nice." She looked down at her lap, embarrassed taking the bait. "That was the same thing my mom said when she left him. You could say I was hitting below the belt."

"Don't worry. He'll forgive you." I smiled, but it even felt half-hearted. I felt her eyes on me, and turned to see the desperation in her eyes. "Bella, it's going to be alright."

"But it won't be all right when I'm not with you," came her immediate, but hushed response.

"We'll be together again in a few days," I squeezed her closer to me ever-so-gently. "Don't forget that this was your idea," I teased.

"It was the best idea – of course it was mine," Bella quipped with a mirthless chuckle.

I smiled, but it just didn't feel right on my face given the circumstances.

"Why did this happen?" Bella asked, her voice breaking. "Why me?"

I glared at the road, unwilling to meet her eyes. My anger and self-loathing boiled over. Barely keeping that rage in check, I answered her truthfully. "It's my fault -"

_Are you kidding me? Even Alice didn't see them coming, geez Louise! _Emmett chimed in behind me. _Ease up, bro._

"- I was a fool to expose you like that."

"That's not what I meant," Bella reasoned. "I was there, big deal," she shrugged against me. "It didn't affect the other two. Why did this James decide to kill _me_? There're people all over the place, why me?"

I considered for a moment how much to tell her.

"I got a good look at his mind tonight," I admitted quietly. "I'm not sure if there's anything I could have done to avoid this, once he saw you." _Once he smelled you_. "It _is_ partially your fault," I smiled ironically at her. "If you didn't smell so appallingly luscious, he might not have bothered. But when I defended you . . . well, that made it a lot worse. He's not used to being thwarted, no matter how insignificant the object."

Emmett growled quietly at the word "insignificant," distracting me for a split second. _First you tell her she's "appallingly luscious" and then you hint that she's "insignificant?" Dude, you really need help with this whole dating thing._

I rolled my eyes and continued, "He thinks of himself as a hunter and nothing else. His existence is consumed with tracking, and a challenge is all he asks of life. Suddenly we've presented him with a beautiful challenge – a large clan of strong fighters all bent on protecting the one vulnerable element. You wouldn't believe how euphoric he is now. It's his favorite game, and we've just made it his most exciting game ever."

The thought that we were playing into his hands, into his strengths, disgusted me. Emmett was practically twitching with excitement, jonesing for a fight. In fact, he was cracking his knuckles and bouncing on the balls of his feet as I spoke. And then he began shadow boxing, careful not to rock the truck. His grace never ceased to amaze me.

"But if I had stood by, he would have killed you right then," I couldn't bear the thought. Alice's visions of Bella's chocolate eyes turning crimson haunted my thoughts.

"I thought . . ." Bella trailed off, her voice unsure, ". . . I didn't smell the same to the others . . . as I do to you."

"You don't," I answered simply. "But that doesn't mean that you aren't still a temptation to every one of them. If you _had_ appealed to the tracker – or any of them – the same way you appeal to me, it would have meant a fight right there.

Bella shuddered, and swallowed dryly.

"I don't think I have any choice but to kill him now," I grumbled quietly. "Carlisle won't like it."

We crossed the bridge in silence, each of us thinking about the gravity of the situation. Well, at least I was. Bella resumed looking at her hands. Her pulse had quickened slightly, which peaked my curiosity.

"How can you kill a vampire?" Bella asked the question all in a rush, like she couldn't get the words out fast enough. There was barely a pause between words. I didn't think she meant philosophically, either.

I glanced at her quickly, but her face was hidden by her hair and the darkness. "The only way to be sure is to tear him to shreds, and then burn the pieces," I snapped unsure where she was leading me.

"And the other two will fight with him?" Bella's voice was quiet, small, as if she was feeling the weight of the world on her small shoulders.

I nodded and then realized she probably couldn't see the motion. "The woman will. I'm not sure about Laurent." I shook my head. I still didn't quite understand _why_ he was with them. He didn't seem comfortable with the nomadic lifestyle. "They don't have a very strong bond -," I continued, "he's only with them for convenience. He was embarrassed by James in the meadow . . ." I trailed off, still confused as to where her thoughts were leading.

"But James and the woman – they'll try to kill you?" Her voice broke on the word "kill" and I knew this was where her thoughts were.

I turned my attention from the road to make sure Bella looked at me. "Bella," she tried to look away, but I pulled her back, "don't you _dare_ waste time worrying about me." My voice was firm, almost harsh. "Your only concern is keeping yourself safe and – please, please – _trying_ not to be reckless."

She looked away from me, and I let her. I didn't know how to be any clearer. I wanted to be with her, but since I couldn't be, I wanted her assurance she'd be safe. But she didn't seem willing to provide me with that. Perhaps she knew it was a baseless promise, as danger seemed to follow her wherever she went.

We stared out of perpendicular windows in silence.

"Is he still following?" She asked me seven heartbeats later.

I listened to the world outside the truck, and to my sister behind us.

"Yes," I nodded. "He won't attack the house, though. Not tonight." I realized I had spoken Alice's words aloud only as we turned off the highway onto my driveway a second later. Alice turned right behind us.

I didn't slow on the gravel drive, and Bella's truck bounced and creaked and jostled us over every nook and cranny. If we all survived this, I'd have to get with Emmett or Rose to check out the shocks and struts on this thing. But I'm sure the fact that Bella hadn't pushed it past fifty miles an hour had more to do with it than I wanted to admit.

Bella's teeth kept snapping together from the bouncing, effectively ending that discussion. Although keeping the truck in the center of the driveway with one hand at this speed was nearly too much for even my increased strength, I refused to let go of her. Keeping her close, feeling her heat, kept _me_ from doing something reckless and challenging the tracker head on.

Emmett was going over his plan for our arrival at the house in his mind. I couldn't argue with any part of his plan except for . . . the part where _he_ was the one carrying Bella into the house. I was faster, and he knew that. I could have her inside faster, but he was stronger. I would have to get out of my side of the truck and go to hers, or climb out with her already in my arms, he surmised. Since he was already outside the truck, he could whisk her away before I even had the truck in park. That was where he had me.

Alice was scanning the future still, and texting the family what she saw, although none of it had really changed. Texting and driving weren't exactly against the law in Forks as texting wasn't yet something that had really been an issue here Alice, being who she was, had seen what a big thing texting would be and we had invested early earning some rather large cellular telephone bills while the world caught up. She had seen that Washington state would pass "hands free" legislation in a few years, but for now we were safe to do it legally.

I pulled the truck almost completely up to the front door of our house, slamming on the brakes and sliding to a halt directly alongside the front door. Bella didn't move a centimeter from the seat, as secure as she was tucked under my arm. However, Emmett was out of the bed of the truck with her door open before the truck had completely stopped. As I stepped on the driveway, he already had her clutched to his chest mounting the third step. I closed the driver's door and looked for Alice who danced to my side.

_Laurent's inside still_ she said, nodding toward the house as the three of us burst through the front door. I already knew, I could hear him and had been able to for a while. He had been intently listening to Carlisle until they had all heard our tires on the drive. He was still extremely interested in Carlisle, and unsurprised that James had begged off. He was weighing his options, and what it meant to finally be civilized again if he stayed.

I wasn't going to give him that option. He had been a party to James's fascination with Bella. He would _not_ be staying, regardless of Carlisle's invitation.

Esme, Carlisle, Jasper, Rose, and even Laurent were on their feet when we came to a halt just inside the front door. Low growls escaped Emmett and I as Bella's feet were placed gently on the floor next to me.

"He's tracking us," I snapped, glaring at Laurent.

He at least had the decency to look upset. "I was afraid of that," he said apologetically, putting his hand out in a gesture of surrender. His thoughts were full of regret and shrouded in guilt about what he thought would be Bella's demise.

Alice moved to Jasper's side and whispered to him the plan to drive Bella away – she was careful not to give away too much in front of Laurent even though she had seen him leaving for Denali – and then the two of them flew up the stairs in the blink of an eye. Rose listened and watched as they disappeared on the second landing, and then moved to Emmett's side, the opposite side of me from Bella. But she spared Bella a menacing glare in the process.

"What will he do?" Carlisle turned back to Laurent, hands flexing at his sides. His voice was no longer welcoming, but tinged with a coldness I'd never heard before.

Laurent took a deep breath, trying to decide how to answer. "I'm sorry," he said, hedging. "I was afraid, when your boy there defended her, that it would set him off."

_Yes, Laurent, I realize my mistake._

"Can you stop him?" Carlisle was assuming Laurent would side with us, always seeing the best side of people. I wasn't so sure, and another growl nearly tore its way free of my throat.

Laurent shook his head in the negative. "Nothing stops James when he gets started," his voice was a disgusted, remorseful whisper. He was apologetic, but refused to believe he would have to leave the comforts he was accustomed to again. I wanted to throw him from the house, just to prove a point.

Emmett clapped his fist into his palm. "We'll stop him," he said almost gleefully. Rosalie looked Emmett up and down and pictured him breaking the smaller man's back over his knee. I unsuccessfully tried to block the physical response that vision had on my sister. If I were human, I would have tasted bile.

"You can't bring him down," Laurent said gravely, choosing honesty in hopes that Carlisle would extend the invitation he was hoping for in return. "I've never seen anything like him in my three hundred years. He's absolutely lethal. That's why I joined his coven."

Bella's breath hissed between her teeth as she realized, I guessed, that James was the leader of their small band of nomads. This seemed to make him a more formidable opponent.

Laurent looked from Bella, to Carlisle, his confusion about our relationship with this small human obvious in his expression and his thoughts. "Are you sure it's worth it," he asked Carlisle, his head inclining slightly toward Bella.

The fact that he had just referred to Bella as an _it_ tore another roar from my throat. Bella jumped a little bit backward, but Laurent cringed and took several steps away from me.

_Good God_ he thought, _I am clearly out of my element here._

As the echoes of my roar fully died, Carlisle threw a warning glance in my direction. _We will have no violence here, son,_ he scolded me mentally, _he is not the one threatening Bella_. Then he leveled Laurent with his withering stare. I'd never seen him look so grave, not even after the incident in Port Angeles. To Laurent, he spoke what Emmett and I were thinking, "I'm afraid you're going to have to make a choice."

Laurent nodded. He understood exactly what Carlisle meant and exactly what it would mean if he chose to align himself back with James and Victoria. He eyed Emmett, who made a show of his muscles when the other man's eyes lingered on Rose longer than a fleeting glance. He then looked at Esme's kind and concerned face, and wondered what it would be like to be able to live in such comfort again. He looked to Carlisle, and once again that strange almost magnetic attraction was evident in his thoughts. He skipped a longer look at Rose after Emmett's display, but he did level Emmett with an appreciative stare. _He could be useful in a fight_, he thought, but then his eyes landed on me. _This one will never get past what James has done_, he assumed rightly.

"I'm intrigued by the life you've created here," he spoke slowly, still unsure of where he would end up if he broke with James and Victoria. "But I won't get in the middle of this." He believed that even as strong as we were, we couldn't keep Bella from James. "I bear none of you any enmity," he looked to me then and continued, "but I won't go up against James. I think I will head north – to that clan in Denali." He paused, looking to Carlisle again, wondering if he would still be welcome there if he didn't stand against James now and if he would be safe there when James had claimed his prize. To me he said, "Don't underestimate James. He's every bit as comfortable in the human world as you seem to be, and he won't come at you head on . . ." that I had already gleaned from James's mind, "I'm sorry for what's been unleashed here. Truly sorry." He bowed his head in contrition, but not without another sideways glance at the small human by my side. He took a deep breath, but not to steady himself. He wanted another whiff of Bella's scent, before we let him go – he was confident Carlisle would let him leave unscathed. The longer he lingered, the less likely I would, however.

"Go in peace," Carlisle said formally, hamstringing both my thoughts and Emmett's of attacking him as he past us for the door. Anything either of us did now would be in direct opposition to Carlisle's wishes. Emmett resigned to behave, but I was still weighing my options.

Laurent looked at all of us, and around our luxurious home once more, and then vanished out the door behind me.

_I'm proud of you, son_, Carlisle said to me silently, _that took a lot of control to let him leave. Will he indeed go to Alaska?_

I nodded at my father. Laurent's last thoughts as he left had been about trying our lifestyle in Denali and then, if he could manage it, perhaps coming back to carve out a life as some sort of assistant to Carlisle. I thought he was overestimating his self-control, given his desire to remember Bella's scent.

Carlisle's thoughts switched to the plan Alice had laid out to him.

"How close?" He asked me, wondering if James was close enough for me to hear.

I extended my thoughts out to touch his mind as Esme took to securing the house. The metal shutters whined in protest as they began to roll down the wall of glass at the back of the house. We'd had them installed as a precaution against a forest fire, but none of us ever dreamed we'd be using them against one of our own. Rosalie scoffed at the idea of using them to protect Bella, and once again, I tuned her out.

I recognized the section of woods James was passing now. He'd circled the house a couple of times while we spoke with Laurent, as had Victoria. His route wasn't a direct one – Laurent had been right about his not attacking us head-on – but he was closer than I was comfortable with. And the woman was closer. I wanted to chase after Laurent and question him extensively about the wild redhead since he hadn't given us anything to go on, but there just wasn't time.

"About three miles out past the river," my voice was cold, filled with anger at myself and Laurent's decision to flee, "he's circling around to meet up with the female."

"What's the plan?" Carlisle's voice snapped me back from James's mind, which is the result he was looking for. He already knew the plan, he just feared what would happen if I lingered in James's thoughts too long.

_Concentrate on us, Edward, Bella needs you focused not chasing James down on your own_, Carlisle knew me well.

"We'll lead him off," I answered, acknowledging my father's spoken _and_ unspoken words, "and then Jasper and Alice will run her south."

"And then?" He wanted me to say it out loud. As much as he hated the idea of destroying another life, he wanted me to be sure I was committed to it.

Without missing a beat, I confirmed his fears. "As soon as Bella is clear, we hunt him."

Carlisle sighed internally, "I guess there's no other choice." He didn't regret the choice I was making in Bella, he regretted that my choice had brought out the worst in another of our kind. He hoped that Bella wouldn't judge us based on the likes of James.

My voice and face hard, I turned to Rose. "Get her upstairs and trade clothes," I snapped, indicating Bella.

Her face was equally hard, her rage at the danger Bella had brought – again onto our family, onto Emmett who was so eager to protect her – boiled over. Her beautiful face twisted with that rage. "Why should I?" Rose spat at me. "What is she to me? Except a menace – a danger you've chosen to inflict on all of us."

Bella moved a step behind me, hiding from the anger in Rose's voice, no doubt.

Emmett didn't like to see us fighting amongst ourselves, especially over something he felt had already been decided. "Rose . . ." he murmured, trying to calm her down. He reached for her shoulder, intending to pull her into an embrace to whisper in her ear, but she shrugged him off.

There wasn't time to argue with Rose, again, about decisions that had already been made. As much as I wanted to challenge her, as much as I wanted to accept her challenge and push back – I chose to take the high road. I turned my back on the blonde, as if she wasn't even present.

"Esme?" My mother knew what was at stake for me here.

"Of course," she answered, leveling Rose with a withering and disappointed glare.

Esme used her vampire speed to move from the control panel to Bella's side, startling her. Almost all of us had let some sort of our inhuman side show in front of her at this point, but some part of Bella must not have expected it from Esme. As Esme swung Bella into her arms and mounted the stairs, Bella's eyes were wide with shock. Half way up the stairs, I heard Bella gasp.

** to be continued **

_Author's note:_

_Although I've kept to cannon for the majority of this story, I did take a few liberties with what Edward could hear from Charlie here. In the book, Edward says Charlie's thoughts are shrouded, that he gets impressions, but not clear thoughts – especially not at first. That became too binding for this side of the story, in my opinion. I felt Edward would be able to tell a little more – at least at times – because Charlie was in a heightened state of emotion and a lot of what he was thinking would have been clearer. Much like in Breaking Dawn, when Bella is testing her shield, she is more able to do so when she thinks Renesmee is in danger._

_Feel free to disagree – one of my betas does – and tell me as much, please. I'd like to know your reasonings as well._

_As always, I look forward to hearing from you, Dear Reader._

_XxoxX,_

_Allis_


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